1995 - The UnDutchables (19 page)

• AFRIKANERS
  : Born in the country; despite their Dutch descent, strongly consider themselves ‘white’ Africans, with no feeling of being Dutch.
  
• HOLLANDERS
  : Immigrants; will never be considered
  Afrikaners
  . They are nicknamed
  kaaskop⁄kaaskoppe
  (blockhead—lit., ‘cheese head’) and
  Japie⁄Jaap
  (simpleton/lout).
  

Holland’s interest in South Africa has had many peaks and troughs. Discovery of gold and diamonds (1870’s) was an obvious peak, and the introduction and continued practice of apartheid (1948-1992) was definitely a trough. Sadly, the attitude of apartheid still festers the minds of some
Afrikaners
and
Hollanders
who charge Holland with much of the cause of its demise (see panel, opposite).

Hollanders
fear that their lifestyle will soon be changed forever. They defend it for its positive points and the hope of a brighter future for all. They reject completely the image of Boer-born Dutchmen portrayed by author Tom Sharpe in
Riotous Assembly
and
Indecent Exposure
, where Luitenant Verkramp, Konstabel Els and Co. are seen as brutal, racist law enforcers, giving the natives only what they deserve.

For some, the only way out is to get out. But again the reasoning varies. One readily admits…

The way things are now, we are considering leaving Zuid Afrika. Once the black Government takes over here, we don’t want to be here!

…while another prepares for a new, new life in the Netherlands with an overhauled attitude:

I would cry if the wooden clog was the symbol of Holland!

The feeling back home is understandably strong and offers a refreshing counterpoint to the views expressed on the preceding page:

The comments are a clear example of the difficulties the world has to face before a definite goal will be reached. Fortunately, a lot of people in South Africa (and not only the’blacks’) have a much more well-balanced and differentiated view towards these problems than the opinions printed on these pages
.

—Dr. W. Stortenbeek (Apeldoorn, Holland)

We can only agree with and support Dr. Stortenbeek’s assessment (and Dutch sentiment in general) on this touchy subject.

It is difficult to imagine water-denying dikes constructed in the parched outback of Australia, or tulip fields invading the rich sheep-grazing areas of New Zealand, but the purveyors are there.

In general, they are a well-respected, hard-working bunch.

Australia…

Hard-working and hard-playing—exactly the image that Australia likes to portray. Here we have perhaps the most successful Dutch integration of all the lands discussed in this chapter.

The
cloggy
invasion peaked in the 1950’s and early 1960’s with the support of Dutch religious and governmental organizations. There are 24 Dutch language radio programmes around Australia, and weekly and monthly newspapers, plus many social, community and religious clubs. Dutch press scoops include world-shattering news items such as ‘TASMANIAN COWS GIVE MORE MILK THAN THEIR INTERSTATE COUSINS,’ and ‘PHILIPS LIGHT BULBS ILLUMINATE THE SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE.’

To the Dutch-Australian, the most beloved person to have ever set foot on Australian soil was the little-known navigator:

ABEL JANSZOON TASMAN

Apparently, Grootegast-born Abel discovered the lump of land at the bottom right of Australia in 1642 on orders from then Governor of Java, Anthony Van Diemen. Abel named the place after Anthony, Anthony said
bedankt
, and Australia renamed it Tasmania (‘Tassie’ or ‘Tas’ for short). And so that is what it has since become to the Hollanders that live there: Tas-MANIA.

To celebrate the Tasman Trip’s 350
th
anniversary, Dutch-Australians conspired to give Abel his well-deserved recognition (although he sailed around Australia without even seeing it) by organizing, amongst other things:

• a year-long Abel Tasman Festival (in Hobart)
  
• the Dutch-Australian Society ‘Abel Tasman,’ Inc.
  
• the Abel Tasman Commemorative Medallion
  
• unveiling of an Abel Tasman coastal monument
  
• the Circumnavigation of Tasmania yacht crews
  
• the Abel Tasman Blue Water Classic Yacht Race
  
• the Abel Tasman Yachting Cup
  
• guided heritage (?) tours to the Abel Tasman landing site
  
• Dutch civic visits including the Mayor of Groote-gast and the Governor of Qroningen.
  

Tasman gave the Australian continent its first European name: New Holland (original, huh?). As if this isn’t enough, more of the Abel Aftermath of discovering the southern hemisphere Holland includes:

• tulip festivals that attract thousands of visitors
  
• oliebollen
  festivals that attract thousands of visitors
  
• infestation of Dutch-sounding or -looking place names, such as Zeehan, Geeveston, Schouten and Maatsuyker
  
• world record for Tasman-named names (e.g. Tasman Sea, Tasman Basin, South Tasmanian Rise, Tasman Hills, Tasmanian wolf (or tiger), Tasmanian devil).
  

Australia has a permanent effect on the Dutch who have lived there. One settler who returned to the Netherlands has this to say about her rediscovered homeland:

When I returned to Holland from Australia, I found it was difficult to adjust to the lack of nature and space, and also lack of clean bodies of water. The Netherlands is regulated to the extent that it breeds resistance. Opening hours for shops are very restricted. Swimming pools open to’outsiders’ (non-ethnic, male, singles, etc.) during certain hours only. There are waitinglists for many things, especially accommodation. If you don’t fit in an ‘urgent’ category, you have to wait years
.

There is racism and people of colour are not treated as citizens. It is hard to make friends. It entails responsibilities, involves keeping in regular touch, a keen interest on both sides. Thus one can spend many hours on weekends traveling to and from friends to satisfy the moral obligation
.

This attitude from a repatriated Hollander seems hard to understand, until one considers that perhaps the reason for the venomous voice is because she no longer QUALIFIES for preferential treatment. Maybe Dutchness ain’t so dead in Australia after all!

One thing that will never die is the stubborn adherence to one of the strongest hereditary weaknesses known to clogdom: the rivalry between their best-loved brews -Heineken and Amstel beers. But here the two have learned the art of
samen wonen
and live peaceably in sin in beachfront bliss in areas where their patrons are plentiful and well out of sight of their
Fosters
parents.

Originally named Nieuw Zeeland by its discoverer who never landed there (you guessed it—Abel Tasman), the country was renamed New Zealand by its British owners (who kept the ‘Z’ to keep the
cloggies
happy). Before we discuss the New Zealand Netherlander, let’s get the Abel-worship out of the way. The year 1992 marked the 350
th
anniversary of ‘the sighting’ and was of course designated Abel Tasman Year, as defined and reflected by the:

• New Zealand Abel Tasman 1992 Commission.
  
• Auckland 1992 Abel Tasman Memorial Fund
  
• Abel Tasman Commemorative Stamp
  
• Annual Tulip Queen & Abel Tasman Competition
  
• Abel Tasman tulip field dedication
  
• Cartography exhibition
  
• Dutch food and Fashion Festival
  
• Books, TV documentaries, sports events, etc.
  
• Closing Abel Tasman Year Function.
  

(Here endeth the lesson on caning Abel.)

Cloggies
complain that New Zealanders are too English:

The New Zealanders are more English than the English. They haven’t got their own identity yet. This irritates us. They are too reserved and are not open. In Holland, we got to know our neighbours, but not in New Zealand. The people are too polite to tell you what they really think
.

In New Zealand more than in any other country the Dutch regret giving up their passion to protest for pleasure and possession:

I really accuse [my fellow] Dutch people of being too quiet and too polite here. We should have made waves because other groups did and got something for it
.

Although NZ-NL’ers boast, ‘
We are well known for our great integration skills in this country
,’ they afford perhaps the greatest living example of the perseverance of ‘The Dutch Way’ overseas. There are only 70,000 of ‘em (3% of the total population), but NZ-NL’ers will not compromise their position or attitude for any reason:

• In 1967, two opposing factions of the Dutch community started to war over the rights to a publication title. A mere word or two relating to
  Clogdom
  is apparently so important that by 1973, the issue had reached the Privy Council in London, England (the gloriously highest court in Her Britannic Majesty’s Commonwealth of Great Britain and Northern Ireland). Despite a definitive ruling, the parties are still at odds over the issue. The wording in question? ‘THE WINDMILL POST.’
  
• A community radio broadcaster in Auckland is operated by a group of young Dutch immigrants. The station has refused to acknowledge this book as the origin of the name of their nightly programme, pleading, ‘
  Our programme is called ‘RADIO Undutchables’ not ‘THE UnDutchables’ so there’s no total usage of your book title. We receive no renumeration -whatsoever so there is no commercial gain
  ,’ rather than submit to common decency and give a 10-second acknowledgement on the air. So much for the importance of originality in Netherlandic titles when an outsider is involved.
  
• The victor in the Windmill Post feud has launched a follow-on campaign. The latest target is the New Zealand Government, which is charged with, for example, illegally taxing pensions paid by the Netherlands to retired Dutch emigrants. This one looks as if it could reach the international court in The Hague for a final ruling.
  

Many immigrant NZ-NL’ers are disillusioned by what they feel is job discrimination against the Dutch:

In New Zealand, hiring is by nationality and not by qualifications. The best jobs goto native English speakers: the English, then the Americans, then the New Zealanders. It is hard for the rest to get good jobs here. We are considered foreigners
.

In its early colonial years of the 17
th
century, the New World of North America opened its arms to the Dutch nation. This gloriously unspoiled and uncivilized land was badly in need of an injection of tulips and Calvinism, and who better to give it to ‘em than the Dutch.

The colony of New Netherland covered most of the now densely-populated northeast corridor of the United States, starting in 1609. There were many encounters, both friendly and violent, with the Indians (‘Native Americans’). Many settlements were wiped out, and often the Hollanders massacred the natives. Immigration to Canada began much later (1890’s) and occurred at a much slower pace.

Early colonial achievements included
Abel Tasman’s
(sorry) Peter Stuyvesant’s heroic loss of New Amsterdam to the English in 1664. (Unbeknownst to Stuyvesant, the two countries were at war at the time, so when an English naval vessel sailed into the harbour, Peter rushed to greet them, whereupon he was immediately fired and the place was renamed New York.) As the area was originally purchased from natives for blankets, kettles and trinkets worth all of
HFL
60-, the affair was an overwhelming financial disaster as well as an embarrassment. (Although the area was reconquered in 1673, it was permanently GIVEN to England a year later.) Peter has subsequently tried to rehabilitate himself among his countrymen by using cigarette packaging to advertise himself as the ‘
founder
’ of New York. Some links to New York’s Dutch heritage are still present (for example, the present suburb of Brooklyn derives from the earlier village name
Breuckelen
), although much has been corrupted by the overbearing English inheritance.

Holland’s most identifiable contribution to the emergent continent, however, can be felt this day in the State of Michigan where large concentrations of first- through fourth-generation Dutch-Americans (the
MichiDutch
) have inhabited the picturesque landscape and infested it with tulips, (mock) windmills and other Dutch structures. (The more famous ‘
Pennsylvania Dutch
’ are not Dutch descendants at all, but German—an example of history’s corruption of ‘
Deutsch
’ into ‘
Dutch
.’)

Unlike the Dutch Dutch, the
MichiDutch
haven’t changed much over the past 150+ years. They deserted their lowland-land to escape the then progressive penchant of the Dutch Reformed Church. As staunch churchgoers and moralistic merchants, they believe they are THE true Dutch. In the same way that Californian vineyards claim their
Sauterne, Cabernet Sauvignon
and
Pinot Noir
to be more French than the French varieties, the
MichiDutch
perceive themselves to be superior stock to European
cloggies
. They do not merely think that they are better than the
Dutch
Dutch—they KNOW they are better. Thus, we have the curious phenomenon of:

The Dutch above the Dutch disowning the Dutch Dutch
.

The elders of the region are embarrassed by many of the current
Dutch
Dutch traits and customs. As one
MichiDutch
businessman advised us, ‘
We’re conservative here. In Holland they don’t give a hoot about their image. We don’t want to make that impression here
. ‘ Many of the second- or later-generation Dutch in Western Michigan have little or no idea what the real Holland is like. They are appalled to discover what the natives (the Dutch ‘
overthere
’) wear (or don’t wear) at the beach and at the ‘window shopping’ in certain cities in Holland. At home, they view Dutchness only from within their safe cliques and prefer to marry others of Dutch descent.