All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One (19 page)

When I looked at him I saw a ticking clock and all I want to do is rip out the batteries and stop it. I want him to last forever, like I will. And it won’t ever happen.

“Something wrong?” Hale asked me and I realized I must have been staring.

“I’m fine,” I lied. I couldn’t tell him that I was shaking internally at the thought of just how human he was. How breakable and easy to lose. Not easy…inevitable.

“You don’t look fine.”

I caught him off guard when I wrapped my arms around his neck. I had to get on my tiptoes to reach him. I wanted to forget that I wasn’t human. That I wouldn’t age. I wanted to pretend that I could be normal. That I could get married and have a family. That I wouldn’t spend a lifetime watching myself lose people. I wanted one night of peace from this life. “I’m just really glad we met.” No matter how badly this would end.

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. I spent some time with my mom and sister and fielded more texts from Hale. It was mostly more nonsense. Something funny every once in a while and more about what parts of me he wanted to put his lips on. The boy didn’t know the meaning of ‘just friends’.

When I got up on Monday I sleepily got ready for school. Hale wasn’t there but he texted me saying he would be soon. When I got out of the shower, he was already in my room.

“Finally,” he sighed while he ate a Poptart in my bed. “I thought you’d never come out.’

I grumbled and went to my closet. I forgot to pick out something new to wear before I showered. So I was still in my jammies.

I riffled through my clothes and couldn’t find a thing I wanted to put on.

“I think what you have on is fine,” Hale said as he approached.

I looked up at him. “Ha…ha…ha…”

“Alright then,” he handed me his Poptart and started going through my closet, “I’ll find you something to wear.”

I started eating the Poptart while he pulled out my shortest dresses to pick from.

“I like you in blue,” he said while he was rejecting a black dress. I almost snickered. I bet he’d just love my wings. Light blue, matching my eyes.

He settled on a medium blue dress that only dropped to the middle of my thighs. “There you go.”

I took it from him. “A little skimpy for school. Don’t you think?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But I wouldn’t mind getting to look at your legs all day,” he glanced down at me. I was a mess. My hair was up in a messy bun and I was still half asleep. But he was looking at me the same as he did when I was wearing a mini skirt or a dress. Like it was all the same to him and he liked it all.

“Fine,” I yawned. “You win this round, Harry Potter.”

When I started walking to the bathroom he said, “That’s racist. And don’t you think if I knew magic I’d be using it on you?”

“To what?” I stopped at the door.

“Obviously to make myself irresistible to you. I certainly wouldn’t mind one of these days if you’d just go ahead and shove me down, crawl onto my lap and—”

I held my hand up, “I get it. And it’s not happening. Ever.” I closed the door most of the way so we could still hear each other. I fixed my hair and put it in a ponytail.

I walked back out of the bathroom and tossed my old clothes on my bed. When I looked up, Hale was staring at me.

“What?” I checked myself over. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he shook his head. “You just look beautiful. You throw me off on occasion.”

I blushed against my will. “Thanks. Normally I wear my boots with this dress. But someone stole them.”

He smiled. “Ah, well I’m sure they only did it to get your attention.”

“Okay then,” I crossed my arms. “Maybe that explains why it happened in the first place. But it doesn’t explain why the Hell I never got them back.”

“Maybe the person who stole them just likes having something of yours with him. Maybe he’s worried that you’ll eventually go back to not wanting him around and he needs to keep proof that you were real.”

My face dropped. “That won’t happen. Not now.” Not when it’s already too late.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

We left for school and parted ways at our first hour class.



When Hale and I met up in History I groaned at the message on the board. It was time for senior projects. I wanted to walk right out of class and just go home. But next to the big block words was a note that said the project was worth sixty percent of our final grade. If I skipped this, I’d fail.

“It’ll be okay, Rory,” Hale sighed, clearly not believing it.

“No it won’t. I hate projects.”

“I heard that, Miss Flynn,” the teacher said. “But I’ll try and make this as easy on all of you as I can.”

The bell rang and the class was quiet as Mr. Dixon spoke to us. “So this years theme for your project is the Revolutionary War. You can do your project on anything as long as you can tie it back to the war. I want you to have as much freedom as you want.” Despite that, the class moaned.

“Oh shut up,” he said. “How about if I let you have a partner, huh? Would that appease you, you vultures?” The class cheered and he rolled his eyes. “Fine then. If you want a partner, you can have one. Groups of three at the most. You need a ten-page report on your topic along with a visual representation. Come get your guidelines,” he pointed to the papers at his desk. We all got one and the class started grouping up. The tables all got moved so the bigger groups could be together.

I sat at my table and Hale stared down at his textbook.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

He looked over at me and smiled. “Why do you assume we’re partners.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Because you find a way to worm yourself into most aspects of my life. I’d be stupid to not assume we were working together.”

“Maybe I want you to ask me. Maybe I want you to be the one trying this time.”

I rolled my eyes. “Aww, how cute. You wanna be courted. Only problem being that I won’t do it.”

He turned his head from me, mock offended. “Well then. I guess we’re not partners.”

“Okay,” I shrugged and started going over the guideline. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. A few pages were supposed to be your own opinion on it and one of the pages was just for resources. It shouldn’t be too horrible.

I decided to do the project on the Boston Tea Party. I had a thing for that event in particular. I enjoyed the thought of people decided to ruin a bunch of tea because the taxes were too high.

I started on my notes and Hale just stared at the table, pouting. I ignored him for the most part. He stayed quiet, so that made it easier.

When class ended we headed to lunch and took our seats at our table. And as usual, he gave me his milk.

How the Hell did I get to this place? How did I go from no friends to having one that I was sure I’d crumble without? I couldn’t fathom it. I was so adamant about not knowing him. But he just found his way into my head. When would I start suffering for my weakness? I knew it was coming.

Hale let out an exaggerated sigh. “You take my milk, yet you refuse to appease me. Cruel.”

“Hale, if I appeased you with everything you wanted from me then we would have a very different relationship.”

“A better one, I think.”

I shot him an annoyed look. “What a surprise that you think sex would make this relationship better. And I keep telling you, it won’t happen.”

“Tell me, is it just me you don’t want to have sex with me or it is some kind of sick condition you have where you don’t want it from anybody?”

I breathed out slowly. “It has nothing to do with you. I don’t want to be with anyone.”

He considered that for a moment or two. “I’m not sure that actually makes me feel better. At least if it was me, then I could try and do something about that. But if the problem lies with you…then we might be deadlocked.”

“We are.”

Even with what I just said, he smiled. “There’s always a compromise. I’m not going to stop trying to find it just because you don’t want me to.”

I dipped my head back and stared up at the crumbling ceiling. “I’ve said it before, there isn’t any way to fix the problem. You can’t fix me,” my eyes went to him. “I’m just…this. For all of eternity I’ll remain what I am, and you don’t deserve the kind of pain I would cause you. And frankly, I don’t want the pain you would cause me.”

He looked hurt by what I said. Further proof that I was right, I’d caused him pain. “I’m trying to be better for you. I can’t promise you that I’ll never do something stupid and cause your heart to ache, but Rory, I’m really trying here.”

A sad smile appeared on my face. “I’m not worried about you doing something to hurt me. I’m worried about what happens after I give in. If something terrible happens and I forget all the reasons I have to not do so. Then, all of it will come falling down around me. I’m sorry, but I’m choosing the path that leads to the least amount of pain.”

  “For who?”

The two words shredded me. Guilt overtook me and all I wanted to do was run and hide. But that wasn’t an option. Even if it was, I wouldn’t take it. He deserved better than that.

I was as honest as I could be. “For me, Hale. I’m doing it for me.”

His eyebrows knit together in irritation. “I don’t know why you think I’m going to hurt you. But I suppose you have plenty of reasons to.” His eyes went to the table and suddenly he wasn’t in the room anymore.

I covered his hand with mine but he didn’t look up at me. “Listen to me. My issues are my own and they have nothing to do with you. If I didn’t have the problem I did then I’d—”

His eyes went up and met mine. It felt like he could see everything. All of me. And it was terrifying. “You’d what?” he asked softly.

Suddenly I was unable to finish the thought. “You know what I was going to say.”

“Say it anyway. Say it so I’ll know.”

I took a deep breath to buy myself some time. “If I didn’t have the problem I did, if I was normal,” human, “ better, then I wouldn’t have a single reservation about being with you. But that’s not the reality we live in. I’m not normal and I have far too many reservations.”

“Hmm,” he smiled crookedly and I almost sighed. He never listened to a word I said. “So, what I’m hearing is that you want me. But you’ve got some pesky reason to not just jump me like you clearly want to.”

“Bite me,” I said with an attitude. “If I like you at all, it’s only hardly.”

“Liar,” he yanked my chair over so that I’d be right next to him. His nose grazed my jaw as he moved up until his lips were at my ear. “If we were somewhere private right now,” his hand went to my knee and moved up to my thigh. “I’ll just leave it at I have a long, long list of things I would do to you. I can make your worries melt away if only you’d let me.”

“It’s set in stone,” I said quietly. “There’s no undoing what’s always been.”

He moved his hand a little closer to my knee and backed up a fraction. “Nothing is set in stone, Lamb. Things change every day.”

“Not this.”

“I refuse to believe that. And I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m going to keep trying. Forever, because I don’t have a choice. If I lost you I’m not sure what I’d do.” He moved back further and his face was bleak. “No, that’s not true. I do know. I know what I would be and I know what I would do. And I don’t want to go back to who I was. You’re what’s keeping me above water. The only thing.”

“And being my friend isn’t enough for you? Why do you need more?”

He smiled slightly and stared down at my knee. He let his fingertips brush my skin. “Because you consume all of me. Every thought. Everything I do I think twice about because I want to make sure I’m being a good man for you. I want everything from you because I want to give you everything in return. And a friendship doesn’t begin to cover how deeply I care for you.”

The conversation felt to intimate for the room we were in. All around us there was a quiet buzz from the other students. This moment was too private for this but I was trapped in it.