All I Want Series Boxset, Books 1-3: All I Want for Christmas, All I Want for Valentine's, All I Want for Spring (13 page)

“I can’t believe you were talking to her. And that she helped you up first before her own fiancée. She’s got some nerve.”

Holly tightened her grip again and I narrowly missed crashing into a stranded child.

“Hey, slow down,” I said. “You’re hurting my hand and I don’t like going this fast.”

“I just wanted to get away from them — I was trying to do you a favour.”

I squeezed her hand and pulled her back — I needed to make her see things from my perspective.

Holly reluctantly slowed.

“I appreciate that, but you have to let me deal with this my way. This is my mess, my situation, not yours.”

“I just don’t want her treating you like shit, like always.” Holly’s face softened. “You don’t deserve that.”

I saw something in her eyes then, but I couldn’t quite place it. Protection? Chivalry? Love? A merry-go-round of terms whizzed in my brain, but I brushed them aside and pulled her gently into the hoardings. I couldn’t deal with anything else on top of the fact that Nicola was here right now.

“Nice of you to say, but racing around an ice rink isn’t going to affect that either way. Just relax and let’s try to enjoy this, like you said.” Just as the words came out of my mouth, Nicola and Melanie stuttered past us, Melanie grimacing, Nicola looking less than pleased.

“We can definitely skate better than them,” Holly said. 

“Very true.” My mind flicked back through my Nicola album and landed on a memory from my youth — Nicola and I skating around our local ice rink, arm in arm. It was romantic back then, and now Nicola was trying to be romantic with Melanie. The morning after she’d come round to seduce me. Anger bubbled up my body.

“I’m going back in.” I skated off, not waiting for Holly and not looking back. I was trapped and angry and not in the right space to be on an ice rink, that was for sure. I scanned the area. Where were they? I glided past three teenage boys in a line holding hands, sure to topple backwards at any moment. Then a small child skating backwards without a care in the world. Then a young couple holding hands, skating together, in love.

And then I saw them. Melanie had found her centre of balance and her body language was far better than it had been a few minutes earlier — she was getting the hang of it, but still grasping Nicola’s arm. She wobbled slightly and Nicola put an arm around her waist. Then she leaned in and said something, and they both laughed.

And that’s when I realised — they were one of the happy couples too. So what that we’d snogged in the last 24 hours? It wasn’t impacting on their day. That made me even more angry.

They were in my sights now, but I wasn’t really sure of my plan. I wanted to disturb their happiness, get my own back. How dare Nicola be smiling and laughing. What about me? What about my happiness and my Christmas girlfriend quest? Nicola showing up had completely blown that out of the water, thrown me off my game. If she hadn’t shown up, I’d surely have bagged a girlfriend by now, would have carried on dating.

But she’d proved a distraction.

Now I was going to be a distraction right back.

I revved forward, going left to avoid a woman in a red ski jacket, then right to skate around a weeping child on the floor, an ice marshal in attendance. They were so close, with their backs to me, still laughing. I could just clip the back of Nicola’s heels and skate off like nothing happened, right? And once she went down, Melanie was sure to follow.

I was five feet away, ready to strike when I felt an arm on mine — Holly. She pushed me left, but in the process went right into the back of Nicola and Melanie. There was a yelp as they fell forward, a crack as all their bodies struck the ice, Holly on top of them, me gawping at the sight. I changed the direction of my skates and swooped in to help Holly.

Nicola was still on the floor, struggling to get up. “Did you do that on purpose? There was plenty of room around, why would you do that?”

Holly gripped my arm and clambered to her feet, wincing and holding her right knee. “Of course it wasn’t on purpose — I was pushed and went into the back of you. I’m not an idiot.”

“Could have fooled me,” Nicola snapped, her expression souring by the second.

An ice marshal skated in to help Nicola up, then Melanie. When he was satisfied nobody needed hospital treatment, he skated off to his next casualties.

“I’m an idiot?” Holly said, wrinkling her forehead. “You really want to get into idiocy stakes right now? Because I think you’d win hands down, don’t you?”

Oh shit. Please don’t say anything.
Please don’t let this all blow up in my face now. Not when it’s over. Not when I’m just coming to terms with it. Not when this isn’t even what I want anymore.

I glanced at Holly who was grinding her teeth.

Nicola opened her mouth, went to say something, then closed it. She looked from me to Melanie, then back to Holly, then at the floor.

“What are you talking about?” Melanie asked Holly.

“Why don’t you ask your fiancée,” Holly said, her tone as hard as the ice we were standing on.

I couldn’t take any more — this was all getting far too close to the truth and if it came out, there’s no way Melanie would ever forgive me. I couldn’t let that happen. I grabbed Holly’s arm and squeezed it in an attempt to get her to shut up.

This wasn’t really letting me sort out my own mess, now was it?

Melanie turned to Nicola. “What’s she talking about, babe?”

Nicola shrugged in response. “I’ve no idea. I know she’s your friend, but she seems a bit unhinged.” Just then, a tall man in a blue jacket grabbed Melanie’s arm as he went by, nearly taking her down. Nicola saved her, giving the guy a mouthful in the process.

“Unhinged? Holly is not unhinged. Holly is my best friend and looking out for me.” I pointed at Nicola. “Something you’ve never done in your entire life.” I was dimly aware we were getting stares on the ice now, but it was too late.

“Come on,” I said, tugging Holly’s arm. I was so over this. “Let’s get out of here — I think I’ve had about as much drama as I can take.”

“Hang on,” Melanie said, grabbing my arm. “Why would Nicola be looking out for you?” Her tone was sharp.

“Maybe that’s something you should ask Nicola,” Holly said, taking my arm. 

Her grip was firm, stopping me from saying anything else. As my skates slid me away to the safety of the ice hut, I risked a glance backwards, but Nicola wasn’t looking my way. Instead, Melanie was remonstrating with her, her words hitting Nicola with machine gun rapidity.

Nicola could do nothing else but stand there and take it.

***

We were sitting in the plaza at Covent Garden sipping mulled wine, our breath freezing in front of our faces. I’d been looking forward to my aprés-skate drink in the ice rink bar, but Holly had rightly pointed out it was probably best to get as far away from there as possible. So we’d made the five-minute walk to Covent Garden, and now we were sat at the end of the covered market, giant baubles hanging from its ceiling in a riot of festive colour, to our right a magician holding court in the midst of a bulging weekend crowd.

“So what’s next today — are we going to try to bump into any more of your exes to spice up our Sunday?”

I didn’t think Holly could ladle any more sarcasm on to that comment if she tried — it was almost drowned in it. She was smirking at me, but there was exasperation in her eyes too.

“I thought mulled wine, followed by more mulled wine,” I said, taking a sip and smiling as it warmed my insides. “What was Nicola like today? Playing the dutiful girlfriend and fiancée. Made my blood boil.”

“I could tell,” Holly said. “That’s why I jumped in when I saw you about to take her out from behind.”

“That really worked.”

“At least I broke the speed you were going — I took most of that hit, so I’ll be billing you when my knee swells to the size of a football, which it feels like it might have already.” Holly leaned over and rubbed her knee through her jeans, which were slightly ripped.

“Sorry,” I replied. “But you do have further to fall.”

The magician in the black suit showed the crowd his empty hand, then shook his arm and produced an orange silk handkerchief followed by a mass of coloured beads. Muted applause. 

“You know you have to walk away now, don’t you? Leave Nicola to sort this out — no more meeting up just the two of you. I think I could tell you where that would end.”

I said nothing, just continued to stare at the magician who was now tapping a black box with a white-tipped wand.

A bit of magic in my life would go down rather well right about now.

“Tori?”

I turned to Holly and sighed. “I know.” I was resigned. “I know all that, but it’s hard to walk away when there’s a row of what-ifs hanging over the outcome. What if we’d got together at 16? What if her getting together with Melanie was just so that we could meet again?”

“What if she’s a cheat with a child and no home?”

“I know,” I replied.

“She’s not the same person she was at school. Or maybe she is, and that’s the point.”

“I know.” I was getting agitated, even though I agreed with what Holly was saying. I absolutely did, it was just my feelings hadn’t quite caught up with my brain. “But sometimes, it’s difficult to walk away from someone even if they’re unsuitable and emotionally all over the place. Do you get what I mean?” My eyes bore into Holly — I wanted her to understand.

She looked away and took a deep breath. “You don’t know everything about me, Tori. You think you do, but you don’t.”

CHAPTER 15

Monday December 12th

The following day at work and I was feeling guilty about yesterday and my temporary bout of insanity. It hadn’t been fair to Holly or to Nicola. However, my attention was temporarily diverted by the toaster being on fire. Again. This time it wasn’t my fault though.

I held my breath as the fire engine drew up, but Nicola wasn’t on board. I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or disappointed. Whichever, I knew I needed to see her again, to really sort things out — we needed proper closure, yesterday had made that clear. I couldn’t turn into Tonya Harding every time I saw her with Melanie.

So at lunchtime, having asked one of the firefighters which station they were deployed from, I hopped on a bus and was there within 15 minutes — she’d worked just around the corner all this time. It would be funny if I could locate my sense of humour.

The station looked deserted apart from two fire engines, which were gleaming on the forecourt. I walked in and spotted a man in uniform bending over some equipment. When I asked about Nicola, he looked me up and down, then pointed towards an office tucked away on the right-hand side.

She was the boss, so of course she had her own office.

I walked over, took a deep breath, smoothed down my coat and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

I did as I was told.

Nicola’s face fell when she saw me. “Victoria.” She tapped a pen on her desk and fidgeted in her chair. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I should come and sort things out.” I paused. “Can I have a seat?”

She motioned to the free one on the other side of her desk. “Please.” She tugged at her shirt collar and cleared her throat. “How are you?” Her eyes searched mine.

I screwed up my face. “Not brilliant.” I decided to take the bull by the horns — I didn’t have much time, so small talk wasn’t on the cards.

Besides, Nicola hated small talk.

“I wasn’t really sure what to do after the other night. And then we saw each other skating yesterday… I don’t want that to happen again.” My throat was clogging up with emotion, but my voice was coming out clean and clear. Decisive, almost.

“Me neither,” Nicola replied, not looking me in the eye now. “Saturday was a mistake. And yesterday at the ice rink didn’t help. Tell Holly thanks for mowing me down.”

I didn’t move my gaze from hers. “She wasn’t to blame.” It was a statement, not one to be messed with. “Anyway, I can’t stay long, I’ve got a meeting in an hour. I just want to know we’re okay, seeing as we will be bumping into each other again. The lesbian scene isn’t that big, no matter what anyone tells you.” I was relying on Nicola for a solid answer.

She shrugged, which wasn’t the best response for the current situation. “We’re going to have to be, aren’t we? I can’t walk away from Melanie. She’s good for me. I’m not going to mess this one up too.”

I frowned. “You shouldn’t marry someone because you think you owe them something.”

“I know.” Nicola paused, before fixing me with those eyes again. “But we’re solid. She’s dependable.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. And me and you… the other night — it was like we were just picking up where we left off. It’s too hard. I’ve always had feelings for you, but they mess with my head.”

I gulped and tears needled the back of my eyes. Every time she said something like that, it took me back to teenage Nicola. The one I’d been in love with.

There was a knock on the door and it opened swiftly. A man with red hair walked in, but stopped when he saw me. “Sorry guv, didn’t realise you had company.”

“Can you give me five and I’ll be with you?” she told him, holding up her hand.

If the man noticed Nicola’s watery eyes, he gave nothing away.

“Sure,” he said, smiling at me as he backed out of the office.

Nicola stood up and walked around the desk, leaning on it in front of me before taking my hands in hers. “I have to go — I’ve got a briefing to do.”

A tear trickled down my cheek. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t come here to pursue anything with Nicola, but I didn’t want this moment to end. I was fighting with my teenage self and my normally rational present self.

“I don’t want this to be the end of us — even as friends.” I paused, searching my mind for something to say. Nicola’s hands were hot around mine. “Do you still love country music?”

She nodded.