A Cry For Hope (16 page)

“Thank you, honey,” she said. Her hands were shaking as she lifted her tea cup up to her mouth.

“Is he going to be okay?”

“I don’t know. They have him in ICU right now. They’re running more tests.”

I took her hand in mine. “It’s going to be okay, Penny. Marty would never leave you. He wouldn’t take the chance of having his girl being swooped away by another man.” I was happy to see the corners of mouth curve up and form something that resembled a smile.

“Thank you, Hope. I just pray to God that you’re right.”

“So, are you celebrating Mother’s Day today, Hope?  Do you have any children?”

I swallowed hard, trying not to make her feel uneasy about the question that she had just asked. But I could tell that she had sensed my anxiety by the look on her face. “My son….he…umm…” This time is was Penny wrapping her hand around mine in support. “He drowned nine months ago.” I looked out the window and blinked away my tears.

She squeezed my hand tightly and tears flowed down her face. I looked at her in confusion. “Penny, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, Hope, I knew there was something special about you. We have a connection. I lost my baby girl fifty-one years ago. She was only six-years-old. It was a car accident and I was driving. The man ran a stop sign. Back then, we didn’t worry about seat belts or car seats. She didn’t stand a chance.” Her eyes pooled with tears.

“Oh, my god, Penny. I’m sorry. I had no idea. Was she your only child?”

She nodded. “I know the pain in your heart, sweetie. I do. I still feel it to this day. She was a part of me and that part of me died along with her. It will get better, but the memories will never fade. But, one day, you will be able to say his name without crying and feeling as if you could have done something to change it.”

Finally, someone who understood me. She didn’t pity me but, instead, she respected my feelings. She didn’t try and coddle me and tell me that it was going to be okay. She related to me and that was exactly what I needed.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Penny? If you don’t want to answer, I completely understand.”

“Sure, honey. What is it?”

“How did you and Marty get through it?”

She smiled. “That right there was the biggest test of our marriage. It was pretty rocky for a while after it happened. We drifted apart for a while, but we finally realized that we still loved each other and, in the end, it just made us stronger.”

“God, I hope that’s true for me and my husband.”

She rubbed her hand on mine. “Just give it time, Hope. That’s all you can do.”

I sighed heavily and nodded. We looked into each other’s eyes, each trying to provide a sense of comfort to the other. “Happy Mother’s Day, Penny.”

“Happy Mother’s Day, Hope.”

She smiled widely and tapped her tea cup to my coffee cup. “To us.” I smiled back and took a sip of my coffee, feeling a little more like a mother today.

“Hope, really, you don’t have to do this,” my mother protested.

“Leave me alone. I want to. I love doing this,” I said as I cleared out a spot for the hydrangea bush that I had bought along with the five flats of annuals.

“Okay. I’m going to go in and make you something to eat for lunch. You’ve been at this all morning.” I shook my head and put the earplugs to my iPod back in as she walked in the house.

I loved to garden. It helped to center me and keep my mind occupied. It had been almost a week since I had visited Nick at his dad’s house and I hadn’t heard a word from him since.  I kept telling myself that he would call me when he was ready to talk, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I missed talking to him. I was missing Jamie even more and our wedding song blasting through my headphones was only making matters worse. “That’s enough of that,” I said, as I ripped my head phones from my ears.

“Enough of what?” I looked up into the bright sunlight and smiled upon seeing Nick standing over me.

“Hey, you!” I stood up and wiped the dirt from my knees. I quickly eyed him. He still didn’t look like himself. There was still so much sadness in his eyes that I wished I could take away. “What’s going on?” I asked, trying to hide my worry for him and sound as upbeat as possible.

He shook his head and looked down at my flowers. “Wow, that’s a lot of flowers.”

Okay, clearly he doesn’t want to talk about it and I’m not going to force him.
“Yeah, I know. I’m trying to change the front yard back into the way it looked when my dad was alive. He always had the most beautiful flowers. My mother may be a good baker, but she certainly doesn’t have a green thumb.”

Nick tried his best to form a smile. “You need some help?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure. That would be great!”

Three hours later, Nick and I had created a page from a
Better Homes and Garden’s
magazine
.
He was unusually quiet the whole time and I didn’t push him. We worked together in comfortable silence for the most part. We stood at the end of driveway and admired our work. “We make a good team, don’t we?” I asked.

Nick nodded and I could tell his mind was a million miles away. “Did you want to grab some dinner in a bit?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it’s either yes or no, Abate,” I teased.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay. I have to take a quick shower. I will pick you up in hour. My treat for all your hard work.”

He nodded and stared at me blankly. “What is it, Nick?”

He shook his head and snapped out of it. “Oh… nothing. I’ll see you in an hour,” he said, walking off to his car. I stood there and watched him drive away. Clearly, something was bothering him, but I couldn’t help him if he wasn’t willing to tell me.

Nick and I took a seat at the bar while we waited for our table. We were making small talk as he sipped his beer and I enjoyed my pina colada. I was doing my best to ignore the two drunk guys sitting next to me. I could tell that Nick was getting really annoyed with them by the way that he was glaring, which was only adding to my anxiety. I was praying that the hostess would come and take us to our table. “So Nick, what do you think -?” My glass fell from my hand and I was covered in pina colada when one of the guys sitting next to us rammed into me.

“Oh, I’m sorry, pretty lady. If you get naked, that will dry off a lot faster. Or, better yet, I can lick it off of you. Hell, I can even lick you in places that it didn’t spill,” the man sitting next to me said as he placed his hand on my thigh. He looked over at his friend and they began to snicker. I quickly moved my leg away and shot him a dirty look. I was hoping that Nick didn’t hear what he had just said because I knew that he had enough of these two guys to begin with so it wasn’t going to take much to set him off.  I looked over at him and my stomach dropped as he stood up and his posture stiffened. His eyes became dark and heated, and it frightened me. He had been bottling up his emotions for so long and I knew that he was looking to take his frustrations out on someone.

“Nick, it’s okay,” I said.

He completely ignored me, pushing the man against the wall and wrapping his hands around his neck. “Nick! Stop it!” I shouted. I watched the man struggling to breathe as Nick squeezed his thumbs into the side of his neck.

“Apologize to her! Now!” Nick shouted as some of the other customers began to whisper to each other. He loosened his grip from the guy’s neck ever so slightly to allow him to talk. I could see the fear in the man’s eyes and I couldn’t blame him. Nick was scaring me at that particular moment, as well.

“I’m sorry,” he said, gasping for air.

“Maybe you need the shit beat out of you so you can learn how to talk to a lady,” Nick said, inching closer to the man.

“Nick, please. It’s not a big deal. He’s drunk.” But he wasn’t hearing it. It was if he turned into some type of robot that was unable to communicate. I knew that he wasn’t going to back down. He needed to snap out of it and I was hoping that the only way he could do so wasn’t by beating this guy within in an inch of his life.  Finally, the man’s friend stood up when he saw the pleading look on my face.

“Man, he said he was sorry. Let it go.”

“You shut the fuck up ‘cause I can take both you pussies on with one hand tied behind my back! Believe me, it means nothing to me to bash someone’s skull in!” Nick shouted. His voice was pure rage.

“Nick! That’s enough!” I shouted, finally getting the bartender’s attention.

“Hey, what’s going on?” the bartender asked.

There was an agonizing silence. Nick continued to glare at the man, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. I placed my hand on Nick’s arm. “Nick, please, just calm down.” As he began to loosen his grip, I wasn’t quite sure who was more relieved, me or the drunk. “Come on. Let’s just go,” I said, gently prying him away. He roughly pulled his arm from my hand and walked out of the restaurant.

He was five steps ahead of me and I was practically running to catch up. “Nick!” I shouted as we got out onto the street. He finally took his frustrations out on a parking meter, punching it with full force. I was just so grateful that it wasn’t that man’s head. “Nick, please, will you just talk to me?”

“You were just going to let him talk to you that way, Hope?!”

“No, but he was drunk and -.”

“That doesn’t fuckin’ matter! That doesn’t give him the right to touch you or talk to you the way he was!” I backed away, seeing the fire in his eyes. “You don’t deserve to be treated that way, Hope.” His voice had softened a bit.

I moved closer and saw the blood dripping down his hand. “You need to get that bandaged up,” I said in a whisper.

“It’s fine!”

“Nick, I don’t know what’s going on with you and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. But maybe you should talk to someone else because the man that I just saw in that restaurant is not the same Nick that I know.”

He shook his head and laughed loudly. “You don’t know me, Hope. You know that sweet, little Nick that you grew up with. You don’t know the grown-up Nick who has seen way too many things that he didn’t want to see, and done things that he wished he never had to do.”

I bit my lip and swallowed hard. I moved closer and caressed his face with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry, Nick. I’m sorry that you are feeling this way and I want to be here for you. But I can’t if you won’t let me.” His eyes softened a bit and he looked away. “Will you, at least, let me take care of this hand for now?” I asked.

His eyes finally met mine and he nodded.

“Good.” I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist as we walked off to my car.

We pulled into my mother’s driveway, and I was relieved to see that she wasn’t home. We walked into the house and I led Nick into the bathroom. He sat down on the ledge of the tub and waited for me to find the first aid kit. We were both silent while I cleaned off his hand with peroxide. I applied some antibiotic cream before wrapping it up in a bandage. “All better,” I whispered.

He stood up and wrapped his muscular arms around me, catching me totally off-guard. I hugged him back as he kissed me on the top of my head. “I’ll never be all better, but having a friend like you helps to ease the pain a bit. Thank you for not judging me, Hope.”

My heart was breaking for him. I hugged him tighter. “I would never judge you, Nick, and I will
always
be here if you need me.” We stood in each other’s arms in the tiny bathroom. Strangely, I was finding my own pain melting away as I tried to help Nick alleviate his.