All Access (Brothers of Rock #1) (rockstar contemporary romance) (11 page)

Jess caught her breath even though her heart continued to race.  The pleasure already started to reach a climatic state.  She had the urge to apologize to Johnnie but she could see it in his eyes... he needed this as much as she did.

(16)

Johnnie brought his body down to Jess.  His chest pressed against hers.  He could feel her soft, warm breasts.  As he moved his hips, starting with a soft motion, Jess’s hands went to his back, holding him for a second and then she began to claw at him.  Her nails weren’t very sharp but as she moved her hands, Johnnie groaned at the scratching feeling.

Her body was warm, tight, satisfying.  With each gentle pump he offered her, she looked at him with sincere eyes; eyes that didn’t just enjoy the moment and the pleasure but eyes that understood how important the moment was. 

Johnnie let his fingertips slide down the side of Jess’s body, feeling her try to jump as he touched ticklish spots.  He couldn’t help himself.  The more she jumped, the better everything felt.  At her hip he moved around until he was cupping her backside.  He squeezed and lifted to seek more of her body. 

As his speed grew faster, leaving the gentler passion move into oblivion, Jess began to moan louder, wanting more, asking for him.  Johnnie moved as his body dictated and slowly, Jess started to find the confidence to rock at him. 

Together, they had each other, their bodies touching, the heat growing by the second.  They savored one another, Johnnie kissing her lips, moving down to her chin, and finally tasting her neck.  His tongue found hints of perfume and as Jess sweat, the warm aroma crept up Johnnie’s nose, bringing back all the feelings he felt backstage at the concert. 

How hot the moment had been they shared.

How he almost lost her, again, because he couldn’t just tell her what he wanted.

“I want you,” he whispered as his lips traveled up her neck towards her ear.

“What?” Jess asked, ending it with a gentle moan.

Johnnie slowed himself and kissed across her cheek, back to her lips.  He touched her lips but didn’t kiss. Instead, he spoke, so Jess hear him and feel his lips as he said it.

“I want you,” he said.  “I should have said it before.  In the café.  At the show.  I want you, Jess.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in your bed, with you,” Jess said.

Johnnie felt her move her lower half as she slid against him.  He grunted and thrust, unable to control his instincts.

“I just wanted you to know that,” he said.

Jess put a thumb to his lips and traced them.  “You have me, Johnnie... you have me...”

Jess moved her thumb and Johnnie kissed her.  This time the kiss grew intense as did Johnnie’s movements.  There was no stopping him now, but he was sure that Jess wouldn’t stop him anyway.

The only time their kiss took a break was when Johnnie reached climax.  Jess opened her mouth and let out a cry and Johnnie waited as he watched her.  When he finished, he didn’t exit her body but he did kiss her.  He kissed her for what felt like hours but only passed as minutes.

He rolled from Jess’s perfect body and pulled her, forcing her to her side to face him.  His fingers traced along her face as she stared at him.  They were never so open before.  He knew he had brought Jess to a tender moment of honesty.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“How it can be real,” Jess whispered.

“What can?”

“All of this...”

“Jess, it is.”

“That’s what my heart keeps telling me.”

“Listen to it then.”

Johnnie placed his hand to her chest.  Not quite near her heart as he cupped her breast, but close enough for him. 

Jess moaned and smiled, then closed her eyes.  Within seconds, he watched her drift off to sleep.  His blood was pumping too hard and too fast to even consider sleep.  This was the first time in a long time he’d made love to woman.  Anything recent had been sex... and even less than that.  It had been
fucking
.  The attempt at satisfaction which, for all Johnnie knew, was just his feeble attempt at pleasing the rockstar ego that sometimes followed him like a rabid animal.

Johnnie rolled to his back and took a deep breath.  He smiled and shook his head, realizing it was the first time he’d had sex in this very bed.  Of all the wild things his life had given him, including the financial security to have a secluded cabin like this, he did everything he could to keep it hidden.  Bearing his soul on stage for the fans, pouring lyrics and music into each song, refusing to have someone even suggest the idea of bringing on a songwriter to assist, it all left him feeling exposed.  All the time.  Each song had its own story and purpose and Johnnie was the man behind it.

Slowly, Johnnie shifted himself out of the bed.  Jess didn’t stir an inch.  He found his clothes and then stood at the bottom of the bed, watching her sleep.  On her side.  Her hair slowly falling towards her face.  Her soft lips.  Johnnie licked his lips, still tasting her.  She was completely naked, looking like a posing model, her body in a crescent pose.  Her left arm covered some of her breast, the erotic sight made Johnnie’s body feeling warm and ready to go again.

He dressed and took a blanket off the leather couch in the room and placed it on Jess.  He then left the room, found her bag, and silently carried it back into the bedroom for her. 

The silence of the cabin was sometimes the loudest noise in the world.  With the silence came no distractions and with no distractions came no excuses.  Johnnie stood at the window in the living room, looking out to the mountains.  The guitars, drums, and other instruments were before him, silent, still, but he could hear them in his mind.

Was it so bad?

To want more?

To find something different?

To settle?

Johnnie knew his name as a solo act wouldn’t draw the crowds Chasing Cross did, and that was okay.  But what it would do though is give him freedom.  Small clubs.  Small venues.  Smaller crowds.  All acoustic.  Laid back.

Time trickled on and Johnnie eventually sat down in front of the computer monitor at his recording desk.  He saw himself in the blackness of the screen and hurried to turn it on.  He turned on the rest of the computer and recording equipment.  When the computer loaded, the only icon on the desktop was the file for the new song.  Johnnie kept it there, smack dab in the middle, because of how excited he had been after finishing the song.  He moved the mouse to the file and clicked on it.  It highlighted the audio file but didn’t open it. 

Sighing, Johnnie double clicked and watched as it opened.

It began to play but there was no sound.  The speakers were turned off and Johnnie left it that way.  He watched the seconds move and it somehow felt metaphoric to him. 

He thought about the band.

Danny was blood, yet the rest of the guys were close enough.  They deserved to play and write as long as they wanted to.

Johnnie reached for the speakers and turned them on. 

The song played, Johnnie’s voice leading against acoustic tracks.

The song was beautiful.

Nothing could be added by the band even though he felt something was still missing from it.

Shit.

Johnnie closed his eyes and lowered his head.  He wished Jess were awake, and with him right then.  She could take his mind off this... and maybe she could fix his ailing heart.

(17)

Jess sat up and the blanket fell from her chest.  When she saw her bare breasts, she gasped and picked the blanket up.  She looked left to right but before she could say a word, she heard music.

Coming from the living room.

Johnnie.

She kicked the covers off and stood from the bed, taking the blanket with her.  The first thing she saw were her torn panties on the floor.  Her mouth fell open and even in the privacy of her own company her cheeks turned red. Never before had she had someone so aggressive.  And not for one second did Jess worry about Johnnie as he overcame her.  She fully opened to him, in more ways than one.

She stepped over the panties and saw the rest of her clothes, scattered on the floor like she was a messy college girl.  Not at all.  That mess of clothing was from the best kind of lust.  Unfiltered.  And just what Jess wanted and expected from Johnnie.  She took note that Johnnie’s clothes were gone which explained the music playing outside the room.  Before she could curse herself for not having panties, she saw her bag, waiting just within the door.

It made Jess’s heart thud.  What a romantic touch.  Something so subtle meant so much.  It meant that the sex wasn’t just sex.  It wasn’t just Johnnie taking her to the cabin for a romp or two. Sure, he had said sweet words while he was deep inside her.  Jess had been down that road before - the empty promises that came with a hookup.

But Johnnie took the time and care to bring her bag into the room...

Calm down, right now.

Jess felt old demons creeping in.  The ones she picked on Marie for all the time.  The ones that made her try to fall fast.  The difference was that while in the past those demons wanted her to fall for someone but she never did.  Now, staring at the bag on the floor, she realized that maybe she didn’t quite fall for Johnnie yet, but she certainly had tripped... the second she saw him on stage.

After finding panties that weren’t torn in her bag, Jess dressed and left the bedroom. 

She walked slow, wanting to hear the song. 

It was a new song, definitely.  Then again, Jess was technically somewhat of a Chasing Cross virgin.  But Johnnie had been talking about a new song...

She moved into the living room and saw Johnnie standing at the window. 

The song continued.  Something about the tone and vibe was so much different than a Chasing Cross song.  The clean sound of the guitars and Johnnie’s voice made it powerful and with purpose. 

Jess noticed Johnnie hung his head.  Every few seconds he would shake his head.  His right hand was outstretched, his middle fingers moving along the strings of a guitar. 

The song came to an end and Johnnie side stepped to the computer.  He reached for the mouse and Jess knew she had to say something.

“For the record, I like it,” she said.

Johnnie jumped and spun around.  He quickly blinked and smiled.

Was he crying?
Jess asked herself.

No way, she refused to believe that.

“Hey there,” Johnnie said.  “Sorry if I woke you.  Not used to company.  I try my best to keep it down... but the more it goes, the more I turn it up.”

“No, that’s fine.  I’m sorry I fell asleep, again.  Not used to being up so late and traveling so much.”

“Welcome to
the life
,” Johnnie said.  “I’m going to play this again.”

Jess watched a different Johnnie before her.  Not the passionate man from the bedroom.  Not the rockstar on stage, commanding a crowd.  Not even the fired up man during the phone interview with the magazine.

This was a much different kind of Johnnie.

This man was humble, worried, and yet the look in his eyes as he dazed off told Jess that this song meant something to him.  Maybe more than anything he had ever written.  To Jess, it wasn’t the greatest song she’d ever heard, and maybe it didn’t even rival the song “Chasing”, but what mattered was what Johnnie felt on the inside.

Johnnie’s left hand reached and gripped the neck of a guitar.  He lifted it and swung it around, so smooth.  It Jess tried something like that, the guitar would have went sailing through the air. 

He put a leg up on the chair, balanced the guitar on his leg, and started playing with the song. 

That’s when it really hit Jess.

This was
the song
.  The song Johnnie was meant to write and play by himself.  There was no need for more instruments and layering.  It was meant to be done as a man with a guitar, and a story to share.

Jess stood like a statue for the entire song, watching Johnnie go through plenty of emotions.  When it ended, he strummed the chords on his guitar.

“I like that song a lot,” Jess said.  “When you play it...”

“It’s a good song,” Johnnie said.  He looked at Jess.  “But can I write an album around it?”

“You can do anything you want.  My first book... all I had was a scene in my head.  I built the rest around it.”

“With the band though?” Johnnie asked.

Jess didn’t have a response.

Johnnie sighed and put the guitar down.  “Okay.  That’s enough of that.  I didn’t bring you here to drag you down with me.”

“It’s okay,” Jess said.  “I know how it feels sometimes.”

“Come here, Jess.”

Johnnie had his arms open.  How could Jess resist?  She walked to Johnnie and accepted his embrace.  His arms were strong and perfect.  He then lifted Jess and walked her to the door.  He opened it and took Jess out to the deck.