Ain't Gonna Be the Same Fool Twice (27 page)

“I'm sure I have. And I plan to keep right on
passing
it.”

“Once again, I'm gonna let something slide. Pretend like I didn't even hear it.”

“Well, I better be going.”

“So soon? The night is still young, as they say.”

“It's been a long day. The food was great. Thank you for dinner.”

“You're welcome. You'd be surprised how many girls don't even say ‘thank you.' They just think they're entitled. I don't mind giving, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't cost anything to show appreciation.”

“You're right. Well, good luck in Alaska.”

“You sure you don't want me to walk you home?”

“I'm cool, I'll just jump on Muni. Can't get much safer than the Castro.”

“Yeah, better you walking through that neighborhood at night than me.”

“Well, you do have a cute butt. Maybe you'd get a taste of what women have to put up with.”

“Humph.” Buster squirmed uncomfortably. “I would have to hurt one of them sissies.”

“Personally, it gives me a warm feeling to be surrounded by men at night and not have to worry about my safety.”

“Not all men who hit on women are dangerous. Sometimes we just don't know how else to express ourselves.”

I stood up to go. “Well, maybe you should take lessons.”

Buster took my hand. “Will you be my private tutor?”

I pulled my hand away. “Sorry, I need more job security than you can offer. Good night and good luck.”

“Well, can I at least get a hug good-bye?”

I shrugged. I'd never have to see Buster again, so I leaned over to give him a quick embrace.

But when I smelled his Brut cologne, it reminded me of how long it had been since I'd held a man's body. To my surprise, it stirred something inside of me.

Sterling came in late, waking me up, laughing like a hyena. He had the nerve to twist his mouth and say he'd just come back from the baths. I rubbed my eyes in the lamplight and sat up on the couch.

And you know what I was thinking? It seems like nobody was even studying the fact that it was their Mama's birthday. Buster hadn't said nary a word about it during dinner. And here I thought he'd wanted a shoulder to cry on.

“The baths?” I yawned.

“Yes, and it was so hot.” Sterling popped his fingers. “Got me a hot thang tonight! Stevie, you should've seen him. He was so fucking fine. He was such a gorgeous hunk. Looked just like the Marlboro Man.”

“So he was white?”

“Yeah, but he was fine.”

“You know I've noticed, you hardly see two brothas together in the Castro.”

“Stevie, this ain't chocolate city. San Francisco is only around ten percent black. And we're a minority within a minority. You look like a damn fool waiting around for a black lover.” Sterling pointed his finger at me. “But I'm not a snow queen, if that's what you're trying to signify.”

“Snow queen?”

“That's what they call brothas who are only into white boys. Folks, usually white trade, who are into Asians are called rice queens.”

“What do they call white men who are into black men?”

Sterling hesitated. “Size queens.” He laughed.

When the phone rang, I'd just finished reading the Sunday paper. I was feeling a little lonely and almost bored enough to do the crossword puzzle. I was hoping it was good news, like a job offer, even though it was Sunday morning. I would've settled for a call from Mama. But I was disappointed when I heard Buster's voice.

“Sterling is shooting hoops in Golden Gate Park.”

“Actually, I called to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“What you doing?”

“Reading the paper.”

“Stevie, I still want to help you. I know that we don't have much time. But a little time is better than
no
time.”

“Help me do what?” I sighed.

“Discover your true nature. I can make it rise. Baby, let me be your baking powder.”

“If you're trying to seduce me, your technique isn't working.”

“Stevie, let's get real. You need a man.”

“No, I don't.”

“Yes, you do, and I'm just what the doctor ordered.”

“You are so jive. I can't believe we're even having this conversation.”

“You're trying to sound confident. But underneath it, you've got doubt. Is Buster what I need? Could he be my knight in shining armor?”

“Excuse me, but I
need
to get back to my crossword puzzle.”

“I could rock you here. I could rock you there. I could rock you out of this atmosphere.”

“Nigga, puh-leaze.”

“A woman can't take you where you need to go. She might have male energy, but she's still in a woman's body.”

“So, I like women's bodies.”

“Why settle for a substitute? Why pour saccharine when you can sprinkle sugar?”

“Buster, your technique still isn't working.”

“So, would you prefer to be wined and dined?”

“To badgering? Yes.”

“You mean you would let me have the pleasure of your company again?”

“I don't know if I'm up for all that.”

“Why do you hate men?”

“It's not that I dislike men. You've helped me to realize that.”

“Hey, I finally got through to you, huh? What can I say?”

“It's just that I dislike you.”

“Why do you wanna be so cold?”

“You need a little cooling off.”

“You think I just wanna get in your pants, but that's not true. I just wanna be with you. Will you come with me on a hike? I'll bring us a lunch, wine and all.”

“I don't think so.”

“Come on, Stevie, it's my last full day in the Bay Area. I want to spend it with you. Come on, just say, yes, and I'll do the rest.”

Finally, his flattery got to me. The brother was basically harmless. He was more entertaining than anything else. And I could use the exercise.

“Where do we meet?” I asked.

Buster looked athletic in his royal blue jogging suit. And even though it was an overcast day, his skin had a warm glow.

“I go up there to think.” Buster pointed to a big hill. “You can see everything from up there.”

We hiked toward a mountain. It looked close, but Buster said it was three miles away. I was glad to be out in nature, walking under redwood trees and climbing golden hills. It was a perfect day for hiking, cool and crisp. But it was still ass kicking, climbing up the winding trail.

After about two miles, we rested under a tree. Buster searched frantically through his backpack.

“I can't believe I forgot the dope. Blam! What are we gonna do now? You don't happen to have a joint on you, do you?”

I shook my head.

“Blam! I can't believe I forgot it!”

“Hey, we're out here in nature. What could be a bigger high?”

“Well, I guess you're right, John Denver.”

“I wouldn't mind having his money.”

“Dig up, we ain't got the munchies, but let's go 'head and grease.”

“Cool with me,” I nodded.

Buster dug in his backpack and handed me a sandwich.

“Thanks.”

We washed down the turkey sandwiches and potato chips with swallows of white wine.

“This Almaden wine is on the money, huh?”

“Uhm hmm, it's good,” I agreed.

“See, I know how to throw down. Some niggas would've broke out with a bottle of Night Train.”

“That's true.”

“You know, Stevie, I might be black as a crow and talk more shit than a radio. But I don't mean no disrespect. I mean, in regards to your nature.”

“You do talk mucho shit, but actually, you're the color of my grandmother's brownies.”

“And, baby, I taste just as good.”

“There you go again, talking shit.”

“Anyway, dig up.” Buster looked me in the eyes like he was about to confide something. “You know, I can almost understand a woman turning to another woman.”

“You can?”

“Yeah, 'cause I know women have been dogged by men. Maybe a woman just wants to be loved. She's looking for tenderness and understanding. She's afraid that she can't find that in a man. So she turns to her own sex. Women, I can understand.” Buster nodded. “But there's no excuse for two rusty niggas to climb into bed together.”

“Not in the world according to Buster.”

“You got it.”

“Look, I haven't been really dogged by men.” I shrugged. “I guess I just like women.”

“OK, OK, we found something we agree on.” Buster raised his plastic wineglass. “We both like women.” I tapped my glass against his. We'd finished eating and were back on the trail again.

“You know, Stevie, the problem with most girls is they're looking for wallets. Take my ex-girlfriend, Charmaine. I took her out last New Year's Eve to this club where my main man, Larry, is the bouncer. OK, so brothaman let's us in for free. And then my other partner, Raphael, is at the bar, gives us a bottle of free champagne. And I'm a happy camper, 'cause I'm only a part-time loader at UPS, you dig?”

“I heard that. Hey, they got any openings?”

Buster shook his head. “They done just hired for the Christmas season.”

“Well, finish the story.”

“OK, I'm all smiles and shit, but then I notice Charmaine's looking like she done just lost her favorite pair of earrings. I say, ‘Baby, is something wrong? Ain't you having a good time?' You know what the bitch had the nerve to say?”

“I don't like the word
bitch
.”

“You know what the nice young lady had the nerve to say?”

“What?”

“Everything is beautiful, except you ain't spent no money on me yet.”

“You know that's how a lot of women are raised to think. If a man cares about you, then he'll spend some money on you.”

“Well, I don't go for a handful of gimme and a mouthful of much obliged. So, my New Year's resolution was to ditch the bitch. I mean the nice young lady. And by Valentine's Day, Miss Thing had sho' nuff talked herself out of a box of chocolates.”

“Well, Buster, on the other hand, there are plenty of men who are looking for service providers.”

“Hey, I can do wash, I can cook, and I can clean. I'm looking for a fifty-fifty love. I'm not into playing games anymore. That's what I was about back in high school. All I wanted to do then was get over.”

“Don't you
still
want to get over?”

“Yeah, but now I'm more discriminating. When I was young, I'm shamed to admit it, but my motto was ‘pussy ain't got no face.'”

“You must've been a real charmer.”

“Nowadays, I'm looking for more. Don't get me wrong, looks count to a point. That's the first thing most men notice. That's why you caught my eye. But looks can only take you so far and then other shit has to kick in. Like sincerity.”

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly's to the bone. Beauty always fades away but ugly holds its own,” I recited.

“Guess what, Stevie?” Buster panted. “We're here! We made it to the top of the mountain!”

We stood in silence, surveying the Bay Area below. I noticed the sound of my own breathing.

“Look,” I pointed. “You can see three bridges. It's amazing. And look at all the sailboats.”

I glanced over at Buster. I was surprised to see tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Buster, are you crying?”

“No, I'm cool,” he sniffed. “Something must've got in my eyes. Probably just allergies.”

But then I saw him tremble. “Buster, you
are
crying! What's wrong? You can tell me.”

“I come up here and talk to my Moms. I'm usually alone. I didn't know I'd get this affected.”

I put my hand on Buster's shoulder for a moment. “I understand.”

“You ever lost anybody close?”

“No, not really.”

“Then you don't
really
understand.”

“I guess you're right. I suppose I've been lucky.”

“Hell, yeah, you've been lucky. You don't know. I would give anything just to see her again. Even just to pick up the phone and talk to her. Just one more time. Do you know Sterling blames me for our Mama's death?” Buster blurted out.

“Blames you? Why do you say that? Didn't she die in a car accident?”

“Yeah.”

“You weren't driving, were you?”

“No; she was the only one in the car. It was icy. Her car skidded, and ran into a concrete divider on the expressway.”

“Then how could Sterling blame you?”

“Moms was on her way to pick me up at football practice. I'd forgotten my bus fare,” Buster added sheepishly.

“It's still not your fault. You were young. Things like that happen. It was fate.”

“She never wanted me to play football. Said it was too rough.”

“But you really wanted to play?”

“Pops was the one who pushed me into it. He said he already had one sissy, he didn't want two.”

“That's heavy.”

“Stevie, I know everybody thinks their mama is the greatest.”

“Not everybody thinks that, Buster.”

“But, my Moms
was
the greatest. She was strong, but she was also gentle.”

I looked out at the bay. “I read somewhere, ‘There's nothing stronger than gentleness and there's nothing gentler than real strength.'”

“That's beautiful, just like Moms. She had class, but at the same time she was totally down-to-earth. She spoiled all of us.” Buster's voice cracked. “But especially me, her baby son. She'd run through hell in gasoline drawers for me.”

I put my arm around Buster's shoulder. “When I was little she used to braid my hair,” Buster sobbed “When my head would be between her knees, I'd be in my favorite place in the world.”