A Life Less Broken (18 page)

I can hear a
beep, and people talking close to me. My eyes flutter open and immediately
close, in protest against the brightness and glare.

“Sweetheart.”
I know immediately it’s Dominic. His hand is covering mine and he gently
squeezes it. I feel his warm, slightly moist lips carefully touch the back of
my hand with a sweet kiss. “Can you hear me?” he asks and kisses my hand again.

“Hmmm,” is
the only sound I can muster. My throat’s dry and it feels like it’s been rubbed
with gravel. It’s painful to swallow.

“I’m here,
my beautiful Allyn. I’m here.”

My eyes flutter
open again and slowly adjust to the brilliance of the room. The room is small
and sterile, with plain white walls and a big window that overlooks the parking
lot. The pane is tinted but the sun outside is quite bright, and looks happy today,
touching everyone with its magnificent rays.

I look over
and see Dominic’s brown eyes examining me with concern and love.

“How are you
feeling?” he asks in a soft, serene tone brushing my hair away from my face.

I swallow
again until my mouth has a little moisture and start to say, “I’m alright.” My
voice is weak and cracks, but at least I’m talking. “What happened?” I ask hoarsely.

“We were at
my parents’ house, remember?” Dominic starts, pouring me a cup of water and
handing it to me.

That’s all
he’s said and every second rushes back.

My body stiffens
and shakes as I recall hearing
him
on the phone.

I’m panting
so quickly that the rate of my heart beat seems unhealthy, even to me. A panic
attack hovers, waiting to swoop down on me. Dominic takes the water cup from me
to prevent it spilling.  He raises it to my dry lips and I drink greedily.

“One, two,
three, four, breathe in through your nose.”

I look over
to Dominic and let his deep baritone begin to calm me.

I take a
breath in through my nose and close my eyes.

“Five, six,
seven, eight, nine and breathe out through your mouth.”

I open my
eyes and reach out with my free hand to hold onto Dominic, and I don’t let go.
He’s been my absolute anchor from the moment I met him. He’s been incredibly
supportive and has never let me fail.

Now is no
different.

“What day is
today?” I say as I try and figure out how long I’ve been here.

“It’s
Tuesday. You’ve been out since Sunday. The doctors said that you went into
shock, and your brain shut down to protect you.”

I let go of him
and rub my hands over my face.

“What
happened with your brother?” I ask. But suddenly I notice a bandage on
Dominic’s hand as I look over at him. “What happened to your hand?” I cry, fearful
that he was hurt because of me.

“I beat
Oscar, that’s what happened to my hand. And he’s no longer my brother. As a matter
of fact, I’ve disowned all of them. I’ll never go back there again. They’re no
longer my family. You are.” Dominic stands and starts pacing the length of the
room, back and forth. With every step, he gets angrier.

“What
happened?” I ask carefully, not wanting to trigger any further anger. I know he
won’t hurt me; he’d never hurt me. But I can tell that this conversation is not
going to be easy for him. He stops pacing and takes a deep breath.

“Alright.
First of all, Oscar’s been arrested for your attack and rape.”

I take a
huge breath and my heart hammers against my chest.

“It was the
bite mark on your shoulder that put him at the scene.”

I look toward
where the bite mark is on my shoulder, but of course, it’s covered by the
hospital gown and I can’t see it. “I don’t understand. How?”

Dominic comes
to me. He lifts his hip to sit on the edge of the small hospital bed and takes
my hand. “When you were first found, 911 was called. The police took impressions
of the bite marks, along with other evidence. The case went cold, but the
evidence was kept.”

“Alright,” I
acknowledge Dominic’s words.

“Then when
you passed out Sunday night, I knew from your reaction that Oscar was involved.
Doris took care of you, while I beat Oscar until he was nothing more than the
scum he is.”

He called
his mom Doris, not mom. I wait patiently as he continues his recollection of
events. “Doris and John asked me what happened and I told them.”

“Okay, but I
don’t understand why you’re not on speaking terms with them any longer.”

“Allyn,” he
whispers and shakes his head. “This is seriously fucked up. It’s actually
beyond being fucked up, it’s just completely wrong on so many levels.”

He looks so
stressed and it’s causing me to worry, because I really don’t know what the
hell is going on.

“Just tell
me,” I say as I reach for his face and lightly run my palm down his cheek.

“Your touch
makes everything better.” He leans into me and kisses my forehead with a
precious small kiss.

A small
rumble comes from him and I crave his warmth, the power of how I feel when he’s
holding me. I just want to be held in his safe, protective arms, and never
leave them.

He closes
his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them he looks so,
sad
.

“I love
you,” I say as I stare up into his eyes. “But, please tell me what happened.”

“They knew
all along what sort of person he is, and they paid off two of his past victims in
exchange for their silence. They used their money to keep him out of jail. They
both knew, and he told them that his victims liked to be slapped around and
enjoyed rough sex. After the second time, John and Doris told him they’d disown
him if it happened again. That’s when he started killing his victims so they
couldn’t come back to accuse him.”

I wince at
his words, and remember the brutal, vicious, sadistic way they hurt me. They
gave no thought to me at all, like I was nothing more than a waste of air.

Laughing at
me.

Urinating on
me.

Forcing
their disgusting cocks into me.

Forcing a
knife inside me while they had me spread open and tied down.

I shiver,
remembering what they did to me. “Why would they protect him?” Bile is rising
in my throat and I exercise all my control not to gag.

“Two reasons,
and neither of them are justifiable in my eyes. Their name and their money.
They didn’t want their name splashed across every major newspaper in America,
and they didn’t want to lose their money. They thought if they could buy his victims
off, they wouldn’t have to face the consequences. They tried with you, but I wouldn’t
allow them to keep protecting him, to let him free to ruin anymore lives.”

“But there
was at least another one with Oscar. There was a Mick.” I remember it like it
was yesterday.

“When I laid
into Oscar, he was talking to someone on the phone, but I took it and smashed it.
I told the police everything, Allyn, including that he was in the middle of a
phone call, and they’re doing what they have to, to find this Mick.”

“And what’s
happened to Oscar?”

“He confessed
earlier today. He’s working with police to identify the others that he and his
friends took.”

I feel my
forehead crinkle and I’m overwhelmed by the questions crowding my brain. Right
now, though, I need to keep my head in the right space, and hopefully
everything will be revealed in time.

“He’s talking
to the police about the other girls that were taken, but he hasn’t told them
who was with him? Why?”

Dominic
shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to Oscar, and I’m not
going to. I’ve washed my hands of all of them.”

I lean into
Dominic and wrap him in a hug as he holds me close.

It feels
like only a moment passes before there’s a knock on the door and it creaks
open.

A tall man
comes in, closes the door behind him, and moves to the opposite corner of the
room, essentially as far away from me as possible.

I hide
behind Dominic and look at the man sideways, not knowing who he is or why he’s
here.

“Detective
Harrison, how are you today?” Dominic says to the man with cropped, light brown
hair. He’s a little pudgy around the middle, but he carries it well and it doesn’t
diminish his intimidating stance.

“Good,
Dominic, thanks.” The detective looks at me and I move so I’m hidden from him.

“Allyn, this
is the detective that took my statement. He won’t hurt you, and I won’t leave your
side.” He strokes my hair with the palm of his hand and pushes the strands behind
my ear and down my back.

“Hi Allyn,
I’m Simon. Is it okay if I take a couple of steps toward you?” he asks as he
holds his hands up in surrender to show me he’s not a threat to me.

I peek
around Dominic’s shoulder and nod to him. I watch as he takes one small step
and waits for me to approve another.

I nod my
head and he shuffles two steps closer to me, then stops a few feet away from
the bottom of the bed. I shake my head and he doesn’t move any closer.

“You’re
doing so well. I can’t tell you how much I love your strength,” Dominic
whispers and pecks me on the lips.

“Allyn, I’m
sure Dominic has filled you in with what’s been happening?”

“Yeah, he was
just telling me.”

“Oscar will
be going to jail, most likely for the rest of his natural life.”

“He deserves
hell, not jail,” I say with the scorn in my tone.

“You’re right,
he does. But I’m here to ask you some questions to make sure we can put him
away.” He looks at me warily, like I’m fragile and about to shatter.

I look at
him and wait for his question.

“Do you know
a Michael Greene?” he asks.

I look away
from him. Michael is the name of Faith’s boyfriend, but I can’t remember if she
told me his last name.

“The only
Michael I know of is my friend Faith’s boyfriend, but I don’t know his surname,”
I tell Simon.

“What’s your
friend’s last name?” He takes a little black notebook out of his back pocket
and flicks through the pages.

Dominic’s
fingers tighten around my hand and I look at him noticing how tense and angry his
face is. He’s scowling and he looks like he wants to say something, but is
waiting for me to answer Simon’s question.

“Um, Faith’s
last name is Collins.”

Simon looks
at his pad, and then looks at me.

“Where can I
find Miss Collins? Do you know her address?” He takes a pen from his shirt
pocket.

“When I
spoke to her she said her boyfriend had asked her to move in with him, but she
wasn’t sure about it. So she’d probably still be with her parents. Lemongrove
Road on the other side of town. But I don’t understand. What do you want with her
Michael? Do you need his help with the investigation? She told me he’s a police
officer.”

“Not
exactly, Allyn. We need to question him, but when we went to his apartment he
wasn’t there and called in sick today.”

Dominic
looks at me, then over at Simon, then back at me. “Is he the crooked cop that
asked John for money?” he asks Simon as he moves his body to support me.

“I believe
he is, but Oscar just indicated that he’s one of the other men that raped you,
Allyn. There’s one more too. A low-life drug addict named Rocky Adams. He was
the one who chose the victims.”

I feel my
mouth fall open and suddenly the thunder crashes down within me. I’m sent into oblivion,
and I can’t parse all this fucked-up information pelting me. I sink into bed
and cover my entire body with the blanket, and turn toward the wall, just
shutting everything out and not wanting to listen anymore.

Faith wanted
to bring that beast into my home and introduce us, and it turns out he was one of
them. There were three, a police officer, an attorney and a junkie.

“How many?”
I ask from beneath the blankets. I don’t want to ask but I have to know. “How
many girls?” I question just a little louder.

“You don’t
need to know,” Dominic says as he strokes long gentle movements up and down my
back.

I flip the
covers down and turn back to look at the two men. Suddenly I burst into angry
tears and can’t help but feel sorry for myself and all the others.
“How
many?!”
I shout.

“Thirty-six girls
that we know of,” Simon says then quickly averts his eyes and looks down at his
notebook.

Thirty-six
.

What a
horrific and utterly devastating number.

My mind goes
completely numb. My eyes droop closed, and I turn off the world.

“Allyn,
they’re discharging you. We can go home.”

I turn over
in the bed and look up at Dominic. His handsome features smile down at me and
he tilts his head to the side to look into my eyes.

“Will you
stay with me?” I plead with him.

“I’m not
going anywhere if you aren’t beside me, in this life or any other.”

I smile at
Dominic and sit up in bed.

“I feel so
tired, Dominic. My body, my mind, and my soul. They all just need to rest.”

“Come on. I’ll
take you home and we can stay in bed for as long as you want.” Dominic reaches
his hand out to me in a welcoming gesture, and I look at it and consider
pulling the blankets back over my head and shutting the world out again. “We
can heal together at home where we’re both comfortable, not in this tiny bed
where I can’t even hold you in my arms.”

I lower my
gaze to the floor and I take a deep breath.

He’s right,
of course. This hospital isn’t a place for me to heal. I’ve been here for six
days and all I get is nurses coming in and bothering me with stupid questions
and feigned concern. I understand they’ve got a job to do, but I also know that
I’m not going to get better care here than what I would at home with Dominic by
my side.

“Okay, let’s
go home,” I reply to his heartfelt words. “Let me change first.” I throw the
covers back and go to the overnight bag Dominic brought me. I didn’t have an
overnight bag before, but Dominic went and bought one, filling it with new
clothes, a toothbrush, and everything else he thought I might need.

“I’ll be
right outside. Take your time.” He leans down and kisses my forehead before
turning and leaving the small, stark hospital room.

I quickly
get changed and when I open the door, Dominic’s standing guard on the other
side.

“You ready?”
he asks as he comes back into the room.

“I’ve just
got to get my toothbrush and toiletries.”

“Leave them,
I’ve already stocked up on everything at home. Come on, let’s go.”

He takes my
overnight bag and loops his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him as he
opens the door.

“Wait, I
have to make arrangements for the hospital bill,” I say as I turn toward
reception.

“It’s been
taken care of.” Dominic pulls me in the direction of the parking lot.

“No, they
haven’t come in to see me yet. I need to give them my insurance details and
organize a payment plan.”

“I paid for
it,” he says confidently.

What?

“You don’t
have to do that.” I look up at him as he guides me through the maze of hospital
corridors.

“No, I don’t
have to. I
choose
to. Because I love you and I want you with me forever.
I fully intend on supporting you, whether that be financially, emotionally or
physically.”

“Thank you,”
I whisper, surrendering to his generous and protective nature.

When we get
to the car, Dominic, as usual, opens the door for me.

We drive
home in silence, and I watch as dark, angry clouds seem to follow us. It’s not
raining, but the threat seems imminent. I know, deep down inside, that the dark
clouds are waiting to strike, determined to keep me in my old, fear-based mindset.
Never letting me move on or truly recover. So much has changed, but this
remains the same.

They hang
low in the sky, watching my every movement with an observant, evil eye. The
loathsome gray is heartless and cruel as it tries to remind me how broken I
actually am.

I look
around and think about these last few months.

Am I as
insignificant as those clouds attempt to make me feel?

Has this
situation made me retreat into myself and shut the world out again?

Yes,
but
only
temporarily.

I’m much
stronger than those puff balls want me to think I am. I’ve been to hell, not
once, but twice and I’m still here.

Breathing
and finally living.

Will my life
ever be normal?

Define
normal.

Will I ever
be integrated fully back into society?

Highly
unlikely.

Can I ever
forget about that day that altered my universe?

Never, but
I’m learning to manage it.

Is bearing a
child so important to a relationship?

Maybe, but
we’ll have to find a way to deal with it.

I turn to
Dominic and reach for his hand. A welcome current passes between our hands and
I notice a tingle traveling down my back, all the way to my toes.

“Are you
alright?” he asks without turning his head.

“You know
what? I think I will be.” I gently squeeze his hand and smile as he tightens
his long fingers around mine.

When we get
home, Dominic pulls up in front of the house and before I have a chance to open
the door, he’s standing by the car, smiling proudly with his hand outstretched.

We walk hand
in hand up to the porch and as Dominic unlocks the doors and turns the alarm
off, I take the few steps back down to the lawn.

I slip off my
shoes and let my feet feel the soft, plush green grass as I look up to the sky.

The angry
clouds seem to have followed us. They congregate over our home, and they seem
on the verge of screaming at me to remind me of my place in the world.

In the
distance I see sharp, piercing electric bolts flying down toward the ground. I
smile, because that’s their warning to me. To make me cower, hide away, and never
forget they are my rulers.

“I’m not
afraid of you anymore,” I whisper as my eyes narrow and warn
them
. “You
can scream all you want. You can try and keep me down. But I’m not listening to
you ever again. I’m taking my power back.”

The deep
rumble of the thunder answers me.

I straighten
my back and smile even wider. “Show me your worst, because I’ve already seen
the Devil and survived him. You’re nowhere near as frightening.”

A stab of
lightning closes in over my home.

“Are you
angry because I’ve finally figured it out? You can’t make me hate myself any
longer.”

A boom from
the clouds shrieks loudly in my ears.

I stand
taller and prouder before the fury of the clouds.

“I take back
my sanity, and I choose to live. Your anger is no longer my problem.”

I take a
deep breath as the sky crackles and yells, trying to bring me back into
darkness.

“I win my
life back. Goodbye,” I laugh as I turn and walk to my front door.

Dominic’s
leaning up against the house with his hands in his pockets. Pride is radiating
off his entire body. “Is it over?” he asks.

For a spilt
second I consider his words carefully, “I think it is. I’m hoping they listen
and stay away.”

He grabs the
bottom of my t-shirt and pulls me against his body; his hands roam over my back
as I lean into him.

The twinge of
lust that’s always been beneath the surface, has increased into a constant flutter
of incredible warmth. I’m craving him, and want him close to me.

Maybe we can
try again to be intimate so we can fully belong to each other.

“Come, I’m
thinking about taking you to dinner at our little Italian restaurant,” Dominic
says as we step inside.

I stop and
turn to look at the clouds that no longer intimidate me. I smile at them. “I
think I’d love to see what she has to offer tonight,” I answer Dominic. I will
hide away no longer.

I step inside
and I’m completely stunned by what I see.

I can’t
believe it.

I have a huge
smile on my face and I take in every single scrap of color that I can.

I have
beautiful new contemporary furniture.

There are
stains on woods, colors that sing, trimmings that are bright and inviting, and
a large ornate mirror in the foyer.

The beige is
gone.

And my
family room is purple.