Accident (9 page)

On Sfinţii Apostoli, past Apolodor, he was surprised to glimpse a completely unexpected event a few steps from him: hanging boyishly from the bars of a wrought-iron door, through which a few tall lilac branches passed, was a girl struggling to break a branch.

Paul stopped on the spot, afraid of startling her, and hid behind a street lamp, from where he could watch without being seen. He might have taken her for a schoolgirl had she not been dressed with the elegance of a lady. She wore a grey suit, a grey hat with a white brim, white antelope pumps. Below, on the door's stone ledge, a handbag of the same antelope skin as the pumps had been discarded to allow her to keep her hands free.

Paul recognized her without difficulty as Ann, although he found it difficult to believe that it was she. Reaching up on the toes of her pumps on the stone ledge, one hand gripping the bars of the door, with the other she fought to grasp the lilac branch, which was beyond her reach. The skirt of her suit slid up above her knees, a rounded, delicate pair of knees that could have belonged to an adolescent girl. The street was empty, although from one moment to the next someone could come along, even if it weren't the owner of the property that was being plundered. The branch gave way at
last, a large branch with dense, violet bouquets. The girl jumped onto the sidewalk, without hurry, without emotion, shook the sleeves of her jacket down to her wrists, picked up her handbag, looked up the street, then finally, with the lilac branch in her arms, with her blond head concealed among the flowers – although her high forehead poked up above them – she set off boldly up the street with her small, decisive steps.

Paul watched her move away and it seemed to him as if a train of light hung in her wake. He, too, felt younger. The season, about which he had forgotten, came back to him. The girl's slight craziness had brought a little light into his day. He would have liked to rush after her to thank her, to kiss her hand; but her let her cross unimpeded at the corner and disappear. Even so, he felt the need to send her a word of warm greeting, the first since he had met her. He remembered that nearby, in PiaÅ£a Senatului, there was a florist. He went in and bought all the lilacs he could find, to the astonishment of the sales clerk, who told him, certainly without irony: “If you need any more, we can get them for you.”

Furthermore, they were unexpectedly cheap, and with the few hundred lei he had left, Paul bought the whole garden and sent it to Ann, leaves and all, along with a few words written in haste on the back of his business card:
Next time you want lilacs, be more careful. If you need a lawyer (articles 306 and 308 of the penal code: “He who takes in a concealed manner an object belonging to another commits theft. Theft is punished with a prison term of between 15 days and two years ...”) I am at your disposal
.

 

 

“You don't know how ashamed I am,” Ann said to him two days later, receiving him at her home. “If I'd known you were watching me, I would have died of mortification on the spot, with my hands on the door. You're a man I've always been a little afraid of. I don't know why: don't ask me why.”

The apartment was full of lilacs that had been delivered the previous evening. Those that didn't fit in the flower vases had been placed in jugs of water, in glasses, on the table, on the shelves, in the window.

“I'll always keep them here. When they wither, I'll put others in their place. And it's possible they won't even wither.”

She wore a simple navy blue dress with a white collar, which gave her the appearance of a schoolgirl.

“Are you really that young?”

“Are you really that old? I'm afraid of you. I've always been afraid of you. You're so gloomy, so absent! When you say hello to me on the street – and you don't always say hello – I have the impression that you don't even see me.”

She spoke quickly, seemingly afraid of his silence. She raised her hands to her breast in order to suppress her gesticulations, a tactic which only gave her once more a school-girlish air.

“It's difficult for me to believe you're here. I've thought so many times that you might possibly come, but I've never dared to hope for it. I know so many things about you. I know the books you read. I know who you went to Balcic
⁸
with last summer. I know that last Thursday evening you went to the Philharmonic orchestra and left during the intermission. Don't you want us to be friends? Don't you want to try? So many times, when I'm painting something, I wonder: would he like it? So many times I read a book and I wonder: what would he think of it? I'd like to see you more often. I don't like my extravagant gestures, how I don't sound serious when I talk. I'd like you to think I'm less scatterbrained than even-handed, less superficial ... I promise you I'll be a good girlfriend. I won't pry, I won't nag. Come over whenever you want. Or, better yet, let's set a day for you to come over every week. We'll try it for a little while. If it works – good; if not, we call it quits.”

In their memory of that day, the lilac remained their flower.

Later, in the winter, Paul stopped with amazement on a January day in front of the window of a flower shop, where he glimpsed a few white lilac branches. He hadn't realized until then that it was possible to find them in the middle of winter, and the sight behind the frozen window pane struck him as unreal. He stroked it with delicacy, as though afraid that it would come apart beneath his
fingers. The white winter lilac didn't have the violent aroma of the spring variety, but rather a faint, extinguished odour, like breath or smoke.

When they quarrelled it was their habit to send or receive a lilac branch because in that way, without words or explanations, the rift of several days would come to an end. Both of them regarded the lilac as a superstition that disarmed them, that helped them rediscover each other. He could not suspect then that another Ann would exist, one for whom those flowers would lose all meaning, like an object without a name, without memories.

 

 

The first days of their love had taken place in Sibiu, a city neither of them knew.

“I don't care where, my dear. Somewhere where I can be alone with you for a few days. Anyway, after that you'll leave me.”

“Why?”

“Because you don't love me.”

He responded neither yes nor no – and, in any event, she did not seem to expect a reply.

They had chosen Sibiu at the last moment, in the station, because the next departure was for Sibiu.

Everything delighted her in the Transylvanian city: the broad streets, the shop windows, the German signs, the Saxon dialect, lunch at the restaurant, the menu with types of food she didn't know and which she chose at random, closing her eyes and placing her finger on the menu: “Let's see what this is like.”

In the mornings, when she woke from her slumber, she liked to look out the hotel window at the children walking to school with their satchels on their backs, the gleaming Saxon women who returned from the market with their baskets in their hands and stopped on the street corners in groups of three or four, speaking with passion, the shutters of the shop windows that rose with a rattle ... Everything struck her as honourable and severe.

“We're the only people in this city who are in love,” she said.

Then, as if only in that moment had she realized that she was naked, she rushed back to bed with a shudder of alarm in order to
hide and cover herself. She was so white that when she was nude her blonde hair was drained of its colour by the glare of her naked body.

When they went down to the lobby of this small provincial hotel she was intimidated by the respectful gazes of the service people and the clerks, as though their youth brought with it an aura of mystery, or even of scandal. Everything she saw made her happy. She rode all day on the charming Sibiu tram from the Upper City to the Lower City, she was amused by the peaked caps of the taxi drivers, who looked like Austrian officers in Viennese operas, by the Saxon women's bulky provincial dresses, cluttered with clasps, flowers and knots. If she'd had her sketch pad with her she would have drawn them, as she found inspiration for pictures everywhere.

With a single picture everything from Sibiu came back to her. It was a meal on the sidewalk, in front of a restaurant at lunchtime, when the children were just getting out of school. A group of girls passed in front of them, and Ann stopped one of them, asking her what her name was.

“Ingrid,” she replied, a little frightened, while her classmates added with greater courage: “Ingrid Schreiber.”

Ingrid was blonde, she had braids down on her back, a blue peaked worn boyishly on her forehead and two slanted eyes, which gave her angelic Saxon face the peculiar grace of a tiny Dobrogean Tartar.

“Ingrid, has anyone told you that you're beautiful? Give me paper and a pencil from your satchel. I want to draw you.”

Ingrid was fearful and proud, while Ann captured in a hasty sketch her air of an astonished child, a sketch which on her return would become a portrait in oils, hung above the bed in Ann's room, from where she could look farther, with that same bewildered look, at things that she did not understand.

Where was that Ann of the first days of their love now?

Then she had been ready at any hour of the day to receive him or visit him, to accept his invitation or his refusal, to pack her bags in a moment when he came to take her away on a trip for several days, or, on the contrary, to unpack them when, unexpectedly and
without asking her, he abandoned a departure that they had been planning for ages and which, during this time, had filled her with childlike joy.

“Do you never ask anything, Ann?”

“Because, my love, I'd only ever have, a single question – ‘Why don't you love me?' – and that, you see, is something I don't want to ask.”

As in any love affair started without effort (since, blonde as she was, without mysteries or secrets, Ann appeared to be the type predestined to have an effortless love affair), the fact of her reaching this stage of suffering was inexplicable to him. Her last smile, her last gesture were familiar to him – yet the day had to come in which each smile was an enigma, each word a secret; the time had to come when the simple fact of glimpsing her became difficult, and often impossible, a time when he spent whole nights scouring restaurant after restaurant, bar after bar, in the hope of finding her at last and of seeing her, if only for a brief instant.

Yet when he found the old Ann again, when she happened to return to him full of love (“You're an idiot and you're the only one I love”), when he saw her moving naked around her apartment, dropping things on the floor and forgetting where they were, he would halt her, dishevelled, in one of her comic poses, with her hair falling across her face, with one stocking draped over her arm and the other flung around her shoulders like a scarf and, knowing too well that this lovely, scatterbrained girl was, nevertheless, lost to him, that in two days' time the suffering would start again, he looked at her for a very long time. “Ann, let me see what a
femme fatale
looks like.”

 

 

There were countless things which at the beginning he had barely noticed, with a kind of casual amusement, but which later – without his knowing exactly when or why – he started to observe with a tormented anxiety. He was annoyed by how many people knew Ann. Their arrival at a restaurant was greeted by dozens of stares that turned towards her with an indiscreet, insistent quality.

“How do you know so many people? Who's that guy who just went past?”

Her replies were usually vague, evasive. “I don't know who he is. He came to the exhibition.” Beyond these imprecisions, Paul saw great mysteries waiting to be unravelled.

More wounding were her detailed replies, uttered with indifference.

“I met him three years ago, on the train to Budapest.”

Paul envisaged the sleeping car, the blue lights; Ann, seated next to the window, speaking with her chance travelling companion; he heard her laughing (because, oh!, she laughed so easily ...) when a more powerful jolt shook him. He imagined the white sheets of the bunks, as seen through windows left open, the colour of the wilderness, her passage from one compartment to another in the middle of the night ... He remembered the casualness with which she had yielded to him at the beginning – and his memories scandalized him. He wished she had resisted him more then, so that now he might be able to believe that for her whether or not she went to bed with a man was not a meaningless question.

In each alien glance that was directed towards Ann, in each greeting, he seemed to see a memory and an invitation. He was furious that politeness demanded that he, too, reply to those greetings, signals that went over his head like so many telegrams in code, which he intercepted without being able to read them, for nobody could assure him that each new greeting didn't bear a message, an allusion or a proposition: “Do you remember?” or “I'm waiting for you.”

 

 

Ann's openings brought new people into the galleries: faces from the bars, faces from the race tracks, faces from show business. Two days later the society section of the newspapers would publish photographs and names from “the most dazzling opening of the year.”

Her paintings sold almost too well, a fact that Paul didn't notice at first, but which later, when, without wishing to, he became more
closely acquainted with the “market” in paintings, struck him as worrying. When a painting by Margareta Sterian or Cornelia Babic sold for 3000 or 4000 lei, when Iorgulescu-Yor, who still had the reputation of “being a good investment,” was selling a 30 by 50 centimetre canvas for 5000 lei, while a 70 by 70 centimetre canvas went for 8000, Ann's paintings were earning prices that only an Iser or a Petraşcu could ask.
⁹
She became famous among artists for a small, blue painting of Balcic, pleasant enough but not extraordinary by comparison with her other works – which she sold for the fabulous sum of 50,000 lei.