A Promise of Hope (14 page)
Luke studied the wood grain on the table. Why was he avoiding her gaze? Was he filtering what to share?
“Please, Luke. Tell me everything. I can handle it.” Reaching over, she touched his hand.
“Peter met DeLana when he was seventeen,” Luke began. “We both were working in our uncle’s cabinet store, and her father owned the local wood supply shop. Peter made a supply run one day with the English driver, and DeLana was working in the office. From what he told me, it was love at first sight.”
Sarah’s stomach tightened. As ridiculous as it seemed, the idea of Peter falling in love with another woman caused her stomach to sour. How silly was it to be jealous of a person from Peter’s past?
She knew the answer—the woman meant so much to Peter that he’d never told Sarah about her. The thought made Sarah’s stomach churn with a mixture of jealousy, anger, and betrayal.
“They courted in secret for a long time, probably close to a year.” Luke ran his fingers over the grain in the table, his mocha eyes lost in the past. “He would sneak out his window late at night and meet her in the barn behind her father’s house. Sometimes he would say he was at a singing but drive out to a field near her house instead.”
Sarah sipped her tea, wondering if she was going to wake up from this nightmare of deceit. Peter meeting an English girl in a field or in a barn late at night…She gripped the mug.
“Then one day—” Luke stopped and cleared his throat. “Then one day,” he began again, “his father found out and was furious.” He sighed, shaking his head. “They argued, and his father forbade Peter from seeing her. Peter stormed off, saying his father had no right to run his life.”
He raked his fingers through his hair, a gesture she’d seen Peter do a thousand times when he was anxious. “From what my uncle told me, DeLana’s father found out and came to the shop one day, ranting about how the Amish had no right to mingle with the English girls. His father agreed, and they made a pact to keep the two of them apart. So he told Peter he would withhold all of the money Peter had made working in the shop for the past two years unless Peter joined the church and stopped seeing DeLana.”
Sarah tilted her head in question. “How could he do that?”
“He had control of the money.” He slouched in the chair and folded his arms. “The accounts were in his name at the local bank. So Peter’s dad laid the law down, and Peter went crazy. And that’s when he revealed DeLana was pregnant.”
Groaning, Sarah shook her head.
“His dad muttered something about how disappointed his
mamm
would be, and Peter went to pieces. He left on foot and walked for miles.”
Tears spilled from Sarah’s eyes. “He must’ve felt so alone.”
Luke laid his hands on hers. “Before he ran off, I tried to talk to him, but he locked himself in his room. He told me he tried to see DeLana, but her parents kept her prisoner in her house. They took her car and drove her to and from school. She was in her senior year of high school. They had dreams of her going to college and marrying a rich
Englisher,
so they were determined to keep her away from any Amish man. They wanted her to give the
boppli
up for adoption.”
Sarah swallowed, hoping to wet her dry throat. “What happened?”
“Peter joined the church the following spring and he kept working at the shop. He and his father barely spoke. Then one day, months later, he ran into DeLana at the market. She was married to an
Englisher
and had kept the
boppli,
Peter’s son. The child’s name was Cody Alexander Maloney. Her husband adopted him without Peter’s consent.” Luke frowned. “When he looked into his child’s face, he crumbled. He came home that night and had it out with his father. It nearly came to blows. That was when he left and never came back.”
Sarah shook her head with disbelief. “Why didn’t he tell me the truth?”
Luke squeezed her hand. “He probably didn’t want to tell you because he was afraid you would think lowly of him.”
Sarah stood, grabbed the two mugs, and walked to the sink. With tears streaming down her hot face, she washed the mugs and placed them on the counter. Questions surged through her. The story seemed so surreal.
How could Peter keep this secret for so long? How could he walk away from his son in Ohio and act like it never happened? It just didn’t make sense.
She obviously had never known her husband at all.
Grief, anger, and betrayal drenched her soul. She felt as if he’d died all over again, the grief was so raw, so penetrating, so new.
“Sarah Rose.” Luke’s voice was millimeters from her ear. “Talk to me. Don’t hold your feelings inside.”
Sucking in a deep breath, she turned, finding his chest inches from her.
“I feel so betrayed,” she whispered, her voice quavering again. Why couldn’t she stop crying? She wished she could rein in her emotions. “I don’t understand why he would keep something like this from me. I was his wife.”
She pointed to her chest. “I shared everything with him—my heart, my soul, and my love. I lived our wedding vows, but he lied to me. He sent out our money every month to his son without telling me. How could he not tell me he had a son? I don’t understand. Why, Luke?” Her voice broke on the last words, and then she was sobbing again. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.
Strong arms pulled her to his hard chest, and his voice was comforting in her ear. “It’s okay to cry, Sarah,” he said gently. “But I’m sure he loved you. He was the luckiest man on earth to have you as his
fraa.”
“You’re so different from him,” she whispered with her head on his shoulder. She contemplated the story Luke told and wondered about a detail he’d missed. She stood and faced him. “What happened to Peter’s parents?”
“They’re gone. Both have passed away.”
“When?”
“Mamm
died when Peter was little.” He blew out a sigh and raked his hand through his hair. “Pop blamed himself after Peter left. He tried to find Peter, but couldn’t. The guilt was too much for him. He suffered a massive stroke and died about a year ago.”
The story clicked together in Sarah’s mind. “Oh, my goodness.” She gasped, cupping her hand to her mouth.
“What?” Luke’s eyes fill with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“You nursed him.” She pointed at him. “You nursed him because he was
your
father too.”
Something resembling fear flashed in Luke’s eyes. “Wait. I can explain—” He reached for her, and she backed up.
“Don’t touch me!” She held her hands out, blocking his. “You’re a liar, Luke Troyer! You’re not Peter’s cousin. You’re his brother!”
“Sarah, give me a moment to explain. I never lied.” Luke stepped toward her. “I never said I was his cousin either. Everyone assumed it.”
“But you never told me the truth.” She leaned back on the counter and shook her head. “It all makes sense now. How could I have been so stupid?”
He frowned. “You’re not stupid.”
“How could I have missed the obvious? It was right before my face just like Peter’s deception.” She gestured toward Luke. “You look like him. You sound like him. When I first saw you in the bakery that day, for a split second, I thought you were him.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You did?”
She ticked off a list of similarities in her mind. “You hold onto your suspenders and then smooth your hair when you’re trying to remember something, just like Peter. You run your hands through your hair when you’re nervous, just like Peter. And you separate your food on your plate so that it doesn’t touch, like Peter did.”
She ignored his shocked expression and continued her rant. “And you know the intimate details of his life. A cousin wouldn’t know the details of every conversation that goes on in inside a home. You said you tried to talk to Peter, and he locked himself in his bedroom. A cousin wouldn’t know those things. My nieces and nephews don’t live with me.”
“Sarah Rose,” he began, reaching for her. “I wanted to tell you, but every time I shared a story about his past, it seemed to hurt you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you even more than Peter did.”
“So you thought lying was the answer?” She gestured widely. “Don’t you realize you did exactly what Peter did to me? You omitted the truth, Luke. That’s the same as lying!”
“But I wanted to tell you, Sarah Rose. I really did.” His eyes pleaded with her, tugging at her heartstrings.
“You could’ve told me at any time,” she snapped. “We spent plenty of time talking and sharing.” She groaned, contemplating how much she’d shared with him. “I feel like such a fool for trusting you, Luke.”
“No, no.” He placed his hands on her arms. “Don’t feel like a fool. You know me. You know the real me.” Taking her hand, he held it to his chest. “You know my heart.”
She pulled her hand back to her side. “Don’t touch me! I don’t know you at all. You’re a liar just like your brother!”
Stomping over to the table, she grabbed the box of letters and held it up. “See these letters? That’s what Peter did to me for years. He never told me he had another child, a son, in Ohio. That’s the same as not telling me who you really are. You’re my brother-in-law, the uncle of my
zwillingbopplin.
No wonder you gave me a surprised look in the hospital when I called you
onkel.
You were afraid you were caught.”
Luke gave her a pained expression. “That’s not true, Sarah Rose. I was afraid of hurting you. Timothy warned me not to tell you who I was or share more about Peter’s past for fear it would break your spirit even more.”
Her eyes widened. “Timothy knew too? My own brother kept the truth from me?”
“He didn’t know about DeLana, but he knew about me.”
Sarah sniffed, fighting tears at the realization she’d been betrayed by Peter, Luke, and Timothy. “You and Timothy have managed to break my heart once again.”
She started for the door. Then she stopped short of it and faced him. “Tell me one thing, Luke, and I want to know the truth.”
He nodded. “Anything. I’ll tell you anything you want to know, and I promise to tell the whole truth this time, not leaving one detail out.”
“How many siblings did Peter have?” She ignored the quaver in her voice and held her head high, giving the pretense that nothing more would hurt her.
“Only one—me.” He pointed to his chest.
“Danki.”
She turned her back to him and started for the door.
“Sarah Rose, please wait.”
Ignoring his pleas, she slipped on her cloak and stalked out the front door, nearly walking into
Mamm,
who was coming toward the door.
1
/
2
cup butter
2 cups brown sugar
Melt butter in saucepan, then stir in sugar until dissolved. Cool.
Slightly beat in:
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
1
/
2
tsp. salt
1-1/2 cups coconut
Pour batter into a greased 9x13 pan lined with wax paper. Cut in squares. Bake for 35 minutes at 350 degrees.
S
arah Rose?”
Mamm’s
eyes filled with worry. “I was concerned when I got home from the market and the girls told me you’d been here for a couple of hours. Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not. Follow me home.” Sarah marched down the stairs.
“Sarah Rose!” Luke rushed out onto the porch. “Wait!”
Ignoring him and the pain surging through her soul, Sarah continued on, her head held high. The betrayal would not steal her confidence. She had to think of the twins and be strong for them.
“What’s going on?”
Mamm
asked.
“He’s a liar, just like his brother,” Sarah snapped through gritted teeth.
“What?”
Mamm
yanked Sarah to a stop. “Like his brother?”
“Ya,
like his brother—Peter.” She sucked in a breath, willing her body to stop quaking.
“His brother?”
Mamm
gasped, her hand at her mouth. “Oh, my word. I had no idea. Why didn’t he tell us?”
“Because he didn’t want to hurt me. Instead he lied and hurt me even more.”
Sarah hugged the wooden box to her chest. Her husband had been supporting a child she never knew existed, and now the man she’d considered a dear friend wasn’t who she thought he was. He’d turned out to be deceitful, just like her husband.
Her heart ached with renewed grief.
Whom could she trust?
Her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“What’s that?”
Mamm
pointed to the box.
“I found it in Peter’s armoire,” Sarah said, her voice hoarse. “It has letters from his English girlfriend.”
“An English girlfriend?”
Mamm’s
eyes widened with shock.
Sarah wiped her eyes, trying in vain to stop the tears. “He was with her before he abandoned his father and Luke and came here to start a new life.”
Mamm’s
voice clouded. “What do the letters say?”
“He was sending her money.”
“Why would he do that?”
Opening the box, Sarah fished out a photo of the boy and handed it to her. “This is why,” she whispered.
Mamm
studied the photo, then glanced at Sarah. Brows furrowed in confusion, she shook her head. “Sarah Rose, I don’t understand.”
“That’s his son,” she said, her voice trembling as much as her body.
Mamm’s
eyes rounded as she inhaled.
Sarah sobbed, and
Mamm
pulled her into her arms. “There, there, Sarah Rose.” She patted her back. “We’ll get through this.
Kumm.
Let’s go home.”
Sarah fingered the crumbs left from her homemade bread while sitting across from
Mamm
at the kitchen table. She’d just finished telling her
mamm
the details of the letters and the story Luke had relayed regarding Peter’s past.
Mamm
had listened with wide eyes. Taking a bite of bread, she shook her head with disbelief. “I don’t know what to say. I never imagined Peter had such a troubled past.”
“I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me,” Sarah said, pushing back a strand of hair that had escaped from her
Kapp.
“It was bad enough he lied about his family, but now I found out he lied about a child he was supporting. I don’t know who my husband really was,
Mamm.
I never imagined he was a liar.”
Mamm
took Sarah’s hand in hers. “I know this is difficult, but you must forgive him. I’m sure he had his reasons. Maybe he worried that you wouldn’t love him if you knew he’d made mistakes in the past.”
“That’s what Luke said.” Wiping more tears with her free hand, Sarah shook her head. “But I would’ve loved him anyway,
Mamm.
It doesn’t make sense. There should be no secrets between a husband and wife. I was never dishonest with him.”
“Never?”
Mamm
raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Not even when you bought extra material for a new dress without checking with Peter first? Or when you bought a little gift for one of your nieces without telling Peter? Or how about when you bought a few extra books to read without checking your weekly budget?”
“That’s different.” Sarah yanked her hands back and folded them on the table. “Buying a few extra things at the market is not the same as hiding information about your past—especially information about a child you’re supporting.”
She pictured Luke, and her anger simmered. “I’m so upset with Luke for not revealing his identity. He said every time he shared more of Peter’s past, I seemed more and more hurt and upset. But not telling the whole truth is lying too.” Her eyes narrowed. “And to make it even more hurtful, he said Timothy has known all along that Peter had family in Ohio. My own brother kept the truth from me. Why did they all lie? I could’ve handled the truth,
Mamm.
I’m a strong woman.”
“You just gave the answer, Sarah Rose.”
Mamm
patted her hand. “They didn’t want to hurt you. Luke and Timothy could see how much you were hurting after Peter died and then you found out that he wasn’t an orphan as he’d said.”
“It’s wrong to be deceitful. It’s a sin.” She swabbed a napkin across her cheeks and then her nose.
“Sarah Rose, you must remember the words of the Bible. In Luke 6:37 we read, ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.’”
Mamm
covered Sarah’s hands again with her own. “Peter was wrong; he never should’ve kept those secrets from you. But he was human just like you and me. You must forgive him. He’s not here to defend himself. We can only assume he did it to protect you.”
“Protect me from what?” Sarah snapped.
“He loved you and didn’t want to hurt you.”
“How can you be so sure he loved me?” Sarah tried to clear the knot in her throat. “Love means you’re open and honest. Love means you trust your spouse completely.”
Mamm
sighed. “You’re hurt, but you can’t deny he loved you. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at you and every time he held your hand or hugged you. He wore a smile on his face for weeks after the day you were married. He walked around with a glow on his face when he found out you were expecting a
boppli.”
Sarah blew out a quivering breath as she thought back to those days. Then it clicked, like the latch on the back gate. Everything suddenly made sense. “That could be why he stopped talking to me. Maybe he felt guilty for not telling me he had a son in Ohio when he found out we were having a child of our own.”
Mamm
gave a sad smile and a slow nod. “That could very well be it, Sarah Rose. And you must forgive him. And you also must forgive your brother and Luke. They care about you too.”
Sarah nodded, even though it was easier said than done. But forgiveness was the Amish way, and she knew she had to let go. Somehow.
“I’ll forgive them, but I won’t trust them again, especially Luke. He took advantage of me. I thought we were friends.” She shook her head. “He’ll be a part of the
bopplin’s
lives because they’re family, but that’s it.”
“Don’t be so hard on him, Sarah Rose. Now that you know he’s Peter’s brother, you must remember he’s grieving too.”
“That’s all the more reason why he should’ve told me the truth. I thought we were close. I shared so much with him, and now I feel betrayed and used.”
Mamm
squeezed her hand. “He cares for you. I can see it in his eyes. I’m sure he felt he was justified in not telling you the whole truth.”
Sarah glanced down at the remaining crumbs on her plate. “And I’m going to have a word with Timothy.”
“Go easy on your brother. He’s been hurt too.”
The sound of infant cries rang from the living room, and Sarah jumped up. After warming two bottles, she and
Mamm
headed for the cradles.
She lifted Seth and snuggled him close while feeding him.
Mamm
sat next to her and hummed a lullaby as she fed Rachel.
Sarah traced a finger along Seth’s soft chin and contemplated the news of Peter’s older son. The photograph of Cody was burned into her memory, and she could see a resemblance between Seth and Cody—they both looked like Peter and Luke.
She wondered how DeLana had felt raising Cody without his biological father and how Cody would feel if he knew Peter had been his father. The three children—Cody, Seth, and Rachel—would never know what their father looked like or hear the sound of his voice or see the color of his eyes.
Sarah sighed. The children would want to know each other. She would have to contact DeLana and see if she would feel comfortable getting the children together.
Her thoughts moved to Luke, and she frowned. She would allow him to be a part of the twins’ lives, but that was as far as her relationship with him would go. She could no longer trust him with her heart. She’d believed their friendship was special, and she’d even felt a teensy hint of affection for him, but those feelings had dissipated today. The children had a right to know their uncle, but Sarah would no longer allow him into her heart.
And her last issue was with her brother Timothy. She would address his lies the next time she saw him.
Pushing her hostility away, Sarah concentrated on the beautiful baby boy in her arms. Closing her eyes, she thanked God for her healthy twins. Even though her heart was broken by the deception she’d received from those she cared about, her heart swelled with love for her children, a true miracle and gift from the Lord.
Luke trudged up the gravel driveway to Eli’s house, hoping to see Sarah sitting on the porch. The memory of the anger in her eyes had haunted him all day. Her sadness and her devastation at finding out about Cody and then finding out about his own identity had broken his heart. He wished he could take away the pain he and his brother had caused. He worried he had lost her friendship forever. He couldn’t stand the thought of not being her friend, and he longed to make things right between them.
His hope deflated when he found Eli and Elizabeth sitting on the porch without their youngest child.
“Wie geht’s,”
Eli called with a bright smile.
“Gut,”
Luke said, climbing the stairs. “How are you both tonight?”
“Gut,”
Eli responded, looping his arm across the back of the swing and behind his wife. “Right,
mei fraa?”
Elizabeth gave a sad smile.
“Ya,”
she said.
“I wanted to check on Sarah,” Luke said, leaning against the porch railing. “She was a mite bit upset earlier.”
“Ya,
she was,” Elizabeth said. “She’s fine now. She’s resting since the
zwillingbopplin
are sleeping. She has to get her sleep whenever she can.”
Luke nodded, wondering if Elizabeth was telling the truth. Was Sarah truly resting well or was she still distraught, crying alone in her room or sitting alone, contemplating how much he, Peter, and Timothy had hurt her. “I’m sorry that my brother hurt her so much. And I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront with all of you about being Peter’s brother. I should’ve told you the first time I met you. I only did it because I was afraid of hurting her more. I wish I could make it better. I was wrong, and I regret it with my whole heart.”
“She’ll be just fine.” Elizabeth’s expression softened. “She’s stubborn like the rest of the Kauffmans.” She elbowed her husband, who shrugged. “She’ll be angry for a few days, but I’m sure she’ll get through it. We just need to give her time.”
Eli glanced at his wife, his eyebrows careening with feigned anger toward his hairline. They exchanged a private conversation without words, and she smiled.
Luke longed to have a loving relationship like theirs. He’d thought he and Sarah had that kind of friendship, where they could poke fun of each other and almost read each other’s minds; however, he’d ruined it by not telling her the truth from the beginning. Now it was all lost, and he was alone—again.
Elizabeth eyed Luke. “Have you eaten? We have leftover meatloaf and chocolate cake.”
Luke considered the offer for a moment and then shook his head. It was obvious he’d worn out his welcome with Sarah Rose. In order to regain her trust, Luke knew he should keep his distance and give her time to heal, as much as it would hurt his heart to stay away from her and the twins.
“Danki,
but I ate a little bit earlier.” He stood up straight. “I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Please give her my regards.”
“Will do, son.” Eli smiled. “You have a
gut
night.”
“You too.” After a quick nod, Luke descended the stairs and walked slowly back toward the house.
Climbing into bed that night, he prayed for Sarah, asking God to comfort and bless her and her twins and to find room for Luke in their lives. He prayed giving Sarah space would help him win a place in her family.
Sarah hugged Rachel closer to her body and swung gently back and forth on the porch the following afternoon, enjoying an unusual break in the normally bitter-cold February weather.
Mamm
sat beside her with Seth while Rebecca held Junior on the chair beside the swing.
Gazing out over the yard, Sarah spotted her nieces and nephews racing to and fro, screeching and laughing during a competitive game of tag. Her sisters sat nearby chatting while her brothers leaned on the fence by the pasture. The sights and sounds were all fitting for an off Sunday without church service, and normally it would be a comfort.
However, today it was anything but comfortable. Instead, Sarah glanced around the scenery and gave a shuddering sigh.
After crying most of the night, her tears had dried up. Numbness had settled in her soul around four this morning. Betrayal and disappointment filled the hole in her heart that had been left after Peter died. She felt like an empty shell of the woman she once was.
Her gaze trained on Timothy, and her stomach soured. She planned to give him a piece of her mind the first chance she had to speak to him in private.