A Natural Act (Contradictions) (34 page)

I just have to work on convincing him that I really do love him and figuring out why he can’t accept that.

With that in mind, I open my phone and send a text.

I want pizza for dinner.
Cheat night? Bella x

“All the toppings,” he grins, presenting me with a pizza box when I come through the door.

“
I wanted a margarita,” I answer with a deadpan expression.

His eyes widen for a second but then he grins.
“I’ll just pick all your toppings off and have them on my slices.”

“
I was kidding, doctor,” I tell him, ignoring my nerves.

“
Oh,” his expression falls and I can tell he actually liked the idea of a pizza with double the toppings.

I have to grin because that’s the Craig I remembe
r. After living with the silent ghost version who moves unseen in the flat, it’s nice to have him back.

When he places the pizza box down, I throw my arms around his neck.

I almost feel the tension drain from his body. I pretend I don’t feel the taught muscles of his body because that’s not why I asked him to come over tonight.

“
I’m sorry,” I whisper into his shoulder.

“
What you sorry for, lady?”

“
For ignoring you and treating you so badly these past few months,” I mumble, unwilling to let him go.

“
That’s okay,” he strokes my back gently. “You needed time.”

“
You deserve better than that,” I shake my head. “Which is why I let you buy me pizza.” I’m going for humour because I don’t want to cry, I want to move forwards.

When I first started getting to know Craig, I thought I could learn to deconstruct his layers so I could learn to form my own.

I don’t want layers anymore because I don’t want to need them. Instead, I want to be strong enough in who I am and confident enough to be that person.

I need to strip the
remaining layers of Craig’s personality to find out why we’re not together anymore. I want him back and I’m not going to stop until that happens.

“
Right now, I deserve this pizza,” he grins. “I’ve been here ten minutes and not so much as eaten a crumb.”

“
Wow,” I grin. “How generous of you.”

“
Mock all you want, lady. I only saved you some because it was you.”

“
I’m honoured,” I tease. “Let’s get some plates.”

“
We don’t need plates,” he laughs, hooking his elbow around my waist and moving towards the lounge. “Pizza is finger food.”

I wriggle away from him, som
ewhat taken aback by how we cannot speak properly for months and then just go back to this. To laughing, joking, and being friends.

He flicks the TV on with the remote
and unfolds is lithe body into the corner of the sofa. He pats the spot next to him and looks at me expectantly.

I take a seat but, for my o
wn sanity, I need to keep a little space between us.

Apparently, that’s not okay with Craig because he pulls me closer as if I weighed nothing.

“Missed this,” he grumbles around a mouth full of pizza.

“
Me too,” I lament. “Where do we go from here?”

“
Eat,” he tells me, another slice going into his mouth.

I sigh because he’s being as
communicatively useless as normal but this might take a while to figure out and I’m hungry so I take a slice and settle back into the sofa.

“
Good girl,” he grins.

“
Don’t patronise me, Doctor Carter,” I poke him in the ribs.

He captures my finger in his hand, curling it into my fist and holding my small hand within his larger one.

He smiles an almost shy smile as he looks up at me and there’s nothing I can do to ignore the way his touch sends shivers through my body.

He seems to realise that we’re caught in a moment and releases my hand, turning back to the TV.

“You want to talk about it?” Craig asks, his eyes still on the TV.

“
About what?” I feign ignorance because I’m suddenly scared to talk about this.

“
What happened with us,” he murmurs, his arm around my shoulder with his fingers gently stroking my arm.

“
I want to understand,” I reply cautiously. “You never explained.”

“
Was going to give you time to cool off, then explain when you called. You never called,” he shrugs.

“
Didn’t want to be rejected twice,” I mumble.

“
Didn’t reject you, lady,” he snaps. “Was doing right by you.”

“
By breaking my heart?” I accuse, the pizza in front of us now the furthest thing from my mind.

“
I didn’t break it, Bella,” he grinds out. “You didn’t love me you just thought you did.”

“
Excuse me?” I screech and scramble up from the sofa. “It’s my heart, Craig. I know what it says. You don’t.”

“
I know it doesn’t love me, lady,” he rises to standing too, his trapezoid muscles bunching angrily. “Know you care for me. Know you’re grateful to me.”

“
Craig-” I start but he carries on talking.

“
But it’s just hero worship, Bella. You see me as the guy who rescued you from Nigel, the guy who kept you safe. I made you think you were in love with me by filling the gap he left in your life.”

“
No,” I shake my head adamantly.

“
You can’t fall in love in those circumstances, Bella. It’s too quick, and you were too shaken from what had happened. It’s basic psychology.”

I can see it all over his face; his mind is made up.

There’s nothing I can do to change his mind as it is now. I glare it him, my chest heaving for what feels like an eternity. My options are limited.

We can keep this argument up and scream ourselves blue in the face without getting anywhere. Or I can let it go. Maybe it’s enough for me to know that I love him, maybe I can convince him through time. Actions speak louder than words.
If he doesn’t believe that I love him, I’ll prove it, no matter how long it takes.

“
I don’t want to argue with you, Craig,” I force my voice to calm and my shoulders to drop. “I’ve missed you too much to fall out with you again. Can we be friends at least?”

“
Now that I can do,” he drops his aggressive stance although his chest is still heaving.

“
Okay,” I mumble, trying not to let my disappointment show through. It’s hard to be content with friendship when I want all of him.

Something is better than nothing though and I’m grateful to have him back in my life.

“Hug, lady,” he demands.

“
Yes, please,” I breathe a sigh of relief because I’m emotionally exhausted and his hugs have that magical power to make everything better even if he’s the reason I need one in the first place.

His strong arms come around me and settle around my waist. My hands come to rest on his shoulder blades, embracing his strong muscles and pulling him closer.

I hear him inhale deeply and feel him release a steam of hot air into my shoulder. I remember the way it felt to have him kiss me there and pull away because I know it won’t be happening again anytime soon.

As I pull away, I make sure my fingers trail over his side. I can’t see the tattoo but I know it’s there. It will serve as a reminder to me that I can do this. I can stay Craig’s friend until I can prove my love for him
.

So our relationship starts over, as friends, every evening we cook together, eat together, relax together.

We spend time with his family, go to theme parks or cinemas together, and sometimes he comes to the pub with me. I love our evenings together but sometimes it’s not possible because of his shift patterns.

That’s when I find myself at Scott’s
bar with Carla and Tucker. Most of the locals are lovely and I like my little spot by the bar. It’s not as dark and gloomy as most pubs and I actually manage to read a lot of my casework whilst I’m sat on my rotating stool.

“
Sex on the beach?” Tucker shouts over to me from the other end of the bar.

“
No, but you keep trying,” I call back, laughing because he’ relentless. I’ve already have two orange juices so I think I’d best switch to water before I overload on blood sugar.

“
You liked it last time,” he comes over to pester me now he’s served the other patrons.

“
I need my head clear to do this,” I answer with a grin. I enjoy Tucker’s banter. He’s a flirt but he’s harmless. Recently he’s given up on Carla and redirected his attention to another of the female staff.

He’s not having much luck there either.

My phone vibrates next to me. Just a text. I read the empty threat and forward it on to the Carters. I say empty because he’s been messaging me with things like “Can’t wait to see you darling” for weeks and I still haven’t seen him so I think he’s just trying to get in my head.

“
How are things with Carter?” He asks me whilst watching his prey, Vanessa, as she bends down to restock the spirits.

“
Stuck in the friend zone,” I pout. “How’s the hunt?” I nod my head towards Vanessa.

“
Same,” he sighs. “She won’t go out with me.”

“
Have you tried telling her what a lovely personality she has instead of saying ‘dayum’ every time she bends over?”

“
I have no idea what her personality is like though,” he points out.

“
Why am I not surprised?” I scoff.

“
I had an idea though,” he smirks, bending down over the counter so that only I can hear him. “You’re struggling with Craig, I’m struggling with Vanessa.”

“
Okay…” I narrow my eyes at him because there’s mischief in his voice.

“
Let me take you for dinner,” he suggests.

I laugh.
“No, Tucker!”

“
Wow. She laughed in my face,” he throws his hands up in the air. “Shot me down just like that.”

“
Tucker,” I try to apologise but I’m still giggling.

“
No, no,” he grins. “I get it. You’re head over heels with the big muscly bad ass. You’ve caught whatever bug it is Carla has.”

“
Exactly,” I chortle, secretly thinking that I’d take Craig over Simon any day, but I’m sure Carla would choose the opposite.

“
Which I wasn’t asking you out on a date,” Tucker grins. “Let’s just go out and have fun. No strings, just food and a movie.”

“
Why?” I shake my head at him.

“
Because we deserve a night out to forget about our non-relationships…”

“
And?” I wait for the mischievous part of the plan.

“
I’ll get to spend the evening with a beautiful lady,” he shrugs. “Oh, and Carter will lose his mind with jealousy.”

There it is.

“You don’t think that seems a little… extreme?” And perhaps childish.

“
Maybe,” Tucker shrugs. “But I’m sick of seeing that sad expression on your face when you think nobody is looking. You deserve more than what he’s giving you and he needs to realise that.”

“
Well, well, well,” I beam. “Does Tucker have a heart as well as a penis?”

“
Is that a yes?” He winks.

“
It’s a promise to consider my options,” I answer because I don’t really want to shoot him down when he looks so hopeful.

I don’t want to start playing games with Craig.

“You better,” he warns playfully. “Where is the big guy anyway?”

“
Probably caught up at work,” I pout. It’s not uncommon; if a patient comes in just as his shift is ending he’ll often stay late if he’s needed.

“
He works a lot,” Tucker remarks, serving a guy a couple of seats down from me.

“
And he works hard,” I nod. “But he’ll be a fully-fledged doctor soon.”

“
Show off,” Tucker mocks but there’s no bitterness. Tucker isn’t the sort of guy that measures his status against another man. He is who he is and he owns it.

He’s the sort of guy I might have been attracted to in the pre-Nigel era but not
anymore. Not now I’ve met Craig Carter. Nobody can compare.

“
Here he is,” Tucker nods his head to the door just as Craig comes through.

I know he’s come straight from work because he has his comfortable trainers on with his scrubs bottoms and gym hoodie.

“Hey, lady,” Craig greets me. He seems a little tired but he still looks happy. I’ve learnt he doesn’t really do exhausted by normal human measures.

“
Hey,” I beam. “How was work?”