Almost A Spinster (15 page)

But that wasn’t what he was telling her. Instead, he asked her about Jonathon. About her tainted past. He deserved an answer. Perhaps he was the only one who ever had.

She nodded. “I was young and he was handsome. He was the one all the girls wanted to ‘catch’. When he began to pay special attention to me, I was utterly charmed. I should not have surrendered to his desires, but I was so certain he would marry me, as he promised. I thought it was what I
should
want. But it was a foolish notion. Even if he had married me, I would not have been happy.”

Gabriel drew back in surprise. “You think not? Why?”

Felicity sighed. That was a subject she had ruminated over many a time during the years of her shame and guilt. And even more since Gabriel came into her life. But she’d never spoken her thoughts aloud to anyone.

Until now.

“Forgive me for speaking plainly, but your brother was a ne’er-do-well. A dandy and a womanizer. Frivolous to his very soul. And though I was silly in my own way at the time, a marriage with him would have brought me nothing but misery. In the end, I would have wished for another kind of man.”

Gabriel was closer now, though she didn’t recall that he had moved. It seemed like if she took a deep breath, she could smell the faintly spicy hint of his skin, feel the heat of his breath and body heat. It was rather dizzying, especially when coupled with the intensity of his gaze.

“What kind of man would you have picked?” he asked, his voice so low that it barely carried.

She looked at him, sunlight glowing down on his handsome face and reflecting in his dark eyes. A voice whispered from within her, echoing in her brain.

You. I would have picked you.

“I would have picked a man with honor,” she whispered, blinking back sudden tears. “A man with purpose. With goals. A kind man. A good man.”

“You said
I
was a good man,” His voice was suddenly low and husky. The rumbling timbre seemed to roll through her bloodstream and settle in her belly. “And I know I mean something to you.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“The kiss proves it.”

Felicity turned her face. She should have known he’d come around to that eventually. “The kiss meant nothing to me. And while I appreciate your misguided attempt to help me, you mean nothing to me, either. So go. Go away and find another woman to marry. It is not meant to be.”

“I’m sorry to disagree with a lady, but I’ve never heard such poppycock in my life.”

Felicity spun back and found herself caught in Gabriel’s arms. He pulled her a little closer and looked down into her face. Her body tingled at the touch, heating and yearning for everything she had so long told herself she would never have.

“The kiss meant something to you, as it did to me,” he said, so low and close to her ear that she felt his breath caress her face. “And I mean something to you, or you wouldn’t spend so much time running from me.”

“Gabriel,” she said, but the sound was more like a sob.

“You are afraid to care for me, for any man, because you don’t want to repeat the past. But you say you can see I’m not Jonathon. And you are not the same foolish girl who believed she loved someone so utterly wrong for her. Don’t destroy your future because of the past. I know how much the past can cut, but we learn from it. We grow from it.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against the tip of her nose. “We move away from it, Felicity. Move away from it with me.”

She shut her eyes. Tremors wracked her and she knew if Gabriel wasn’t holding her, she would not remain upright. How could she deny him when he was offering her so much? But at the same time, how could she take what he offered? She had been denying herself for so long, she was afraid to give in to her desires. To trust. To have faith in herself or him.

But then his hand came up and he cupped her cheek. Tilting her face upward. “Felicity, we could be so happy. I would make you happy. I swear it to you. Please, please marry me. Be with me. Not because of the past. Because of right now. Please.”

Her mouth opened, her lips trembled and she knew she could not deny him. “Yes.”

His eyes widened and the flash of pure joy she saw on his face erased any lingering doubts. Then his mouth came down and erased her thoughts, as well.

If she had been stunned by his first kiss, Felicity welcomed the second. When his tongue touched hers and he stroked across the roof of her mouth, it was as if she had come home. It was right. It was everything she wanted. It was more.

And she would have this… and all the more… for the rest of her life. Suddenly her memories of what happened between a man and a woman were thrilling rather than shameful. Gabriel would touch her, fill her, claim her once she was his wife. She looked forward to that moment, though she felt a pang of regret that her innocence was not a gift she could give him.

Gabriel’s arms tightened and she was brought more fully against his chest. She mewled with pleasure against his lips as her long dormant senses awakened. She was on fire. It tingled in her fingertips, made her nipples harden, and brought a powerful ache to the place between her thighs. And the wanting had never been like this before.

So perhaps
that
was the gift. She came to Gabriel not with her innocence, but with her experience. With all the lessons she had learned over the years about fear. And with all the acceptance he had shown to her. That would make her savor their time together. It would make her less timid. It would allow her to feel all the pleasure with no regrets.

Never again.

With a gasp, Gabriel broke the kiss and gently set her away from him. Their eyes locked and she saw all the control he was reining in as he panted out heaving breaths.

“Dear God, woman, what you do to me,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “You bring out every wicked thing in me.”

She cupped his cheek with a smile. “Only be wicked for me.”

His expression softened as he turned his lips into her palm. “I promise.” He leaned toward her second time, but pulled away at the last moment with a growl of displeasure. “No. As much as I’d like to show you how wicked I can be right here and now, that would do neither of us any good. I’d like to speak to your father. To tell him that you’ve agreed to my offer and make the arrangements.”

Felicity nodded as her heart leapt. This was really happening. And she looked forward to it with a hope she’d once thought Jonathon took along with his pleasure.

“Yes, I believe he was in the parlor. You speak to him first and I’ll join you in a few moments.”

Gabriel caught her hand and lifted it to his lips. “I’m glad, Felicity. So very glad that I was able to convince you.”

She smiled, heart swelling, as he turned away and headed for the house. After he had gone in, she turned to look out over the gardens below. Joy spread through her, making her limbs feel light as air. She could fly if she wanted to.

“There you are, Felicity! We wondered where you went!”

Felicity turned to see one of the debutantes she had been speaking to, Roberta Wington, come out onto the terrace. Thank heavens she and Gabriel hadn’t decided to be wicked after all. She smiled at the girl. Even debutante ridiculousness couldn’t spoil her mood.

“It’s a fine match.” The other woman flicked a few pebbles from the stone wall that lined the terrace edge. “You will become a Duchess and he’ll receive your dowry. What was it? Fifty thousand pounds?”

“He certainly is! My mother had her eye on him for me when he first arrived in Society, but Father cut that notion off when he discovered Windsworth hardly has a farthing to his name. His father and his brother lost it all. My father said that could make any man, even a Duke, into a fortune hunter!”

Felicity stepped back, eyes wide, as she stared at the other girl. Gabriel had no money?

Roberta looked at her face and Felicity’s reaction must have shown clearly, for the other girl lifted a hand to her lips and covered her mouth. “Not that-not that he is that, of course. I’m sure he wants you for other reasons than just the dowry.”

Felicity continued to stare, though she didn’t really see the debutante any longer. All she could see was Gabriel’s face, floating before her. Smiling at her. Kissing her.

And all along he had been penniless. He had said he came to her to make amends, but her impressive dowry would surely line his lean pockets, as well. While he so generously took her on as wife, with her lack of virtue, he would be amply paid for his sacrifice with fifty-thousand pounds of her father’s money.

No. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Except, he hadn’t revealed the truth about his financial position, had he? She’d heard nothing of the kind from his own lips, and her father made no mention. Which meant he’d kept it a secret. A lie by omission.

And he’d said he never lied.

What a fool she had been. To trust him. To grow close to him. And maybe… for just a moment… for allowing herself to love him and think they could have a happy future.

Chapter Six

Felicity clenched her hands into fists, the hot blood roaring through her veins as she continued to stare over the gardens. Her only consolation was that gossipy Roberta Wington had made a hasty exit after her horrible revelation about Gabriel’s financial position.

Of course, she was likely already inside, spreading the news of Felicity’s newest shame to everyone. And here she had sought to avoid that kind of gossip for so long.

She wanted to run. To bolt away from the party, climb into a carriage and just go, as far and as fast as she could. Change her name, change her life. Find a place to hide from the shame of her past and from the hurt that now blossomed in her chest like a poisonous flower.

She caught her breath just before it became a sob. No. No.
No
. She wouldn’t, she
couldn’t
run anymore. She wouldn’t hide from the past. If anything, she’d learned that wasn’t possible. She had let one Windsworth brother shame her into doing that, she wouldn’t let the second.

Of course, she could march straight to her father and tell him every horrible thing she could think of about Gabriel. Certainly her father would take care of the situation from there. She would never have to see Gabriel again, and he would quite possibly be just as ruined as she was by the time her friends and family were finished with him.

She stared at the flowers below with another shake of her head. No. That wasn’t right either. She was a grown woman; she couldn’t let her father take care of her problems forever. As it was, she’d hidden behind him long enough.

Aside from which, she didn’t
want
to ruin Gabriel. Oh, yes, some childish part of her liked the notion of hurting him like she was hurting, but that wasn’t the answer.

The answer was the thing she feared most. She had to go to Gabriel herself and confront him with what she now knew.

It was strange, but despite everything she felt she
owed
it to him.

“I think your daughter is a prize well-worth winning, my lord.” Gabriel took the whiskey Lord Stoneworth offered. He felt like a celebratory drink.

“She certainly is leading you on a merry chase. Most men give up by this point in her games.” The older man sighed and a flash of emotion flickered in his eyes. “I wonder if you will survive her tricks.”

Gabriel smiled, passed the nervousness that churned in his stomach. This was the perfect moment to reveal to Felicity’s father that the two had come to an arrangement. That she had finally given in to his desires and agreed to be his wife. It was the moment he’d been waiting for ever since he learned of the way his brother and father shamed her. He should have been jumping out of his skin to share the news.

But instead, he was weighing each and every word in his head. Trying to find the best way to approach the subject. Because it meant more to him than it had before.
She
meant more to him. And he didn’t just want to disregard the gravity of her acceptance like it was a simple business deal or unemotional partnership. He wanted whatever he said to her father to reflect the honesty of Gabriel’s regard for Felicity.

That and the depth of his newfound feelings… the ones he had been trying not to label until now. Perhaps the time had come to do so.

He opened his mouth to begin when the door to the parlor opened. His gaze darted to the intruder and he was surprised to find it was Felicity, herself. He’d thought she would take a few more moments before she joined them, to allow him some time with her father. But her quick interruption didn’t bode well. Nor did her stony face. She was not pleased and hardly spared him a glance.