Allegiant (15 page)

“
And 45 days,” he
adds.

I frown. “You hated it that much?”

He gives me half a smile. “I didn’t use to.”
He backs up a few steps and rests against the arm of my old
loveseat. “But when certain things pass you by, things you were
counting on…” he hesitates. “Let’s just say it’s easy to become
disenchanted. Being bound for eternity starts to feel a
little…claustrophobic.”

I think I understand. Garrett’s love chose
not to release him. “Who was she?” I quietly ask.

Garrett pauses for a moment and then looks
down, turning the oven mitt over in his hands. “She was my
everything,” he says softly. “I didn’t think twice when I was
offered the Choice.”

“
The choice to become a
Guardian?”

Garrett looks up and nods. “There was no way
I could refuse the chance to stay in her life. Especially when I
left the way I did.”

My face fills with sympathy. “What was her
name?”

“
Amelia,” he says, a small
smile flickering across his lips.

“
She sounds
beautiful.”

Garrett breaks out into a grin, and his
turquoise eyes seem to glow brighter. “Oh, she was,” he says and
adjusts his weight on the arm rest as if physically energized by
the memory of her. “And she knew it too.” He gestures for me to
take a seat, and I do. I want to hear this story.

“
How’d you meet?” I
ask.

“
On the street,” he laughs,
remembering. “She was actually seeing my brother at the time, but I
hadn’t met her yet. I was in town running some errands for my
grandmother, walking down the sidewalk, and out of nowhere comes
this feisty brunette.” He shakes his head. “She was headed right
for me with this murderous expression. I had no idea who she
was.”

I imagine Garrett standing in a sea of
people on a sidewalk and the crowd parting as Amelia strides toward
him. I can see him glancing behind himself, perplexed, wondering
who she’s headed for. The idea makes me smile.

“
She marched right up to my
chest, pointed her tiny little finger in my face, and ripped right
into me in front of everyone. She started accusing me of standing
her up to go out with some other girl named Linda.” Garrett shrugs.
“I didn’t even know a Linda!”

I laugh.

“
Turns out she’d mistaken
me for my brother, thought I was Jack,” he chuckles. “He did have
quite a reputation with the girls.”

“
She thought you were your
brother? You two were…?”

“
Twins,” Garrett says,
finishing my sentence. “It caused us, well, me, quite a few
problems in my time among the living.”

I smile. “Then what happened?”

“
She came to her senses and
decided I was the better of the two brothers,” he jokes. “We were
together for almost two years. Lived and breathed one another.” He
pauses. “Then Pearl Harbor was bombed, and Jack and I
enlisted.”

My face falls. “I’m sure she wasn’t too
pleased with that.”

“
She wasn’t,” he says and
stands, tossing the oven mitt onto the coffee table. “We fought
about it. But it was the thing to do; patriotism was running wild
and I was seventeen. The next thing I knew I was at Fort Bragg and
then deployed.”

My chest begins to ache as I stare at him.
I’m certain I know how this story ends.

“
Before I left, I’d
promised to marry her,” Garrett sighs. “But I didn’t have enough
money for a ring…” he trails off, and his expression suddenly
hardens. “It wouldn’t have mattered. Omaha Beach ended any real
future for us.”

Tears jump behind my eyes as I imagine how
horrible that must that have been. “What about your brother?”

Garrett gives me a distant look. “He died
fighting right alongside me. We didn’t even make it halfway up the
beach.” Suddenly, he smirks. “Over-achiever.”

I don’t know if he’s talking to himself or
to me.

“
He just had to be first,
thought he could take out the Germans single-handedly.”

I force a smile. “And you had to be by his
side, right?”

He focuses on my face. “Yeah, like an idiot,
following my older brother.”

“
Older?”

“
By three whole minutes,”
he smiles.

I return his smile, but it quickly fades.
“I’m so sorry.”

“
Don’t be.” He returns to
sit on the couch. “I have a chance at another future
now.”

I nod and try to blink away the few tears
that sit in my eyes. “Do you think you’ll always love her?
Amelia?”

“
I know I will,” he says
matter-of-factly. “She’ll always be a part of me. I watched over
her until she passed. I witnessed her successes and her failures,
her loves and her losses. Even at nearly eighty years old she still
held my heart.” He sighs. “But she didn’t choose me. And now it’s
time to live for myself.”

I can sympathize with how he must feel,
spending years waiting for your soul mate to join you only to be
rejected in the end. Suddenly, understanding hits me like a ton of
bricks. “That’s why, isn’t it?”

“
I’m sorry?”

“
That’s why you assigned
me. To James. You didn’t want what happened to you to happen to
him.”

Garrett eyes me warily. “In part, yes.”

Irritation starts to bubble in my chest.
“I….You…” I try to sort out my thoughts. “Amelia didn’t choose
you.”

“
Thanks for the reminder,”
Garrett scoffs. He gives me a knowing look. “Just like you wouldn’t
have chosen James.”

My mouth falls open. “You don’t know
that.”

He tilts his head. “Don’t I?”

“
You have no idea what my
choice would have been!” I stand and look down at him. “I’m not
Amelia.”

He stands to face me. “You forget that I’ve
known you just as long as James has. I was there when you came into
his life, and I was there when he left yours.” He pauses. “I know
about Dane.”

All of a sudden my face feels hot. Is there
anyone on this planet who doesn’t know about my personal life?
“Dane is irrelevant,” I say in frustration. “I’m talking about
James and me. You’ve made things extremely hard on him; on us. He’s
been beating himself up trying to stop loving me.”

Garrett annoys me by crossing his arms and
leaning into my personal space, as if he is a teacher about to
scold a student who thinks she knows it all. “And have you ever
considered that you are the one to free him of that?”

I shoot him a befuddled look.

“
All a Guardian wants –
needs – is for their Ward to be happy and safe. For their Ward to
lead a life well-lived. Find it in yourself to move on, show him
you can find happiness. The less emotional you are the easier his
job will be.”

I shake my head. “I can’t move on from
James.”

“
Can’t you? Think about
it,” he says. “Moving on will allow him to perform his duty
and
allow you to have a
full life.”

“
You just want him to stop
loving me, so he won’t draw attention to himself and your absence.
I love him. I always will.”

Garrett sighs. “And I’ll always love Amelia.
Emma,” he shifts his tone and tenderly reaches out toward me,
“seriously think about this. Don’t you want James to be happy
too?”

“
Of course I want
that.”

“
Look, if I were Amelia’s
Guardian, I could have been as close to her as possible for the
rest of her life. I could have been her best friend. Instead, I
ended up as a boyfriend killed in a war, no longer needed, and
pining away for her for eighty years. Trust me,” he says softly,
“what I did was the best for both of you.”

“
I…it’s…” I scowl. “I don’t
see it that way.”

Garrett nods. “I think you will as time goes
on.”

I take a deep breath. I think it would be
best if I left. I didn’t come here to listen to how great it is
that James is my Guardian and how much better it would be if I
abandon him. Besides, what’s the point if James can be human again?
I start to walk around Garrett.

He reaches out and brushes my arm. “Hey.
Don’t go. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“
No, it’s okay. It’s just…a
lot to take in.” I make it to the door.

“
Please don’t be angry,”
Garrett says, following me.

I need to get out of here. “I have some
other things I have to do.” I nod toward the bags on the floor. “I
hope you like your stuff.”

He looks back at his care packages and then
meets my eyes. “Thank you for thinking of me.”

I try to smile and head out the door. “See
you in Ethics?” I ask.

“
I’ll be sure to make it
this week.”

I nod and walk to my apartment without
looking back.

“
Are you sure you’re
okay?”

A chill rocks my body from my head to my
toes. I’m freezing, yet sweaty, and covered by a winter blanket.
James stares at me, worried, from the other end of the couch. “It’s
probably a 24 hour thing,” I say and pull the blanket tighter
around my neck. I must look like a turtle with just my head
exposed.

“
Do you want me to get you
something to eat?”

Oh no. Food is the last thing I want right
now. I shake my head, then look at him apologetically. “I’m sorry I
ruined our day together.” James’ visits have been sporadic, and I
was looking forward to spending some time with him.

“
Don’t worry about that.”
He frowns. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

I roll my eyes. “No, I’ve only felt sick
since this morning.” Leave it to me to get some sort of flu at the
beginning of October, before the really cold weather and typical
flu season hits.

James gets up and crouches in front of me,
resting his hand against my forehead. It feels arctic. “Whoa. Even
I can feel how hot you are.”

I take the opportunity to be sarcastic. “I
thought you already knew how hot I was?”

He smirks. “Oh, I do. You look especially
sexy wrapped in this cocoon.” He looks back at my half empty glass
of water. “You probably need something like Gatorade. Do you want
me to see if Garrett has any?”

“
Yeah, you probably
should.” I haven’t had anything but water since I woke up this
morning. I have absolutely no desire to eat or drink anything. I’m
due for some more Motrin and washing it down with something other
than water is probably a necessity by now.

“
Okay. I’ll be right back.”
James fades from view, not even bothering to walk out or through
the door. I lie on the couch and wait, shivering, while trying to
pick up in the middle of an episode of
My
Fair Wedding with David Tutera
. I can’t
concentrate and end up just staring at the TV. I hate being sick.
My eyelids start to feel heavy.

Out of nowhere I hear James’ voice. “He
doesn’t have any.”

My eyes snap open.

“
But I sent him to the
store for some.” He walks in front of me and sits on the edge of
the couch again.

“
You didn’t have to do
that,” I say.

“
He said it’s not a
problem.”

I roll on to my back from my side and
stretch. I toss the blanket off and start to get up for some more
pills.

“
What are you doing?” James
asks.

“
Getting some more
medicine.” I slowly pull my legs over the side of the
couch.

“
Let me get it,” he says
and jumps up, taking my water glass with him. I gratefully lay back
down. LB finds me and hops up, stepping on to my shoulder to put
her little nose in my face. “Hey LB.” She rubs her head against my
chin. “I love you, too,” I tell her.

James returns from the bathroom. “Here.” He
holds out two pills.

I prop myself into a sitting position, which
makes LB jump off the couch, and take the Motrin. He hands me the
glass of water, and I swallow and smile. “I like it when you take
care of me.”

He sits on the edge of the coffee table.
“I’m your Guardian. That’s my job.”

His response bothers me, and I make a face.
“I meant by choice not by force.”

He regards me for a moment and his
expression softens. “I’ll always take care of you, no matter what.”
He takes the glass from my hands. “Maybe you should sleep some
more.”

I groan. I’ve been sleeping
most of the day. I know I need it, but I’d rather stay awake while
he’s here. Regardless, I scoot to lie down, and he tucks the
blanket around my neck again. He kisses my forehead quickly and
then sits at the other end of the couch. I make it to another
commercial during
My Fair Wedding
and feel myself drifting off.

“
Can I change the channel?”
he whispers.

I nod into the pillow, which I moved from my
bed to the couch this morning, and press myself against the
cushions. Not that I would tell anyone, but I’m secretly grateful I
haven’t yet been able to exchange Dane’s birthday present for my
old loveseat. It’s definitely more comfortable, and it gives me
another place to lie down instead of being trapped in my bed.

I’m just on the edge of sleep when I hear
another voice. At first I think it’s the television, until I hear
James respond, “She’s not feeling well.”

“
Aww, poor thing. I don’t
miss getting sick.”

I pry my eyes open and squint. Meg is
standing in front of James all tall, toned, and tan. She looks one
hundred times healthier than me and she’s been dead for years.
“Hey,” I croak and start to sit up.