A Promise of Hope (19 page)
S
arah stared down at the ledger and frowned. At
Mamm’s
request, she was balancing the bakery books in preparation for the start of the tourist season at the end of the month.
Although she tried to concentrate on the numbers, her mind repeatedly wandered to Luke—how he’d chatted in the den with the family after meals, how he’d looked every time he gazed down at the twins with love in his eyes…how he’d smiled at her during their conversations on the swing…
Leaning back in the chair, she covered her face with her hands. Why was Luke still haunting her nearly two months after he’d left? She’d attempted to engross herself in the
zwillingbopplin.
However, time and time again, her thoughts meandered back to Luke. She could see the pain in his eyes the night before he left. She could still feel his anger, hear it in the tone of his voice.
She’d hurt him. How could she have hurt the one man who made her feel safe? Why did she push away the one man she could possibly love?
But how could she court her late husband’s brother? It was wrong to covet him. Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop her mind from constantly concentrating on him and dreaming of him every night.
Sarah closed the ledger and stared out the window at the light rain cascading down from heaven and soaking the field behind the bakery. Spring was on its way to Lancaster County. She wondered if the temperature was warming in Ohio yet.
Was Luke working late tonight at the cabinet shop? Was he thinking of her and the twins? Why hadn’t he contacted her since he’d gotten home?
Her mind turned to Peter, and she stood and moved from the office into the kitchen. She wondered when Peter had planned to tell her the truth about his past. Would he have taken her to Ohio to meet Luke or Cody?
Pulling a letter from the pocket inside her apron, Sarah stared down at DeLana’s cellular phone number for what felt like the hundredth time.
Sarah had considered calling DeLana several times over the past two months since the woman had a right to know why the checks from Peter had stopped coming. Sarah wondered if Luke planned to tell DeLana what had happened to Peter, although she knew it wasn’t his responsibility. This was something Sarah should do.
She walked out to the front counter and stared at the phone hanging on the wall. She was alone in the bakery and had the perfect opportunity to make the call. She just needed the strength.
A knock on the glass door sounded through the silence of the empty bakery. Sarah looked up and found Kathryn grinning at her and hugging her cloak to her chest. Sarah unlocked and held open the door.
“Hi,” Kathryn said, stepping in and shaking the raindrops from her arms. “Spring is coming to Bird-in-Hand.”
“What are you doing here?” Sarah asked. “Don’t you have to cook for your family?”
“Ya.”
Kathryn rolled her eyes. “I forgot to grab my change purse.” She padded back to the kitchen. “I took it out to give Lindsay some money earlier and forgot it,” she called from around the corner. “Here it is.” She reappeared and pulled her cloak closer to her body. “The
kinner
are waiting for me at
Mamm’s
house. I told them I’d be right back.”
Sarah forced a smile, only half listening to her sister’s chatting.
Kathryn shook her head. “I’m so scatterbrained lately. David says I need to slow down, but there are only so many hours in the day and so much to do. Running a farm and taking care of
kinner
is a full-time job. And then I have to work in the bakery. I mean, just yesterday I had a difficult time—”
Her sister stopped mid-sentence, her expression clouding. “Sarah Rose, what’s wrong?” She touched the ties to Sarah’s prayer
kapp.
“You look as if you’re carrying the burden of us all on your little shoulders.”
Sarah leaned against the counter and shook her head. “You need to get home to your family. Don’t worry about me.”
“Don’t be
gegisch.”
Kathryn led her to two chairs in the back of the kitchen and motioned for her to sit. “I always have time for you. What’s wrong?”
Sarah pulled out the letter and handed it to Kathryn. “I feel like I should call DeLana and tell her why Peter’s checks stopped.”
Kathryn shrugged. “So call her. Want me to dial?”
“That’s not it.” Sarah shook her head. “I want to go to Ohio. I want to see DeLana and talk to her, face-to-face, about Peter. I need to know more. I need to know the details. I have to understand it all before I can move on.”
Kathryn nodded, taking in her words. “That makes sense. I understand.”
“I know you do.” Sarah sighed. “But
Mamm
never will. She’d never let me go. But I can’t leave the
zwillingbopplin
without telling her.”
Her sister took Sarah’s hands in hers. “Do you want me to go to Ohio with you?”
“You’re sweet and so thoughtful.” Sarah dabbed away the sudden moisture in her eyes. “But I need to do this alone.”
“So, do it,” her sister said. “Call DeLana and then go ahead and plan a trip to Ohio. Find out what you need to know and let your heart mend, Sarah Rose.”
Kathryn stood and steered Sarah to the phone. “Call Nina and ask her to take you to the train station early in the morning. I’ll come over and care for the
zwillingbopplin.
I’ll tell
Mamm
you had to take care of some business. If she’s angry, she’ll just have to forgive us. You need to listen to your heart, Sarah, not everyone else.” She lifted the receiver and dialed the number. She then handed Sarah the phone. “I’ll wait in the office so you can have privacy.”
Sarah put the receiver up to her ear and held Kathryn’s arm. “Stay.” She leaned against the counter and stared at the numbers on the cash register.
The phone rang several times and then a voice spoke. “Hello?”
“Hello,” Sarah said, her voice shaky. “Is this DeLana Maloney?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“My name is Sarah Troyer.”
DeLana paused as if contemplating the name. The voice of a child rang out in the background, and Sarah imagined it was Cody. The noise softened, and Sarah assumed DeLana had moved to a quieter area.
“Sarah,” DeLana said. “Sarah Troyer?” Her voice rang with recognition. “Peter’s wife?”
“Ya,”
Sarah said. “I mean, yes.” She nervously drew circles on the counter with her fingertip. “I hope it’s okay I’m calling you. I wanted to tell you some news, and it didn’t seem appropriate to write you a letter due to the lag time of the mail system.”
“Of course it’s okay that you called,” DeLana’s voice was gentle. “What’s going on?”
“You’re probably wondering why your child support money has stopped.” Sarah took a deep breath. A hand on her shoulder gave her the support she needed to trudge on. “I’m sorry to tell you that Peter…Well…” Her voice quavered. “Peter died in a fire almost a year ago.”
“Oh, Sarah, I already knew.” DeLana’s voice was full of concern and sympathy. “Luke, Peter’s brother, called me about two months ago and told me. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Luke told you?” Her heart fluttered as she said his name. Sarah glanced at Kathryn, who gave her a sad smile.
“Yes, he did,” DeLana said. “I’m so very sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
“How are you coping?” DeLana asked.
“God is seeing me through it. My family has been my strength.” Sarah wiped her cheeks. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you sooner, but I found your letters when I was going through Peter’s things. I didn’t know about you or Cody until fairly recently and then I had to find the strength to call you. It was a shock to find out about Cody. I had no idea.”
DeLana sighed. “I’m sorry about that. Peter said he wanted to keep it a secret because he didn’t want to hurt you.”
Sarah bit her bottom lip. It seemed now was the time to ask. “I was wondering if I could come meet you. I have some questions I would like answered.”
There was a pause, and a few awkward moments of dead air on the line. “You want to come visit me?” DeLana’s voice was full of surprise.
“If it’s okay with you…” Sarah cut her eyes to Kathryn, who squeezed her hand.
“Well, sure. Why not? When would you like to come?”
“Would Thursday be too soon? I can catch a train tomorrow and meet you Thursday afternoon.” Sarah held her breath, expecting a lame excuse for her not to come.
“That sounds perfect.”
Sarah grabbed a notepad and pen and wrote down the particulars of where to meet DeLana. Then she thanked her and hung up.
Turning, she pulled Kathryn into a warm hug. “Thank you for giving me the strength to do it,” she whispered. “I’m meeting her at a restaurant in Middlefield on Thursday.”
“You’re welcome.” Kathryn rubbed her back. “Now you need to call Nina to arrange for a ride early tomorrow morning. I’ll plan to be there and care for the
zwillingbopplin
for you.”
Later that evening, Sarah climbed the stairs of her former home and entered the master bedroom. Tomorrow morning she would head to Ohio, and she wanted to bring a gift for Cody. Someday he might want to have something from his biological father, if DeLana ever told him who his biological father was.
She found the pile of shirts arranged neatly by color. Not at all resembling the way she’d left it. Luke must’ve gone through the pile and picked a couple for himself.
Considering, she lifted a shirt, inhaling a faint scent of Peter still clinging for dear life to the fibers. She chose two for Cody and draped them over her arm. She then headed down the hallway and stepped into the spare bedroom where Luke had slept.
Standing in the middle of the room, her mind flooded with memories of the night she’d given him a tour. She sank onto the bed and lifted the pillow to her nose. The faint aroma of Luke, stain and wood mixed with earth, washed over, and her pulse skipped. Again she wondered if he’d thought of her since he’d gone back home. Did he miss her?
Glancing at the ticking clock on the wall, Sarah realized it was time for devotionals. Her parents would suspect she was up to something if she missed the nightly Kauffman ritual.
She rushed back to the house, making it just in time. But while her father read from the Bible, her mind kept wandering to her trip to Ohio and how it would feel to meet DeLana.
When her father finished his reading, they bowed their heads in silent prayer. Sarah then excused herself for the evening and rushed to her room. She packed a small bag of clothes and then wrote her parents a note she would leave in the kitchen on her way out the next morning.
During the night, Sarah tossed and turned in between feedings, unable to sleep due to the anxiety of her trip.
Elizabeth rushed down the stairs the following morning, her heart beating like a racing horse. She bounded into the kitchen where Eli sat drinking his coffee. “Eli, I can’t find Sarah Rose. Her bed is made, but she’s not in it. And the
zwillingbopplin
are gone too.”
“She’s gone,” he said.
“What?” Elizabeth stared at her husband in disbelief. “What are you saying?”
“She’s gone and Kathryn is in the living room with the
zwillingbopplin.
They’re sleeping in their cradles, and she’s fast asleep in my chair alongside them. You must’ve rushed right past them in your haste.” He passed her a note. “I found this by the coffee machine. It will explain everything.”
Elizabeth held up the note, and her eyes rounded with shock as she read it.
Dear Mamm and Dat,
I left early this morning to go to Ohio to meet with DeLana Maloney. Forgive me for not telling you ahead of time, but I knew you would try to talk me out of it. I have some questions I need answered about Peter’s past before I can move on with my life. Nina is going to take me to the train station this morning, and I’ll arrive in Ohio tomorrow. Kathryn will be here to
help with the zwillingbopplin until I return. I’ll get the first train back and be home late Friday night. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine.
I love you,
Sarah Rose
Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears. “My
boppli
is traveling all alone.” She glared at Eli. “How can you sit there like everything is okay?”
“Because it is, Elizabeth.” He sipped the coffee and set down the mug. “She’s a grown woman, and she’ll be just fine. Just have faith.”
She threw her hands up in frustration. “Why would I expect you to understand? You’re a man!” Muttering under her breath, she headed for the peg by the door and slipped on her cloak.
“Elizabeth!” Eli bellowed after her.
She glowered at him.
“Sarah Rose is a capable young woman, just like the rest of our girls. She’s confident, like you.” Moving toward her, he took her hands in his as a smile softened his countenance. “Elizabeth, I married you because you’re beautiful, intelligent, confident, and a smart business woman. I see you reflected in our girls’ eyes. That’s why I trust that our Sarah Rose will come back to us in one piece, and she’ll have settled some things that are preventing her from moving forward. Trust her.”
Elizabeth sniffed. “I worry about her every night. I pray for her for hours, begging the Lord to guide her and take care of her and her
zwillingbopplin.”
“The Lord will provide. The Lord will bless her and her
zwillingbopplin.
Trust Him.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips against hers.
“Ich liebe dich, mei fraa.”
A sad smile curled her lips. “I love you, too, Eli.” Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and sent up a silent prayer to the Lord to protect their youngest daughter.
L
uke straddled a chair in the break room, popped open a can of Coke, and opened the latest copy of
The Budget.
While scanning the articles, he tried in vain to concentrate on the words, yet his mind wandered to Sarah—again.
Ever since he’d arrived back in Ohio, it seemed he couldn’t make it through five minutes on any given day without falling into memories of her—her face, her smell, her gorgeous blue eyes, the sweet lilt of her laughter, the way the sun highlighted the wisps of hair cascading from under her prayer
kapp,
and the way she—
“So, how long are you going to mope, Troyer?” Mel’s voice wrenched him back to the present.
Luke frowned as Mel sat down across from him and fished a snack-sized bag of pretzels from his pocket.
“Who’s moping?” Luke asked.
Mel snorted with sarcasm. “Please. You’ve done nothing but work and mutter since you got back from Bird-in-Hand. Sally keeps accusing me of not inviting you for supper, but the truth is I can’t get you to come.”
“I don’t mutter.” Luke trained his eyes on the paper, still not comprehending the words in the articles, or even the headlines.
“Ya,
you mutter. A lot.” Mel munched the pretzels. “What happened in Bird-in-Hand? It’s been two months, and you still haven’t told me anything except that you found out about Peter.”
Luke sighed and folded the paper. “I met his family. They were
wunderbaar.
They were warm. They made me feel as if I were a part of their family too.”
Mel raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“It wasn’t.” Luke ran his thumb over the cool can. “I met Peter’s
fraa.”
“Oh?”
“She’s…incredible.” Luke lifted the can and took a swig.
“Oh?” Mel’s eyebrows rose.
“I can’t believe Peter snatched her up.” Luke studied the can to avoid Mel’s probing stare. “She had
zwillingbopplin
on Christmas Day. A boy and a girl, and they’re beautiful. Perfect.”
His gaze collided with Mel’s, and he found his friend grinning like the cat that ate the canary.
“You’re in love with her.” Mel pointed at him, wagging an accusing finger. “I haven’t seen you light up about a
maedel
since you were with what’s-her-name.”
“My former girlfriend’s name was Millie.” Luke glowered. “Peter’s
fraa
is Sarah Rose, but don’t plan my wedding. Her year of mourning is up next month, and she’s marrying someone else, a man I don’t think she even loves.”
“Why aren’t you stopping her?”
“Because I’m here in Ohio, and she’s in Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania.”
Mel drew an imaginary map on the table with his fingers and pointed out the spots. “We’re here. She’s there.” He connected the two areas by running his finger in a straight line between them. “You get on a train and go back to Bird-in-Hand.” He shrugged. “Simple answer. Now tell me—What are ya doing here?”
Shaking his head, Luke sighed. “Are you listening to me? She’s marrying someone else. That’s why I’m here. I’ll visit my niece and nephew, but it would be too painful to live there and watch her with another man. I can’t do it.”
“So, you’re just going to give up,
ya?”
Mel clicked his tongue. “That’s a shame.”
Luke glared at him. “I didn’t give up. She didn’t give me a chance.”
“I guess she wasn’t worth fighting for.” Mel crunched another pretzel.
Luke opened the paper again. “The night before I left, we argued. I said some pretty awful things to her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she hated me now.”
“So go tell her you didn’t mean it.”
Luke looked up. “It’s not that simple.”
Mel grimaced. “Why isn’t it? Life is short. You lost your parents and your brother, so you know how short life is. Go to her before you wind up an aging single guy without a
fraa
or a family. Before you know it, you’ll be a bitter old man.”
“Like my pop, right?” Luke scowled at him.
His best friend shrugged. “I didn’t say it. You did.”
“I didn’t expect you to understand.” Luke pushed back his chair and stood. “You have Sally. You don’t remember what it’s like to court. You never knew what it was like to live alone. I’m almost thirty, so it’s not like I can go to a singing and find a group of girls to pick from. It’s not easy when you’re older.”
“You have to decide how important she is to you. If you can just walk away from her like you never met her, then it’s not meant to be.” Mel lifted another pretzel to his lips. “End of story.”
“Right. End of story.” Luke tossed the empty can into the trash. “I better get back to work.” He headed for the door.
Sauntering to his workbench, he wondered what Sarah was doing and if she’d thought of him since he left. Did she miss him as much as he missed her?
Sarah fingered the ties of her prayer
kapp
and glanced around the diner. The large dining area was full, evidence of the lunchtime rush. Outside the wide front windows, large, sloppy raindrops danced through the air on their way down from heaven.
The aroma of hamburgers and fries filled Sarah’s nose, and the grumblings of conversations swirled around her. Dishes and utensils clanged, and waitresses weaved through the sea of tables taking and delivering orders.
Glancing through the menu again, Sarah’s stomach tightened. She wondered if she’d made a mistake traveling this far just to ask DeLana a few questions. Perhaps it would’ve been more intelligent and economical to have interviewed her over the phone.
Sarah didn’t know DeLana, and she may have been naïve to trust a stranger. She also wished she’d remembered to ask DeLana what she looked like. Or maybe she should’ve asked Luke for a description of the woman she was going to meet.
Luke.
She bit her lip. Ever since the taxi had pulled into town, she’d wondered where he was. Where was his shop located? Had he thought of Sarah since he’d left Bird-in-Hand?
Scanning the dining area, Sarah’s eyes found an Amish family seated in a corner. The young couple looked to be in their late twenties. A toddler sat at the table eating a dinner roll while the parents chatted and enjoyed their lunch. The woman’s belly was round.
Sarah sighed. If Peter were still alive, they might’ve resembled that family now. Perhaps they would’ve been blessed with a large family in the making too.
Sarah tried to imagine sitting at a restaurant table with another Amish man, maybe a friend from her community such as Norman, but the image didn’t come into focus. Instead, she saw herself sitting with Luke while her
zwillingbopplin
smiled from their highchairs…
Why did her musings always lead her back to Luke? Was God trying to tell her something?
She frowned at her silly thought.
How ridiculous…Luke hates me.
“Sarah?” A voice beside her asked. “Sarah Troyer?”
Turning, Sarah found a tall, thin woman with a long dark ponytail and brown eyes smiling down at her. “DeLana?” She stood from the seat.
DeLana gave her hand a firm shake. “It’s so nice to meet you.” She shrugged out of her heavy gray parka, dotted with fresh raindrops, and hung it on the back of the chair across from Sarah.
“I’m sorry I’m a few minutes late. This rain has everyone driving like crazy. There were a few fender benders near my house. You’d think we never get rain here.” She set a small tote bag on the floor next to her chair and then sat down. “So, how was your trip?”
“Gut.”
Sarah nodded, trying to imagine Peter with DeLana. The woman sitting across from her was very attractive. She wore a tinge of makeup to accentuate her bright eyes and rosy lips.
Sarah couldn’t help but wonder if Peter had yearned to be English. How much was there that she’d never learned about her husband? Regret nipped at her soul.
A waitress appeared and took their drink order.
When the girl disappeared, DeLana gave Sarah a sad smile. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know Peter loved you very much. He spoke very highly of you in his letters.”
Sarah swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “Thank you.”
“May I ask what happened? Where was the fire?”
Praying for strength, Sarah explained the events that had taken place the day of the fire.
When she finished, DeLana shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I was surprised when the letters and checks stopped. He’d been so faithful sending them over the past several years. I could count on receiving a short letter with a check on or about the fifteenth, no matter what.”
“How long had he been sending them?” Sarah fiddled with a napkin on the table.
DeLana’s eyes took on a faraway look as she tried to remember. “I got the first letter and check when he got his first steady job in Lancaster County. Cody was about two, so I guess that was seven years ago. I was really surprised. He sent this short note saying he wanted to help provide for his son. I was pleasantly surprised.”
Sarah nodded, letting the words soak in.
“I’m sorry he never told you.” DeLana hesitated, then reached over and took Sarah’s hand. “He never wanted to hurt you. That’s why he kept it a secret. I think he was afraid you’d leave him if you knew he’d fathered a child outside of wedlock.”
“That never would’ve happened,” Sarah whispered, her voice ragged. “We don’t believe in divorce.”
Pulling her hand back, DeLana nodded. “True, but I think he was afraid for your happiness. He didn’t want to lose you emotionally. It really bothered him that you didn’t know—especially since you were expecting a child. In his last letter, he told me he was contemplating telling you the truth. He just didn’t know how.” She touched Sarah’s hand again. “I want you to know he felt terrible not telling you the truth. Peter loved you more than life itself.”
Sarah blinked back tears, hoping she wouldn’t dissolve into sobs in front of DeLana and the whole restaurant.
She was relieved when the waitress arrived with their drinks and took their lunch order. Since she hadn’t taken the time to read the menu, Sarah chose what DeLana ordered, hoping the soup-and-sandwich special would warm her freezing heart.
Sarah took a long drink of iced tea and then cleared her throat. “Would you tell me about how you met Peter?”
DeLana explained the story, similar to how Luke had told it. DeLana had worked for her father at a large wood wholesaler, and she’d met Peter when he accompanied his English driver on a supply run one hot summer day.
According to DeLana, it was love at first sight. Peter had invented excuses to handle the supply runs once a week during the next month, and he eventually worked up the courage to ask DeLana to meet him after work one day. That first meeting led to frequent secret dates and then a secret courtship that ended when their parents discovered the relationship.
“According to Luke, your parents didn’t want you to see someone who was Amish, and Peter’s
dat
didn’t want him to see an English girl.” Sarah ran her fingers down the cool glass of tea.
“That’s right.” DeLana smiled. “I’m glad you got to meet Luke. I knew Peter had cut off his family when he moved to Pennsylvania. It’s good you connected.”
Sarah nodded. “I had no idea Peter had any family until Luke showed up in October.”
“Interesting.” DeLana tapped her glass, deep in thought.
The waitress dropped off their food, and Sarah took a bite of the ham sandwich despite her dissolving appetite.
“I heard their father died last year, and I felt bad,” DeLana said. “Despite all that happened, I think he was an okay guy. He was just really controlling and overbearing.” She grinned, lifting her sandwich. “He was just like my dad.”
“When did you find out you were expecting your son?” Sarah asked.
“After we broke up. I managed to meet him in secret one night,” she began, “and I told him the news. He begged me to run off and marry him, but I knew it would lead to disaster. We had no money and nowhere to go. My parents had convinced me to go to college and give the baby up for adoption.”
Between bites of her sandwich, DeLana explained how furious her parents were when they found out she was going to have Peter’s baby. They forbade her from leaving the house except to go to school. Peter’s father did the same and also took away money Peter had saved up to pay for his first home.
“And that was the night he had the fight with his father and ran off?” Sarah asked.
“No.” DeLana shook her head while wiping her mouth with a napkin. “That was later on. I decided to keep the baby, against my parents’ wishes, and I met Alex soon after.”
“Alex?” Sarah asked.
“My husband. We met while I was pregnant. I had gone out shopping with a friend one day, and he was at the mall. I was able to hide my stomach with a large shirt. When I told him I was pregnant, I figured he wouldn’t have anything to do with me, but he saw past that.” DeLana smirked. “I upset my parents when I told them I was going to scratch their college idea, keep Cody, and get married. But they got over it. Alex is a good guy and a great father. He wanted to marry me and raise Cody as his own. Since I had lost Peter, I felt lucky to meet someone who loved me despite my past.”
Sarah nodded, wondering how all of this had affected Peter. “So you ran into Peter after Cody was born.”
“That’s right. I was at the market one day with Cody, and Peter was there with Luke. He saw me and Cody, saw my wedding ring, and went nuts. That night he had it out with his dad and then left town.” DeLana frowned. “I hate that I hurt him, but we just weren’t meant to be. He tracked me down through the phone book in the library and sent a letter with a check about a year later. We’ve appreciated the money. Alex owns his own garage, and some months are rough. It seems like folks want their cars fixed in spurts. The child-support checks helped pay for extras, like Cody’s soccer fees and summer camp—things like that.”
“Had you kept in touch with Luke?” Sarah asked, her breath held in anticipation of the answer.
DeLana shook her head while chewing. “Not since the night Peter ran off. My dad had run into him a few times, but I never saw him.”