All Access (Brothers of Rock #1) (rockstar contemporary romance) (12 page)

“This view freaks me out,” she said.

“Why?”

Jess put her feet down but didn’t let Johnnie go.  She looked out to the mountains, to the peaks and valleys, to the world.

“Because the world is so big,” she said.

“It’s big to look at,” Johnnie said.  “But if you’re with the right person, it’s the right size.  It’s like holding it in the palm of your hand.”

Jess looked at Johnnie, preferring his face over the lethal drops that waited.

“How about we eat?” Johnnie asked.

“Are you going to cook for me?” Jess teased.

“Of course.  I hope you like wine, that’s a rule here.”

“There’s rules?”

“My place, my rules,” Johnnie said. 

“What are they?”

“The rules?  They’re simple.  First, we drink wine.  Starting now.  Second, when we’re close enough, we kiss.  And finally, tonight, when it’s dark, we try to count as many stars as we can.”

“That’s impossible...”

“That’s the fun of it.  Nothing wrong with chasing the impossible.”

Johnnie cooked while Jess stood near him, sipping wine.  He purposely walked by her any chance he got, and kissed her.  Rules were rules.  He called her out on breaking rule one claiming that sipping wasn’t drinking. 

After two glasses, Jess felt good. 

Warm.

Happy.

Good.

“Can we put that song back on?” she asked.

Johnnie froze, looking over his shoulder from the masterpiece dinner he cooked.  “You want to hear it again?”

“I can’t get it out of my head right now,” she said.

“You like it that much?”

“I love it that much, Johnnie.”

Johnnie smiled, a sincere smile, and left the kitchen.  The song began to play a few seconds later and when Johnnie’s voice kicked in, Jess started focusing on the lyrics.  Not just hearing them, but feeling them.

They ate dinner, and had another glass of wine, leaving Jess feeling even better.  When she stood, hell bent on cleaning up, the room swirled for a second.  She balanced herself and when she realized Johnnie had caught her, her cheeks blushed.

“Not a wine drinker?” he asked.

“Not really a drinker at all.  I like my mind clear, so I can work.”

“Me too.  But sometimes I like to cloud my mind.  Keeps things fun.”

Johnnie helped Jess clean up and as they bumped elbows at the sink, they looked and smiled at each other.  The hint of domestic bliss became overshadowed by intense romance as Johnnie did everything he could to touch and kiss Jess. 

“Can I ask something?” Jess asked.

“You just did.”

“Something a little more serious?”

“Why not?”

In the background, the song was coming to end after its tenth run.  Jess could hear the music still and the words were now plastered in her mind.

“Why does your manager want this so bad for you?  What about your band?”

“Oh, Jess, come here.”  Johnnie turned and pulled Jess close to him.  His hands interlocked around her lower back.  Jess put her hands around Johnnie’s neck.  “It’s not my band, Jess.  It never was and it never will be.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jess said, feeling silly.  “You’re the singer...”

“And Rick’s the drummer.  I can’t play drums like he can.  Just like Davey and my brother.  Those two together on guitar... it’s beautiful.  Without them, what am I?”

“Johnnie,” Jess said.  “You’re still Johnnie.”

“And that’s what Peter wants.  He’s not a bad man, he’s a business man.  For all I know, he could be asking the same of the other guys.  For me, he thinks by going solo, it’ll just add more security to my life.  I can get more personal, more stripped down.”

“I like you stripped down,” Jess said.

Johnnie smiled.  “I’m sure you do.  It’s just business.  People see us and think it’s all about music.  There’s so much more to it.  Everything little decision... from touring to how the tracks are listed on the new album...”

“What do you want?”

Johnnie puckered his lips.  “You know, we’re breaking the second rule here.  Look how close we are, and we’re not kissing.”

Jess considered pressing Johnnie since he obviously ignored her question.  But kissing him... well, that she couldn’t pass up.

Their lips touched, making up for a few broken rules, but Johnnie slowly opened his mouth, adding his tongue, tossing the rule book out the window.  He pulled at Jess, keeping her body tight to his.  Jess never enjoyed kissing someone so much.  She moved to her toes to kiss Johnnie harder.

“Jess...”

She kept kissing him.

“Jess... wait...”

Jess finally succumbed and bit at Johnnie’s lower lip.

“I’ll make it up to you in a bit,” he said.  “Let’s go outside and look at the stars.”

It felt so juvenile, but when Johnnie slipped his hand into Jess’s, it felt so right.  He opened the door again and Jess marveled at that situation.  It was just so many hours ago that Johnnie stood on the stage, commanding thousands of people with rock n’ roll music.  And now he commanded Jess to the back deck to look at stars. 

The air was cool, more crisp than before.  Jess instantly shivered, waiting for Johnnie to wrap his arms around her.  Even if it wasn’t cool out she would have shivered.  She needed Johnnie to touch her as much as possible.  Her mind reminded her that for each second that went by was another second counting down until reality would come.  Reality meant waiting for her agent to call.  Johnnie facing his decision.  The two of them having to leave the cabin.

But for now...

Jess looked up.

She thought she could show off her intelligence and find at least one of the constellations in the sky.  Everyone knew the basic ones, right?

That idea shattered to pieces as Jess saw more stars than she’d ever seen in her life.  There were clusters upon clusters.  The sky looked nothing like it did in the city.  She couldn’t find one star that made sense.  That didn’t matter though.  The sight was beautiful.  Breathtaking even.

Johnnie squeezed Jess, and locked his arms around her. 

“Makes you feel alive, doesn’t it?” Johnnie whispered.

“Makes me feel small.  Makes you wonder about the world, the universe...”

“Makes our problems seem so small.  That’s why I love it up here.”

“I love it here too,” Jess said.  “With you.”

Johnnie rubbed his cheek against hers and let out a breath.  “Sometimes I think about stopping all together.”

“Stopping what?  Coming up here?”

“No.  Music.”

Jess broke from Johnnie’s lock and turned to face him.  “What?”

“Being on the road is hard.  Dealing with the business, the band, the life of it all.  And now with this song...”

“You should be amazed at your ability.  How many years after your first album and you can still write a song like that?”

“What if I want it to be mine?” Johnnie asked.  “Everything you’ve ever written... has it been plastered across the world?”

Jess swallowed.  She shook her head.  “No, it hasn’t.  That’s because it wasn’t very good.”

“I’m sure it was good to you.”

“And if I had a song like that, Johnnie, I would share it.  Do you realize how important music is to people?  How important your music is?”

Jess considered telling him about Marie’s personal story and the song “Chasing”, but she didn’t want to make Johnnie feel uneasy.  There was something about being a creative artist that was beautiful but also held a curse.  Jess could only wish someday people would tell her how important her books were, but she knew better.  She wrote for the thrill of entertainment. 

Johnnie wrote from the heart.

“Then keep the song,” Jess said.  “Keep it for yourself.”

“I tried that once,” Johnnie said.  “I ended up writing almost thirty songs and felt like I was alone, homeless, with no purpose, and that I was cheating the band and our fans.”

Jess opened her mouth but stopped.  Against the small light of the evening, she saw the way Johnnie’s face looked.  Beautiful, troubled.  She saw the color of his eyes and could see how open he was at that moment.

“Just don’t cheat yourself,” Jess whispered.  She touched Johnnie’s face, and her own body reacted. 

“I think we need more wine,” Johnnie said.

“I think we need to follow your second rule... we’re way too close right now...”

“Fair enough.”

Johnnie kissed Jess and she felt his passion running through her.  The passion of a man who acted as a fatherly figure to the rest of Chasing Cross.  The man who made heavy decisions while bearing his heart and soul.  Jess knew he needed someone in his life to be there and she wanted to be that one. 

Her hands slid around to the back of Johnnie’s neck and she subtly dug her nails into his skin, just enough to signal to him that their star gazing adventure was over. 

Johnnie broke the kiss and backed away.  “Wait right here...”

**

Johnnie stormed through the cabin, his body feeling more alive than it had in years.  In the living room, he paused and bent over, placing his hands to his knees, catching his breath.  The room spun and it had nothing to do with the wine.  Hell, he could drink a full bottle of wine on his own and feel fine. 

This was because of Jess.

She somehow got to the core of him.  She said things nobody else would say.  She was honest in a way that most wouldn’t dare try.  Worst of all, she was right. 

It was his choice with everything in his life.

Just don’t cheat yourself.

She was like a poet.  Words fell from her mouth in such a beautiful fashion.

“Just don’t cheat yourself,” Johnnie whispered.

He stood back up and decided he wouldn’t cheat himself.  At least not tonight.

He hurried to the computer and turned on the song, putting it on a constant repeat.  It sounded even better turned way up.  Next he rushed to the bedroom and in the closet found two heavy blankets.  On his final stop through the kitchen, he grabbed the half empty bottle of wine but left the glasses in the kitchen.

It was a drink from the bottle kind of night.

(18)

Jess stepped to the side and watched as Johnnie made a small bed for them on the deck.  He handed her the bottle of wine and reminded her of the first rule.  Jess tilted the bottle towards Johnnie in a salute and then placed the bottle to her lips.  She took a small sip, one that Johnnie would have disapproved of, but he didn’t say anything. 

The song blared in the house but came out of the house at just the right volume.

“Why the song?” Jess asked.

Johnnie stepped to her and took the wine bottle from her hand.  He took a drink that made Jess’s mouth fall open. 

“I need the song on,” Johnnie said.  “Because I want to make love to you.  Right here.  Right now.”

Johnnie reached beyond Jess and placed the wine bottle on the small table on the deck and then set his sights on her. 

Jess had never done anything this wild in her life.  Ever.  The first thing she did was look around, her mind expecting to find some kind of lights from another house or a car... or something.

There were none.

This was like being on top of the world.  Lost in a special place.  The backdrop being the tipped silhouettes of the mountains against the star filled sky.  The moon offered little light and the only other light came from the kitchen windows.

Johnnie had one hand on Jess’s backside and the other touching her chest.  Her pulled her close and kissed her chin.  Jess sighed and let her head fall back.  She kept her eyes open, seeing the stars as she felt Johnnie kiss her neck.  From her neck, she felt Johnnie nuzzle the top of her shirt.  She giggled but then felt Johnnie’s nose as it rubbed down her shirt.  She looked down with a gasp just in time to see that Johnnie had moved to his knees.  Before she muttered a sound, his hands were at her pants. 

This was dangerously erotic... but as Johnnie’s soft lips kissed just below her belly button as Jess stepped from her pants and panties, she caught a sense of romance too.

This was bad, very bad, but very good.

Jess wasn’t sure how far Johnnie would go but his tongue made it evidently clear.  He enjoyed her body, leaving Jess trying to balance herself, reaching back to the table for support, missing it, and finally just bending her knees slightly.  Johnnie’s hands touched the back of her legs, coaxing her into relaxing. 

There was no relaxing, not with Johnnie in his current position. 

After bringing Jess to a quick but effective climax, he retreated up her body, kissing her slowly using just his lips.  Kiss after sensual kiss, Johnnie’s hands stayed ahead, lifting Jess’s shirt.  A minute later, Jess stood naked on the deck.  She shivered and felt her body reacting to the cold.