A Saint for Life (3 page)

{4}

Christian

Through the snowflakes falling from the gray sky, I found myself drifting off into a peaceful state of mind. Music played loudly in my ear, and I tried to shift my focus to the game tonight. The black pavement was now covered in a sheet of white. The snow had been accumulating for the last hour.

As I laid my head on the window, we slowly approached the arena. I was watching the cars pass by when my eyes drifted toward two girls walking up the steps. I tried not to stare, but the girl in the back caught my attention. All of her hair was resting over her right shoulder, and she walked in a way which seemed familiar. A sudden moment of anxiousness ran through my body until she was no longer in my sights.

Was it red cup girl? I didn’t know what else to call her. She comes to the games? She sure made a lasting imprint on me.

*

It was refreshing to see all of the support we had as a team as I stepped out into the arena. I looked around and bumps rose on my bare arms when I noticed that most of the fans were wearing shirts with my number on them. Each game the number of fans appeared to increase, which continued to give me more encouragement to play my absolute best.

Running to the side of the court, I sat down and stretched with the team. Looking to my left, I continued to watch the seats in the arena fill up, and then I noticed her. The girl I saw in front of the arena—it was her.

I couldn’t stop staring. What was she doing here? She worked for the athletic department? How haven’t I noticed her before?

I continued to watch her make her way around the court until she found a seat right next to my coach. She said hello with a gentle smile to people who passed by. Her innocent face and radiant beauty hypnotized me. How was I supposed to play my best with her sitting right there?

I tried to turn my mind off. I tried my best to avoid looking at her, but my eyes continued to drift in that direction. We began to line up for the U.S. National Anthem, and that’s when it happened. Our eyes locked, and everyone else in the arena disappeared. It was just the two of us in an empty arena. I was too mesmerized to look away. After she bent her head down for a few moments, I watched her slowly look back up. I smiled as our eyes met again hoping to get one in return.

Nothing.

Running back out onto the court after halftime, I looked up at the scoreboard and over to my coach. I played horribly during the first half. He actually asked me in the locker room if I knew how to play basketball. I was too distracted from glancing over at her, the way she looked intensely at what she was doing behind the computer and how she brushed her hair off to the right side of her face. I couldn't stop admiring everything about her. She, however, appeared to be trying her best to avoid looking at me.

The clock ran down again. I had one last chance to make this right. I couldn't miss any more rebounds or have the ball stolen from me. I needed to wake up. I needed to stop watching her and start playing a game she couldn't help but watch. So I did. I started making shot after shot and had no fouls. I was on fire. The Monmouth players couldn't keep up. Heck, my team couldn't even keep up with me.

At the buzzer, the adrenaline continued to rush through my body. I ran to my other teammates and pumped my fists in the air toward the crowd. Another win. Just as I was about to head into the locker room, a reporter came over to interview me.

“Wow, what a change of pace for you from the first half to the second! Can you elaborate to us on what happened?”

Taking a deep breath and wiping the sweat from my forehead, I looked over toward the girl and back at the reporter. Hands on my hips, I quickly had to think of a response.

“Well, we all have these days. My head just wasn’t in the game during the first half. New semester, new classes, you know how that goes. But I owe a lot of my success to—” I tried to grab someone to help me escape from the interview, but the reporter continued, and no one was left. There was no way to get out of this now.

“Congratulations, by the way, on scoring your career high of fifty-three points! How do you do it? How do you make such a big mental switch?”

“You know, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told my kids at camp this summer. You have to want to win, and that has to be the only thing you want. If you for a second place your mind on something other than the game or playing your best, you’ll lose it. Your time on the court is to be the best, play the best, work as a team, and bring that team to a win. You have the rest of the day to think about other things.”

“Thanks for talking with us, Christian, and congratulations again!” The reporter closed when he noticed that my coach was waving me down to bring me into the locker room. Why couldn’t he have waved me down sooner?

Once the last person entered the locker room, Coach Higgins started off with the same sentence after a win,

“Good job, guys. Another W is in the books. However…”

He continued to rip us apart for the mistakes we made, mostly my mistakes. He only mentioned once that I hit my career high. He was more focused on putting attention on how I needed to play more aggressively. Tomorrow morning we would hear all of this over again as we watched the game on film. I couldn’t wait to watch how badly I played the first half.

The entire time he was ranting, all I could think about was getting back out into the arena and finding her.

As more time passed, I grew even more impatient. My legs were bouncing, my hands were clenched, and my eyes were glued on the door. I couldn't listen to him anymore, but I couldn't leave either.

I started to plan how I would make my escape as soon as he finished lecturing us. When he let us go, I did the exact opposite. My eyes remained glued to the door and my hands were now dripping with sweat. I was frozen. What would I even say to her?

“Still in shock about breaking the record? I would be too!” I heard the voice but chose to ignore it. Right now, I wasn’t interested in carrying on a conversation with anyone except for one person.

Looking up at the clock, I noticed the time. Jumping up out of my seat and rushing toward the door, I didn’t realize how much time I had spent debating if I should go talk to her or not. Now I may not even have a chance.

I didn't see her anywhere. The only people that were left in the arena were the cleaning crew and a few other workers. Disappointment filled me. The nerves disappeared since I had no reason to be nervous anymore. It wasn't until I turned around to head back toward the locker room that I noticed them.

Two girls were walking up the stairs toward the exit. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I had already yelled to get their attention.

“Excuse me,” my voice carried throughout the empty arena. The girls stopped and turned around on instinct. Pointing to themselves, they wanted to confirm that I was indeed trying to get their attention. They seemed to be pretty shocked when I started running up the stairs toward them. I met the giggling girls halfway.

“Hi. Sorry if you were leaving, but I have a question. This may seem weird, so…well, I guess I’ll just ask.” Both of them continued to stare at me with surprised and confused looks on their faces. “Do either of you know what the girl's name was, the one who was sitting right next to the bench?” I pointed in the direction in which she was sitting earlier. “She was wearing a yellow sweater, long brown—”

Before I could finish, one of the girls interrupted me.

“Yes! I know her. Why do you ask?” She was inquisitive, and based on the tone of her voice, I could tell she not only knew her, but she was close to her.

“I have a question I need to ask her but never got a chance to tonight. Do you have her number by any chance? We have a class together, and it’s about homework,” I lied. I didn’t want to seem like a creep.

The other girl didn't hesitate. “Ah, a class together. I see. Her name is Zoe, and here’s her number,” she said enthusiastically while reaching for her phone. It was obvious she knew I was lying.

“Thanks!” After entering her number in my phone, I almost tripped trying to back away down the stairs.

About to click onto a new message, I froze again. Just do it, I told myself. Just do it. I was so nervous, but why?

The pit in my stomach only grew deeper as soon as I pressed “send.”

Who was this girl, and why was she doing this to me? Why did she make me feel this way?

{5}

Zoe

At the sound of the buzzer, I quickly picked up my things so I could make my escape. Although the game wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated it would be, Christian caught me staring at him. My fast and abrupt exit allowed for me to leave the area without any confrontation from him.

Walking quickly up the stairs, I found my way to the concourse. As I weaved in and out of the crowd of fans leaving, all of their voices filled my head. I watched as the little girl next to me tugged at her father's hand and asked him if she was going to be able to get Christian Michaels’ autograph. The teenage boys who passed me talked about how they wish they had skill like him. I was running, but I couldn't escape.

Finally exiting through the doors to the parking garage, an immediate pain shot through my chest after trying to take a deep breath. The temperature had dropped significantly, making it even harder for me to breathe.

In the car, I blasted the heat and turned the volume up. Keith Urban came on, and a smile of relief appeared on my face. Singing loudly, I jammed out to the sweet sound of victory. I was able to get myself out of what could have been another embarrassing scenario. The next song had just started when my phone interrupted and began to ring. It was Emily.

“Hey. Is everything okay?” I was still humming the chorus of the last song.

“Yeah, everything's great! Home yet?”

“No, not yet. I just left. My car took a while to defrost and the roads are awful!” I carefully pressed on the brakes, afraid that my car would catch the slick roads and slide.

“Should have just started your car and waited in the arena with us!”

“I didn't think it was going to take this long. I didn’t know we were supposed to get this much snow, either.”

“Well, still, you should have. Want to know why?”

“Why?” I knew she was up to something.

“Christian came up to me and asked for your number.”

“You’re real funny. I am so glad he didn’t talk to me. I was so nervous at the table. Glad I avoided that one! Although—”

“I’m serious,” Emily interrupted my sentence.

“What do you mean?” That smile on my face disappeared, and my nerves caught back up to me. Emily was an awful liar, and I could hear it in her voice that she was telling the truth.

“Like I said, he came up to me right after you left, and—”

“You’re joking. No, he didn’t.” I panicked.

“Yes, he did, and he asked for your number! Will you just listen? Jeez!”

“Please don’t tell me you gave it to him! Emily, ugh, I told you I wasn’t interested. You’re joking.” I was frozen at the steering wheel.

“Zoe, do you realize how lucky you are? If I could have pretended to be you, I would have. It's Christian Michaels!”

“Relax. He probably won’t even text me.” The snow continued to hit my windshield even heavier than before.

“Seriously? He’s going to text you. He isn’t just going to ask a random girl for your number then not text you.”

“I just don’t understand. Why is he even interested? What does he want from me?”

“Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t be complaining! This is what you wanted, right?”

“Yeah, well…I mean…I don't know. I'm almost home, though,” I lied to end the conversation. Cars behind me beeped loudly when the light turned green and my foot remained on the brake. Right now getting home safe was more of a priority than Christian texting me. “I'll let you know if he texts me, okay?”

“He will.” Emily spoke confidently. “Tell Gabe I said hi and that I’ll come see him soon. Get some rest tonight.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you. The snow is pretty bad, so drive safe!”

Hanging up the phone, I threw it into my purse on the passenger's seat. Barely able to see through the windows, my slight panic had now turned into a full blown panic attack. Concentrating on the roads became tough when I couldn’t stop thinking about if he was going to text me. What would I even say?

*

I could hardly pull into my driveway with the snow that had accumulated on the ground. Opening the front door to the house, I hit my boots against the steps to knock all of the snow off. My body stung as I entered into my warm house. I was frozen. Quietly walking up the stairs, I stood outside of Gabe's room and listened as he spoke out loud.

At first it sounded like he was in the middle of a conversation with Janice, our neighbor who helps us out, but I soon realized he was praying. Listening closely, I leaned against the wall and slowly sank to the floor. I've never met a more positive and joyous young boy than him. His attitude was probably one of the only things that kept him strong for being so weak. Tears were building up in the corner of my eye.

“…for another day, and for my sister, especially my sister. But I don't think she's happy. I try to make her laugh, but I think she fakes it sometimes. Can you please tell her that I'm okay? Thanks, God. I appreciate it.” I sneezed and he stopped speaking.

“Zoe? Is that you? Are you home?”

Quietly jumping to my feet and wiping the tears away, I crept around the corner. “Hey! Just got home! How was your night?”

“I saw you on TV! I didn't know you sat on the court,” he yelled excitedly and greeted me with a hug.

“They asked me to do something different today. Great game, huh?”

“Yeah, Michaels played amazing! When I'm feeling better can I meet him? He's so good. I have to go see him this year. It's his last year. Can I go to a game? Please? Please? Pretty please?”

“Calm down there, buddy!” I laughed, and at the same time I felt sick. I had to lie. He was right. The season was almost over, and I didn’t see that there was any way he would be well enough to go. “I promise that if you get better, I will take you to go see him play.” I had to give him some hope.

Gabe was wearing his number 7 shirt, Christian Michaels’ number, and he covered himself with his new Siena basketball blanket. He idolized him and the team, which was primarily the reason why I didn't want to get to know him. I didn't want him to break not only my heart, but Gabe's. His heart was much more fragile than mine.

I closed the door behind me and noticed that there was a light on in what used to be my parents’ bedroom. Gabe must have gone in there. The door creaked open when I slightly touched it with the ball of my foot. Grabbing onto the doorknob, I tried to quietly close it. Sitting down on the bed, I looked around at everything that remained untouched. Life has become too busy and stressful to begin thinking about packing up the things my mother left behind. My eyes glanced over toward the last picture we had with her from Gabe’s fifth birthday party. I shook my head in anger and shut off the light.

I headed down the stairs so I could finally send Janice home. She had been cleaning the dishes and walking through the house. I noticed she must have done a full house cleaning for me today. She did so much for us even though she didn’t have to. She took us in as if we were her own children. It started to anger me. How could someone be so selfless and sacrifice everything for someone else's’ children when our own mother couldn’t even do that?

“I can finish those later.” I placed a plate from Gabe’s room next to the sink.

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it. Do you want me to make you something to eat? I’m sure you have to be starving. You’ve had a long day!” Janice turned the water off and dried off her hands.

“No, really, you don’t have to! I’ll grab something.”

“I made homemade meatballs and pasta. Let me heat up some for you.” She headed straight toward the fridge.

“My favorite? Thank you!” I sat down at the kitchen table.

“I figured I would surprise you after the week you’ve had.”

Her words opened up the emotions I’ve been trying to hide over the last twenty-four hours. My vision was clouded through the tears, and I started to weep.

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Janice pulled out the chair next to me and embraced me in her arms.

“I just don’t know how I can repay you for everything you do for us.”

“You don’t have to! I already told you that. I’m always here for you anytime you need me. You and your brother are like my children.” She handed me a tissue to wipe the tears away from my eyes.

“That’s just it. We aren’t even your children. We’re not even family, and you love us like we are. No offense, but how can you do that and our own mother couldn’t?” I thought about the picture in her room and how different our lives were back then.

“I know it’s hard to understand, Zoe. We may never understand what was going through your mother’s head when she left you two, but you know how much she loved the both of you.”

“If she loved us she wouldn’t have left us.”

“She left the day after Gabe was diagnosed with cancer. After going through your father’s death, I’m not sure she was ready to deal with seeing her child suffer. Now, I’m not making any excuses for her, but—”

“I know, I know. She didn’t even grieve Dad’s death well. I think it would have been harder for me if I had to take care of her and Gabe. I just wish…and I hate saying this, but I wish she wasn’t so selfish and got herself help before just taking the easy route and leaving us behind to fend for ourselves.”

“You’re not alone. You both have me, and you know that I’ll never leave either of you in the dark.” Janice smiled and rubbed my back.

“Do you remember how long it took for Gabe to accept your help?” I chuckled a little bit.

“He did not like me. He thought I was some mean old lady coming to punish him.”

“He had quite the personality for a five year old, didn’t he?”

“He locked his room and wouldn’t let me in the second day you left me with him.”

We both laughed. Thinking back, it was a hard adjustment for such a little kid, but now I can’t imagine our lives without Janice.

After eating her delicious meatballs, I sent Janice on her way home. She only lived down the road, but I felt bad for making her stay out late often.

I had completely forgotten about my phone call with Emily earlier until I grabbed my phone off of the charger and noticed the unknown number on my screen.

I turned off all of the lights in the house and locked the doors, before heading up to my room. I set my phone down on the nightstand next to me. After a half hour of tossing and turning, I couldn't put my mind to rest unless I read the message. I slid my finger to the right and read the words that popped up on my screen.