Almost A Spinster (20 page)

Their rank.

Nathan had spent a lifetime watching his father kowtow and simper and be overly familiar with men of higher rank. And he had watched his sire be played a fool and made the butt of every joke imaginable.

Nathan had vowed, at the tender age of ten, never to allow himself to be put in such a situation. Still, it was difficult. Fulton was amusing, intelligent and for some reason he kept
trying
to make a friendship with Nathan. And sometimes, like today, Nathan wished he could reciprocate.

Especially since he had no one to talk to about what had transpired between himself and Maddie. That kiss that had been haunting him since they parted ways hours before.

“So what has brought on this sudden surge of friendliness?” Fulton asked as he handed Nathan a glass. He motioned to two chairs by the fire.

Nathan hesitated before he moved to one of them slowly. “If I have been unfriendly, my lord-”

“Great God, don’t start with that again,” Fulton groaned as he took a sip of the amber liquid. “You have never been anything but utterly polite and completely appropriate, so don’t spend the next ten minutes apologizing. I only meant that today you seem… different. And since you have been absolutely the same for so many years, I am intrigued. What is it? Did you win money? Get into a fight? Meet a woman?”

Nathan stiffened and Fulton’s face broke into a broad grin. “Aha! A woman. Very good, Blackstone. I have told you before, I think you should wed. Estate managers are always better when they are married and settled. Not that you aren’t ship shape as it is. But think of the money I could make if you were happy every so often.”

Nathan forced a smile at the other man’s joke, but inwardly he flinched. Happy. Had he been happy before? It didn’t seem like it. Not unhappy, perhaps, but not happy. But when he had been standing by the lake with Maddie, he had experienced a satisfaction, a calm and peace, like he hadn’t known for God knew how long.

“Who is she?” Fulton pressed.

Nathan glanced at his employer cautiously, ever aware of the line that separated them. But also aware of how much he needed a confidante.

“She works for Lord Heatherton,” he finally admitted.

“Ah, Heatherton, a good chap, indeed,” Fulton said with a nod of his head. “And do you like the young lady?”

Nathan shifted under his employer’s scrutiny. Fulton had never minced words and now he was getting to the heart of the matter. A heart Nathan wasn’t sure he was ready to examine.

“I-I do like her, my lord,” he said slowly. “I like her a great deal. She is not like any other woman I have ever met.”

Fulton’s expression changed slightly. A hint of wistfulness came over his face. “Ah, lucky man. Most of the women I meet are sadly interchangeable. You know, you’ve been watching them these past few weeks.”

The two men shuddered in unison and Nathan couldn’t help but exchange a smile with Fulton over the frivolous nature of his houseguests.

“I say if you like the girl, you should throw caution to the wind,” Fulton said, finishing off his drink.

Nathan set his own glass aside and frowned. “I am not certain.”

Fulton tilted his head to observe Nathan closer. “Ah yes, I realize that is not a comfortable notion for you. And I-” he hesitated. “I understand why.”

Nathan stiffened. “Sir?”

Fulton shrugged. “Look, Blackstone, we went to school together. Even though you kept yourself separate from those of rank, I did hear you speak of your father a few times. And I met him once before his death when his employer met with my father.”

Nathan swallowed hard, clenching his jaw as he tried to remain stoic. “I see.”

“I never mentioned it because you never have invited much personal interaction with me. But I do like you Nathan. You are a good man and I think we could have been friends in another life.” Fulton got to his feet. “I want you to know that you are nothing like your father. No one has ever met you while you worked for me who wasn’t impressed by your skill and demeanor. You are respected everywhere you go.”

Nathan stood and straightened his shoulders. “And that, my lord, is why I must continue on as I have. Throwing caution to the wind could easily reverse those good opinions I have earned.”

Fulton shook his head. “There is a middle ground, Blackstone. Someplace where you could be human around men of rank and still maintain your decorum. I do hope someday you will find that middle ground.” The other man stepped forward and clapped a hand on his shoulder briefly. “If you do, we’ll have to play billiards together. I hear from others on the staff that you’re brilliant and it has been a long time since someone bested me.”

Nathan nodded. “Yes sir. Good afternoon.”

Fulton strode around his desk and settled into his seat. “Good afternoon, Blackstone.”

Slowly, Nathan left the other man’s company and gently shut the door behind himself. In the hallway he expelled a long breath. He had never opened up to Fulton like that before. And somehow, it wasn’t as horrible as he had imagined. He hadn’t sunk to a level of groveling, nor made himself too much an equal of the man. Both were things his father had done regularly.

Still, he wondered at Fulton’s statement.
Could
he throw caution to the wind, at least in some areas of his life. Be
human
, as Fulton had put it, and still maintain his pride?

Because at present Nathan was sorely tempted to do both. To share more of himself. Only he wanted to do it with Maddie.

Chapter Four

Maddie drew in a long breath before she stepped forward and looked up at Quint. She fought the urge to shudder as she stared into the horse’s brown eyes. Good Lord, he was big.

“You’re doing very well,” Nathan’s soothing voice came from behind her. Then, without warning, his large, ungloved hand was on the small of her back, warm and comforting, as well as utterly distracting.

Of course that sensation was nothing new. During the past week that they had been meeting, Nathan’s presence had been as overwhelming as the idea of becoming better acquainted with the intimidating animal that stood before her. It wasn’t that Nathan was cold or distant. On the contrary, he had been the perfect teacher: kind, encouraging, and utterly gentle.

Still, whenever he was within a mile of her, all she could think about was that passionate, unexpected kiss they shared a week before. And though he’d made no motion to repeat that event, sometimes she caught him looking at her with the same heated expression that had darkened his handsome face that fateful afternoon. Her body inevitably reacted accordingly, her heart rate increasing, her hands shaking, her posture slowly moving until she leaned toward him.

But he always turned away, returning to their lessons and leaving Maddie with a mixture of relief and disappointment.

Mostly the latter.

Despite the emotional distractions, she had to admit that Nathan’s lessons were paying off. When she was near Quint, she no longer felt that choking desire to run as far away as she could, though she wouldn’t say she was ready to swing up into the saddle and ride either.

Still, it was quite an accomplishment, overcoming one’s fears, even just a little bit at a time.

She cast a quick glance over her shoulder at Nathan. He was just a hair’s breath away, his warm body ever present behind her, watching her with just the slightest smile turning his full lips upward. Her heart skipped at the sight of him.

If only she could overcome her strong emotions toward
him
next. Both the desire to touch him again, and the fear of what he would say when the truth about her identity finally came out. Guilt stabbed her, just as it constantly did when she thought of that eventuality.

“I think that is enough for today,” she murmured, stepping away from his touch. She paced across the rolling grass, clenching her hands into fists reflexively.

Nathan patted Quint’s side before he turned toward her. “I am most impressed, Maddie. Each time we meet, I see you making great strides in overcoming your apprehension. I have always admired people who chose to face what troubles them, rather than running away.”

Maddie shut her eyes briefly, ignoring the itching burn of tears that threatened to fall. “I don’t know if I should be admired,” she finally said. “After all, I am afraid of an animal who would likely do me no harm.”

Nathan touched her arm, forcing her to look at him. Forcing her to face both his ready smile and her own lies reflected in his stare.

“But that fear comes from something, does it not? A past experience. You’ve never told me what happened, Maddie.” He motioned to a blanket he had spread out beneath a tree at the edge of the field earlier. “I would like to hear about it. Perhaps it will help if I know the truth.”

Maddie barely fought the urge to snort. Oh, the truth. That was something she had been avoiding rather handily. That and
anything
about her true identity. She dodged and parried like a champion fencer any time Nathan asked her about her family or her past or her life in general.

Sadly, the more she spent time with him, the more she
wanted
to tell him the truth. And the more she avoided it, for she knew it would end the fantasy world she’d built. The world where a man like Nathan Blackstone would like her, where she could overcome her fears, be anyone she desired and have more than the lonely life to which she had resigned herself.

“Maddie?” he asked, tilting his head to examine her closer.

She forced a smile before she moved to the blanket he had indicated. Taking a seat and arranging her skirts around herself, she shrugged delicately.

“I’m afraid the truth isn’t particularly interesting.”

Nathan pursed his lips. “You are forever telling me that nothing about you is interesting,” he said, chuckling though she sensed his frustration. “And then you reveal nothing to allow me to judge that for myself. Humor me this once, Maddie. Please.”

She caught her breath at the addition of the word
please
. It was a dagger right to her lying heart, a reminder that this man deserved at least some of the truth. All of the truth.

But
some
would have to do.

“As a child, my elder brothers delighted in tormenting me.” She shook her head. “They were childish pranks for the most part. Pulling my hair, putting worms down my gown, that sort of thing.”

Nathan nodded. “As a lad, I believe I tormented a few cousins in a similar fashion.”

Maddie smiled at the image of serious Nathan as a playful youth. Then she shook her head and continued with her own story. She had to focus if she didn’t want to reveal too much.

“One day my brothers told me that our father had arranged for a surprise for me in the stable. They blindfolded me and guided me down.” Maddie shut her eyes briefly, drawing in a long breath in an attempt to remain calm as she retold this part of her story. “When they removed the blindfold, I found myself in the paddock mere inches from my father’s new purebred Arabian stallion that he was so proud of. The animal was enormous, staring down at me with flaring nostrils. I couldn’t help it. I screamed.”

Nathan stiffened and she could see from his expression that he realized what was about to transpire in her story.

“My brothers didn’t realize it, but the horse was still spooked from its long journey and the new surroundings. He reared when I cried out and began careening around the enclosure, smashing into the boards and making a noise I shall never forget.”

Nathan’s mouth was a harsh line. “Idiots. You could have been killed.”

She nodded. “To be fair to the boys, they were horrified. It wasn’t their intention to hurt me, just frighten me. My oldest brother, John leapt into the paddock right away and pushed me clear. He broke his arm in the process, so he got his own form of punishment. Richard went screaming for our father and the groundskeeper and they managed to calm the animal and tend to my brother’s injury. But the damage was done. I have been terrified of horses ever since.”

She frowned as she thought of how kind her family had been. Her brothers remained too chagrined to this very day to even speak to her about horses again. And her father told her more than once that she never had to go near any animal that frightened her. At the time, she had been relieved, but now… she wondered what would have been different if she had been forced to face her terror as she was doing with Nathan’s help. Would she have come to enjoy riding, as most girls of her station did? Would she have formed a bond of friendship with her horse as Nathan had with Quint?

What had she missed out on by being ‘protected’?

“I can see why you were so afraid,” Nathan said, his fingers brushing over hers all-too-briefly. Her foolish body reacted to that slight touch. “It must have been quite terrifying. I have heard that Arabians can be hot-blooded and-”

He came to a sudden halt in mid-sentence and Maddie reluctantly stopped watching his tanned fingertips brush over hers. She looked up to find him watching her with an odd expression.

“What is it?” she asked, still dreamy from his touch.

He frowned. “Did you say the horse was your
father’s
purebred Arabian?”

Maddie nodded slowly before realization dawned. Arabians, especially purebreds as she had explained, were one of the most sought after and expensive horse breeds in Britain. The kind of man who would own one was a man of means and status.

A man like a Duke.

A man like her father.

And from the confusion in Nathan’s eyes, he was fully aware of that fact. But of course he would be, he managed a peer’s estate and he loved horses. He understood how Maddie’s world worked.

“How did your father end up with an Arabian?” he asked, his brow furrowing. “That kind of extravagance…”

Maddie pulled her hand away from his and made a move to get up, but he caught her wrist before she could escape. He stared at her.

“Why do you avoid these subjects?” he asked.

“You avoid them, too,” she blurted out. “I have never heard anything about your family, your past. You are as much a closed book as I am.”