A Step to Nowhere (12 page)
For a short time, I had forgotten where I was, looking through Velma’s paintings. I remembered my teacher’s exhibition. Half of the paintings of her double were exact copies. The same scenery by the river, the same portraits. It was unbelievable. I told the woman about it.
“We have more in common than one would think,” she said.
“I wonder if I was as close to my double.”
“You don’t know anything about her?” Velma accepted a heavy pile of paintings, put them back in the box, and pushed it under the bed.
“I know she’s dead.”
“Your face seems so familiar. I have an image in my mind, but it doesn’t form. She looked at me thoughtfully and suddenly her expression changed, as if I had grown horns and fangs in a moment. She wanted to say something, but the phone rang. Velma blinked and ran to the phone. She ran fast for her age I should say. I could hear her talking in the other room, but didn’t understand the words.
“Sammy!” Velma returned to the room with coffee, colored uniform, brown wig and sunglasses. “You need to change and leave right away. The informer just told me that the area is being combed and they can snatch you. I’ll let you use my car. It’s old, but still good.”
“Oh, no! I can’t!”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s my duty, that’s why we’ve created the movement.” She pushed silky clothing into my hands. “You’re so skinny, it’s going to be big on you, but the belt will take care of it.”
“Thank you so much for everything.”
“If only I could do more. I feel so bad for my planet. We could be friends.”
“You don’t have anything to do with the decisions of your government.”
“We all played some role. Go, change.”
I dropped my gray uniform in the tiny bathroom and stepped into the brown one. It hung on me in all places and the belt made me look like a snowman. Or snowwoman. Only my fashionable senses were sleeping. I didn’t care what I looked like. I hid my hair under the wig that was more red than brown, and I left the bathroom without looking in the mirror. Velma, an exact copy of my teacher, had been waiting for me in the corridor. She gave me some little, square thing, the size of a silver dollar.
“The car is in the common garage. To get there, you have to pass two yards, buildings seven and nine. Only it doesn’t matter now. The hunters are looking for you on the ground, you have to go to the roof and get to the garage that way. All the buildings are connected with fire landings. Here.” A key fell on my palm. “It fits all the doors that lead to the roof. Universal key. Also this.” I took a black, plastic card with buttons. The woman touched one of them and the screen lit up. “Manual or auto?”
“What?”
“Oh, I forgot, sorry. You can choose if
you
want to drive the car or it will
take
you to the place itself.”
“Auto,” I said. I guess they’d invented self-driving cars. I didn’t know anything, so it was perfect.
“It drives following all the rules and below the speed limit,” Velma said, looking at me intensely.
I nodded.
“Now, I will press this button and reprogram the guide for you. You have to say, I am Sam, your new owner.”
Before I digested the new information, Velma pressed the button and said, “New owner.”
“Reprogramming,” said a strange female voice. Velma turned the card to me and nodded.
“I am Sam, your new owner,” I said loudly and slowly. Velma smiled.
“Reprogramming.”
“Now, say Auto.”
I did.
“Your destination,” the voice said.
“Park Street Twelve,” I said.
“Reprogramming.”
“What do I do with this thing?” I showed the cube.
“Repeat your question,” the voice asked.
Velma pressed the bottom and the card died.
“You push this little button,” she said. “It’ll unlock the car. Then you plug the guide in the middle of the wheel and turn it on. See the holes here?”
I did notice two tiny holes.
“If that person, who is supposed to help you, is not able to do so, you’ll have to go to The City of Lost and find Ronald Even. Ron, we call him. I don’t know if anyone can help you to get to the corridor, but Ronny is our guy, he’s one of the best. I’d go with you, but they need me here. Until they find out who I am. I am a quiet, old lady and so far no one has suspected me. I hope to help people more.”
“Thank you for helping me.”
“Be careful. Good luck.”
The woman told me her car’s number and the place where it was parked. I hid the key, the cube, and the card in my pockets, zipped them and at the next moment I was in the lobby. The door closed behind my back. I was once again alone in the strange world. Sam’s hunting season was opened.
Without wasting time for thinking, I called for the elevator. I ran inside it and pressed the last, twenty-fourth floor button. The elevator was moving slowly, I thought, and I had time to imagine myself on the roof, so far above the ground. It was high indeed. The elevator stopped; I entered the lobby and rushed up the stairs to the roof, hoping not to meet anyone on my way. The stairs were wide and clean, without a single spot. The windows had wide sills and there were vases of flowers on them.
After two more flights of stairs, I saw a black door that must lead to the roof. I unlocked the door with no effort but couldn’t open it. I leaned on it with all my weight; I pushed it and I groaned like an old tractor, until the thick spring that was holding the door finally gave up. The door opened just a little bit, and when I squeezed through, it slammed shut, almost pressing me to the threshold. I found myself in a dark place with the ceiling almost touching my head. In the gloomy light I saw five stairs leading to another door. I climbed them and fought the door again. Yes, you never know when a good physical condition will be needed. If I had known, I would have gone to the gym without justifying my laziness by the lack of time.
Finally, I was on the roof and it was the first time in my life that I had done it. (Huh! Today I had done first time in life sort of things that would be enough to last a lifetime. If I have a life, it will be.) I had never been on a roof and never dreamed of an adventure like this. I probably wouldn’t have refused to climb up if somebody had invited me to do it, but I hadn’t had many romantic men around me, I guess.
“Interesting. Am I afraid of heights? I’m not scared to fly on planes.”
I didn’t want to look down and I wasn’t excited by the prospect of crossing the bridge between the buildings. I saw the surrounding structures, but when I approached the edge of the roof I didn’t notice any bridges. I had to run to the other end to find a narrow, metal walkway with ledges on the sides. The ledges were made of metal rods, with spaces between them wide enough to stick a head. Maybe I wasn’t afraid of heights, but my heart started to beat faster when I clenched onto a railing and glanced down, leaning forward a little. I couldn’t see the ground. There was only abyss and I lost my strength and bravery. I couldn’t take a step. What if this excuse for a bridge would break? It could happen. What if no one had tested it? What if I was the first to step on it, ever? Who would run from a fire this way? They would all fall down. Maybe that was the plan? Who knows? I didn’t want to start learning how to fly today, in spite of the great weather. It felt like I wasn’t going to be successful, in spite of all this fantastic nature of the situation I was in. I guess one would call me cynical.
“Okay Sam, stop talking nonsense. You have no choice.”
What if I waited on the roof? They wouldn’t come here, would they?
“Go! Now!”
I drew my lungs full of air and took the first step. I thought the bridge would start to rock under my weight, but it was steady and I started to move to the other side. Without hurry. Maybe I had taken a wrong step by giving in to my emotions, giving up my life to somebody else, but now
I
had grabbed the responsibility for my life in my own hands. Now I was taking deliberate steps.
The next house was about ten feet away, but in spite of this short distance, my hands were shaking on the railings and my heart pumped like crazy. I tried not to look down but I couldn’t make my feet move any faster. In one moment they started to shake so hard that I had to stop and make myself calm down. My gaze dropped between the metal rods and my heart nearly burst from my chest, taking a fly into the chasm along with my gaze. I saw about a dozen black cars and there were even more men in black uniforms.
They came for me. They really came
for me
. I was surrounded. The battue was for me. I was a fugitive in this world, a lawbreaker. I hadn’t done anything. I was just in love and received an absolute punishment. I could be killed for my love. Oh, how beautiful it was, and how romantic. Somebody could write a book or make a legend. Should I jump from the roof to make a legend more truthful?
Screw you! It’s not going to happen. I didn’t choose this road and I won’t allow anyone to run my life. I am in charge of it.
Anger and hatred filled me with energy, brought me to my senses. It probably wasn’t a great emotional basis for some people to perform heroic acts with, but it worked for me. My legs became steady, I saw a clear picture. I knew what to do and ran over the abyss to the other side.
Stepping on the next roof, I stopped in the middle to catch my breath. I was suffocating from emotions, not tiredness. What if the hunters saw me? They had weapons; they could kill me before I realized what was going on. It didn’t matter though. All or nothing.
I darted to the opposite edge and to the next roof. This time I didn’t look down and my legs didn’t shake. The fear of heights that I wasn’t aware of before getting to the twenty-fourth floor, was shoved back by black uniforms.
It was the third building and I was supposed to go down here to get to the garage. Expecting the door to be resistant again, I pulled it with all my might, but this time it opened easily and I fell on my butt. I gasped from the pain, but there was no time for cursing and feeling sorry for myself, so I jumped up and ran down the stairs to the gloomy attic or whatever it was, and then to another flight of stairs.
While I ran, I thought these colorless, shapeless uniforms had their benefits. They were as comfortable to run in as sport suits; nothing restrained the movements.
I negotiated down two more flights of stairs and stopped by the elevator, pushing the call button. The door opened after a few seconds and an elderly man walked out. He leaned on a cane, his back was bent, and his head was shaking.
He looked at me, first frowning, then his eyes and his mouth opened wide, he stopped shaking in an instant.
“It’s you!” he gasped.
I almost fell, taking off from the place and rushing back to the stairs. The man yelled something I couldn’t understand, and didn’t stand around to try. He recognized me. They had probably shown my picture on TV. If I managed to get to the car, they could stop me on the road.
No, no, no. That’s not going to happen. I’ll get where I need to be with no problems. I am going home and no one is stopping me.
I squeezed the little cube in my hand. What if the hunters were here? Right in front of the exit of the building? What if they were going to come up here?
Collect yourself, Sam. If they didn’t look at your face, you’d be just another citizen of Planet One. Just go, don’t panic, don’t look around. All you need is a brown car with the license number VAD 2005.
I repeated this prayer a few times in my mind, adjusted the wig, put the sunglasses on, and opened the door. One of the hunters was on the stairs right in front of me, his back to me.
Hello, so glad to see you!
Without hesitating a second, I passed him and went down the stairs.
“Lady?”
That probably was for me. I stretched my mouth in the widest smile I could produce, and turned to him. They shouldn’t have my smiling picture. Well, at least not this smiley.
Then I saw him.
Make the best of a bad situation, people say. I did my best. The muscles on my face turned to stone and froze on their own. My condition reminded me of frozen boiled noodles.
In front of me was Jason. The man I had betrayed while succumbing to the provocation of a silly dream. A web designer in my world—law enforcement in this one. A lover there, a stranger here. A hunter. An enemy.
He glanced at me, at the picture, at me, at the picture. My mouth was stretched like I was sitting in a dentist chair, my facial muscles getting numb. He could ask me to take off my glasses and then my wig. It wasn’t my Jason. Not a man who loved me. It was a man who looked like him, but who existed in a parallel universe.
He looked at me intensely for what seemed like hours, but of course it was only seconds, and then he nodded. Just nodded. I nodded back, keeping the corners of my lips up, then I turned away from him and went to the left as Velma had said. I walked slowly, like I was in no kind of rush. My knees trembled, but it wasn’t noticeable in the wide pants, I hoped. He didn’t recognize me. Or maybe … What if it wasn’t me on the picture? It
should
be me. I was an
irnaner
. What an ugly word. They were hunting for me, so I had to be on that picture, he just didn’t recognize me. Good job, Sam and Velma! Now, keep going.
So, Jason was my enemy in this world. What an irony. Maybe it was karma. I really had betrayed him and didn’t even think twice. I should be honest with myself. What right did I have to judge Ray? He also gave way to impulse, passion, and desire. He wanted to capture the moment, just as I did. It was my fault as much as it was his.
Here. Garage. Great. So far everything was going according to the plan. A two-story building the size of the airport, opened in front so all the cars were visible from afar. Velma said her car was on the first floor, the first aisle. Teachers had some kind of privilege and she had gotten a convenient spot.
I walked under the roof, into semi-darkness and stuffiness. As everywhere else, it was clean here. Not a cigarette butt or a beer can. Velma told me that most people were at work, so many parking places would be empty, but I still saw too many cars to find the one I needed easily. All the cars looked the same, but at least there were black and gray cars, narrowing the search.
I went along the line, looking for the right number, and started when a shadow fell on the car in front of me.
Don’t stop; don’t show that you noticed it.
I prepared the cube, squeezing it between my thumb and index finger. My palm became moist. I felt somebody watching me.
“Lady! Excuse me, lady!”
A man’s voice. Calling for me. Such polite people on this planet. Lady. Screw you and your lady. My breathing became rapid, I felt sweat running down my back, felt thin uniform fabric sticking to my skin.
I turned to the man, putting the same smile on my face that had helped me before, clutching the cube in my hand. Warm metal cut into my palm. Interesting, did Jason really not recognize me? It might be that. There was no reason for him to let me go. What about this one?
It wasn’t Jason; it was another policeman or hunter without any picture in his hand. He was bigger than Jason and his facial expression was mean, like that of a dog that had stayed in the sun the whole day. It appeared that he didn’t want to be here, he wanted to go home. Sit on a couch in front of the TV with a sandwich or some green crap they had on this planet and a bottle of beer. If they drank beer or watched TV.
“Miss, I need to check your identification code.”
What you need is a kick in the head.
I nodded and continued moving along the row, sticking my hand in the pocket with the guide. Could I hit his head with this thing and take him out for a few seconds, just enough time to find the car? Right. How much did this thing weigh? An ounce?
Where is this frigging VAD 2005?
Steps moved in my direction.
“Lady, I need to check your identification code.”
Check your fat ass!
“Your code! I demand it! It’s the order from above!”
VAD 2005!
I sprinted to the car, prepared the cube, but dropped it to the ground. Of course! Like in a bad movie!
“Reinforcement!” the man bellowed over my head when I dived for the key cube. “
Irnaner! Irnaner
is
here
!”
I rose up slowly, watching the policeman or whoever he was. He was standing with his legs wide apart and with his gun in both hands, extended in my direction. His hands were shaking no less than mine, his eyes were almost falling out of their sockets, and his lower lip was trembling.
He knew I was from another dimension and he was scared of me more than I was of him! He had no idea what I was or what I was capab0le of. He was a coward!