A Shimmer of Angels (31 page)

“It’s been a long night,” Cam said, offering me his hand. “Come with me. I can hide you. You’ll be safe. We’ll rest, and in the morning we can work on figuring it out together.”

Kade pushed off the window, stepping between us, getting in Cam’s face until he had to take a step back. “Not happening. She’s coming with me.
I’ll
hide her. You shouldn’t interfere more than you already have. Besides, you think your side would tell you anything, even if they knew?”

“My side? So it was my side that just tried to toss her to Hell? What would you have to do for the same information, Kasade?”

“There has to be another way,” I said.

They both turned to me with a firm, “no.”

It was obvious they couldn’t work together for more than five minutes. These two were nuts if they thought I’d just go off with one of them and hide, or disappear, or whatever. Why did I have to choose between them? And who could make me?

“No,” I said.

They both looked confused.

“No?” Cam asked.

“I don’t want to go with either of you. The suicides are over, for now. Az is gone, for now. But my family could still be in jeopardy. I just got my life back, and I’m not going to give it up now.” My eyes started to water, saving me from seeing their reactions. “I want to live my life, be with my dad and Laylah and Lee, keep them safe.” Even if I had no idea how I could do that after busting out of the SS Crazy. I swallowed and watched them through blurred vision. I thought I could spy a sense of understanding behind those two sets of eyes. “So, I won’t hide. I choose to live.”

I closed my eyes “So what happens now?”

“I don’t know. With those wings, you may never be safe,” Cam said. I opened my eyes in time to watch him exchange unhappy glances with Kade.

I shook my head. “What guarantee do you have that Az is really gone? That my classmates are safe? My family?”

“Why don’t you go talk to your superiors and find out? I’ll watch her while you’re gone.” A taunting half-smile slid up Kade’s lips.

“The last thing you need to be doing is mouthing off right now,” I scolded, then turned away.

I took another look at myself, those gray wings still there, taunting me. I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking them out. God only knew what kind of repercussions they carried.

Everything I’d ever wanted—a normal life, not being singled out as a crazy freak, and any chance of returning home to my family, keeping them out of harm’s way—disintegrated. My breakout from the SS Crazy and my shiny new wings pretty much guaranteed that. My dreams didn’t only burn, they turned to ash.

“I … I need time. To process. To think. Just make sure no one else gets hurt.” My knees threatened to collapse, but instead of giving in, I ran. Truthfully, it was more of a limp.

Neither of them followed me. I was glad. So glad.

The farther I ran, the more time I had to think. I cared for them. Both of them. I knew that now. But I couldn’t help hating them, too. I understood why they wouldn’t let me go, but neither of them seemed to understand how much my loved ones meant to me, or how much I would sacrifice for them.

Eventually my anger faded, clearing my head and allowing me to better weigh my options. I couldn’t go with either of them. They both wanted to hide me away from the world, away from any angels or Fallen. It was no different from being at the SS Crazy. I was done being locked up and told what to do.

Cam would probably Fall to protect me. That was an option I couldn’t live with.

And Kade? He was either hot or cold, starting trouble or being sweet. I didn’t even know who he really was. Except damn annoying. Plus, he’d dated Mom.

It didn’t take long for the rain to start again. I pushed on, having no clue where to go, walking until my throbbing knee wouldn’t take me any farther. I couldn’t go home; Dad would throw me to the crazy police as soon as he saw me. The moment I escaped the mental hospital had guaranteed that. Knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less.

I made my way to Lee’s house and spent the night soaking wet, tucked into the front porch’s alcove, hidden away from the world in my own little dark corner, where I could weep to my heart’s content.

Chapter Forty-Two

In the morning the sun came out, and I woke to find my own, smaller version of angel wings wrapped around my shoulders. The streets had been empty last night, thanks to the rain. No one had seen me. But what if today, in the light of day, my gray wings betrayed me? I wasn’t an angel. What if my wings weren’t a secret?

A white car stopped in front of the house and both doors opened. Familiar voices sprang from the car. I peeked around the niche and nearly blinded myself as the tips of my wings shimmered too-bright sunlight into my eyes.

Great. Not just inconvenient, but shiny, too.

I readjusted my position, scooting back to keep them out of the light. Every part of my body was sore and wet and cold. My throat ached, my knee was swollen, my cuts throbbed, and my eyes were puffy and tired. At the curb, Lee’s mom stepped from the car and walked around to help Lee out. His skin was so pale. His eyes had bags beneath them, and a Band-aid covered his hand. But he was alive.
Alive
.

A relieved squeak squeezed from my throat. Forgetting myself, I stepped from the porch’s shadows.

Lee and his mom reached the bottom of the stairs, looked up, and gasped.

They could see them.

I froze, wracking my brain, trying to think of a way to explain the wings. Wait. The Halloween dance. I decided to go with the costume thing.

“Ray!” Lee smiled. “Wow. That’s some costume.”

I glanced down, my entire top half stained dark with Cassie’s blood.

“Rayna, it is so good to see you,” Mrs. Kyon said in her soft way, her eyes quietly conveying their gratitude.

I pressed a hand against my stomach and sighed in relief. They couldn’t see them.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

One forearm was slashed, the other swollen and an ungodly shade of purple. The same shade as my knee. My thigh ached where Az had scratched me. I wondered how much of Cassie’s blood was still on my face. “I decided to take the costume a little further.” I hoped the excuse was believable.

Lee did the zombie shuffle, and for once, I knew he wasn’t joking. He leaned against the rail for support as he climbed the porch stairs. I helped Mrs. Kyon get Lee inside, up the stairs, and into bed.

Then I borrowed a washcloth from Lee’s bathroom and scrubbed Cassie’s blood off me. For good measure, I splashed rubbing alcohol on all the cuts. Each one stung more than the last.

“I’ll go make some tea,” Mrs. Kyon said, but she took her time, stroking Lee’s spiky hair back from his forehead.

“I heard you saved my life,” Lee said after his mom’s footsteps faded down the stairs.

I shook my head. “Right place, right time.” I took a breath, using what felt like newborn muscles to tuck my wings back behind me. “How are you feeling?”

He shrugged. “Eh, can’t complain.”

What would a normal person say in this situation? I didn’t know. I wasn’t one of them. Feathers tickled my back, reminding me I never would be. I dropped to the bed next to him, suddenly tired. “They released you pretty early. What were the conditions?”

“Yeah. I almost forgot to tell you. Cam put in a good word for me.”

“Cam?” The word fell from my mouth before I could control my tone.

“Uh-huh.” He didn’t try hiding that triumphant smile. “He volunteers at the hospital, so he talked to the doctors, got my sentence reduced.”

Cam didn’t work at a hospital, at least not that I knew of, but I could imagine he had a few angel tricks up his sleeve. I steeled myself, remembering the decision I made last night. He wanted to lock me away from the world, keep me away from my family. If I let myself be weak or stumble just once, I could easily forget my reasons for saying no and end up back in his arms. As much as I wanted that, I wanted a life more. And I wanted him to have a life without me screwing that up for him. “Did he say anything?”

“Just that he had to say goodbye. He’s moving again.”

I crumbled a little, clutching my stomach. He was leaving, had probably already gone. With Az back in Hell, I guess that left Luke safe. And my family. For now. But he’d reassured me he could keep them out of harm’s way. How could he do that if he was gone? In the back of my mind, I couldn’t help thinking I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him again. I’d probably just screw up a goodbye, anyway.

“You okay?” He draped a hand over my head, his fingers flopping into my face.

“No. Not with that, but what can I do, right?”

“Sorry, Ray. I never would’ve pushed him on you if I’d known he’d only be around a few weeks.”

I had to change the subject. The thought of Cam gone forever hurt too much. “What else did the doctors say?”

“I have to see a therapist.” Lee’s gaze darted to the open door, but the hallway was empty. “But don’t worry. I won’t tell him what I really saw.”

“What do you mean? What did you see?”

“That dark guy with wings you were talking to.”

My jaw nearly hit the floor.
No, no, no, no!

“I’ve seen the
Dr. Who
episodes with the angels, and I’ve been glued to ghost-hunting reruns.” That wonderful, light-up-the-world smile tilted his lips. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Besides, you look like you’ve had one hell of a night yourself.”

I pulled myself together and hugged him, crushing him to me in case I had to leave, never to return. It still felt weird, but didn’t suck too much. Thanks to these damn wings and Az’s determination to use my sight for evil, I had a feeling I’d never be safe.

Though it was a relief to know someone else had seen Azriel, I’d never know how to explain it to Lee. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about that. Yet.

I stayed with him, deflecting questions about where I’d been the last three weeks with bad jokes, until Mrs. Kyon insisted he get some rest, per the doctor’s orders. On my way out, I promised his mom I’d return soon. I didn’t know if I’d be keeping that promise.

I closed the door behind me and descended the front stairs, limping, careful not to do further damage to my knee.

A familiar purple Acura was double-parked next to Mrs. Kyon’s car. Kade’s strong nose, sharp cheekbones, and unshaven face hadn’t changed, but the dark rings of fatigue around his eyes were new. His injured wing was hanging a little straighter.

I thought about running, but I had nothing left, so I fiddled with my skirt, clenching and unclenching a layer of the red tulle in my palms, and said, “Hey.”

He looked at my new additions. I tucked the wings behind me as best I could. “What happened last night, none of it was planned.”

Sure, you had no idea you and Cam were stopping me from saving my family, even though I tried to tell you.

I took a deep breath, wriggling slightly in the corset, wishing I could take the damned thing off already. “Is that what you came all the way here to say?”

He pushed off the car and stalked toward me, invading all my senses. His skin radiated heat, and he smelled like soap. Like he was fresh from a shower. The smell had me wishing for the same: a long, hot shower. “I don’t know what’s going on with your wings, but I’m sure Cam’ll find out. If I could … change what happened, I wouldn’t. You don’t belong down there.” He reached behind me, his fingers tracing the tips of my wings. A phantom caress skimmed over me.

I jerked back from him, warning in my eyes. “Don’t touch those. Ever.”

He dropped his hand to his side and took a deep breath. “I know you can’t go home. And I wanted to offer you a place to stay. With me.”

His words knocked me back a step.

“I don’t want you out on the streets,” he said. “I’ve lived that life. It’s not fun.”

I pushed down the lump that rose in my throat at the reminder that home wasn’t an option, not anymore. I had no place to go. There were no other offers on the table. Lee and his mom didn’t know anything about my situation, and I’d like to keep it that way. Where else could I go? What else could I do?

Living with Kade. I couldn’t even grasp it. Maybe I could buy a bus ticket to L.A. and throw myself at the mercy of Aunt Nora. But the first thing she’d do would be to call Dad. Then I’d be back at square one, locked away in the SS Crazy.

“I won’t be hidden away like some …” Somehow, reminding Kade I was crazy didn’t sound like a great idea. “I—I deserve to make my own decisions.”

“You’re right. Last night, when your,” he nodded to my wings, “showed up, my reaction wasn’t exactly a shining moment of clarity. It would be safer if you weren’t seen, especially after both sides hear about what went down with Az—and they will—but you’re right. It is your life.”

So this was what a real apology from Kade the Fallen looked like. I scoffed, releasing my anger. “Boy that must have chapped your ass to say.”

He looked up at me with a half-smirk. “You know it.”

I considered his offer. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t home, but it was a place and a roof—neither of which I currently had.

I was too proud for a lot of things, but I knew when I was down. And baby, I was in the gutter.

If it didn’t work out, I was no lower than before. I sighed. “Fine.”

He opened the door for me without a word. The front seat of the stolen car was free of glass, and clear tape acted as a makeshift window. I curled my wings against my body as best I could and slid in.

“I thought we agreed you’d report the car stolen,” I said when he settled into the driver’s seat.

“I did one better. I called the guy. Told him I wanted to buy it. Sent out a check first thing this morning.”

“What is that?” I asked, eyes squinted, head tilted, as he started the engine. “Is that a … conscience?”

A smile loosened his mouth and he chuckled softly. “Don’t get too excited. One decent deed does not a conscience make.”
Doing the wrong thing is so much more fun
, I imagined him adding.

He steered the car onto the street with one hand, driving as smoothly as if he’d put all ninety-seven thousand miles on it. The two seemed to belong together.