Alive (14 page)

He leans over, softly grabs my face, and starts kissing my tears away. “Sweet Abigail, you are in no way are responsible for my father’s death. You didn’t pull the trigger, you didn’t cause the fight, and you are not the reason he died. Please don’t think that way. My father saved a little girl from the middle of a bar fight. I would have done the same thing if I was in that position. If my father didn’t pull you out from under that table, I might not have gotten the chance to ever meet you. That in itself would have been a tragedy because the day I met you was the greatest day of my life.” I realize at this moment in time that I am in love with Adam. It might seem crazy that we just met not that long ago, but we have this deep rooted connection that goes back before we even knew each other existed. We were meant to meet and be together.

“My dad died that night too, you know. He was also shot and killed the same night your dad was.” I say softly. Talking about my dad out loud is painful. I miss him so much that it hurts.

He reaches over and pulls me into his lap, resting his head atop of mine. We sit there for minutes, hours, I’m not really sure. Holding on to one another like our lives depended on it, and seeking comfort from someone who understands 100% what you are going through. I melt into Adam, and let him hold me. I know there is more to my story that I need to tell. He needs to know the rest. I can’t keep something like that from him. When Adam and I choose to be together, I don’t want any secrets between us. I want Adam to take away that memory, and replace it with something good.

“Abigail, what’s wrong? Your whole body has gone stiff and rigid.” I lift up my face towards his and his eyebrows are slightly drawn together.

“There is one more thing you need to know about me,” I whisper out. I am willing myself not to cry, as I am about to open up about my darkest secret.

Chapter 10

I take a deep breath before speaking and slowly let it out. “My mom used to bring guys home from the bar almost every night after my dad passed away. Once I got a little older, guys started to notice I was there. Most would just stare at me like a fresh piece of meat, or make sexual comments to me, but no one ever touched me. One night she brought home a regular from the bar. I’ve seen him a few times, and he always made me uncomfortable.”

Adam has started to breathe heavily, and his jaw is clenched so tightly that I’m afraid he might crack his teeth. His fists are balled tightly around the hem of my shirt. I can tell he’s having a hard time restraining himself.

My voice sounds robotic as I speak; telling this story makes my skin crawl. “One particular night they both came home high off of their drug of choice. I remember hearing them stumble into the apartment and head to her bedroom. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and I checked the hallway to make sure no one was awake. I went into the kitchen to find something to eat because Tiny didn’t leave me dinner that night so I was really hungry. I could smell him the moment he came into the kitchen. He smelled so strongly of vodka that it made my stomach turn.” Adam makes a low growl in his throat, and his fists ball up tighter around my shirt.

“Abigail, please don’t tell me he hurt you or touched you. I swear if he hurt you I will find him and fucking kill him.” His face is flushed and he looks like he’s ready to murder someone. I swallow the lump in my throat, forcing myself to continue.

“He raped me that night. I was screaming for my mom or for anyone downstairs to come help me. She was too cracked out to help me, and the music was too loud downstairs at the bar for anyone to hear me. After a while I just gave up and let my mind take me somewhere else.” My voice is barely above a whisper. What I don’t tell Adam is that it was his dad’s song, the one he was singing that night at the bar, took me away to a better place. I was able to escape reality and submerge myself in the memory of his dad’s beautiful voice.

Adam stands up abruptly and I almost fall onto the floor. “HE WHAT! And your mom did nothing to stop it? What did she do about it after you told her?” He roars. Angry Adam scares me a little bit, but I don’t want him to know that.

He asks the one question I don’t want to answer. Jessie doesn’t even know all the details about that night. If I told her, she would have killed my mother and not thought twice about it. I sit there silently staring at the floor.

“Abigail, answer me now. What did your mom do about it?” The veins in his neck are popping out, and he’s tightening and releasing his fist.

“I told her the next morning that the guy she brought home raped me, and she didn’t believe me. She accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend. I tried explaining to her that I didn’t try and steal her boyfriend, but she silenced me by slapping me across my face and pushing me into our glass coffee table. The table broke under my weight and cut my back.” Steady rivers of tears are making their way down my cheeks, landing like fat drops of rain on the hardwood floor. Out of all the things my mother has put me through, that night was the worst. That was the night I realized that the mother I knew and loved as a child was completely gone. In its place was a shell of the woman she used to be. She was emotionless and heartless, and harbored no feelings towards me at all anymore. That was the night the last piece of my heart, the part that was hanging on by a thread, completely shattered and fell like a million tiny pieces of confetti.

Adam quickly makes his way back over to me, wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up. I instantly wrap my legs around his waist, remembering him telling me that that’s where they belong. He body is wound so tight and I can feel the anger coming off of him in waves. His breathing is heavy and his jaw is clenched tightly.

“Abigail, the thought of anyone hurting you or touching you, makes me fucking sick to my stomach. But I promise you, that I won’t let anything happen to you again. You’re mine now, and I protect what’s mine. Do you hear me? I’ve got you.” His grip on me tightens and he moves one hand to the back of my head, wraps his hand in my hair, and holds me close.

We continue to hold each other for a long while. I’m slowly running my fingers up and down his back to try and calm him down, and he’s kissing away the tears that I didn’t know were falling down my face.

“Abigail,” he whispers out softly. I slowly lift my head from his shoulder and force myself to look at him. Even though I have accepted what happened to me and moved on, I still feel ashamed to admit it out loud. I don’t want Adam to look at me any differently, or treat me like I’m fragile. “You are the strongest and bravest girl that I have ever met. Not many people can go through what you have gone through and come out on the other side. I admire the hell out of you.” He leans forward and plants a soft sweet kiss on my forehead, almost like he’s treasuring me.

“Carry me upstairs, Adam.” I want him more than I want my next breath. He is looking at me wearily, likes he’s scared to precede any farther than we are right now. I need him to know that I’m not scared to be with him, that I trust him more than anyone, that I’m falling in love him. I never thought I’d ever be comfortable enough to give myself freely to someone, but right now I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. I may have had a traumatic experience, but it does not define me. I am not damaged beyond repair. “Kiss me, please.” I hear his quick intake of breath and see his eyes dilate with his desire.

“Are you sure? It’s been a long night, we can just go to sleep if you’d like.” He runs his knuckles slowly down my cheek, then across my bottom lip. I pull his finger into my mouth and gently nip down. His mouth parts open, and he’s breathing heavily now. I can’t wait another second to taste him. I pull his head down to me and crush my lips to his. He starts walking up the stairs, never breaking contact with my mouth. He pushes me up against the wall at the top of the stairs and he’s kissing me like a man possessed. A few picture frames fall off the wall as he slams me up against it. He grabs my hands and puts them above my head is a vice grip, while his other hand cups my breast. I push my chest farther into his hand, silently begging him not to stop.

“You like that, Peaches?” He says is a husky voice. Nothing has ever felt this good.

“I want to hear you say it, Abigail. I need to hear you say that I make you feel good.”

“Yes, god Adam yes, you make me feel good.”

My voice sounds high pitched and needy. He gives me a wicked smile that causes heat to pool between my legs. He makes his way farther down the hall and to his bedroom. He slowly drops me down to my feet, letting my body slide down his. He lightly pushes me so that I tumble down onto his bed. He stands at the foot of his bed staring down at me with a look of awe on his face. He slowly starts to take off his shirt and my mouth waters at the sight of his naked chest and stomach. His stomach has that perfect v, and his jeans are hanging off his hips in the most delicious way. I notice he has a tattoo on his side. It looks to be lyrics of some sort and I wish he would come closer so I could read what they say. I lick my lips, and then pull my bottom lip into my mouth. I want him closer to me, and I want him now.

“Seeing you lying there on my bed, waiting for me, is more amazing that I ever thought it would be.”

He crawls up the bed, and lays his body over mine. His mouth instantly crushes down over my mouth, and all the self-control I thought I had, just went out the window. I let my hands roam over his shoulders, down his back, and over his rock hard stomach. He grinds his hips into me and I cry out from the pleasure shooting through me.

Adam tears his lips away from mine and growls out. “Baby, you need to stop making those noises. I won’t be able to control myself much longer if you keep doing that. I don’t want to push you if you aren’t ready.”

“I don’t want you to control yourself Adam. Please. Let’s lose ourselves in each other, and forget about all the other shit going on in our lives right now. You and I, when we are together, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. I want you, more than I have ever wanted anything. Please Adam.” I lean up and trail kisses up his neck, and then slowly trail my tongue around the shell of his ear. He shudders under my touch, and knowing that I am able to make him feel that way causes my heart to swell.

Adam leans up on his elbows, caging my head in between his arms. He looks like he’s about to say something but instead he slowly lowers his head to mine and claims my mouth. The fierce passion we had for each other moments ago is still there, but in its place something tender has taken over. It’s like we are both savoring this moment with each other, prolonging it so that it never ends.

He moves his hands slowly down my side and tugs at my dress. I sit up and help him take it off. Reaching behind me I unclasp my bra, and then slowly lay back down on the bed. I am wearing nothing but black lacy panties, and my hair is splayed out over the pillow.

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, Abigail. Let me take care of you, please.” I nod my head because that’s the only thing I’m able to do at the moment. He lowers himself back over my body, trailing kisses all over my neck and down to my chest. He makes his way down my stomach, nipping at my hips and trailing soft kisses up my thighs, teasing me, until he reaches the spot I so badly want him to touch. I want to be embarrassed by what’s happening, but the moment his tongue touches me I can’t bring myself to care.

“ADAM!” I scream out. One hand frantically grips the sheet, while the other is tangled in his hair holding him to me. It doesn’t take long for my body to go stiff and my hips to buck against his mouth. Pleasure like I’ve never felt before shoots through my body, going from my fingertips all the way down to my toes.

While I’m still coming down from my high, I faintly hear Adam reach into his nightstand to grab a condom. He places himself back over me and looks me in the eyes.

“Are you sure, Abigail? You can tell me to stop at any time and I will.” Stopping him is the last thing I want to do.

“Please don’t stop,” I whisper out.

“I’ve got you, Abigail.”

Hearing Adam say that instantly causes me to relax, and I melt into his embrace. I trust him more than I’ve trust anyone. He rests his forehead against mine and presses himself against my entrance. He slowly pushes himself all the way inside me and I groan from the way he makes me feel. “Open, I want your eyes open Abigail. I need you to look at me.” I snap my eyes open and stare up at his beautiful face. He stays in place for a few minutes without moving and its driving me crazy. I need him to move.

“Adam, please move. I need you to move.”

I don’t think I can wait another second. I move my hips up to his silently begging him to move.

“Be patient baby, I want to feel you. This is my new favorite place to be, being inside you.”

He stays still for a few more seconds and then starts to pick up a rhythm.

“Is this OK, Abigail?” He lifts up his head and looks down at me.

“Yes, yes, this is OK.”

He gives me a chaste kiss before burying his head into my shoulder. I can tell his self-control snaps, because he starts moving faster and faster against me.

He leans up on his elbows and looks down in my eyes. “I need to watch you. You’re so fucking beautiful.” His words are my undoing and I crash fast and hard around him. He leans down and crushes his lips to mine, then he body goes rigid, and his grip on me tightens.

His body collapse onto me and we lay there trying to catch our breath.