A Cry For Hope (20 page)

I looked up at Nick as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. His hair was still wet from just getting out of the shower. “Yeah, I did. Actually, these past few days have been wonderful.”

He sat down on the couch next to me. “Yeah, it has been a lot of fun.”

“You’re my CC Bloom, you know that?”

“Who?” He furrowed his brows in confusion.

“I guess you’ve never seen
Beaches
?”

He smiled and shook his head. “Umm, no.”

“Well, it’s about these two little girls who meet on a beach. Their friendship spans through the years and they become like soul mates.”

The corners of his mouth slowly began to turn up and form a smile. “I’d be honored to be your soul mate, Hope.”

“Good because I seriously don’t know where I would be right now if you didn’t come back into my life.

“Same here.”

I pulled him closer and hugged him, breathing in the fresh, musky smell of his shower gel. “Hey, Nick, can you go get -.”  Nick’s dad stopped himself mid-sentence as he walked into the living room. I quickly removed myself from Nick’s embrace.

“Yeah, what did you need dad?” Nick asked.

He stared at us for a little bit longer and the smallest smile began to form on his face before he finally snapped out of it. “Oh, there’s two bottles of wine chilling in the bar in the basement. Can you bring them up?”

Nick stood up and headed down the stairs. His dad walked closer to me and put his hands in his pockets. He had a look of pure satisfaction on his face. “You two are the best medicine for each other right now and I’m so happy to see that you’re there for each other, just like you always were as kids.”

“Thanks. Nick is a great guy.”

My attention quickly turned to the door as my family abruptly entered, holding more pizza’s than we would ever be able to eat.

“How many pizzas did you guys order?” Nick’s dad chuckled.

“Don’t question their insanity. Just go with it!” I laughed.

Nick bought up the bottles of wine and his father poured us each a glass. He held up his and began to speak. “This has been a really great weekend which will hold a lot of happy memories so here’s to more memories to come. To new friends.” He looked at Patty and smiled. “Old friends.” He winked at my mother. “And very special friendships that stood the test of time.” His eyes glassed over as he gazed at Nick and me.

“To all of us,” my mother said as we clinked our glasses together.

I looked at Nick and smiled, giving his glass an extra tap. “To us,” I whispered.

It was back to reality. The wonderful memories of this past weekend played over and over in my head. I knew that it was something that I would look back on fondly for the rest of my life. Nick's leave was up in a week, and I could feel my stomach churning just thinking about it.

I was on my way to meet Jamie's mother for lunch. I still hadn’t heard anything from him, which was only adding to my stomach ailments. I wanted to talk to him so badly, to hear his voice, just anything from him that would give me some type of inkling that there was even a little hope for us. His silence was like a needle, slowly sucking the life from me. The only time I would feel any type of happiness was when Nick was around, and I silently scolded myself for becoming so dependent on him over these past few months.

I pulled into Tres Bien, the upscale French restaurant that was not too far from the place that was formally known as my home, and waited for Jamie's mother. I got out of the car when I saw her pulling into the parking lot. She was a walking fashion plate, even at sixty-seven-years-old. She was a mirror image of Jamie with her blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. Her smile was a mile wide as she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “How are you, sweetheart?” she asked, looking me over and giving me a look of disapproval. “Hope, you are nothing but skin and bones.”

I didn't want to tell her that I had actually gained weight from just a month ago. Since Nick came back into my life, so did my appetite. Instead, I gave her a slight smile. She intertwined her arm in mine and we walked into the restaurant.

We made small talk while we looked over our menu and placed our orders. Jamie hadn't come up in the conversation, but I knew it was just a matter of time.

“So, have you heard from Jamie?” I shook my head. “I called him the other day to let him know that we were home. He was working and didn’t have much to say. I can tell you one thing, Hope. It didn't even sound like my son on the other end of the phone.”

I looked out the window and stared at the beautiful lake before turning my attention back to her. “I don't know what to say. It's
not
the same Jamie. It's not the man I fell in love with, or even the one I knew just a year ago. Just like I'm not the same girl that you knew just a year ago.” I looked at her with tear-filled eyes. “Charlie's -.” I bit my lip and looked down at the table as I tried to get the rest of the words out. Kate reached over the table and took my hand. “It changed us both so much.” She rubbed the top of my hand, trying her best to comfort me. “The only thing that hasn't changed is how much I love him.” I dabbed my eyes with the linen napkin that was on my lap, silently scolding myself for crying in the middle of this fancy restaurant. Talking about Charlie and Jamie in the same sentence was a guaranteed recipe for tears.

“I know you do, sweetie, and I know he feels the same way about you. Just give it time.”

“Yeah, that's what everyone keeps telling me.”

We both pulled it together as we looked up at the waiter bringing us our food. The conversation turned lighter while we ate. Kate told me all about their stay in Florida and how my father-in-law was trying his best to convince her to permanently move there, but she wasn't having any part of it. I told her about my photography jobs, and how I was seriously thinking about taking some courses for some more formal training.  We finished up with desert, sharing a vanilla Crème Brulee.

I was so full that I felt ready to pop. She grabbed the check from my hand, placing her credit card inside of the folder and handing it to the waiter.

“Oh, I almost forgot!”  She reached into her purse and pulled out a perfectly wrapped present. “For the birthday girl!” I had so much on my mind that it didn't even occur to me that my birthday was only four days away. Not that I had anything to celebrate this year. I always hated the thought of turning another year older. That, coupled with no Charlie and no Jamie to spend it with made it that much worse.

“Oh, thank you so much, Kate.” I smiled.

I opened up the card and began to read the beautiful sentiment inside. If that weren't enough to bring tears to my eyes, the little handwritten note from Kate was:

Hope ~

We love you like our own daughter and your happiness means everything to us. So as you celebrate this birthday, remember that he is still here with you inside of your heart. The same way that he will always be with all of us that love him so dearly. So have a piece of cake with your little boy, and don't be afraid to show that beautiful smile.

All our Love ~

Kate & Doug

I loved my in-laws so much. They were like a second set of parents to me. Jamie's brother was a confirmed bachelor and I was quite certain that he would never settle down. He enjoyed his life the way it was so I was the closest thing that they had to a daughter.

I carefully unwrapped the present, trying my best to preserve the beautiful bow. I covered my mouth when I lifted the lid. It was a beautifully framed picture of Charlie and I that had been taken last year when we had gone out for my birthday dinner with Jamie’s parents. He was sitting on my lap with my arms wrapped tightly around him and our cheeks pressed up against each other. His light blue polo shirt accented his beautiful eyes. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Kate reached over the table and took my hand. “Don’t be afraid to look at it, Hope. Your baby is going to be here celebrating with you this year, the same way that he was in that picture. He’s in your heart forever.”

I slowly opened my eyes and nodded. “Why did I even put makeup on today?” I said, dabbing my eyes with the linen napkin. 

I was finally pulling it together and then my stomach dropped when I saw “her” entering the restaurant. She was dressed in a business suit, her short skirt showing off her extra-long legs. She was with three other men also dressed in business attire. She flipped her long, perfectly tousled red hair to one side as she moved closer. I hated her, not only because she had shared something so sacred with my husband, but also because she was beautiful, making me doubt myself. Maybe Jamie didn’t do this just to take away the pain. Maybe he was actually more attracted to her than he was to me. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. Her big blue eyes finally met mine and she looked like she had seen a ghost. I watched as all the confidence that she exuded just moments ago faded away. She nervously pulled out her chair and took a seat.

“Ready?” Kate asked as she signed the credit card receipt.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” We stood up and I made sure not to look in her direction. I walked Kate to her car, giving her a huge hug and kiss goodbye. I was fumbling through my purse for my keys when I heard my name.

I finally got the courage to look, but I already knew who it was. “I have nothing to say to you,” I said, finally locating my keys.

“Please, can you just give me one minute to hear me out?”

I didn’t respond. I just stared at her, waiting for her to speak. The whole time, I was imaging Jamie’s lips on hers, feeling my lunch stirring in my stomach just thinking about it.

“Look, Hope, I know you’re upset.”

“Really? Well, thank you so much for validating my feelings.” I didn’t try to hide my sarcasm.

She shook her head and looked away. “He loves you, Hope. He really does.”

“Wow…. How long have you known my husband?”

“Six months,” she responded. She looked down and nervously fidgeted with the button on her suit jacket.

“So I guess that makes you an
expert
on how he feels? I guess I should feel better about the situation because
you
say that he loves me? Tell me,
Nina
… Is that your name?”

She nodded.

“What gives you the impression that my husband loves me? Hmmm….did he call out my name when he was filling you up with himself, or is it because he fucked you the same way he had been fucking me these past months -- with no emotion at all? Do tell me what makes you the expert on my husband?”

She swallowed hard and looked away. “Look, Hope, I’m not an expert on Jamie, by any means. I know that what I did was wrong. At first, I was just there as a sounding board; you know, to listen to his stories about Charlie.”

I was enraged just hearing his name crossing her lips. I narrowed my eyes and pointed my finger at her. “Don’t you
dare
say his name! You didn’t know him! You have no right to talk about him! He’s my little boy -- mine!”

Her eyes were filling up with tears. She shook her head. “I know and I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t need your pity.” I had my hand on the car door and was about to open it before she spoke again.

“I’m leaving next week to take a new job in Dallas so you don’t have to worry about anything between Jamie and me. It’s over and done with, and I wish that I could go back and change it so it never happened at all. I really do.”

“Well, you can’t. Just like I can never bring my little boy back.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. I got into my car, not saying another word. My hands were trembling. I took a deep breath, finally releasing the tears that I was holding back as I watched her walk away.

I stopped off at the pharmacy once I got back to my mother’s. I wanted to print out the pictures that were on my memory card. I looked them over as they were coming out of the machine. First was an adorable picture of my mom and Nick’s dad, which was definitely frame-worthy. There were candid shots of my brother and Patty, and beautiful pictures of the lake at sunrise and sunset. But my absolute favorite was a selfie of Nick and me, taken on the day of our hike. I placed them in an envelope and smiled just thinking about all of the happy memories that weekend.  I was getting ready to pay when I heard a very familiar voice at the pharmacy counter. I waited for the pharmacist to walk away before taking a deep breath and smiling.