A Promise of Hope (15 page)

Junior fussed, and Rebecca stood. “I’m going to go in and feed him.”

Sarah and
Mamm
nodded as Rebecca disappeared through the door with her infant.

“How are you?”
Mamm
asked.

“Gut,”
Sarah said, but her voice was flat and devoid of the emotion she’d hoped to convey.

Mamm
patted her arm. “It will get better. Have faith, Sarah Rose.”

Sarah let the words soak into her as she stared across the pasture toward the house where Luke was staying. Bitterness and disappointment rolled through her.

The clip-clop of a horse and the crunch of wheels on gravel yanked Sarah back to the present. She glanced toward the barn as Norman and his family emerged from their buggy. Timothy greeted Norman. The children joined her nieces and nephews in their game of tag, the eldest girls caring for the younger children.

Sarah plastered a smile on her face as Norman and Timothy sauntered toward the house, talking. Norman met her stare and gave her a sincere smile. She was thankful for his friendship.

Something she’d thought she shared with Luke.

The men climbed the stairs, and Norman greeted her mother and sisters before turning to Sarah.
“Wie geht’s,”
he said, his eyes warm.

“Gut,”
she said.

“How are the
zwillingbopplin?”

“They’re sleeping better at night. I’m getting almost four solid hours of sleep.” Sarah angled a sleeping Rachel toward him.

“Ack,
she looks just like you.” Norman’s face beamed. “She’s beautiful.”

Sarah felt her face heat at the compliment.

Mamm
stood with Seth asleep in her arms. “Would you like me to take the
zwillingbopplin
in so you can talk?”

“You can’t handle them both.” Sarah stood. “I can take Rachel in.”

“Don’t be silly.” Her
mamm
turned toward the older girls sitting on the other side of the porch. “Katie, would you please help me put the
zwillingbopplin
to bed?”

Katie hurried over and took Rachel from Sarah’s arms.

“Danki,”
Sarah said as
Mamm
and Katie disappeared through the door with the sleeping children.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Norman offered.

“That sounds nice.”

Sarah followed him down the steps, and they walked side by side on the path toward her former home. Her heart fluttered at the idea of seeing Luke, considering how hurt she was by his actions.

“What’s on your mind?” Norman asked. “You seem preoccupied.”

She silently marveled how well Norman could read her emotions. He seemed to have a gift. “I found out some more disturbing things about Peter’s past yesterday.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Sarah frowned. “I feel bad for dragging you into my problems.”

Norman stopped and stared into her eyes. His expression was serious. “Sarah Rose, I want to help you. You forget I also suffered a loss, and I know how difficult it can be to wade through the grief, bitterness, and anger after someone you love leaves you. I want to help you through this.”

“Danki,”
she whispered. “I appreciate your friendship more than you know.”

Something flickered in his eyes, but she wasn’t sure what it meant.

“While I was going through some of Peter’s things yesterday, I found some letters written to Peter from a woman in Ohio.” Sarah paused, choosing her words. “I discovered he was sending the woman money to support his son—a son they’d had together.”

Norman’s mouth gaped.

“The woman is English, and they had an affair when Peter was seventeen. His father broke them up, and the girl married someone else. Peter left his family after he found out she’d married someone else. While he and I were together, he was writing her and sending her money every month to help care for the boy.” Sarah shook her head. “There was a photograph of the boy. He’s handsome and looks just like Peter and Luke.”

“He looks like Luke?” Norman’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s true. That’s the other detail I uncovered. Luke is Peter’s brother, not his cousin.” She glared toward Timothy across the pasture. “I found out Peter, Luke, and Timothy have all lied to me.”

“What do you mean?” Norman asked.

She met his confused expression. “You already know about Peter’s deception about his past. Luke also omitted the truth that he’s Peter’s brother, and Timothy has known about Peter’s past for some time. I’m going to have a few words with my brother when I can get him alone.”

“Timothy never said anything to me about it, but I know he and Peter were close when Peter was alive.”

Sarah wrung her hands together. “I’ve been trying to sort through it all and figure out how to get past the hurt.”

Norman took her hands in his. “Give your burdens up to the Lord, and He will see you through. Have faith that He is leading you down the path toward happiness.”

She gazed into his brown eyes, astounded by his strong faith. “You are so calm and faithful.”

He smiled. “It took me a long time to get here after losing Leah, but I’d like to help you find your strength.” His expression became serious. “I would like to spend more time with you, Sarah, and help you through this.”

“I appreciate you so much, Norman.
Danki.”
She led him back toward the path to her parents’ house. “Let’s go see if there’s any chocolate cake left.”

Later that evening, Sarah tiptoed down the stairs after rocking the twins to sleep. Heading toward the kitchen, she heard soft masculine voices. She stepped into the doorway and found her
dat
and Timothy sitting at the table. Her expression hardened as Timothy saw her.

“Sarah Rose,”
Dat
said. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was just coming down to get a drink before heading to bed.” She crossed the kitchen and poured a glass of water. Standing at the counter, she sipped it while her
dat
and brother discussed the weather. Anger swirled in her while she studied her brother. Sensing her observation, he raised a brow in question, and she scowled in response.

“I reckon I better head to bed,” Timothy said, standing and stretching. “Work comes early in the morning.”

“Ya,
it does.”
Dat
also rose. “It was
gut
talking to you, son.”

“You, too,
Dat.”
Timothy headed for the door.
“Gut nacht.”

Dat
said good night and disappeared through the doorway toward the stairs.

“What was that look for, Sarah Rose?” Timothy said, crossing his arms and leaning on the door.

“I found out some interesting information yesterday.” Placing her glass on the counter, she stood before him, hoping her eyes resembled the daggers she felt in her heart.

“Oh?” His expression was one of teasing, despite her harsh words. “Please, enlighten me.”

She ignored his attempt at a joke and got to the point. “First of all, I found out Peter was sending money to an English girl in Ohio.”

Timothy’s eyebrows careened toward his hairline. “What are you talking about?” he questioned, shocked.

“Ya.”
She gave him a smug smile. “Your best friend was sending money to support his son in Ohio. His
Englisher
son.”

Timothy gasped. “Peter had an English son? Are you certain?”

“Absolutely. I found the evidence: a box full of letters from DeLana Maloney.” She studied his dumfounded appearance. “I can show it to you if you’d like.”

“I believe you, but I had no idea.”

“I also found out Luke is his brother, and you knew
that
all along, Timothy.” Her voice was thick. “That brings the total number of men whom I trusted and who have lied to me to three.” She counted them off on her fingers. “Peter, Luke, and you, my brother.”

“Whoa, now, Sarah Rose.” He held his hands up in protest. “I didn’t know about DeLana and this boy you’re talking about.”

“But you knew Peter had family in Ohio, and you knew Luke was his brother.” Her voice shook. “How could you do that to me, Timothy? You’re my brother. I trusted you! You’ve been hurt before, and you know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

His expression softened. “I only meant to protect you.”

“Your big plan to protect me wound up hurting me even more!” Disgusted, Sarah started toward the stairs.

“Wait!” Timothy caught her arm and pulled her back. “Hear me out.”

She yanked her arm out of his grasp and glared at him.

“Peter was my best friend, and I miss him every day.” Timothy pursed his lips. “You have to know he loved you, and he hated lying to you. He told me the truth about a year before he died. I saw him coming out of the post office one day, and I think he felt he had to explain why he was there. I didn’t know about the letters to the girl in Ohio, but I knew he had family back there. He told me he had an older brother he looked up to because he was so loyal to their family and faithful to God. He said Luke was everything he wanted to be but knew he couldn’t.”

Sarah sniffed. “Why didn’t he tell me, Timothy?”

“He wanted to, Sarah. He wanted to tell you the truth. He said he knew he had to be honest with you since you were expecting a child. He was planning to find the right words, but he ran out of time. He wanted to make things up to his family too—his
dat
and his brother.”

She wiped her tearing eyes and shook her head. “I would’ve forgiven him. I loved him.”

Timothy touched her arm. “He loved you too.”

She wished she could speak to Peter herself and hear those words from him one more time.

“Can you forgive me?” Timothy’s eyes were hopeful.

She frowned. “I don’t have a choice. You’re my brother.”

He shrugged. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

She nodded toward the door. “Go home. The
zwillingbopplin
will have me up soon enough for a feeding.”

“How are things with Norman?”

She faced him. “What?”

“You and Norman, you’re close, ya?”

“Ya,”
she said with a nod. “We’re
gut
friends. What’s wrong with that?”

He waved off the question and started toward the door. “See you tomorrow.”

“No.” She rushed after him. “What are you implying, Timothy?”

“I’m not implying anything at all. Talk to you later.” He patted her head. “Stop worrying so much.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m so tired of being treated like a child.” She headed for the stairs. “Good night, Timothy.”

Climbing the stairs, Sarah let Timothy’s words sink in. Peter had truly loved her, and he’d wanted to tell her the truth. He’d planned to tell her the truth before he’d died. The words warmed her and settled her heart. And, yet, she still felt betrayed by Timothy and Luke. They’d known the truth and kept it from her.

She yawned as she entered her room. It was too late to figure out her feelings. However, she knew one thing for certain: her brother’s question about Norman had her stumped. Why would he ask about their friendship? Why did he care?

17

L
uke dried his hands and stepped from the restroom into the shop hallway. Deep in thought regarding Sarah and her well-being, he jumped when a strong hand on his shoulder stopped him mid stride. Turning, he found Eli frowning at him.

“Eli,” he said. “You startled me.”

“Sorry. Can we talk?” The older man nodded toward the door leading to the parking lot.

“Of course.” Luke followed him outside, his stomach in knots of anticipation.

They walked to the far end of the lot, where Eli leaned against the fence and sighed.

“Is everything all right?” Luke asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I wanted to ask you why you haven’t been by the house since Saturday,” Eli said. “You left abruptly, and we haven’t seen you since. Did something offend you?”

Luke stuffed his hands in his pockets and kicked a stone while contemplating how to respond. He couldn’t tell Eli that he had strong feelings of affection for Sarah and was giving her space in hopes of her forgiving him.

“Luke?” Eli asked. “What is it?”

Glancing up, Luke gave a tentative smile. “I was afraid I’d worn out my welcome after Sarah found out about my brother’s past and found out I’m her brother-in-law. I thought I should give her a few days to come to terms with the news and figure out how she felt about the rest of the Troyer family.”

Technically, he wasn’t lying. He was worried about how she felt about the rest of the Troyers—especially him, since he hadn’t been upfront with her about Cody from the beginning.

Eli nodded and looked at something past Luke’s shoulder. “Don’t stay away too long. Elizabeth was right when she said Sarah was stubborn, but she’ll get over her hurt. I know you’ve been a good friend to her, and I’m sure she misses you.”

Luke nodded. He missed her too…a lot.

“I was surprised you didn’t have lunch with Naomi today,” Eli said.

“What?” Luke asked, surprised by Eli’s quick change of the subject. “Naomi?”

“Ya,
Naomi.” Eli grinned. “You know, the
maedel
who brings you lunch a few times a week.” His smile clouded. “Did you two have a disagreement?”

Luke shook his head. “No. I think everyone got the wrong idea about us. We’re just friends.”

Eli gave him a look of disbelief. “Does Naomi know that?”

“I told her that back in December before Christmas.”

“Oh. How’d she take it?”

Luke kicked another stone, trying to suppress the guilt. “She wasn’t happy. She had her heart set on courting me. But we decided to stay friends, and she insists on bringing me lunch. I guess she has other plans today.”

“It’s
gut
that you’re friends. Maybe your friendship will develop into something more as you get to know each other. She’s a sweet
maedel.”
The older man smacked Luke’s shoulder. “I just wanted to tell you not to be a stranger. Come by the house and see us.” He started for the door. “I reckon I better get back to work. I have quite a few impatient customers.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Luke leaned on the fence, staring out over the field behind the shop while he pondered Eli’s words. Maybe Sarah only needed a few days to mull things over, and he’d have a chance to win back her friendship…hoping it would turn into more.

Luke made up his mind that he would visit the Kauffman house tonight. He missed the twins. He’d made a promise to be a good uncle to the twins in honor of his brother’s memory, and he intended to keep that promise. And of course he also missed Sarah. He needed to show Sarah he cared for her and had only lied about his identity to save her more heartache.

Luke climbed the steps of Eli’s porch later that evening. The warm glow of a kerosene lamp illuminated the kitchen. After taking a deep breath, he rapped on the back door. Elizabeth peered through the glass and frowned at him before opening the door.

“Ya?”
she asked. “Oh, hello, Luke. How are you? We haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“Hello, Elizabeth,” he said. “I hope you’re doing well this evening. May I speak with Sarah?”

“I think she’s putting the
zwillingbopplin
to bed.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “I’m sorry I missed seeing them.”

“I’ll check for you. Just a moment.”

“Danki.”
While she disappeared into the house, he paced, his heart pounding and his mind searching for the right words to express how he felt about Sarah’s friendship and how special the children were to him. He prayed for the right words. He didn’t want to cause her more pain; as Eli said, she’d been through so much already. His soul would shatter if he continued to be another source of sorrow for her.

The door squeaked open, revealing Sarah clad in a black cloak with a white gown peeking out at the bottom.

“What do you need, Luke?” she asked, her voice flat and her expression tired, as if the life had been sucked from her. His heart broke as he remembered the life dancing in her blue eyes the night they had spent visiting with the children and her parents.

“Have a seat.” He gestured toward the swing.

“I’ll stand,
danki.”
She hugged her arms to her chest. “Why are you here?”

While her tone cut him to the bone, he kept his expression even, hoping to shield the hurt she caused him. “I’m here to apologize again.” He leaned back against the railing. “I’m sorry for not being forthright about my identity. You and the
zwillingbopplin
mean more to me than you know. I want to be a part of their lives since they’re my only link to my brother. I’m very sorry, and I hope you can let me back into your life, Sarah Rose. I care for you.”

Sarah paused, her eyes flashing with emotion before returning to their flat blue. She angled her chin in defiance of his comment. “You’ll always be a part of my
kinner’s
family. You’re welcome to visit them any time. However, our friendship will never be the same. I’ve lost all trust in you.”

He flinched. Where was the sweet, suffering Sarah who had sobbed in his arms on Saturday? How had she transformed into this cement statue, devoid of warmth?

“Is that why you came here?” She gestured as if to dismiss him. “To try to prove to me that you’re a trustworthy man after you deliberately posed as my husband’s cousin instead of his brother?”

Frustrated, he shook his head.
Why are we beating this subject to death?

“Sarah Rose, I never posed as a cousin. I just didn’t tell you I was his brother. There’s a difference between pretending to be something you’re not and omitting information.”

She blinked and then frowned. “Your standards of truthfulness astound me. I guess lying runs in the Troyer family. I can only hope my
kinner
take after the Kauffmans.”

“And lie like Timothy?” He couldn’t stop his smug expression.

Her mouth gaped with shock.

Elizabeth appeared in the doorway. “Sarah Rose,” she said. “Seth is screaming again.”

“Ack.”
Groaning, she shook her head. “I’ll be right in.” She glanced back at him and nodded curtly. “I have to go. I think Seth is getting his first ear infection. We’ve had a long day.”

“Oh, no.” Panic gripped him. “Is he going to be okay?”

“Ya.”
She waved off his worry.
“Bopplin
go through this. He’ll be just fine. It’s more exhausting than anything else.” She started for the door.

“Can I come see them?”

Hesitating, she nodded. “You can visit them anytime. I’ll give you some time alone with them when you’re here. That way you can really bond.” She squeaked open the door.

He couldn’t let her go. Not like this. “Sarah.”

She faced him, her eyes exhausted, no doubt due to the sick baby. However, her beauty glowed in the low light of the lanterns.

He knew at that moment he loved her, truly loved her, but he couldn’t form the words to tell her so.

“I care about you,” he whispered, stepping toward her and hoping she understood. “I mean that.”

She blanched. “I don’t understand.”

Their eyes locked, and his heart skipped.

“I’m not sure how you can’t understand. I care about you, Sarah Rose.”

“And how would Naomi King feel if she heard you tell me that?” she whispered, her voice quavering. “I’ve heard that you and Naomi have lunch together frequently.”

“What does Naomi King have to do with my feelings for you?” he asked.

“I have to go,” she whispered.
“Gut nacht.”

Before he could respond, she slipped through the door, which slammed behind her.

Strolling back to the house, Luke felt his heart splintering into a million pieces, like a thin piece of wood shattered with a hammer. He wanted to tell Sarah he loved her and wished he could care for her and the twins; however, her cold stare had prevented the words from forming on his lips. His feelings for Sarah had taken him by surprise. He’d never felt love like this before. It was overwhelming and all-consuming. He was truly in love for the first time in his life.

Stepping into the house, he wondered if he should remain in Bird-in-Hand. While he had found a farm to purchase and had a possible buyer for his home in Ohio, he couldn’t bear the thought of Sarah avoiding him when he visited the twins.

Luke shook his head as he climbed the stairs to the bedroom. While dressing for bed, he contemplated why Sarah had mentioned Naomi King. Were rumors floating around the community about his relationship with her?

Climbing into bed, he turned his cares over to the Lord. He prayed God would lead Sarah toward a life of love and laughter, not one of misery and regrets. He also prayed he would find his own way in the world and figure out where he truly belonged—in Ohio or in Pennsylvania.

Sarah snuggled down under the quilt and closed her eyes. She felt as if the world were crashing in around her. In just a matter of days, she’d discovered her late husband was supporting a child she never knew existed in another state. Then she’d found out her own brother had lied to her about her husband’s past to “protect” her. To make matters worse, Luke had stopped by this evening to try to apologize for his deceit and then told her he cared for her.

She frowned.
How dare he!

Sarah pulled herself up to a sitting position, then swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She crossed the room and snatched Peter’s wooden box from her bureau. Sinking into a chair, she opened the box and stared at the letters in the low light of the kerosene lamp.

She fished a stack of photos of Cody from the box and stared at the child’s face. He was the spitting image of Peter with his bright hazel eyes and light-brown hair. Even his dimpled smile reflected his late father. She also saw Luke’s features in the boy’s delicate face. He was a Troyer, through and through. Seth would probably resemble him as well.

Sarah closed her eyes and tried to conjure Peter’s face in her mind’s eye. She searched her memory, concentrating on the week before she lost him. She tried to remember the details of his face, his eyes, his nose, his lips.

But only one face kept coming to mind…
Luke.

Huffing out her frustration, she stood, dropped the box onto the chair, and padded to the window. She lifted the dark-green shade and stared across the jet-black pasture toward her former home. A soft light glowed from the living room, leading her to wonder what Luke was doing up so late.

Tears filled her eyes as she remembered their conversation earlier. He’d had a lot of gall coming over and trying to apologize after what he’d done.

She sat on the edge of the bed as his voice echoed in her mind. She could still see the genuine warmth in his eyes when he’d said he cared about her. Why had he said that? He didn’t mean it. He was seeing Naomi King. It was the talk of the community. She’d heard from more than one person at church service that Naomi brought him lunch a few times each week. He’d probably marry Naomi, and they would live together happily, having babies of their own.

Sarah believed Luke cared for the twins because they were his only living link to Peter. He didn’t truly care for Sarah as more than a friend or a family member. And she didn’t care for him either.

At that, she gave a sarcastic laugh. Her inner voice challenged her:
If you don’t care for him, then why are you crying? And why does Luke’s voice and face fill your dreams at night?

Why did all of her thoughts of Peter end with visions of Luke? Why had her hands trembled and her heart skipped a beat when Luke pulled her into his arms and consoled her?

She grimaced with disgust. She needed to put Luke Troyer out of her mind and concentrate on her future with her twins. They were all that mattered.

Standing, she crossed the room and lifted the box from the chair, then slipped the photographs back inside. As she placed it on the bureau, she heard something metal clink against the side of the box. She opened it again and removed the letters and photographs, stacking them on the bureau until the box was empty. A small brass key lay on the bottom.

Picking up the key, she examined it. It was inscribed with “U.S.P.S. Do Not Duplicate” followed by a series of numbers.

“Post office box,” she whispered, closing her fingers around the cool key. Her stomach tightened. “Another secret.”

After dropping the letters and photographs back into the box, Sarah lay the key down on the bureau, snuffed out the lamp, and climbed back into bed. She closed her eyes and silently recited her evening prayers.

God, please lead me down the right path for my and my zwillingbopplin’s future.