Alive (13 page)

When we get to Adam’s car, and he puts me on the ground, I stop dead in my tracks. “This is what you drive?” I whisper out. I think I have a look of awe on my face. How did I not notice this beautiful car the other night when he took me to the hospital? Was I really that out of it? This car is hot, seriously fucking hot. And it also happens to be my dream car. The mother of all cars. A raven black 1969 Mustang Boss. My dad had a 1969 Chevelle, but he always talked about wanting a Boss. I remember him telling me that the Mustang Boss was the most unique Mustang ever made. I suddenly very badly want to see under the hood. I want to jump behind the wheel, and see how fast it goes.

“Yep, this is my car. I’ve been fixing it up for a few years now. It was my dad’s.”

“My dad had a 1969 Chevelle he was fixing up. But my mom sold it for drugs a long time ago. I used to sit out back with him and watch him while he worked on it. He would let me lay under the car with him while he worked, explaining things as he went. He always talked about wanting a Boss though, just like this one.” Anger flashes through me and what my mom did to his car. She has taken almost everything of my fathers from me just to feed her habit. Lately, I’m finding it hard to not hate her for all she’s done.

“Let’s get you in the car and go back to my house. If you need to puke tell me and I’ll pull over. I’m pretty sure vomit would ruin the upholstery in my car.” Geez, I’m not going to puke. Adam kisses my forehead and gently pushes me towards the car. He opens the door for me, and then leans over to put my seatbelt on. His neck is in front of my face, so I reach out and gently bite down. He leans over and gives me a brief kiss. “Behave.”

“But what if I don’t want to behave?” I pout at him.

He takes in a sharp breath. “Abigail, you're drunk. There is no way I am taking advantage of you tonight. I sure as hell want to, but I want you to remember every little thing that I am going to do to your body,” he seductively says. “Besides, when you wake up tomorrow, we are talking. I want some answers.” I am a little disappointed; I want to feel his lips on me again.

“I’m not drunk,” I grumble out.

I sink down into the leather seats and take a deep breath. My god, this car smells good. Adam climbs into his seat and starts the engine, and I hear it rumble to life. A shock of excitement rips through my body, and I can’t wait for him to drive off. The fogginess from the alcohol immediately starts to wear off the moment he starts the car. I’m ready to see how this beautiful car drives. Ever since I was a little girl and my dad talked about this same exact car, I’ve always wanted to take a ride in one. I look over at Adam, and I have the biggest grin I can muster up on my face. I’m sure my excitement is showing on my face.

“You excited about this ride, Peaches?” He is smirking at me with that irresistible smile. I lean over and grab his hand and nod my head excitedly up and down. I’m sure I look like a bobble head, but I just don’t care.

“You have no idea. Show me how fast it goes. I don’t think I can wait another second, Adam. Please drive.” I am speaking fast and Adam is laughing at me.

“Well, in that case, hang on tight.” He leans over and gives me a soft kiss on my lips, and then gives me a small wink before reversing out of his parking spot. Once we reach the deserted street, he floors it and I am pushed back into my seat.

It drives just like I have always imagined it would. Smooth, fast, and loud. I can’t help but think about my dad, and how much he would enjoy this very moment. This was a dream of his, and in turn, it was a dream of mine as well. Adam has the windows down, and the wind is blowing in my face. I close my eyes, and lean my head out of the window, trying to savor this moment. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life, and I have Adam to thank for that. I feel close to my dad tonight. I feel like he is smiling down on me from wherever he is, and I know he would be proud. And not to mention a little jealous that he isn’t here with me to experience this ride, but mostly proud.

“Can you show me how fast it goes?” He gives me a wicked grin, and the car speeds up.

“How fast are we going?” I shout out.

“The speedometer is at 120, but we are probably going faster. I’ve added a lot of bells and whistles to this car, so she drives fast.” Oh yes. She does drive fast. It’s perfect. Everything I thought it would be.

I stick my head back out of the window and shout loudly into the wind. I feel elated. Hot tears start to run down my face, but they are quickly being dried by the wind. I suddenly miss my dad, and his adventurous personality. I wish he were here to tell me what to do, or to give me great advice about life. I wish he were her to talk music with me, and teach me how to play the guitar better. I wish he were here to deal with my mother so the burden of her situation wasn’t on my shoulders. I wish he were here to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright, even if it isn’t

Adam pulls me back into the car and quickly rolls up the windows. “Get your tiny ass back in the car. You’re making me nervous. I don’t want anything happening to you.” He growls out.

He lets his foot off the gas and starts to slow down. He takes one look at my face and his smile disappears. “Abigail, what’s wrong?”

I stare at him for a long moment contemplating what to say. I want to tell him the truth about me. I want him to know how sorry I am that his father isn’t here anymore, and that I am somewhat responsible for it. I want to tell him that I’m heartbroken over my mother, and how badly I want to fix her. I want her to beat her addiction more than I want anything in life. I want to tell him that my dad is dead too, and the he died the same night as his father did. I’m sure he suspects that my dad passed away, but I haven’t told him myself that he did. But I freeze up. It’s like the words won’t come out of my mouth. I am nothing more than a coward, and I’m just like my mother. We can’t face our problems. We run away or cover them up. And right now I just want to run. Run fast and far away. Instead, I take the easy way out.

“Nothing, this moment is just really special to me. Brings back memories of my dad.” He is looking at me like he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t press the issue, and for that I am thankful.

We pull into Adam’s driveway and he shuts the car off. He leans his head back and rests it on the head rest and lets out a long sigh before speaking. “Abigail, when I look at you, I see sadness in your eyes. Sometimes you look like you’re lost, trying to find your way in a crazy world, that has one too many wrong turns. We all have scars and bad memories, but what we need to remember is that with time, the wounds heal and the scars fade away.

I also see someone who is strong and brave. You are loyal to people who don’t deserve it, and you love the people close to you with all your heart. I want to fight and try my hardest to keep you in my life. I told you before that you make me feel alive, and I meant that. You make me feel things that I didn’t think were possible. You make my dark days a little brighter. And in turn, I want to do that for you. Please, Abigail, please let me be that for you.”

Silent tears are streaming down my face. His words make the walls around my heart shatter and fall to the ground, with nothing left but a pile of dust and fallen debris in their place. I want to show him that I feel the same way too, that he makes me feel safe and treasured. I take off my seat belt and climb onto his lap. My knees are placed on both sides of his hips, and I grab his face in my hands.

“Adam, all those things you just said about me mean more to me that you will ever know. You came into my life right when I needed you the most. It couldn’t have been a more perfect timing.” And because I’m bad with words and can’t express myself as well as Adam does, I do the only thing I can do to show Adam how I feel. I kiss him. I kiss him with everything that’s in me.

When our mouths collide, nothing else exists to me in this moment. I put my hands behind his head, and pull him closer to me. I feel like I can’t get him close enough. And it’s in this exact moment in time that Adam completely changes my outlook on life. I used to think that fate and coincidence were just things you read about in books or watched in fairy tales. That there was no such thing as a soul mate, and people who believed in that stuff were delusional. But right now, in this moment, I realize I didn’t know who I was until I met Adam.  Was it fate that we met? Was it coincidence that he happens to have the car my dad was always talking about? I don’t know, but I don’t think so. I was walking through life angry, bitter, and lost. Adam came into my life when I least expected it, and he is slowly made me feel alive again. I think we both do that for each other.

“Let me take you upstairs.” His husky voice has me squeezing my thighs together to try and relieve some of the pressure between my legs. I want Adam to truly know me and my past before we take things to the next step. I need to tell him about my dad, and the reason I have been so guarded towards guys for so long. I take a deep breath and summon all the courage I can muster up before speaking again.

“Yes, but can we talk first please?” I say this so softly that I am not even sure Adam can hear me. There is a lump in my throat and I find myself struggling to catch my breath.

“You can talk to me about anything Abigail, I hope you know that.” He grabs my hand and slowly brings it to his lips, kissing each of my knuckles, before releasing my hand and stepping out of the car. He comes around and opens my car door and scoops me into his arms.

“What is it with you and wanting to carry me everywhere? A girl can get used to this kind of transportation,” I say while laughing.

“You seem to have put on a few pounds since the last time I carried you, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.” He says with a smirk.

I slap his shoulder and glare at him. Ass. He leans down and kisses my forehead and then the tip of my nose. “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and you are mine, do you understand? I won’t share you with anyone else. And I won’t have you running away anymore.” I like the thought of being his.

“Does that mean you get to be mine too?” I so badly want to make him mine, but he needs to know my secrets first.

“I’ve been yours since the moment we collided in the hallway. You bulldozed your way into my life and I have no plans of letting you go.”

Adam carries me inside and into the kitchen and sits me down at the table. “Drink this water first, and then we’ll talk.”

I take a sip of water and go to put my cup down but Adam stops me. “All of it Abigail it will make you feel better.” I glare at him and drink more water. It taste amazing, and I chug it until it’s gone.

I swallow past the lump in my throat and take a deep breath. Here it goes. Now or never. “Adam there are things you don’t know about me, and I’m scared that once you find out, you might resent me, or hate me.” Please, please, please don’t hate me. I don’t think I could take it.

“Peaches, I could never hate you. Please don’t ever think that.” I love how Adam speaks with such sincerity; it’s hard to not believe anything he tells you.

“I haven’t told you much about my family life. I have always kept that part of my life private. Nobody except Jessie knows my situation. My mom and dad own the bar I live above, the bar has been in our family for years. Growing up in a bar was all I knew as a kid. I would spend my days behind the bar helping my dad make drinks, or passing out napkins. But one night my life, and yours too, changed forever.” I whisper the last part out and look at Adam’s expression. I can see that realization is building up behind his eyes. He is staring at me intently, and his posture has become rigid. But I need to continue, he needs to hear it all.

“My dad used to have bands come in and play every Friday night. This one particular night I was listening to a band called Twisted Monkeys.” I hear him take a sharp intake of breath at the mention of his dad’s band. “The lead singer had the voice of an angel. I remember looking up at the man singing and I fell head over heels in love with him. It was like his voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold night, soothing me. I was sitting behind the bar mesmerized by the man singing when I heard gunshots being fired behind me. I remember hearing my dad yelling for me to run upstairs and to get inside my room. I was a little mad that I had to quit listening to the man singing on stage, but I did as my dad told me to and ran for my room.

On the way there I got knocked down by some men fighting. I fell into some broken glass and my arms got cut up pretty badly.” I lift up my arm and show him the jagged scars. He lightly runs his fingers over my scars and tenderly kisses each one, as if he is trying to take the pain away. He laces his fingers through mine, and kisses the top of my hand. I look up at his face and I can see the pain in his eyes. Tears are blurring my vision, and my voice is choked up, but I need to finish telling him all my secrets.

“I crawled away and hid under a table, curling myself up into a ball. Hoping and praying that this would all end soon. I was so scared and all I wanted was my dad to come save me. Before I realize what was happening, two arms are pulling me out from under the table. I am struggling to get away, but then I hear the man start to sing, and I realize it was the man with the beautiful voice. He wraps me in his arms and starts humming the song he was singing on stage. He is telling me that I am going to be OK, and to be brave. I remember how grateful and thankful I was that he came and saved me. He took me up to my room and told me to hide in my closet until my mom and dad came to get me.”

Adam is staring at me with wide eyes, and his grip on my hand has tightened. “Adam, it was your dad who saved me that night from the middle of the bar fight. If your dad didn’t stop to help me, he might still be here. He might still be alive and sitting here with you right now. But because of me, because he stopped to help me, you no longer have your dad. That’s why I ran out of here yesterday. I saw his picture in the hallway. I am part of the reason you and your mom are in so much pain.” The tears are flowing hot and steady down my cheeks. I stare up at Adam through my wet lashes, and I notice that he is crying too.