A Step to Nowhere (7 page)

Silence again and more searching of my face.

I closed my eyes and it eased the stupor.

“You traveled and contacted someone you weren’t supposed to?”

I didn’t believe in the reality of his words and considered my own question surrealistic. When I said it out loud I felt a strange prickling in my mind that refused to accept some science fiction explanation to casual things. Could he be telling the truth? He? Stop it. He had already lied to you,
betrayed
you.

He’s just mocking you.

Why? I would like to know the reason.

“I bought, as you call it, a tour. Nine months ago, for one year. I could go through the tunnel whenever I wanted. I liked your world. I liked everything about it. People, air, food, TV, restaurants.”

“How much did it cost?”

“A few hundred thousand, but that’s not important, Sam.”

“Of course, sorry,” I grinned. “How could I interrupt your self-admiration?”

“Sam.” he sighed. “Can I finish?”

“I’m all ears.”

“Two years ago, my wife died. Suddenly.” He put his head down, looked at his locked hands. “I couldn’t accept it. Then, something happened, and I would never forgive myself for it.” He stood up, walked around the room, sat down again. “I followed my selfishness. I wanted to find my wife in your world … I found her.”

“Congratulations. What do I have to do with it?”

“In our world, your double Samantha and I had been married.”

I felt like a bucket of hot water was thrown at me. The numbness was gone, making room for a tsunami of emotions. This lie about the alternative universe didn’t impress me as much as a possible marriage to the man of my dreams. It was too much. Another second and I would attack him with my fists. How did he dare? What did I ever do to him?

“I didn’t want to let her go and when I entered your world I did everything possible to find you,” the bastard continued. “I knew it was dangerous, especially for you, but I couldn’t help my feelings. I needed my wife to keep living. I hired people, who learned everything about you, who …”

“Get out of here!” I yelled. “Now!”

“Sam, I want …”

“Get out!” I jumped from the bed, tears in my eyes.

Ray stood up.

“I’ll try to save you,” he said. “I won’t let them kill you.”

I lost my voice at that same second. Now they should
kill
me? Great!

“Everything I have told you is true.”

He took a step toward me, but I shot my arm forward, stopping him.

“I will do anything to see you again,” he said before leaving.

I sat down on the bed. My face was burning, my hands were shaking. I felt as if I were under a rockslide. Only, stones fell on my heart and my soul, ruining the world I had created there in two days, turning my feelings into sand. My friend was right; no one should love a man like this.

You give yourself completely; he betrays you, and what is left of you? A shell. Your soul belongs to him. No matter how much you try to hate him, you can’t go against yourself. You belong to him with your heart and your mind.

I wanted to hate Ray, but I couldn’t.

What had really happened? Could he be telling the truth? I was in an alternative world, this Ray is not the one I had known, and I had a double? Ray, whom I had known and loved, didn’t love me? He didn’t remember me? What else? Somebody was going to kill me? Why?

I reached for the bottle but jerked my hand back. I had no water. My lover-husband didn’t take care of it.

What if I took his story seriously? Throw away prejudice and take it as a reality. So, his wife had died, he started traveling to some … he-he … alternative universe. He couldn’t accept her death and found me, even though it was against the law. Somehow he found out about me and Ray … my Ray. He studied our relationship, so I wouldn’t suspect something was wrong. Did they follow me
and
him? They did. That phone belonged to one of his people. He had known everything when I was lost and confused. He had known they would kidnap me and transfer me here. He played with me. He pretended to be helping me with my unexpected problems.

I sat down. I was thirsty. My dry tongue licked my dry lips.

Maybe I would let him finish, he could explain more.

Why can’t you ever control your emotions? Gosh, I’m such a fool!

He wasn’t interested in me. He was interested only in my mirror image of his wife.

I wiped my tears angrily.

It’s not true. Not true!

What did he say about murder? The corporation found out about his contact with me, that was why I was here. Right? If he was the one to break the law why was I the one to be killed? How could he stop it? They want to kill me because their man slept with his wife’s double. Planet One wasn’t fair. Why were
they
—Planet One? Why not us?

I was so thirsty and tired. I wanted to get home.

Oh no, my mom! With all these feelings and emotions, I had forgotten about her! I forgot about my friends that were going to worry, about Jason. They would be crazy with worry and call the police. What if … What if all of it was true and they really were going to kill me? What if they did kill me? My mom would die too. What happened over there? Did I get on a missing persons list?

He didn’t have the right! He didn’t have the right to storm into my life and ruin it. My life, the lives of people close to me. He didn’t have the right!

I clenched my fists and then dropped the metal tray from the table. Green and white flew around and landed on the floor, the walls, my feet. I tried to pull the sheet off the bed to wipe them, but it seemed to be nailed to the mattress. So, I climbed on the bed and cleaned my feet as well as I could.

Then I cried. I felt pity for myself. For my stupidity, naivety, self-sacrifice. How could I be so blind? Ray had never loved me, it was so obvious. But I wanted to believe it so badly I’d have sold my soul for it to be true. Sell my soul? How about offer it for free, present it on a silver tray so the one who was waiting for it wouldn’t work too hard. Fool, what a fool. A fool who didn’t want to believe in reality; who lived in a dream, and didn’t want to accept what fate had to offer. Fortunately, real Ray, my Ray, would never know about my humiliation.

I cried for a few minutes, or maybe an hour. It was no different. When I stopped, I couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t have a mirror, but I knew all the same that my eyes and nose were swollen and my skin was red. It was all right, I felt better. I swore to myself that it was the last time I would cry. I almost kept my word. I cried only one more time on Planet One.

CHAPTER 10

When the door hissed again, I was facing the wall, halfway into sleep and half unconscious from thirst. I was afraid to see Ray and didn’t turn to the incomer. I didn’t want it to be him. He was a stranger to me, a ruthless animal. What I heard, was the voice of Brown-eyes. High and syrupy like pine rosin.

“Get up. It’s time.”

It’s time? For what?

“Get up or I’ll have to force you.”

I chuckled, and then sat up. Brown-eyes, with no emotion of any kind on his face, stretched out a bottle of Evian to me. I didn’t refuse it; drank half, and then asked him to open the bathroom.

As soon as I left it, with my face washed, Brown-eyes pointed to the door.

“Can you issue a pair of shoes to me? I feel rather awkward in socks only. What would people think?”

“Go.” Brown-eyes pointed to the door again.

I went there feeling somewhat excited to see what was outside the white room and maybe even find out where I really was. I found a long, white corridor ahead of me and four men standing on both sides of the door. The men were standing with their arms down and hands connected in a lock. They looked at me with bold interest. Like I was some kind of little animal that was let out of the cage.

Brown-eyes pushed me in the back.

“Don’t you
touch
me!” I yelled.

He showed me the device that could open doors and electrocute people, then motioned to go ahead.

“You’re such a friendly fellow,” I said as I winked at the man with a square jaw and huge, round eyes. “Listen, handsome, is this really a parallel world?”

As I expected, he hadn’t answered, in spite of my flirty mood. What would that mean?

“You guys are all like one and one like all. Charming. Do you get awards for it? Do they spank you for smiling?”

“Go!” Brown-eyes barked behind my back.

“You’re adorable,” I had to say. “Listen, are you married? Do you want to see a movie together?”

I guess he’d had enough of me at this point because he plunged a gray thing with buttons into my side. I didn’t know what had happened, but it hurt. I felt like a butterfly penetrated with a pin. Pain cut through my body and I probably went out for a sec because when I opened my eyes I was on the floor and five men in gray overalls stared at me from above.

“Did you grow wiser?” Brown-eyes asked politely.

Ray has brown eyes. Brown-eyed demons.

“What about you?” I asked. I still saw gray dust before my eyes, but I felt no pain, only slight nausea.

Brown-eyes pursed his lips.

“Listen,” I said without any attempt to get up from the floor. “Why don’t you like me? I didn’t do anything to you. Your people have injected some crap in my arm and kidnapped me. They brought me here. I want you to take notice that no one asked me if I wanted to be here. Your Ray … I don’t know why you let him see me … He lied to me. Okay? He set me up.”

The man didn’t say anything.

“You don’t want to answer my question? Is it so difficult? Do you hate me that much? Am I really in an alternative universe? Answer that at least.”

“We are not allowed to participate in personal discussions with you. Get up.”

“Who stops you? Why? I don’t understand what I did wrong or what rules I broke. I was pulled into this game without anyone asking me. Do you understand that?”

“Get up.”

“Stop being a damn robot! Just tell me Yes or No! Am I in a parallel universe? Is it true? Just answer me, damn it!”

“Soon, you won’t be interested. Get up.”

I stood up, facilitated by my own hands, trying to do it gracefully. No one helped me, of course. Everything seemed surrealistic.

“Am I in another universe? Planet One?”

Brown-eyes didn’t answer, but he also didn’t laugh or object. It meant that Ray was telling the truth. It wasn’t my planet. Incredible.

It can’t be true, it can’t be true!
It-can’t-be-true
!

“You are a piece of crap,” I said.

“Go. Otherwise I’ll have to neutralize you again.”

“You’re a piece of crap. A jerk.”

He didn’t blink and didn’t wave his magic wand. Maybe he didn’t know the word jerk?

“What about you?” I turned to a couple of men to my left. “Dumb? Deaf? Stupid?”

“Go!” Brown-eyes shouted. I went. Where? Were they going to kill me now? Would they really kill me? Were they crazy? They didn’t have a right!

“I don’t have the last word, as I understand,” I said. My voice trembled.

Yes, I was scared, I admit that. Who wouldn’t be afraid to die? I didn’t
want
to die.

“What’s going to happen to that person who pulled me into this?” I asked.

Silence behind my back.

“Do you understand that I have a family? You can’t just kill me without proper investigation and a trial. It’s against the law. On
my
planet.”

Silence.

I was scared, but I didn’t want to beg. What would I accomplish by doing that, anyway? Maybe I should try to escape? That would look interesting. I wouldn’t have time to gasp before they “neutralized” me, poking a TV remote into my side. Ray was gone. He said he would take care of me. Did he say that? Or did he say he would do anything to save me? Where was he? His wife had died and now he was killing me. No,
my
Ray wasn’t like this. Maybe he didn’t love me, maybe he didn’t even remember my name, but he had never been selfish. He would not let other people suffer because of his desires and his mistakes. He would never.

I felt bad for my mom. There would be no one with her. She was going to be absolutely alone. I also had a lot of unfinished tasks at work. Who was going to take my place?”

God, what am I thinking about? What work?

The hallway seemed endless. There were transparent, round lamps under the ceiling and nothing else. The floor was as smooth as an ice rink. I slid many times in my socks, but hadn’t fallen. I thought we were going to walk forever, but after another turn Brown-eyes yelled to stop.

There was hissing on the left and the door went up.

“Go in,” the man said.

What was I supposed to do? I went in.

The room didn’t have corners and the ceiling was dome-shaped. There were two arched, narrow beds by the far wall, some strange machines close by. One wall of the room was made of mirror glass, which probably meant that behind that wall was another room and people inside that room were watching what was going on here. What
was
going on here anyway? What kind of show was this?

My knees buckled when I noticed metal rings on the beds. I didn’t doubt why I was brought here. My pride cheated on me. I turned to Brown-eyes and clenched his arm.

“I didn’t do anything. Let me go! If you hadn’t kidnapped me, I wouldn’t even know about your damn world. I’m not going to tell anyone!”

Yes, it’s a shame, but I begged. Almost.

The man gazed at me indifferently and pressed a button on his remote slash brain bursting device. He was looking at me, but he didn’t see me.

“I’m not the first one?” I asked.

No answer.

Brown-eyes looked at the robots on his left, then the robots on his right (I couldn’t associate them with people), then two of the men approached me and dragged me to the beds. Dragged me. Roughly, twisting my arms.

I didn’t have time to think about it, to understand what was going on. I was pushed onto the hard bed with some kind of rolls in the knee area, so my legs bent. Then robots pulled out something like racks from under the bed and suspended me on them. They stretched my arms out and enclosed them in the rings. The same happened to my legs. Two other robots rolled a cylindrical apparatus to my head. It was as tall as a middle height man and speckled with buttons, tubes and levers. Then, everyone left and I stayed alone inside the cold, gray room, with metal rings squeezing my wrists and ankles. I observed ten lamps under the ceiling situated in a circle. I breathed hard through my mouth and clenched and unclenched my fists.

Probably some people, in certain circumstances, imagined themselves facing death. What would they feel, do, how would they act? What would they do in those last seconds? Would they pray, curse, beg to let them go? I wanted to use the restroom. I became weak and sluggish like a worm. My bladder became weak too and suddenly I was afraid to pee in my pants more than to die. I didn’t want to die with my pants wet and a puddle under the bed. I also thought about my makeup and hair. When they took my lifeless body off the table, they would look at my smeared mascara and hair in knots.

So, am I really going to die? Now? Just like that? Snap of fingers and I’m gone?

I had never thought about dying young. I hadn’t thought about my future or my death at all. Unlike me, my fate was moving forward, making plans for me, bringing me to the final line. Other people had died young, and some died suddenly, why not
me
? I just had to try harder to not wet my pants, so I could die with dignity.

What about my mom? My friends, my aunts and uncles, cousins? What about Jason? He loves me. He loves
me
and not some dead girlfriend or whatever.

Piece of crap, bastard, son of a bitch. I hated Ray. How could he do this to me? Well, he apparently could. Because he didn’t care about me. Now I was going to die, but at least he could one more time …

The door hissed. I raised my head as far as I could. My neck strained, my back wrenched, but I saw a person in a gray robe over gray overalls. He wore goggles or something looking like them and his facial expression was like ice. He walked toward me, but didn’t meet my eyes. He approached without as much as a single word and started busily unwinding a tube, pressing some buttons.

I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“Who are you?”

Of course, he hadn’t answered. He waved to the mirror, which meant there had been somebody watching us, and detached a tube with a needle from the cylinder. My head became heavy and darkness covered my vision. I didn’t care about my makeup anymore as well as about the whole aesthetic part of death. I hoped to faint. I was afraid of needles, but realization of the fact that there was
death
in that needle turned fear into stupefaction. I saw the needle coming closer to my skin and tried to object, but there was no sound from my mouth. I couldn’t move either.

The man reached his pudgy hand and tried my skin at the fold, looking for the visible vein.

“Don’t kill me,” I whispered.

No reaction. Like I wasn’t a human, like I was a thing. Probably I was a thing for him in this room of death. One of the unfortunate idiots from Planet Two. Now I believed that Ray from here had told me the truth and I knew I wasn’t the first one here. Everything prepared, no panic, just the regular routine. Just the regular murdering routine of people who suspected nothing and weren’t guilty of anything. Their fault was an extreme credulity and permission to be used. Thank you very much for your appreciation.

The needle was long and thick, would fill the whole vein. The liquid in the tube was pink.

“Will it hurt?” I asked. My voice sounded pitiful. I cleared my throat and said more strongly, “You’re killing an innocent person. I’ll haunt you in your dreams.”