ALWAYS FAITHFUL (3 page)

Doing her best to ignore the distracting sight, Nic said, “Look this isn’t a game. Someone could have gotten hurt and that someone could have been me. Then what?”

“Come on, no one got hurt.” Extending her hand, she said, “By the way, my name is Theresa. And yours is?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know my name,” Nic said, towering over the petite blonde. “Now if you will excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

“Wait.” Theresa grabbed Nic’s arm. “I just wanted to get to know you. Is there anything wrong with that? Besides, maybe we could have coffee or something.”

“I don’t drink coffee, and I’m not your type.”

“I know how to handle women like you gorgeous. Trust
me
,” Theresa said, her voice husky as she eyed Nic’s chest. She ran her hand brazenly over one of Nic’s breasts, smiling when she felt Nic’s nipple harden.

The simple touch, combined with the adrenalin that whipped through her when the woman cut her off, sent Nic over the edge. She groaned and grabbed Theresa’s hand, pinning it to her breast. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she knew she should stop, but it had been far too long since a beautiful woman had touched her.

“Careful what you wish for,” Nic said. She grabbed the presumptuous woman by the wrists, pulling their bodies together. Theresa moaned as Nic tilted her
head to the left and pulled her hair, forcing her head back and exposing Theresa’s neck to Nic’s lips. Nic attacked her neck, kissing it roughly. Nic could feel her pulse speed up. She made her way up Theresa’s neck to her jaw, nipping at the perfect little line. Nic continued on to her lips, which were open and begging to be kissed. Crushing the waiting lips underneath hers, Nic slid her tongue inside and heard the woman moan. She caressed the breast beneath the thin blouse, squeezing and pinching the pierced nipple until she could feel the woman grinding against her.

God, what am I doing?
She suddenly released the woman, who stumbled back against her car. Nic mumbled an apology, as she turned and got back on her bike. She started her bike, slapped on her helmet and drove out of the parking lot cursing her rash judgment. She could hear the woman shouting something, but ignored it as she sped up.

God, what had she just
done? Anyone driving past could have seen them, could have seen her. Nic was on fire, every nerve in her body was exploding and she thought she would come right there on her bike, the vibration adding more stimulation to an already sensitive clit.
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,
she had to get home and quick. If she was going to have a melt down she didn’t want it to be out in public.

It had been months since Nic had even thought about sex. No, that wasn’t quite true. Every time she thought about it, she either went to the gym and worked herself to exhaustion or worked late to keep herself occupied. Nic continued to navigate her way back to her place, edgy, frustrated, and definitely explosive. She pivoted her hips on the rolling vibrator, finding a place that not only kept her stimulated, but damn near brought her to climax. Her entire focus was centered on the throbbing between her legs. She turned the bike around at the next light and headed out to a deserted stretch of road. Opening up the throttle, she leaned into the bike allowing her body to feel the vibration of the huge machine as she shifted through the gears. She rocked forward, the seam of her jeans making perfect
contact with her clit. Her nipples hardened as she felt the wind rub her shirt roughly against them. Every muscle tensed in anticipation of the impending release, and she could feel sweat breaking out everywhere on her body. She felt herself start to spasm as she rode both the motorcycle and the climax. Nic’s hips bucked once, twice, and then a third and final time as she climaxed. It took every ounce of control she had to stay upright on the motorcycle as she pulled to the side of the road.

Nic leaned over, gasping for breath and holding on to the gas tank for stability. Dropping the kickstand, she swung her leg over and flopped to the ground on her hands and knees.
God, what have I just done?
This person was foreign to Nic. She was always in control of her emotions and she never, ever lost control. Sitting back on her heels, taking a deep breath, she could still feel her throbbing clit rubbing against now soaked jeans. She stood, grabbing her jeans at the knees and forcing them down just enough to prevent further contact with her clit. Still hunched over, she worked to control her breathing and her emotions. It had been so long since she had been with anyone that she had forgotten what that felt like. Enough.
No good can come from thinking like this.
No one would want an emotionally bankrupt, broken down soldier. It wasn’t worth thinking about.

W
hen she finally arrived back at her place, Nic stripped off her soaked clothing and headed to the shower for the third time that day. She was spent, but she felt surprisingly relaxed at the same time. It had been a long time since she had felt like this, a long time since she felt normal. What was normal to her now? Nic felt somewhat normal when she was in uniform. She felt normal riding her motorcycle. She felt normal being alone.

In fact, since she had been home from the hospital Nic rarely thought about her love life. To be intimate with someone meant being naked, and that meant there would be questions. Nic wasn’t sure she was ready for the type of intimacy that bared her soul to a stranger. It was just easier to wish for a love life than to actually take the steps towards having one. That probably attributed to her lack of a sex drive, but today was different and she didn’t know why. Nic definitely wasn’t one for casual encounters. They left her feeling empty inside, and as much as her body had wanted her to, it was clearly why she didn’t take the woman up on her brazen offer. Well, that and the possibility of being caught having sex in public with a woman on base.

Ever since the accident she felt empty all the time, like there was a void that couldn’t be filled. It had hurt so deep it felt like her soul was broken, like her whole reason for living had changed and she didn’t know what it had changed to. It wasn’t that she didn’t have plenty of opportunities for sex. She was constantly being hit on by both men and women in and out of the Corps. Everyone loves a chick in uniform. Right now though, the thought of being intimate with a woman was foreign to Nic. In fact, the military’s “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy made
it easy to fend of the advances of the other women in the Corps. No officer wanted to lose his or her commission because of that policy, and while Nic didn’t agree with it, she had to live with it.

She stepped into the hot shower and the stream of water on her back felt like little needles on her scar. The broken hip had taken no time to heal, probably because she was in such great shape when the crash happened. The doctor had said that because she worked out with weights and had trained in the martial arts Nic had survived what had killed her crew. Being used to taking a pounding and being able to roll with the crash had helped her survive.
Lucky me
, she thought as she remembered hearing the news as she lay in recovery after her hip surgery.
I am no more deserving to live than my crew was, so why me?
Her shrink called it survivor’s guilt.
Whatever
. Giving it a name didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Nic got out of the shower and draped the towel around her hips; and wiped the steam from the mirror. This time Nic noticed the lines around her eyes and a few gray hairs in her dark brown shoulder length mane.
Maybe I should really cut it off, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about regulations for a few months.
Nic wasn’t one to worry about what people thought and she rarely cared what her hair looked like as long as it was clean, neat and squared away. She was tired of pinning it up and it pulled sometimes under her hat when she was in uniform Y
ea, maybe a haircut is in order,
Nic thought as she blow-dried the wet strands off her face.

She reapplied a protective bandage on her scar and finished getting dressed, this time in a pair of loose sweats and t-shirt. Realizing she was starving, Nic went into the kitchen to make something to eat. She couldn’t cook worth a damn, but she wouldn’t starve. Taking the plastic off a “gourmet meal”, she saw the blinking light on her answering machine. Throwing the meal into the microwave, she pressed play on the machine.

“Major, this is Sergeant Ross. We have a bit of a problem with Capt. Monroe’s remains. Could you please give me a call ASAP? Thank you ma’am.”

“Shit, what does he mean a
problem
?” she asked the microwave as she watched the timer count down. Nic dialed Sergeant Ross.

“Sergeant, you had better have good news for me since you left that message.”

“I’m afraid not, Major Caldwell. It seems that there is a problem with Capt. Monroe’s remains.”

“What problem?”

“Well, it appears they’ve lost him. I have been calling all over Germany and no one seems to be able to tell me where he is. No one.”

“Christ, this is a disaster. I will be right down. You haven’t called his wife yet, have you?” asked Nic as she tossed her gourmet meal in the trash. So much for dinner.

“No ma’am. I didn’t think that was something that should come from me, ma’am. Besides, the Chaplain said you would be handling anything with Mrs. Monroe.”

“Did he now? Give me about half an hour to get to the office. And Sergeant, if Mrs. Monroe calls, not that I think she will, but if she does, don’t say anything about this. Understand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“See you in thirty,” she said as she dropped the phone into the cradle and made her way to the bedroom.

Holy shit, what the fuck happened? What am I going to tell Mrs. Monroe? She’s been through so much already. This is just going to send her over the edge. Christ!
She couldn’t believe that the military could lose the remains of a service member when they had managed to ship over four thousand bodies home successfully.

Thirty minutes later, Nic could feel the tension when she entered the small office. “Sergeant, what have you got for me, and don’t say “nothing” if you know what is good for you.”

Nic could see the tension in the Sergeants face as he looked up at her and she already knew what the answer was. “I am sorry, ma’am, but Rheinmein says they never got the body in. They have checked their manifests three times and they swear that the body never arrived.”

“Great. Get their Duty officer for the airfield on the phone and let’s track this down. Wait—” she wondered if the screw-up started there or back in Iraq. “First, get me the field hospital in Iraq, and then if they say they sent Capt. Monroe’s remains, we’ll talk to the airfield over there to make sure he even left Iraq.”

After about a dozen phone calls, she was no closer to finding Mike than when she started.
Christ, now I have to go to Mrs. Monroe’s and inform her of the screw-up. Excellent.
Grabbing her hat Nic stood up to leave.

“Sergeant, if I am not back in an hour you better send the Chaplain for me. He will probably have to deliver
last rites
, ’cause I’ll probably be dead or close to it when I inform Mrs. Monroe of
our
screw-up,” Nic said as she prepared herself for the coming explosion that was sure to happen once Mrs. Monroe got the bad news.

###

Nic pulled up to Capt. Monroe’s quarters and noticed that there were several cars in the driveway and on the street.
Great, now I have to do this with an audience.
Nic knocked and as she had done before stepped down off the stoop and onto the sidewalk. Debbie Rouch, the neighbor who had come over the day before, answered the door, and this time it was clear she too had been crying.

“Major, please won’t you come in? A few of the wives have come by to offer their condolences and support to Claire.” Walking into the quarters Debbie turned towards Nic and continued, “Can I get you something to drink, perhaps coffee or a soda?”

“No thank you. Would it be possible to speak to Mrs. Monroe?” asked Nic as she advanced further into the house. She peered around the corner of the hallway and saw Claire sitting on the sofa surrounded by a few other wives. Claire had her daughter on her lap as she listened to the conversation swirling around her. Nic noticed her vacant look and was sure that Claire had mentally checked-out of the conversation. Clearing her throat, Nic entered the room full of women, not sure if she should ask everyone to leave or ask to speak to Claire alone.
Well the sooner we get this over with the sooner I can get out of here,
she thought as she slowly made eye contact with each of the women before settling on Claire. The look on Claire’s face broke Nic’s heart and knowing she was going to add more grief only made her feel worse.

“Mrs. Monroe, would it be possible to speak with you in private?” Nic asked softly.

“Major, is there something wrong?” Claire asked as she hugged her child closer. When Nic inclined her head but didn’t say anything, Claire told the group that she was going to put the child down for the night and rejoin them after speaking to Nic.

“Please Major, if you will follow me we can talk while I put my daughter down for the night,” Claire said as she walked down the hall to her daughter’s room. When Nic entered the room, she was surprised to see model helicopters hanging from the ceiling. On the child’s bookshelves, small toy models of helicopters were interspersed with stuffed animals and dolls. There were family pictures of Grace with her parents in what one could only describe as the “perfect family”.

Nic watched as Claire focused on getting her daughter ready for bed. She thought about how Mike would never be part of this process again. She suddenly thought about how much she wanted a family like Mike’s, a beautiful wife and child to come home to and how that all seemed so foreign to her since the accident. She watched as Claire dimmed the lights and took her daughter in her arms, settling into the rocker in the corner of the room. Crooning softly, Claire rocked back and forth, gently holding Grace. Nic felt like an interloper that had no business seeing such an intimate moment between mother and child and slowly made her way to the door. Just as she reached the door, she heard a soft whisper.

“Major, please. She’s almost asleep. Just a minute more.”

Humming softly Claire got up and placed the sleeping girl on her bed, covered her and gently rubbed her back to comfort her. Nic shifted from one foot to the other, still uncomfortable witnessing something so loving, and so intimate. Claire rose from the bed and quietly walked to the door, and as she did she slid her hand along Nic’s arm, moving her out of the room. A tingle slid along the path Claire’s hand had just traveled and unsettled the Major at once, Nic ignored the shiver that traveled up her spine as she tried to focus on the reason she was there.

“I thought we could talk in here. It’s quiet and I’ll be able to hear Grace if she wakes up,” Claire said as she settled herself on the edge of the king size bed. “Please sit down, Major. I am sure whatever you have to tell me you can do sitting. Besides, you’re going to strain my neck if I constantly have to look up at you,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

Claire wasn’t sure why she was trying to make Nic feel more comfortable considering the events of the last two days but it felt right to try. Claire knew Nic, but only in a cursory way, through dinners and military functions that they both had to attend, one out of duty and one out of honor. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, knowing that if Nic was here this late it could only mean more bad news.

Looking down at her hands Nic said, “Mrs. Monroe…” she faltered and then cleared her throat. “I am sorry but it seems that your husband’s remains are missing.”

When she didn’t get a response, Nic looked up and saw Claire staring at her. Nic waited a minute and then cleared her dry throat again.

“I am so sorry. I have been on the phone calling all over Iraq and Germany to find out what happened and no one can tell me a thing. I have my sergeant working on it right now but I felt I should let you know so that you can contact your families and give them the news. Without the remains, we can’t plan anything for the service and I am sure you have a lot of plans that need to be made. I mean, that is why I am here, to help you with those plans, but I just thought that you should know and….”

Claire was still staring at her, only this time tears were streaming down her face as she began to sob silently. Not knowing what else to do, Nic slid closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder. Claire turned into Nic and buried her face into the major’s chest and began to weep heavily. Nic felt Claire grabbing her BDU top so tightly she wondered if Clare would rip it. Wrapping her other arm around Claire, Nic slowly stroked her back in an effort to comfort her.

“Mrs. Monroe, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say. Please know that I will do my best to find Mike and bring him home as soon as possible. Please, please know how sorry I am.” She spoke softly to the young widow wrapped in her arms, crying. Nic started to rock back and forth and softly pleaded with Claire to try to relax.

“Major, I’m not sure I can handle this anymore. I have lost my husband and now you tell me you have lost his body. I’m not sure I can take much more without losing it.” She wept, still clutching Nic’s BDUs tightly.

“I am so sorry. Please know how sorry I am for having to put you through this.”

“Major, I know this isn’t your fault, I understand that, but god, how could the Corps lose his body? How could they do this to my family and me? Haven’t we been through enough already?” Claire asked, her body language suggesting that the question was rhetorical.

Nic knew she wouldn’t be able to get those answers, at least not tonight. She settled back as Claire wept harder and pressed against her, looking for comfort, the kind that comes from being held by another person. Nic didn’t say anything. At this point, everything seemed so trite.

Nic rested her head on Claire’s, feeling her body shake as she started to sob uncontrollably again. Nic could smell her perfume and lilac shampoo. It had been a long time since she held someone like this and the sensation wasn’t at all an unwelcome one. However, this definitely wasn’t in the protocol description when she went to do an inform.
All I’m doing is offering a shoulder for her to cry on,
Nic told herself.

Slowly, Nic felt Claire’s breathing start to come under control and she felt Claire back away. She put her hands on Claire’s shoulders to try to create some distance between them.

“Are you all right now? Is there anything I can get you?”

“Yes, Major. There are a couple of things you can do for me. First, please stop calling me Mrs. Monroe. That is my mother-in-law. Second, would you mind informing everyone out there that they can go home and I will see them tomorrow. I’m beat and I don’t think I can make polite conversation anymore,” Claire said as she laid down on the bed, curling up into a semi-fetal position.

“Of course Mrs. Monroe. I mean, Claire. I’ll be happy to ask everyone to leave but I am not at liberty to discuss what you and I have talked about. So if you want them to know you will have to tell them, okay?”

“Fine Major,” said Claire, curling into a ball in the middle of the huge bed.

“Mrs.—Claire, will you do me a favor?”

“Yes Major.”

“If I must call you by your first name, you must do the same. Pease call me Nic.”

“Thank you Nic,” Claire said quietly, still curled in on herself.

“Of course.”

Walking down the hall Nic could hear the wives talking about Claire and how strong she was as she faced this unbelievable loss. Each one acknowledged that they too would be devastated if faced with a similar situation. In the military, it was a daily battle to stay positive with a loved one in a combat zone. When Nic entered the living room all eyes shifted to her, each with a question or a demand for answers. Nic calmly informed the group that Claire had requested that they all go home and get some rest, and told them that Claire wanted to thank them for their support and she would see them in the morning. When the last wife left, Nic leaned against the door and let out a long sigh, glad she wasn’t obligated to inform the wives of the most recent development.

She headed for the master bedroom to let Claire know that the wives had left and that she, too, was leaving. She started to open the door and had just barely caught a glimpse of Claire sleeping when she heard a soft cry from the bedroom behind her. Nic looked over her shoulder at Grace’s room and wondered if she should wake Claire, but quickly changed her mind when she heard Claire release a soft snore.
Maybe I can rock Grace back to sleep and then leave and no one will be the wiser. Besides, Claire needs to sleep.
Turning, Nic went into Grace’s room and found her sitting up in her bed.

“Hey little one. What are you doing up?” Reaching down, she picked up the child. All at once the little girl latched on to her neck and laid her head down on Nic’s broad shoulder.
Must be the uniform
, she thought as she slowly rocked the child back and forth. Grace settled down almost immediately, but each time Nic tried to put the little girl down she began to fuss. Spying the rocker, Nic sat down and slowly started to rock Claire’s daughter back to sleep.

So, this is what it would feel like to have a kid.
Rocking, she started to feel herself nod off when her phone rang.

“Major, are you all right? Should I call the Chaplain and have him come out to meet you?” asked Sergeant Ross.

“Sergeant, I am fine but you just woke up the baby.”

“Excuse me, Major?”

“Oh, never mind. I’m fine. Go home and get some rest. We’ll start again in the morning. And Sergeant, not a word of this to anyone, understand?”

“Understood Major, but I have no idea what you are talking about, believe me.”

“Good. Now go home to your wife, kiss her and be thankful for what you have, soldier.”

Nic began the process of rocking the little girl back to sleep again. She looked down to find Grace looking up at her with the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

“Hmm, whose eyes do you have princess? You’re a little cutie, aren’t you? I bet you are your momma’s pride and joy, huh?”

As she kept rocking, she slowly started to nod off herself. She never let go of the little bundle laying there in her arms.