A Penny’s Worth Of Affection: A Novel (24 page)

Her heart skipped a beat. Had Alasdair already come? She rose to join him at the window and sure enough she could hear a horse neighing in the distance though it was too dark to make out anything. "Is it Mr. Lachlan?"

"I don't think so...it sounds as if there is only one horse, not a carriage. Who in their right mind would be riding at this hour?"

"A mad man most likely." Penny replied, still squinting into the darkness. She could now barely make out a lone rider galloping toward the cottage at a furious pace. "It is suicide to be riding that fast in the dark...the poor horse might break a leg or fall in a ditch."

Edward turned and hurried out the room, Penny following close behind, both overcome with curiosity. At the landing, they encountered a sleepy Jane looking about in confusion. "What is going on?" she demanded, "Is Mr. Lachlan here already?"

"I'm not certain it's him." Edward replied, sliding an arm around his wife's waist and leading her down stairs. "It appears we have an unknown visitor."

Penny had already reached the front door and emerged out onto the porch just as the rider pulled up the courtyard, his identity obscured by the great cloak he wore but Penny's heart had already begun to hammer as her brain registered the familiar profile.

"Phillip?" She whispered in shock, standing transfixed as he dismounted and came towards her, pushing back the hood of his coat to reveal his thick dark hair and unshaven jaw with bloodshot eyes. He looked like hell as he stood close to her and Penny felt the blood drain from her face as she stared at the face of the man she loved.

He came to stand before her, his eyes roving all over her. "Penny."

"W-what are you doing here?"

He pulled off his gloves and twisted them between his fingers nervously. Phillip was nervous? Penny wondered, staring at the motion of his hands.

"I wish to have a word with you...in private." his eyes slid from hers to rest on her family standing quietly by the doorway, astonished looks on each face. "Please. It is imperative I speak with you Penny."

"I have nothing to say to you." Penny replied, raising her chin at him in defiance. "Whatever you have to say you can..."

"I love you."

The quiet words fell like a bomb into the little gathering. Behind her, Penny heard Jane gasp, the sound mirroring Penny's feelings completely. She stared at Phillip, her mouth gaping open in shock. "What?" she gasped.

Phillip took a step closer, blue eyes wide in sincere earnestness. "I love you Penny." he repeated. "I-I have been a fool to not realize just how much you have come to mean to me and my idiocy has caused you so much pain...I cannot bear to be without you...so I declare that I love you Penelope Inglewood and I want you, need you like the very air I breathe. You have bewitched me body and soul, more than ever before. I offer you my life, my love, my soul if you will have me." His voice trailed off, leaving a deafening silence as the overwhelmed audience slowly looked to Penny waiting for her reaction.

Penny felt as though a leaf would knock her over as she heard Phillipp's words. She reached out to grip the wooden rail that ran along the porch for support, joy and doubt at war within her. He loved her! But why was he telling her now? When she had pledged herself to another, when she had given up on Phillip, he chose to declare his love, making her even more miserable than ever.

"P-please say something...?" Phillip prompted, his demeanor stiff with the anxiety that plagued through him as he intently watched the play of emotions on his beloved's face. Her face had drained of color and she held on to the rails as though for dear life. Then as he watched, her eyes filled and tears ran down her cheeks, the sight breaking him, rendering him helpless with the desire to take her in his arms and offer comfort. But he restrained himself, unsure if Penny would accept his comfort.

Finally, amidst the flood of tears that streamed down her cheeks, Penny cried out. "Why are you doing this Phillip?" her eyes leveled an accusing stare at him, even as she trembled from head to toe with the force of her emotions. "Why must you torment me so? Whatever have I done to deserve this misery?"

He stared at her, stunned by her outburst. "I assure you I had no intentions of causing you further misery. I came here to make things right with you..."

"No!" she cut him off with a violent shake of her head. "You come here, on the very morning I am to leave with my betrothed and tell me you have feelings for me. For three months I have suffered your insults, your arrogance, I have borne everything because even then I was fool enough to hope you would change, but thank god I finally saw the error in placing any sort of trust in you. Now you tell me you love me? Why?"

Phillip felt her words sear through him like a lance, each syllable piercing his soul as a thousand wounds. "I admit my actions in the past have been less than stellar, but I give you my word, I will spend every moment of the rest of my life making atonement to you. I beg your forgiveness Penny, please."

Penny let go of the rail and wrapped her arms around herself, physically shielding her heart from him. "Tis too late Phillip, I have given my word to Alasdair and I will marry him. Please leave...please?"

As she watched, he seemed to crumble before her, his eyes went bleak and shoulders slumped in defeat. She turned away, clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle the heartbreaking sobs and fled inside the house, pushing past her stunned family, up the stairs and shut herself in her room.

The next few hours passed in a painful blur for Penny. Her mind felt numb, unable to feel or process any thoughts or emotion. She was aware of Jane coming into the room to speak to her, but she paid no attention. Thankfully, they left her alone until Alasdair arrived. Penny felt as though she were separated from her body, watching it perform as she spoke with Alasdair, stood smiling while her trunks were loaded into the waiting carriage. She was vaguely aware of her father embracing her, and then stunned when he murmured quietly for her ears alone.

"Do what is best for your heart." Sir Inglewood whispered into his daughter's ear, noting how she held herself stiff. His daughter was still in shock, he observed sadly.

Penny nodded and drew away. "I am doing what is best." she cast a glance at Alasdair, deep in conversation with Edward and she smiled. "My life is with Alasdair, and he will make a wonderful husband and hopefully, a good father."

Sir Inglewood sighed and pressed a kiss on her cheek. "I trust your decision daughter. Farewell."

"Farewell Papa." she stepped away and climbed into the carriage, settling sedately close to the window. A minute later Alasdair joined her, taking the opposite seat.

He glanced at her, noting how oddly expressionless her face was. "Are you all right my dear?" he asked, brow furrowing in concern. The carriage set off, it's well padded springs shielding them from the uneven road.

"I am fine." Penny replied, leaning forward to peer out the window at her family. They were still standing where she had left them, watching the carriage depart and for the first time since
Phillipp's declaration, the wall of numbness that had surrounded her thoughts burst and she gasped at the emotional overload that overwhelmed her senses. Oh dear god! She sank back against the cushion and shut her eyes, her mind instantly replaying the scene with Phillip. He loved her! Phillip loved her!

Her heart yearned for him, yearned to be with the man she loved and she allowed herself to admit that she wanted to be with him. Was it worth taking the risk with him?

"Of course it is!" she cried out, startling Alasdair who had been watching her in puzzlement. A brilliant smile lit her face and she beamed at the man seated next to her. "Of course it is." Loving Phillip Farnsworth was worth it if he loved her in return.

"Penny?" Alasdair looked worried now. He laid a hand on her lap, his gray eyes troubled. "What is it?"

She sobered as she stared at the man to whom she had promised herself to and felt her excitement abate. How could she break Alasdair's heart? She wondered. He was a pleasant man, but suddenly, Penny realized she would never be completely happy with him. He deserved a woman who loved him completely, not someone who was in love with another man. Not her. Oh god! What was she to do?

She had to tell him, he did not deserve to be deceived for much longer. "Alasdair...there's something I need...I mean..I have to...I can't..." her words trailed off as she lost her nerve and she looked down at her hands. Dear god, she could not break his heart thus.

He looked at her for several moments then sighed in defeat. "You love him." it was a statement, not a question. He turned away to stare out the window and Penny could see a muscle working in his jaw.

"I am so sorry." she whispered, guilt weighing her down. "I should never have..."

He shook his head sadly. "I suppose I am partly to blame, I had watched the both of you and any fool could see the connection, but I chose to ignore it and hope." He turned back to face her, taking her left hand and pressing a fond kiss upon it. "Thank you for telling me."

Tears filled her eyes at the gesture and she impulsively hugged him. "Thank you for understanding. Thank you so much."

He pulled away and rapped his knuckles on the roof. "I hope Farnsworth know what a jewel he has in you." he grumbled. "You make certain to tell him so or by god, I will call him out if he hurts you again."

Penny laughed, relief crashing through her. "I will tell him."

The carriage halted and he leaned out to shout instructions to the driver. "Take us to Newbridge at once!"

Penny's eyes shone at the words. He was going to drop her off at Phillip's country home. She prayed that Phillip had not immediately set out for London and was at Newbridge instead. "You are truly an angel Alasdair."

He merely grunted good naturedly and turned to stare out the window. The rest of the short journey was spent in silence until the carriage turned into the magnificent Newbridge driveway and halted close to the doors.

Alasdair leaned forward to detain Penny as she made to climb from the vehicle. "Do try and visit Scotland again soon?"

Penny nodded. "I will, I promise."

"Good luck then."

She watched the carriage until it disappeared, her trunks by her side and took a deep breath as apprehension suddenly overwhelmed her. What if Phillip turned her away just as she had earlier? What if he was not in residence now? Her heart began to race and she slowly turned towards the door which was held open by the butler.

As if in a dream she took one step after the other until she stood in front of the man. "Is-is Lord Farnsworth here?" She asked, resisting the urge to wipe her clammy hands on the skirt of her traveling cloak.

The butler regarded her curiously for a moment, before he nodded and stepped aside. "His Grace is in his private study. Shall I inform him of your presence?"

One hurdle crossed. She thought, stepping into the tastefully furnished hallway. He was here. "I know this may sound unusual, but could you direct me to the study? I would prefer to meet him without any formal announcement."

Like all good butlers, this one merely raised an eyebrow then nodded, motioning for her to follow him. He had seen the lady before of course, and had heard the rumors of a love affair between them so her presence came as no surprise.

The drapes were drawn in the study and a sluggish fire burned in the fireplace, doing little to ease the gloom and shadows. Penny's eyes strained to see, searching for Phillip before she finally spotted him seated behind his desk, his head down on his arms.

"I thought I left instructions not to be disturbed Graves?." His voice was muffled but nonetheless she could detect it was lacking it's usual authority. He did not raise his head however, so she quietly dismissed the servant, waiting until the door shut behind him before she spoke.

"Phillip?" She whispered shakily. His head shot up and he stared at her in stupefaction, disbelieving his vision.

"What the hell..." In a flash he was off his seat and before Penny, grasping her arms to ensure he was not dreaming. His bleak eyes filled with hope. "Penny, what are you doing here?"

She drew in a deep shaky breath. If he turned her away now, her life would be over and she would simply waste away from grief. "I want to ask you a question. Please be truthful Phillip, don't lie to me."

"Ask me anything."

"Do you love me?"

He looked deep into her eyes and she could see his soul bared to her as he replied. "I love you Penelope Inglewood. More than I have ever allowed myself to feel. You have captured my soul, taken my heart prisoner. I love you and I will go to the ends of the earth if only to prove my love for you."

"Oh Phillip!" Penny cried, moving into his arms. He caught her up and crushed her to him. "I love you too. I love you so much!"

The kiss they shared was filled with love and passion, amidst little cries of love and laughter. Finally, Phillip drew away and took her hand, leading her to sit on the window seat and promptly pulled her on his lap. "I thought I had truly lost you my love." he murmured, trailing soft kisses over her lips and neck. "I was such a fool. Will you ever forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive darling. It was meant to be..you and I were meant to be."

"Mine!" he growled, taking her mouth once more in a searing kiss. Penny surrendered willingly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her bosom against his chest. He groaned and pulled away once more. "We must stop...I do not want to make love to you without becoming my wife first."