Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (6 page)

One of them handed him a bill which he handed to me. “My retainer,” he said to them. They giggled again.

I paid, working not to mutter nasty things about the Governor under my breath, and then we headed off to our rooms. We were on the highest floor and the word “palatial” leapt to mind. We had four bedrooms, two bathrooms large enough to house the Ismaliz Boys Choir, and a sunken living room area. The furnishings were all top of the line and so sleek they gave Slinkie a run for her money.

“How much is this going to cost us? All our internal organs? The
Sixty-Nine
? All of the above?”

“Same cost as the cheap fleabags you normally stick us in,” the
Governor replied. “Things are quite bad for Herion.”

Slinkie, Randolph and Audrey performed a variety of scans. I had to admit that Audrey was useful. She found some bugs no one else had. Once we had everything cleaned out and neutralized, we all sort of collapsed in the living room.

“None of the bugs were specific,” Randolph said finally. “Just standard for Herion.”

“No bombs,” Slinkie added.

“And we have no risks from the occupants of other buildings that I can spot, Captain.” Audrey was sitting next to Randolph, leaning against him. She looked almost human. If you could get past the way the lights reflected off her. Which I couldn’t.

“Good. Then I can call my contact and we can make a deal we probably don’t want to make with the Herion Business Bureau while simultaneously figuring out what Herion Military does and doesn’t know.”

“Nap, I still think I should spend time with Bryant and see what I can get out of him.”

“I know you’re hot for him, Slink. Cut me a break, though, and don’t throw yourself at him. Play a little hard to get. You know, you practice that on me all the time, you’re a pro at it by now.”

She rolled her eyes. “I guess brains and piloting skills are not the same thing.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Security Chief Slinkie is not actually interested in Major Lionside,” Audrey offered. “She is trying to gain information by using her feminine wiles.”

Slinkie didn’t look like she’d wanted Audrey to share this news. But I could tell it was true. Amazingly enough, I felt a lot better. “Oh, well, I knew
that
.”

“Nap, don’t even try to lie.” Slinkie leaned her head on her hand. “But you haven’t come up with anything better, and I want to be able to get off this planet and arrive somewhere else alive.”

“I don’t want you cozying up to Lionside, okay? I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t trust Nitin. Not sure about Bryant, but that Nitin guy gave me the creeps.”

“Same here. More reason not to let you go off with Lionside. What if they just want you for a group grope?” I had far too active an imagination. I could see this happening far too easily. And if anyone was going to be groping Slinkie against her will, it was going to be me.

“I’m more concerned with the gentlemen who are trying to hire you, Alexander,” the Governor said gravely. “Dealing with organized crime on Herion is tricky at best, particularly since we have Herion Military interested in us.”

“I agree. I need to call Janz.”

The Governor nodded and stood. “I’ll go with you. Sometimes he prefers to deal with me.”

“True. The rest of you, stay here and brainstorm ideas. I don’t want anyone wandering off right now, not alone, not together. You all stay here, got it? Especially you, Slink.”

“Fine,” she grumbled. Randolph and Audrey nodded.

“You sure you want to deal with Janz the Butcher again?” Randolph asked. He sounded no less freaked out than he had before. “That guy’s reputation is pretty terrifying. Even those Business Bureau guys were afraid of him.” Randolph clearly felt I should also be afraid of Janz. If he only knew.

I shrugged. “Been dealing with him for years. He seems to like me. Besides, the Governor uses his connections to smooth things out with the Butcher. We’ll be fine.”

“If the Butcher knows how to get us off this rock, I’m all over your talking to him, Nap.” Slinkie sounded much more morose and uncomfortable than normal. I decided I’d see what I could do about that after I made my contact.

“I’ll ask him for ideas, Slink, I promise.”

T
he Governor and I went into the room he’d taken as his. Closed the door, moved to the far side. He sat in a chair and sighed. “Exciting day.”

“Too true.”

“Exciting days are hard on old men.”

“True enough.”

“Why did you tell them you were dealing with Janz the Butcher?”

“Had to. No one on this planet respects weakness.”

“Yes, I know. I’m the one who taught you that, remember?”

“Yeah. So, what do you recommend?”

He rubbed his head. “You need to go to the ship to place your call. They’ll be monitoring the communications here. And if you don’t make a call, that will be as bad as if you make one that’s traced.”

I sighed. “That means you need to go back to the ship, too. Patching a call through here will mean it’s monitored.”

“True.”

“You up to it?”

“Do I have a choice? I realize we could wait to make the call, but who knows what will happen between now and the time for your arranged meeting.”

“Good point. I’m figuring more people are going to try to force us to do things we don’t actually want to do.”

“Business as usual is always a safe bet, Alexander.”

“Thank you, oh very wise one. Think they’ve put bugs on the ship?”

“I’m sure they’ve tried. You still have the sweepers set up?”

“Never turn them off. Why are you asking me stupid questions?”

“Have to stall a bit before we decide to go talk on the ship.”

“Why so?”

The Governor sighed. “So it’s believable for the others. Randolph seems quite shaken.”

“He never gets involved with the negotiations. For a reason.”

“I suppose it’s wise. His new, ah, lady friend could present some issues, however.”

“Well, if we go to the ship to make the call, chances are good Audrey will know what’s going on. If we stay here, though, then we’re back to everyone monitoring our communications.”

“Ah, what a tangled web we weave.”

I rolled my eyes. “The drama can stop any time.”

“Miss Slinkie seems quite distressed.” The Governor was the only one who called her Miss Slinkie. I always got the impression he got a private kick out of it, but I wasn’t sure why. I figured it was something depraved and chose not to question.

“Yeah, none of us like to hang on Herion. Possibly because some old guy we know has spent a lot of time telling us how scary this place can be when they don’t like someone. And, you know, we’ve been here before.”

“I rather like coming to Herion. You, personally, are so much more pleasant to deal with when you’re forced to behave yourself.”

“You sound like my Great-Aunt Clara. Keep it up and I’ll leave you here.”

The Governor chuckled. “Idle threats scare no one, Alexander.”

“But I enjoy making them. Just like you enjoy calling me anything but the nickname I actually like. Have we stalled long enough? If
you’re too tired to go to the ship, just let me know.”

He gave me a dirty look. “I’m old, not dead.”

“You’re still doing a great job of fooling everyone on that.”

The Governor stood up. “Yes, thank you. There are many times I ask myself why, out of all the people in this vast galaxy, I’ve become tied to your particular hip.”

“Mine’s the only hip you can trust.”

“True. And what that says about the two of us I shudder to contemplate.”

“Yeah, yeah, cry me a space trail. Let’s get going.” We went out and got questioning looks from the others. “We talked about it and figure no matter how well we’ve scanned, Herion’s got communications bugged. We’re going to call Janz from the
Sixty-Nine
.”

“Do you require my assistance, Captain?”

“No, Audrey. As long as the bug sweepers are still active, in place, and finding any and all the bugs the various Herion factions are trying to put onto my ship.”

She nodded. “Yes, Captain. I can and have been monitoring from here. Several different Herion Military have placed bugs, the Business Bureau have placed bugs, and an as yet unknown party tried to place a bomb. However, said party was captured by Herion Military.”

The Governor and I exchanged looks. “Perhaps we need to find another way to make contact,” he said.

“Open to ideas.”

He shrugged. “There’s always the old-fashioned way.”

I
sighed. “We’re on Herion. Not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“What’s the old-fashioned way?” Slinkie asked, sounding both suspicious and worried.

“We use a cellular phone.”

The crew, even Audrey, burst into laughter which lasted quite a while. Randolph got himself under control the fastest. “Nap, you’ve got to be kidding. I know you keep that ancient thing on you, but who the hell else even has one?”

“Janz the Butcher, for one.”

They looked at me in shock. “You’re kidding,” Slinkie said. “Someone that well connected is using ancient technology?”

I shrugged. “He likes to be able to access anyone at any time. So, yeah, he has a cell. He also has a variety of transmitters as well as up-to-date equipment. You want to talk to him and question his choices?” This question was met with uncomfortable silence. “Didn’t think so. So, Governor, back to the bedroom. At least we know it’s not bugged. Probably our safest place to make the call.”

He nodded. “I’d prefer to be sitting anyway.”

“Randolph, while we make the call, can you and Audrey please check on who was trying to plant that bomb? And, Audrey, please up the security programs to full. We’re plugged in and charging, so
the drain shouldn’t cause the
Sixty-Nine
any problems. Slink, I hate to say this, but call Lionside and see if he mentions this. Make a date with him for tomorrow night, oh-twenty-hours, at the Crazy Bear.”

Slinkie nodded. “Let me guess. That’s when and where you’re meeting up with the Herion Business Bureau.”

“I love you for your brains, Slink.”

“You lie pathetically, Nap.”

The Governor and I went back into his room, he went back to his chair. “We should have just said we were using the cell in the first place.”

“Would have raised suspicions. Slinkie, at least, would have asked why.”

“True. So, what’s the situation you want to tell Janz? In full, I mean?”

He drove me crazy with this. “We’re trapped on Herion, because there’s an armada with the best cloaking in the galaxy lurking in their solar space. You thinks it’s a pirate armada, but you haven’t seen fit yet to tell me how you know.”

“Because it’s a signature from over thirty years ago. Old nemesis. I’ll fill you in after we take care of this business.”

“Can’t wait. We have Herion Military watching our every move and suggesting we stay planetside. We don’t know if it’s because they want us spending our space credits, if they’re concerned for our welfare, or if they have nefarious plans for us.”

“I feel Miss Slinkie might be the goal of the nefarious plan.”

“Too damned true. And, finally, we have the Herion Business Bureau who wants a word. They insinuated but didn’t actually confirm that they want us to get something off this planet and out into the rest of the galaxy to make money. If that’s the case, we can’t say no. Unfortunately, the big question of the day is how we get away from Herion solar space alive.”

“Succinctly put.” The Governor reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a small, slim piece of very old equipment.

“Ringer’s off.”

“You can’t seriously think I’m going to waste the energy in dialing.”

He grinned. Still had all his teeth, and they weren’t disgusting. I was always grateful—Great-Aunt Clara had put a lot of store in good dental work, and it had rubbed off on me. “You don’t want to test and make sure the cells are still functioning?”

I rolled my eyes. “You got a call from the Ipsita Company on it just fine two weeks ago, right?”

“Right.” He leaned back and dropped his voice a few registers.

“What can I do for you, Mister Outland?”

I resisted the urge to hit him. He was an old man. Let him enjoy himself. “I need advice.”

The Governor nodded. “Janz the Butcher is glad to help his favorite son.”

“I
f I were really your son, I’d be like eighty or something.”

“I never married. It’s a figure of speech.” The Governor shook his head. “You’re so testy when we do this. I’ve never understood why.”

The why was actually easy, and I’d never understood how he hadn’t figured it out. My crew and I, due to a system-wide mix-up that wasn’t my fault, had inadvertently caused him to be deposed as Governor of Knaboor. Which meant he’d lost the best cover and base of operations any intergalactic bookie and all around special fixit man could have dreamed of. I’d figured out who he was during this little fiasco, and instead of him ordering my execution, he’d moved in with me.

It had kept us in jobs for the past five years, and no one seemed the wiser. But I hated that he wanted to play pretend when it was just the two of us. He insisted it helped to keep his cover with the others. I was pretty sure he just liked yanking my chain. A lot. Maybe he did understand why it bothered me—like my Great-Aunt Clara, the Governor was good with the applied guilt.

“So, what do we do… Janz? And, more importantly, what do I tell Beber Zoltan when I meet up with him tomorrow evening?”

“You’ll tell him that Janz expects you to be given hazard pay, for
whatever the job is. Whatever he first offers, quadruple it, allow him to bargain, but only settle for triple.”