All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One (16 page)

“Hale, I can’t give you what you want. Do you really want to be my friend knowing that’s all we’ll ever be? If it’s going to hurt you, you should agree with me.”

“No,” he said again. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t make me care about you then abandon me. Please,” he pressed his forehead to mine and said the word again.

“What else are we supposed to do?”

“Be together.”

I moved his hands off of me and went back to the bed. “No.”

“You’ll change your mind. I know you will.”

I looked up from the bedspread and to him. He looked sure of himself, as always. I didn’t want to keep saying no to him. But I knew I had to. It would save us both.



Ethan woke up and Hale wouldn’t leave his side for anything. Mom too. I stayed with them while Hadley ran off to get whatever any of us needed.

Ethan was in rough shape. He wasn’t doing much other than yelling at Mom and trying to rip his IV out.

“Hale,” my mother said, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Hale nodded and they walked out of the room. I stayed with Ethan. He was sitting up and trying to drink a glass of water.

“What?” he asked me with an attitude I understood but didn’t like.

“You know what. Do you have any idea the Hell you put your family through this week? Do you care?”

“Why should I?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Because they love you. And I know you’re only being a dick right now because you’re in pain, but guess what? I don’t care that you’re in pain, because you put Hale in pain.”

He set his cup down. “Don’t think for a second that Hale doesn’t know how to hurt people.”

“He loves you.”

“I’m aware.”

“Good,” I said harshly. “Then you’ll understand fully why I’m saying what I’m about to say. If you pull this shit again, I’m going to put you though far worse than this. If you think this is pain, let me tell you, you don’t know pain.”

He scoffed. “And you do?”

I smiled. “My father is a bit of an expert in torture. Don’t think for a second that I’m less than capable of hurting you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. If you do this to Hale again. I will do whatever will make you understand. If you’d died, what do you think that would have done to him? He thinks this is his fault.”

Ethan looked at his crossed arms. “Of course he does.”

“He told me that you saw him doing some of what you’re doing. That’s no reason to go off and almost kill yourself.”

He glared at me. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was trying to get some time where I wasn’t miserable.”

“How’d that work out for you?” I gestured to the stuff he was hooked up to.

“You don’t have a clue about the shit Hale and I went through. I know he wouldn’t have told you. So don’t act like you understand anything. You don’t know me and you don’t know why I do what I do.”

“True. But I know what it did to your brother, and I know what that did to me. Please,” I softened my voice, “don’t do this again.”

Hale walked back in with my mom. They stood at the foot of the bed.

“Ethan, love,” Mom started. “The next day is going to be quite hard on you. And I think it would be best if you were sedated.”

His eyebrow went up. “You want to knock me out?”

“Yes. You’ll be in less pain that way. Or, you can just suffer through the sweats, nausea, misery, maybe even hallucinations—”

“FINE!” Ethan snapped. “Do it.”

Mom looked to Hadley who’d appeared in the hall. “Sweetheart, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” she saluted Mom. “What’ll it be?”

“Don’t suppose you’re up to breaking into the hospital again?”

Hale leaned into me. “Again?” he whispered and I didn’t explain.

“Sure,” Hadley beamed. “What do you need?”

Mom gave her the name of some drugs and Hadley took off. I heard her car start up and remembered that she must only be using it so the boys wouldn’t suspect her.

Hale and Ethan talked privately while Mom and I waited for Hadley downstairs. She wasn’t gone very long and she came back with way more than we needed. Mom brought it up and Hale watched as she knocked Ethan out.

Mom called Mason to let him know what was going on. They decided that he might prefer being in his own room. So Mason, Mollie, and Hale were going to search it for drugs and set up the hospital equipment in there. Mom was sending Hale home with everything he’d need to take care of Ethan with.

“Are you going to be alright?” I asked that night right before Hale was about to take Ethan home.

“Yes. But I’ll miss sleeping in your bed with you,” he smiled. “I’ll find a way to move on from the loss.”

I rolled my eyes. “If you need anything you can call.”

He nodded. “I hate doing this, but I need to postpone our date until next week. If you still want to do it.”

I should have said no. “I do.”

He relaxed against the door frame. “Thank you. I just don’t want to leave him so soon. Mason and Mollie need help.”

“I understand.”

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Truly, you are an angel.”

I laughed. If he only knew what I really was. The second farthest thing from an angel. Though I did have the wings…

“I’m not.”

He walked quietly back to his car and I watched him drive away from me. And I felt worse for the loss.

I woke up with half a dozen texts from Hale on my phone. They weren’t anything important. Just nonsense and small talk. One that said he wished I were in his bed with him. I rolled my eyes at that one.

He thought that his feelings for me were more than just sexual. But I had major doubts. He hardly knew me, why should he want me?

I rummaged through my closet for something to wear but I wasn’t having much luck. I hadn’t done my laundry in almost two weeks and I was painfully low on clothes. I picked out a red button up and a black skirt and got ready for school.

I picked up my backpack and walked out into the kitchen where my family was waiting for me. Mom was putting food onto a plate for me and Hadley was on the floor with Brom Bones.

“Come on, Brom Cat. Play with me.” She was winding her hand around the lazy cat as he laid flat on the floor.

I sat down and started eating. “That cat doesn’t have a soul, Had. I don’t think he wants to play.”

She turned to me. “Oh…he does. I’ll force him to like me if I have to.”

“You will,” I mumbled while I drank my juice.

She started petting the cat’s stomach and I watched and waited for him to bite her. While I waited, my phone kept buzzing and I ignored it. For a little while. I pulled out my phone and started looking over the texts. Each one sillier than the last.

“Texting your sexy British boyfriend?” Hadley grinned.

I glared at her. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s almost not even my friend.”

She crossed her arms and the cat took off. “Where did he sleep that night when Ethan was here?”

My eyes dropped to the table. “Irrelevant.”

“Hardly,” she said in a mocking tone. “I bet you guys cuddled all night.”

Mom laughed. “I know I shouldn’t be encouraging you to be dating, as a mother it’s my job to make sure you die a virgin, but he’s a very sweet boy. I think you should give him a chance. He’s clearly quite taken with you.”

“And he’s human,” I pointed out. “Mortal and fragile.”

“Aurora,” my mother sat in the chair next to me. “Most of the people in this world are human and fragile. You can’t keep cutting yourself off from people because it might cause you pain. It’s not healthy to not let yourself have friends or love people.”

“It’s easier this way,” I stood up. “I don’t need friends and I don’t need a boyfriend.”

Hadley sighed. “Haven’t you ever heard that phrase it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?”

I rolled my eyes. “I have. And it’s garbage. This way, I can just avoid the pain altogether. Why should I be happy now if I’m just going to be miserable later?”

My mom and sister exchanged a look before Mom said, “Because you’ll hurt either way. You’re only trading one pain for another. Once you realize how lonely you are, then you’ll understand. Being alone is a lot worse than having a love so deep that it tears you apart when you lose it.”

I didn’t believe her. How could the pain of losing someone not be as bad as being alone? It wasn’t possible.



“Is your phone broken, Lamb?” Hale said after he sat down in history class.

I looked over at him. “Nope. It’s working just fine.”

“Then,” he scooted close to me, “why on Earth would you not get back to me this morning?”

“When most of what you say is referring to something sexual, why should I?”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

I laughed through my nose. “You said you wanted to taste me. What the Hell am I supposed to do about that?”

He smiled. “Well I never said what part of you I wanted to taste. So shame on you for having your mind in the gutter. I could have meant your skin,” he slowly ran his hand up my arm as he leaned in. “Or your lips,” he touched them with his fingertips and I prayed to no one that he wouldn’t notice the goosebumps. “Like sugar I imagine.”

There was an obnoxious cough behind us and it poorly covered the word Freakshow.

Hale glared at the girl behind us. “Something you’d like to say to my girl?”

Kenna leaned forward and rested her chin on both of her hands. “How cute that the psycho claims his victim like property.” She looked to me. “You like that, Freakshow? Or is it upsetting that someone finally wants you and it’s some murderer? Someone evil.”

I turned my body around and called upon every ounce of my father that I felt in my soul. “Do you understand what real evil is, Kenna? Have you seen it? Felt it?”

She shook her head slowly.

“Do you want to?” I smiled.

She looked like she was hardly controlling her body from shaking. But the fear she felt didn’t keep her mouth shut. “Oh, you think you’re evil, Freakshow? I bet you just love having your very own Psycho to paint the town red with.”

I just kept smiling. “I think you need to learn when to stay quiet. You can pretend all you want to that you’re something special, that you matter. That everyone is beneath you and you know all. But you don’t know a damn thing about this world and the evil in it. You wouldn’t know evil if it was staring into your dead eyes and giving you a far kinder warning than you deserve. So I’ll say it once more, learn to keep quiet. Because one day you might meet the kind of evil that doesn’t give you warnings.” I turned back, but not soon enough to miss the look on her face. It was so good that my smile hurt my face.

Hale leaned in and I felt his lips at my ear, “You are absolutely fantastic, Do you know that?” he moved back slightly.

When I turned my head to face him, I almost jumped at the closeness I wasn’t expecting. “Only you could hear me say I’m evil and not run.”

“Nothing you do would make me run from you. Not ever.”

One day he’d find out just how wrong he was. Once day he’d see me do something, he’d see my true nature and it would send him far from me. It was strange how much I wanted that. And stranger how much I didn’t.

“You don’t want me, Hale.”

“I really do, Rory. I’m going to find a way to prove it to you. You’ll believe me because I’ll find a way to rid your mind of any and all traces of doubt. And you’ll love me then.”

“You can find a lot of girls better than me.”

He smiled. “I don’t understand why you see yourself like that. You keep calling yourself evil—”

“Hale, don’t ask questions. Because I won’t answer them. Just know that I see myself for everything I am and all I came from. I know better than you do.”

He sighed. “I don’t believe you.”

I turned from him.

He’d learn one day soon. The hard way, but at least I knew he’d get the picture.

After class was over he followed me to lunch and got in line behind me. He kept bumping into me and I tried not to kick him in response. I grabbed my two milks and went to my table. Hale was on my heel.

We sat down and the first thing he did was give me my milk. I forced the muscles in my face not to smile after I thanked him.

“You’re welcome.”

When he kept smiling I asked, “What?”

He waved his hand and sighed. “I just pictured you, all old and grey and recounting tales of how I won your heart to our grandchildren. ‘And then he gave me chocolate milk and I just knew…’” he did a poor American accent.

I felt my face drop when he spoke. I’d never be old and grey. With him or anyone else. I’d never look much older than I did right now. He’d get old, forget things, die. And I’ll look around twenty. I’ll be five hundred years old and not look any older for the time.

“Are you alright?” he put his hand on mine.

I stared at our hands and said, “No. I’m not alright.”

“Did what I said upset you?”

I finally looked up. “Not for the reason you think it did,” I couldn’t hear any emotion in my voice.

His forehead creased with worry. “Then why?”

I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t even hint at it. “Another thing I can’t tell you, Hale. And that won’t stop. I’ll always have secrets from you and there’s not a thing you can do to get them from me. Why would you want a person like me to love you?”

He didn’t speak for almost ten seconds. “Because you seem to be the only thing I’ve ever found that can make me forget how badly I hate myself. The only reprieve I have is when I’m near you. So I don’t mind the secrets you have from me. They’re yours to keep.”

I turned my hand over so that our palms were touching. I held his hand tighter. “I’m trying to be fair to you. Nothing about us would ever work. I’m toxic.”

“You’ve got that the wrong way round, Lamb. I’m the toxic one. But I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to be better for you. I want to be the kind of person who deserves someone like you.”

God, he just couldn’t hear me. He thought too much of me. He saw me as some kind of angel rather than devil. And he was so, so wrong.

I pulled my hand back and opened the milk he gave me. I had nothing left to say to him and I was tired of wasting my breath on it. He’d eventually realize that he was wrong. That I was the one who wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t his Lamb.

We ate in silence and my eyes went everywhere but to him. My gaze fell on Dottie while she was with her friends. They were all sitting around in a circle. Laughing and having a good time. I was glad that she seemed to be at least a little bit alright. The time away must have done her well.

When lunch was over, Hale and I started heading for Art. Well…Hale headed for Art. I started walking the opposite way when the hall forked.

“Where are you going?” Hale called out. I turned and he was already following me.

“I’ve got something I need to finish.” I had to find that Brooks guy. I would have done it sooner but Ethan took priority over that. But now I had nothing stopping me. I knew Brooks’ next class and I knew where to find him.

“What might that be?” Hale said when he was beside me.

“I’ve got a file to get. God only knows what Brooks plans on doing with it. But I’m not giving him the chance to do a thing.”

“What do you plan on doing?”

I shrugged. “I’m going to find him and get the information I need.”

Hale looked uncomfortable. “Are you still planning on flirting with him?”

“I’m going to do whatever I have to do.”

He grabbed me by the hips and stopped me from moving. “Rory, I’m asking you not to do that.”

“Why?”

His hands moved up to my ribs. “Because I’m a jealous man. I can’t stand the thought of someone other than me touching you. Especially if you’re doing it for my sake. Leave him with the file. I don’t care what he does with it.”

“I care. I care about you and what happens to you. So I’m going to get the file.”

He looked genuinely pleased with my statement. “Fine. But no touching, please.”

I looked down at his hands. “You too.”

Instead of letting go, he pulled me to his chest and his hand went to my back. I was worried he might feel my wings, but he kept his hands low. “But I love touching you.”

“I don’t,” I said flatly.

He dipped his head down and spoke quietly. “That’s because you haven’t let me really touch you yet. If you did, I promise you’d enjoy it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not happening.” I pushed him away and started walking again.

Brooks would be headed to his math class around now. If I hurried, I could catch him in the hall. Hale was behind me and when I spotted Brooks, I stopped him.

“Hale, you need to stay here. If he sees you he might bolt. Can you handle staying behind?”

He looked like he wanted to say no. “I suppose. But if he tries anything—”

“Then I can handle myself. I can break his arm in less than a second. He doesn’t scare me.”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “I’d very much like to drag you to a closet right now.”

I started walking backwards and away from him. “I’m really more of a kitchen table kinda girl,” I smiled.

He held up his hand and mouthed the word ‘six’. I rolled my eyes again and turned to head for Brooks.

I caught up to the blonde boy and called his name. He stopped short of going into his classroom and looked to me. The halls emptied and we were left alone.

“Hello,” I said, as pleasant as I could. “I need to have a word with you.”

He eyed me. “I know who you are. My girlfriend has been bitching non-stop about you.”

“Of course she has. And I bet she’s told some interesting lies about me.”

He shrugged. “She’s got a habit of exaggerating for her own amusement.”

“I bet. Anyway, I need that file you stole. The one about Hale Wyatt.”

His face didn’t change. “Sorry, babe, but I can’t do that. I’ve got some grandiose plans for that thing. My girl promises great rewards when the job is done. And she’ll finally shut the fuck up about you and that kid.”

“Please. Hale didn’t do anything wrong and he doesn’t deserve this.”