A Woman's Wisdom: How the Book of Proverbs Speaks to Everything (12 page)

There are three things about us that significantly shape the course of our lives: what we think, what we feel, and what we want. The way in which we handle our thoughts, our feelings, and our desires determines not only our path but whether that path is joyful and fulfilling or fraught with discontentment.

God created us as thinking and feeling creatures, and therefore both are part of being made in his image. That is why both thoughts and feelings are vital components of true faith. A grasp of God and the gospel that is solely intellectual is barren of the relational joys that God desires us to have with him. On the other hand, if our faith is informed primarily by who we
feel
God is rather than by careful study of Scripture, we are going to wind up with an inaccurate picture of his character. That being said, it is clear from Scripture overall that feelings are meant to be subservient to thoughts rather than the reverse.

Women, more so than men, I think, are prone to be ruled by feelings, perhaps because our emotions tend to be close to the surface. It is much rarer to see a man burst into tears of frustration in the midst of a bad day. Because we are wired as emotional beings, women who are wise nourish and tend their thought life as carefully as a gardener tends her rose bushes, so that her feelings don’t get the upper hand and so that her desires are formed around biblical principles.

thinking

Proverbs makes a connection between righteous living and careful thinking:

Also made clear is that harmful naiveté is overcome by using our minds:

However, later in the book is another proverb concerning our thought life that seems to contradict everything we’ve just
looked at:

Is Solomon claiming here that too much thinking is unwise? He is not. His point has to do with humility. Thinking is wise, and giving careful thought to our ways is godly, but relying on our thoughts as authoritative is foolish. In other words, while we are to use our minds in all we do and plan, we are to submit all those thoughts and actions and plans to the lordship of Christ, which is the way to “walk in wisdom.” Doing so is often a struggle, however, because even as believers we are so prone to self-reliance. We all naturally want to be in charge of our own lives, and because that’s the case, we miss the contrast Solomon makes here. Either we can trust in our own mind or we can walk in wisdom. Those two options are mutually exclusive.

A well-developed mind can also breed popularity and success:

The irony is that, as we taste the fruit of careful thinking (that life just works better!), we might find ourselves tempted, consciously or not, to rely less on God and more on ourselves. We avoid this danger by understanding that our minds are meant to be servants of God rather than servants of our personal happiness, as Paul wrote: “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom. 12:1–2).

A wise woman pursues single-mindedness, which means she seeks to make her chief aim in life the glory and enjoyment of God. A foolish woman, on the other hand, is double-minded and content to stay that way. To women such as this, James has strong words: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:8). The word James used means “two-souled”; in other words, to be double-minded is to be split in two directions. A double-minded woman lives consistently divided in her thoughts, affections, and desires between competing loyalties, unlike the single-minded woman, who runs after one goal, one ambition, and one overarching desire.

Wise women may not yet have arrived at single-mindedness, but they want it, and they go after it, and they take James’s instructions to heart by actively seeking to cleanse their hands (what they do) and to purify their hearts (what they think and feel and want). There are things in each of us that dilute our heart purity. What is it for you? Well, one way to know is to consider what rules your thoughts when you lie awake in the middle of the night, or where you go in your mind when you crave a quick-fix mental escape from stress, or what tends to
obsess you.

We think of an obsession as a fixation on a desirable outcome or object, but there is something spiritually dark about obsession. It can be a foothold for the Devil. Obsessive thoughts are those that hook us; we can get caught on them and find ourselves unable to let go, even when we want to. Although we often can’t recognize the root of the problem, we can be sure that underlying obsessive thinking is an out-of-control desire to master something or someone, which springs from doubts about God’s mastery of the situation or even doubts about God himself. Writing about obsession in its full-blown state, what is labeled “obsessive-compulsive disorder,” Michael Emlet writes:

Wise women guard their minds from obsessive thoughts by trusting God and his sovereign control at all times over all circumstances.

Thinking Intelligently about Thinking

Back in the 1970s the United Negro College Fund adopted as their slogan a quote from Malcolm X: “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” For much of each day our minds are occupied with the tasks that make up our God-given callings, but in those few daily or weekly hours of downtime, what do we choose to read and watch and listen to? It’s all too easy to assume that something with a certain label—a Christian song, a G-rated movie—is pleasing to God, but to rely on labels that have been assigned by the culture at large, or even by other Christians, as the means for such assurance is a bit of a cop-out. It requires no thought on our part. And the fact is that much of what passes as clean entertainment today is just trivial or inane.

God, through the apostle Paul, has provided us with a rating system for our entertainment choices that far exceeds that assigned by the Motion Picture Association of America: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8).

This tells us that God is glorified by excellence. Therefore, we are more in keeping with Paul’s teaching if we fill our ears with a secular piece of music beautifully composed than with a poorly crafted contemporary praise song with trivial lyrics. Just so with literature and films. James Boice writes:

Therefore, Paul’s command actually broadens rather than narrows the scope of what we as Christian women are free to enjoy as we seek to please God. But it takes thought. There is a mental investment required to determine whether that particular book or movie or television program we are considering fits Paul’s criteria. Wise women exercise discernment in deciding what will occupy their thoughts. And this aspect of wisdom is not too hard, because “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:
7
NKJV
).

The Blessings of Thinking Biblically

There are particular blessings enjoyed by women who practice wise thinking. To the woman who sets her mind on God comes unruffled peace: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isa. 26:3). Added to peace is the promise of real living: “To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Rom. 8:6).

There is also the promise, found in a verse we considered earlier, that as we present our minds to God’s Word for transformation, we will discover that God’s ways with us are wonderful: “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom. 12:2). Again we are helped in our understanding by James Boice:

feelings

Just consider the roller-coaster ride of emotions we can experience in the course of a single week (or, for some of us, a single day): anger, love, frustration, joy, sorrow, annoyance, irritation, fear, anxiety, peace, satisfaction, exultation, discouragement, happiness, fulfillment, dissatisfaction, anticipation. The list could go on. I’ve met some even-keeled women over the years, and I used to chalk it up to natural-born temperament. Over time, however, I’ve come to see that such equilibrium has as much to do with maturity as it does with birth.

We are quick to blame our circumstances or our hormones for our mood swings, and there is no doubt that the stresses of life and body do have a significant impact on how we feel. Nevertheless, we don’t have to be—nor should we allow ourselves to be—victimized by our feelings. The wild fluctuation of our hormones at certain times may challenge our tolerance of others or depress our outlook, but nowhere does the Bible give us a hormonal pass on the call to kindness, patience, contentment, joy, and love. Instead of being victimized by what provokes negative emotions, we can view the provocations the way Paul viewed his thorn in the flesh. If God doesn’t remove the thorn as a result of our pleading, we have an opportunity to experience Christ’s sufficiency in the midst
of it.

Of course, none of us is ever going to master our emotions completely. For one thing, God didn’t create us to be robots. He designed us to feel the ups and the downs. Additionally, it is often the down times and our wrestlings in them that produce the most spiritual fruit. Therefore, wise women don’t debunk their feelings; rather, they take charge of them. Elisabeth Elliot advises: