A Promise for Tomorrow (45 page)

“Yes, he is,” Carolina agreed. “He’s also headstrong, which is probably why he’s sick right now. I love the railroad as much as he does. In fact, as much as it shames me to admit it, I’ve coveted his position. He can go and come at leisure and mingle among the men and the work, and no one finds it odd that he should do so. With me, on the other hand, I raise a fuss among the men just showing up at the work site. Women are bad luck, or so they say, and the miners are such a superstitious lot that they shut down work if I dare to appear.”

She smiled sadly at her sleeping husband and took a seat beside him. “But James . . . well . . . James can do it all.”

“But you can, too, Mama.” Victoria knelt at her mother’s side. “You’ve shown them all. You’ve studied and learned, and you came here with us just to be with Papa.”

“But at what risk?” Carolina said sadly. “I’ve endangered all of your lives. The town is under quarantine and hundreds are dying. My envy and bitterness may well cost me my family.”

“No,” Victoria said firmly. “I won’t believe that. Papa needed you. You may not believe that, but he told me it was so.”

Carolina’s curiosity was stirred. “He said that?”

“That and much more. He told me how lucky I was to have you for my mother. I told him I knew that, and while I might not always act like it, I thank God for giving me a mother like you.”

Carolina’s tears started anew, and Victoria smiled. “Don’t do that or I’ll cry again, too.”

Carolina laughed. “It’s just that you’re such a blessing to me. I suppose I needed to hear something good. I feel like everything is so upside down, and my place is uncertain.” She reached out and smoothed back a lock of hair from James’ pale forehead. “I want to be faithful and trust God for the outcome, but my heart is breaking. I’m so afraid, and that makes me feel guilty because surely if I trusted God, I would not be afraid.”

“God understands, Mama,” Victoria said, patting her mother’s arm. “You’ve told me that over and over. He understands everything about us, even our fears.”

“Especially those, I suppose. But, oh, Victoria, it is so risky to give your heart,” Carolina whispered. She hoped Victoria didn’t take her words in a wrong manner. She wasn’t speaking of Victoria and Kiernan at all, but rather of herself.

“Remember when I was little and my cat got killed by the neighbor’s dog?”

Carolina thought back to that tragic moment and nodded. “You were heartbroken.”

“Yes, and I told you I was never going to love anything or anyone ever again,” Victoria responded. “You told me that loving was a risk, but that the alternative was to never know the pleasure in giving love or in receiving love. You told me I would be cheating myself if I hardened my heart and hid myself away.”

Carolina nodded and smiled. How blessed she was by her daughter’s memories. “I suppose I should heed my own advice.”

“I suppose we both should. I’ve been afraid, too.”

“Maybe we can help each other,” Carolina suggested, reaching out to stroke her daughter’s hair. “Maybe we can help each other to remember that God is watching over us, and He has a very real plan for our lives. It may not always be the thing we think we need, but if we are obedient, He is sure to show us what He has in mind.”

Victoria leaned forward and embraced Carolina tightly. “I love you so much, Mama. I will help you any way I can.”

“And I love you, and you can count on me to be there for you,” Carolina assured her daughter.

42
Intentions

Carolina waited in the early morning silence for some sound that would betray the stirring of her family. As she sat by her husband’s side, she prayed fervently for his recovery. Already James had survived the worst of the illness, and now it was just a matter of time. Time that Carolina prayed would pass swiftly. She agonized long hours over her circumstance, wondering exactly what she would do if James died. There was always the thought of returning to Oakbridge with her children, but that seemed hardly wise given the unrest of that place. Returning to Baltimore no longer held much appeal. The city could be delightful, but she’d actually come to love the stillness of this little mountain town. But could she remain here without a husband? Money, of course, would be no problem, but the idea of living in such an obscure little town without the protection of a man gave Carolina much to think about.

Now that there was definite hope of James’ recovery, she shelved such thoughts, unwilling to further consider them. I mustn’t borrow trouble, she thought and rubbed her eyes.

“Good morning,” James whispered weakly.

Carolina smiled and opened her eyes. “Good morning, yourself. How do you feel?”

James attempted to chuckle, but the sound came out more like a cough. “I’m not sure. Not exactly. I know it’s not really a good feeling, but then again, it isn’t all that bad, either.”

“Could you eat something?”

“Possibly. I would certainly try for you.”

Carolina smiled. “You can’t know how happy I am to hear you say that. I’ve been so worried about you. So many have died from cholera, and even the doctor didn’t hold out much hope for you. But I told him you were a stubborn man and that if anyone could beat this disease, it would be you.”

“I’m no more stubborn than you, dear wife. You bid me live, and I live.”

“My pleadings to God have done it. Not my bidding, but His mercy.”

James nodded and closed his eyes. “So what’s for breakfast?”

“I think oatmeal might give you a bit of substance without being too heavy. I’ll go put some on while you rest.”

James nodded again but said nothing more. Carolina took this silence as her cue to get to work. She turned up the lamp to brighten the front room, then lit an additional lamp and took it with her to the kitchen. Bustling around the room she heard Miriam stir in the back bedroom and knew that before long the entire household would be up and running.

Several minutes later, Miriam appeared and headed to the barn to milk the cow and retrieve the eggs. This had been their routine for so long that neither woman felt the need to converse past their initial greeting of good morning. Carolina found comfort in routine. It was only when things broke from this organized pattern that she felt despair. Things like James falling ill to cholera and half the town dying.

Humming to herself, Carolina began stoking up the stove only to find the woodbox low. It didn’t matter. Kiernan had chopped enough wood in his free time to see them through the winter. Grabbing up her woolen cloak, Carolina stepped into the brisk chill of the morning. The stars were still visible in the smudgy blue-black sky overhead. Carolina thought of how different they seemed here in Greigsville, compared to Baltimore or even Oakbridge. Everything was different here. There was none of the constant noise associated with city life, nor was the bustle of plantation life evident. Greigsville was a sleepy hollow, and even when it was active it came at a slower pace.

Leaning over the woodbox, Carolina started when she heard movement behind her. Fearful that some wild animal had come to make a meal of her, Carolina turned abruptly. Holding a log defensively, she squinted against the minimal light and breathed a sigh of relief when she found it was Kiernan.

“Mornin’ to ya, Mrs. Baldwin,” Kiernan said, with a tip of his cap. “I’ll be getting the wood for ya, if ya’ll allow me to.”

“Why, thank you, Kiernan. That would be wonderful. I wanted to get the stove stoked up and start breakfast.”

“Ah, well, now, we can’t be delayin’ that.” He reached into the box and pulled out an armload of wood. “If ya’ll just open the door for me, I’ll have ya taken care of in a minute’s time.”

Carolina nodded and complied with his instruction. She found herself watching him with unveiled interest. For some time now she’d longed to talk to him about his intentions toward Victoria, but she had remained silent. She didn’t want to appear nosy or interfering, but Victoria was still so very young.

“This ought to do ya for a time,” Kiernan said, breaking her thoughts. He stood before her with one final load of wood.

“Thank you,” Carolina murmured. She remained fixed at the back door, drinking in the crisp morning air. Drawing a deep breath, Carolina waited for Kiernan to reappear.

“Was there somethin’ more ya’d be needin’ out here?” Kiernan asked as he peered round the door.

“As a matter of fact,” Carolina began, “there is. I wondered if I might have a word with you for a moment.”

“For certain,” Kiernan said, stepping back outside. “I threw in a couple of logs so the stove should be a-warmin’ up nicely by the time we’re done here.”

Carolina nodded acknowledgment, then looked back to the skies as though seeking strength from the One who made it all. “Kiernan, I have a very serious question to ask you, and because it is so serious, I pray you will give it the attention it deserves.”

“All right.”

She glanced back down. By now the beginning glow of dawn was lighting the skies enough that she could actually see his expression. He appeared very serious and reserved, and he looked at her with such intensity that Carolina nearly forgot what she wanted to ask.

“I . . . ah . . . well, you see,” she stammered for a moment, then drew another deep breath and composed herself. “I would like to know your intentions toward Victoria.”

Kiernan didn’t laugh or act in the leastwise embarrassed. He merely looked thoughtful, then replied, “I have strong feelings for your daughter.”

“Feelings? Exactly what do you mean by feelings?” Carolina pursued.

Kiernan looked down at his feet, and Carolina wondered if he was trying to decide how much to tell her. At eighteen, he struck Carolina as a full-grown man with the interests and ambitions of an adult. But when he looked back up to meet her gaze, Carolina also saw the youthful innocence of a boy.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love her,” he answered. “I’d like to be plannin’ a future with her as me wife.”

Carolina nodded. “I have heard as much said by Victoria. James and I have strong feelings about such things.”

“What things?” Victoria questioned, coming through the back door.

Victoria had probably come out on some errand for Miriam, but finding her mother and beau having a conversation, she lost all interest in any other purpose.

“Yar ma asked about me feelings for ya,” Kiernan responded before Carolina could open her mouth to speak.

“Mother!” Victoria declared, obviously mortified with her mother’s lack of decorum.

“Nay,” Kiernan said. “She has a right to be askin’ questions.”

Victoria looked at him and instantly silenced her protests. Carolina could see things for herself now. Victoria might not have quieted for Carolina, but because the words came from Kiernan, she took it as absolute truth.

“I simply see things moving much too fast,” Carolina resumed. “Victoria isn’t even yet fifteen. She has very little interest in schooling, and she hasn’t experienced very much in her young life.”

“I’ve experienced plenty,” Victoria countered. “And I told you I don’t like books.”

“Yes, you’ve made that very clear. You’ve also made clear the intention for you two to marry and move to California. How do you propose to earn enough money for such a trip? How will you tend to yourselves once you’re there? Searching for gold with the man you love sounds very romantic, but it won’t put food on the table when you’re hungry.” Carolina decided then and there that she would refrain from telling Victoria anything about her trust fund. It would be better for them to believe themselves destitute than have them make plans with money Victoria had not yet come to possess.

“Oh, Mama,” Victoria said with a hint of amusement in her voice, “you worry about the strangest things.”

“Do I?” Carolina’s gaze fixed on Kiernan.

“Nay, yar mother’s got a good head on her shoulders,” Kiernan told Victoria. “And she’s absolutely right. We’ll have to be considerin’ all these things.”

“I only bring this up,” Carolina continued, seeing Victoria’s obvious distress, “because I want you to be realistic about marriage. In the first place, Kiernan has not spoken to your father on the matter, and there hasn’t even been a courtship yet.”

“But you won’t allow—”

Carolina held up her hand. “Please let me speak my piece.” Victoria nodded and stepped closer to Kiernan. “The order of things should first include James. He is the head of this household and you are his daughter. Kiernan, you are a fine young man, but there is a great deal that concerns me, given your state of affairs.”

“Because I’m Irish?” he questioned.

“I suppose it plays a part, but not for the reasons you might imagine.” Carolina refused to break her gaze, even though Kiernan’s intense green eyes were boring holes through her heart. “I would never refuse you as a possible mate for my daughter simply because of your blood. I have made mention to James that I see the cultural differences as something to be dealt with, but otherwise, I don’t care one whit that you are Irish.”

“Then yar in the minority,” Kiernan said with a grin.

“I suppose I might well be,” Carolina admitted. “But it wouldn’t be the first time. No, actually my problem with the aspect of your lineage comes in another form. Victoria tells me that you desire to see your brothers and sisters brought from Ireland to America. I commend you for that, especially given the fact that horrible struggles are still going on in your country. However, I must say that you will find it a great deal more difficult to save for their passage while experiencing the costs and duties of matrimony.”

“Aye, I’ve thought of this. I wouldn’t be forgettin’ them, if that’s what worries ya.”

“It isn’t necessarily a worry to me,” Carolina admitted. “But I do wonder what bitter things might grow between the two of you if you find that a constant need to feed and clothe Victoria takes precedence over saving to bring your family to America.” She caught sight of a change in his expression and drove the point home. “I can’t help but believe it would be better for both of you to see to this family matter first, and then concern yourselves with marriage.”

“You just don’t want to let go of me,” Victoria protested. “You want me to go to the university or some fancy women’s finishing school, and I don’t want to go. I want to spend my life with Kiernan. If we marry, then both of us can work to bring the family to America.”