A Saint for Life (14 page)

{30}

Zoe

By the time I got to the hospital, Gabe was asleep. One of the nurses let me put the ice cream in the freezer until after he woke up. He looked much worse than when I had left this morning. It broke my heart.

“Hey, can I borrow you for a minute?” Dr. Sheehan poked her head in the room.

I followed her into her office, and my nerves were getting the best of me. Having to go through the worst part of Gabe's sickness alone has been extremely difficult.

“Is he okay?” The worst possible scenarios were filling up my head

“It's still early to tell, but I think that this is going to work.” Dr. Sheehan said reassuring me. I let out a sigh of relief.

“You're positive? How do you know?” I didn’t want false hope.

“I really think so. But you're going to need to meet with the accounts department soon. I can only prolong this so long. Have you thought anymore about what you are going to do?”

“I know that there’s not much more you can do. I'm almost done with school, though, and I'm going to take on another job and possibly take out a loan as well.”

“I’ve been reaching out to different foundations too.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.” I was feeling helpless.

“You have so much going on; you shouldn’t have to worry about it. I’m hoping I’ll hear back soon, but your brother is a real fighter.”

“He really is.” I silently thanked God. I feared what would happen if he was to give up.

I left her office and headed down the hallway toward Gabe's room. I heard laughter and a few voices.

“Well, hello there! What is your name?” A boy who appeared to be a few years younger than Gabe sat next to his bed in a wheelchair. He wore a hat and was hooked up to an IV.

“My name is Johnny!”

“Hi, Johnny! My name is Zoe. I’m Gabe’s sister. It’s nice to meet you!” I shook his cold hand.

“What are you guys up to? I heard you laughing from down the hall!”

“We can’t tell you that.” Gabe looked happy to be with someone his age.

“I brought one of our new patients, Johnny, to come and meet Gabe. I thought they would enjoy spending time together!” Gabe’s nurse Danielle came back into the room.

“Thank you,” I turned my back away from Gabe and mouthed to her silently.

“Zoe, can I shave my head like he did?” Gabe asked, and Johnny removed his hat.

I looked over to Danielle.

“It might be time. His hair is falling out at a more rapid pace. He’ll be more comfortable.”

“If you really want to do that now, I guess we can.”

“Look!” Gabe pulled a chunk of hair out, and he and Johnny laughed.

“I guess so. We need to get a razor.”

“We have one here. I’ll go grab it.” Danielle quickly exited the room.

“I was just telling Johnny about the game tomorrow and how you get to go. He’s going to ask his mom if he can come watch it in here with me.”

“Oh, that’s great. I’m sorry I have to work,” I replied before getting lost in my thoughts. Tomorrow was senior night, the night they were recognizing Christian. I had no choice but to work, especially since I’ve called out from every game since my fight with Christian.

I felt bad about having to work. Tomorrow was Gabe’s birthday. I told Gabe I would throw him a party this weekend since I can’t tomorrow night. He was more than okay with it since he wanted to watch the game.

“I have everything you need right here.” Danielle walked into the room with a head shaving kit. Handing it to me, I looked at Gabe, who looked nervous..

“I don’t know if I could do it. Can you? Gabe, do you mind if Danielle does it? She would probably do a better job.” The truth was that I was just scared.

She nodded and took the kit back from me.

“Here, let's go in the bathroom and do it.” Helping him into a wheelchair, she wheeled him into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

The buzzing sound made me cringe. I was nervous. I never thought it was going to get this bad. I just wanted Gabe to have a normal childhood.

“Is Gabe sick just like I am?” Johnny tugged at my shirt.

“Yes, he is. How old are you, Johnny?”

“I’m five.” He held up one hand.

Five. Five years old, and Gabe was eight. My heart ached for the two of them.

“Wow!”

“Yup! My mom tells me I’m a big kid now, and since I’m a big kid I’m strong!” He punched his fists down and flexed like the Hulk.

I laughed in response. He was very animated, just like Gabe.

“Are your parents here with you?”

“Yeah, but they went home to grab some clothes. I’m in that room.” He pointed to the wall behind us.

“Oh, cool! I’m glad Gabe has a friend like you to play with!”

“Me too.”

The buzzing stopped and the bathroom door opened. Danielle wheeled Gabe out into the room.

“Well, what do you think?” He smiled and rubbed his hand on his newly shaved head.

“I think you look so handsome! I’m proud of you, buddy!” I stood there and watched my little brother look at himself in the mirror. I could see the pain and sadness all over his face.

*

Walking into the quiet house, I walked straight upstairs. Gabe asked me to get a few hats for him to wear so his head wouldn’t get cold.

“Ugh, where is it?” I said aloud while digging through his bin of hats. He specifically requested his green Siena winter hat.

I walked into the bathroom and stared at my shower. Grabbing a clean towel, I stripped myself of my clothes and turned on the hot water. After staying in the hospital for so long, it felt nice to take a shower in the comfort of my own home.

Before heading back to the hospital, I chose to selfishly take some time to myself. Walking down to the kitchen, I decided to make myself a cup of chamomile tea and just take a few moments to relax. Sitting on the counter waiting for the water in my teapot to heat up, I caught a glimpse of something that I’ve never noticed before. My eyes were glued to the fridge. There was something hanging by a magnet screaming for me to grab it.

I jumped down and stood there staring at it before ripping it off. I put my finger under the right corner to tear it open, but my tea kettle whistled.

I didn't realize that my hands were shaking until I poured myself a cup of tea. My unsteady hand knocked into my cup, spilling some of the hot water all over the counter. Cleaning it up and pouring myself another cup, I brought the mysterious envelope into the other room with me. I sat on the couch and held it up to the light to see if I could make out anything that was on the inside. It was a letter.

My hands hadn't stopped shaking, so I tried to rip it open without ripping what the envelope contained. I sat back and took a deep breath.

Unfolding the piece of paper, tears filled my eyes once I had recognized whom it was from. I flipped it over and closed my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to read it.

How long has this been on my fridge?
I wondered to myself.

I took another deep breath, and my eyes moved from left to right across the paper.

Dear Zoe,

I sit here tonight not even knowing where to start, but I’m going to start by thanking you. You have been the greatest gift God’s given me. I didn’t know I could love someone as much as I love you.

From the very moment we bumped into each other and I knocked that red cup out of your hands, I couldn’t forget you. You were so beautiful, and I had to find you again. You had become a permanent presence on my mind, and I didn’t even know your name. I knew that moment that you were the one. Wow. I can’t believe I am even saying that. But it’s true.

I’m so proud of the amazing woman you are. I love the way you call me Christian instead of Chris. I love the way your eyes light up every time Gabe laughs. The amount of strength and courage you have is honestly more than I could have. You are an inspiration and are doing such a great thing for Gabe. I am very happy to be a part of your life, and when he gets rid of this horrible sickness, which he will, I have so much planned for the both of us.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the future, and…well… I don’t know what it holds for us, but I know it has to be something great. I believe that God placed us in each other’s lives for a reason, and now I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I love you so much.

Just know I will always be there for you.

Always.

I love you Zo.

Christian

Folding up the letter, I placed it on the table in front of me. Re-reading it one last time, I picked up my phone. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to call him right now.

He was the love of my life too. Maybe he was right. Maybe he really couldn’t tell me why he was with Lacey. It still didn’t make sense to me, but I had to have a little faith, I guess. I needed to trust him. Now I have to talk to him at the game tomorrow. I hope it’s not too late to fix things.

“Oh my God,” I said out loud.
“
What did I do?”

{31}

Zoe

I slipped the green pullover on over my head. Zipping up my khaki pants, I bent down to put my leggings away in my backpack and pulled on my brown boots. Opening the door to the bathroom, I wandered out into the dark hallway. People were just starting to come into the arena to get it set up for the game.

“I read the letter. I love you too.” I recited aloud what I wanted to say to Christian when I saw him.

“The letter you wrote was beautiful.”

I don’t know what to say.
I sighed.

Approaching the main entrance, I spotted my boss carrying a big box. I quickly picked up my pace and opened the door for her.

“Thanks, Zoe!”

“No problem. That was perfect timing. New giveaways today?”

“Yeah, new shirts we’re giving out.”

“Oh, really? Can I see them?” I loved getting the free shirts so I could give them to Gabe.

“They’re all wrapped up. I have to count them still. I’ll get you one later. Thank you for coming in early today!” She shuffled to keep the box closed as she spoke. “So today I want you to…” I zoned out. I didn’t want to come in early today. I hated that I wasn’t spending the night with Gabe.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? Social media again?” I questioned confidently.

“Zoe, I had to pull you from that since you weren’t here the last few games. You’re going to be receptionist today.”

I looked past the curtain that was behind my boss, and my eyes drifted to the empty court.

“Do I have to? Can I do something else? I want to be able to watch the game.”

“I’m sorry. I already have the assignments written out, and you need to be up there in a few minutes. Nobody else is here to start answering the phones.”

“Since when do we have someone answering—”

“Since today,” she quickly interrupted me. “You’ll have to think about that next time you call out of a game…or a few.”

I couldn’t even back myself up. I had no excuse. I called out because I didn’t want to see Christian. Now, today, I wanted to see him more than ever, and I wouldn’t get a chance to. This was just my luck. This would happen.

I took the long way around the arena to get to the office. I tried to prolong it as long as I could. I checked the time on my phone. If I walked slow enough, I’d see the team walk into their locker room. So I slowed down my pace…a lot.

I looked behind me and again ahead of me. No sign of my boss. I slowly turned around and headed back in the opposite direction. Then I turned back around again.

Coming around the corner, the door up ahead swung open. I stood to the side behind a vending machine so no one would see me. I peeked my head out and watched as the team walked in wearing their warm ups with their bags in hand. After each person I waited and waited, but there was no sign of Christian.

I waited a few minutes after the last person walked in, hoping that Christian was just late off of the bus. But he never came.

I couldn’t have missed him.
I started to second-guess myself.

Step by step up the stairs, I made my way to the office. Turning on the light, I looked around. All the desks were empty. People were walking by on their way into the arena. I looked at the empty chair at the reception desk.

Sitting down, I spun around. Leaning back, I looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

Tonight was going to suck.