ALWAYS FAITHFUL (5 page)

C
laire sat on her couch, absently twisting her wedding ring. She was thinking about all the things she needed to do to put Mike’s affairs in order. Nic had told her she would help, but Claire didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, especially Nic. Claire smiled as she thought about finding Nic sleeping with Grace. She should have been concerned when she saw the two together, but she wasn’t. Nic seemed so comfortable with Grace and her daughter seemed to be taken with Nic. Claire wondered what kind of woman joined the Marine Corps and then chose to fly helicopters. Someone with something to prove, she thought. Claire knew little about the women of the Corps since Mike was in an attack unit. Women weren’t allowed in the combat units and that included an attack helicopter unit. Her access to Marine women was limited to the occasional encounter at a military ball or battalion function.

The more Claire thought about it, the more she wondered if she could have been a rough and tough Marine. Nic had a certain confidence about her that Claire found sexy.
Did I just say sexy and Nic in the same sentence?
She cocked her head to the side, considering the question. It was true. Nic had self-confidence, a bearing that made her stand out from the rest of the Marine Corps officers. She walked with her head high, but lacked the swagger that some pilots seemed to have. Once, Claire had made the mistake of calling one of Mike’s friends a pilot. He stopped dead in his tracks, turned and looked her right in the eyes. Without blinking he told her to never refer to him as a pilot— he was a Marine Aviator. Big difference, he said.

No, Claire couldn’t see Nic acting like that, pompous and arrogant. Nic had shown her tenderness when she had held her the night before, something she couldn’t see a male Corps member providing. Claire remembered how solid Nic felt as she held her while she cried. The smell of Nic’s perfume, a subtle mix of clean and citrus had enveloped her while she leaned against the officer’s chest. Claire closed her eyes again as she thought about Nic’s arms wrapped around her, rocking her back and forth. It almost seemed surreal now, being held by a woman again. The softness of her touch and the gentleness of her voice still rang in Claire’s ears. She felt her body start to react at the thought of Nic holding her. She was just the kind of woman Claire had been attracted to in college.

###

Nic sat in her car, thinking about Claire and everything she was going through. She thought about all of the spouses and families that had to endure the process of burying their loved ones. Then she thought about her own crew and what their families had gone through. Nic had missed all of the funerals and memorials for the crew, her crew. She was in a hospital bed barely able to sit-up, let alone talk to anyone about what happened. Maybe that was why she was taking what happened to Mike so hard, because she knew him, went to college with him, and was stationed at the same base in Iraq. She had socialized with his family at unit functions so it was painful to see what Claire was going through all by herself. Well, soon it would be over for Claire and she would move on to a new life and learn to deal with the loss. Given enough time, they all moved on eventually, and Nic would too. Eventually.

She couldn’t get Claire out of her mind. She was a beautiful, vibrant woman who had her whole life ahead of her. After a long, hot shower, Nic opted for a pair of jeans, t-shirt and boots. Now, she felt a little more normal, and more—human. Although it might be strange to people outside the military, as long as she had the uniform on she felt like she should act accordingly. Which in and of itself wasn’t a bad thing, but it sure was nice to look like an average civilian occasionally. It was such a beautiful day she decided to ride her bike to Claire’s house. The fresh air and freedom would do her soul some good right now. She tucked the necessary paperwork in her saddlebag, wishing she could leave it behind.

Nic leaned over the bike and remembered the last time she was on it. She flushed at the memory and felt a resultant tug between her legs. Nic started the bike, adjusted her helmet, zipped up her jacket and slipped on her gloves. She loved how the bike felt like a part of her every time she rode it. Gliding down the street she didn’t think about anything but the machine and the feeling of power and freedom it gave her. And, of course, the occasional car that always seemed to cut her off when she rode.

She decided to take the long way to Claire’s house. First, she wanted a longer ride to blow the cobwebs out and reenergize and second, she was confused by the flutter of nervousness in her stomach when she thought of spending more time with Claire. She parked in Claire’s driveway and took her cell phone out of the inside pocket of her jacket. She briefly talked to Sergeant Ross who had nothing new to report and promised to call her if anything came up. She informed him that if she was needed, she would be at Claire’s for a bit to see if she needed anything before returning to the office to finish up her paperwork.

Just as she was about to knock, the door opened and several women started down the steps. Quickly stepping aside, she avoided running into them, although they weren’t paying attention to anyone as Claire said goodbye to them and thanked them for their kindness.

“Oh, sorry, we didn’t see you there. Major Caldwell? Is that you? I didn’t recognize you out of uniform. Sorry,” the woman in front said, this time looking Nic up and down as if inspecting a side of beef.

“No problem ma’am. I’m just here to check on Mrs. Monroe and then I’m off to the office,” the major said, slightly irritated that she felt the need to explain her appearance. Turning, Nic caught sight of Claire looking down at her as Claire waved good-bye to the wives.

“Please come in, Nic.”

“Thanks. I hope this is a good time for me to come by? I didn’t think to call first. Sorry.” Nic swallowed hard, wondering what it was about Claire that caused her to lose her train of thought and babble like some school girl. She turned when she heard Grace behind her and quickly lifted the little girl into the air.

“Oh, sorry. I hope it’s all right that I picked her up, I just —” Nic said, suddenly aware of what she had done. “She’s just so cute and sweet…”

“She seems to be really attached to you, too. You’re all she has talked about all day. She told everyone that you spent the night and slept with her in her room. Try explaining that to the wives that just left. Besides, she seems to really calm down when you’re here.”

“I’m sorry if it caused any problems for you.”

“No, not at all. Besides, the other wives are happy that the military is helping out so much.”

“Well that’s why I’m here. You know, to check on you and Grace and see if there is anything I can do to help out,” she said, as she followed Claire into the living room. Nic sat down on the couch with Grace still in her arms. The little girl curled up on Nic’s chest and started to doze off.

“Well, if you can come over about this time everyday and do that,” Claire said, pointing to the little girl now sleeping on Nic’s chest. “It would help out a great deal. She’s had a hard time going down for a nap ever since we got the news of Mike’s death. I’m sure she’s picking up on the stress in the house and doesn’t have a way to process it like you and I do. So she’s fighting her normal routine.”

“Well, I’m not sure I can come by everyday at this time, but I can make it a point to stop by everyday and check in on you two if you would like?”

“Thank you for the offer Nic, but I am sure you have lots of other work that you should be giving your attention to. Besides, I’m a big girl and can take care of myself.”

“I’m sure you are Claire. Maybe I can take care of Grace if you would like to do some shopping or just have some time to yourself. I know how stressful all of this can be, really.”

Claire heard a catch in Nic’s voice and wondered what it meant. Surely, she didn’t lose her husband in Iraq, too. She hadn’t heard that Nic was married, but that didn’t mean anything. She didn’t know the personal lives of most of the soldiers in Mike’s unit, and unless she knew their wives, she was pretty much out of the loop entirely. Although she had heard rumors about Nic, she didn’t give much credence to gossip from the wives.
As if I could be that lucky,
she thought.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we put Grace down and I’ll fix you something to eat. That is, if you’re hungry?” Claire motioned for Nic to follow her to Grace’s room.

Closing the door as they left Grace sleeping soundly, she whispered to Nic, “So Major, can I interest you in something to eat?”

Nic swallowed hard, her knee jerk reaction a desire to tell Claire exactly what she’d like to eat, but then her own stomach betrayed her with its noisy rumbling and they both laughed.

“Well, that’s settled. Your stomach has answered my question. What can I get you to drink?” She headed for the kitchen and motioned in the direction of the couch. “Sit. So what’ll it be?”

After settling on a diet soda, Nic tried to relax on the couch. Looking around, she noticed the photos scattered around the front room walls and bookshelves. Some were of Grace, some of Claire and a few of the family together doing what families often do, picnicking, holidays and the usual stuff. She also noticed Mike and Claire’s degrees on the wall along with Mike’s Commissioning Papers and his Diploma from Flight school with his first pair of wings. She had the same things tucked away somewhere in a closet rather than on display. She walked over to the pictures and scanned them, focusing more on the pictures of Claire. She heard Claire clear her throat behind her and realized that she was probably out of line.

“Sorry. I was just looking at your family photos. You look like a happy family.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” Claire murmured as she handed Nic a plate with an assortment of food on it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“It’s nothing. Can I get you something else?” Claire turned and walked back into the kitchen, and Nic noticed the somber look on her face. Deciding to follow her, Nic nearly crashed into Claire, who had suddenly turned around as though to ask Nic something.

“OH! Sorry, I —Can I get you something else?”

“I’m sorry, I was just…. Well I just thought something was wrong and I, well I— Sorry,” she said, turning and sitting down at the dining table.

“Look, why don’t we sit on the couch? Grace will be up soon and we won’t even have had time to eat if we don’t sit down now. I guess I’m just tired and haven’t had a lot of time to process everything that has happened. Please, let’s eat. I’m sure you’re starving. Besides, I have enough food to feed the entire unit and it will go bad before we even get a chance to try everything.”

“Thank you,” Nic said, leaning down and smelling the assortment of foods. “I am kinda hungry. Thanks.”

Claire looked at Nic and it dawned on her why she looked so different. Nic’s civilian clothes hugged her body and suited her well. She looked comfortable and relaxed. Her tight t-shirt made her broad shoulders and well-defined chest look amazing, and her jeans sat right at her hips, just tight enough to accent her long legs. She noticed Nic’s black motorcycle jacket lying across the arm of the couch with her gloves resting on top and realized that Nic had ridden her motorcycle over.

“I don’t think I have ever seen you in civilian clothes before. You haven’t ever attended the unit or company picnics, have you?”

“No, I usually volunteer to be the OD, officer of the day, so that the officers with families can go and spend time with them. I figure since I don’t have a family it’s easier for me to do it.

Claire watched Nic eat and wondered why someone so thoughtful didn’t have someone special in her life. She knew it was hard for many soldiers in the military to find someone who was interested in them and not just interested in the guaranteed paycheck that the military offered. A lot of women liked the idea of being married to officers, especially pilots. There was a certain amount of prestige that went along with being a flight officer’s wife and she knew it. For her it was different— she could care less that Mike was a pilot. It wasn’t the reason she married him, but that didn’t matter now that Mike was gone.

Without thinking, she blurted out, “So Nic, how come someone as caring as you isn’t with someone?” She flushed in mortification. She couldn’t believe she had spoken without engaging her brain.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that- it isn’t any of my business really.” Looking down at her food to hide the rising heat infusing her face, she cleared her throat and began to eat. She couldn’t even taste the food as she tried to busy herself moving it around on her plate. Hearing Nic clear her throat she looked up to find a set of cool, green eyes looking at her without any emotion.
Great, now I’ve done it. I’ve pissed her off and she’s thinking of a way to tell me so
. Looking back down at her plate she speared a few vegetables.

“I’m sorry. I was way out of line Nic.”

“No, its fine Claire. It’s just that I don’t usually have someone asking me about my personal life. I’m usually the one doing the asking.” Looking back down at her food Nic debated how to answer the direct question. Should she take the honesty approach or should she deflect and try to answer in a roundabout way without giving up too much information? She thought about it for a while and decided that she would give just enough information to pacify any further curiosity.

“Well,” Nic said, “I don’t have to tell you how hard it is to find someone who likes this type of lifestyle.” Which was true— not too many women wanted to be with someone who was going to be gone for a year or longer and possibly even sent to a war zone. The separation and worry were enough to drive many military spouses to divorce. While many soldiers weren’t divorced before they left, many were on the brink when they got home.

“And to be honest I was in a relationship before I was sent overseas. But being sent to a war zone for a year took its toll and we broke up.” She stated simply, as though she was just giving Claire a recipe for muffins.

Claire recognized the pain in the flat answer. She had seen the distancing many soldiers or wives formed when they had experienced something so painful that reliving it would open old wounds, and weaken their already fragile existence. She was sure she would be in the same position eventually when someone asked her about Mike. She would be polite, smile, and accept their condolences, but they would never really understand. She watched as Nic pushed her food around on her plate. It was clear she was uncomfortable with the question and now Claire wished she hadn’t asked.

“I’m sorry Nic. It’s really none of my business. Please eat and let’s forget that I said anything.” She could see that she and Nic did have some things in common. She just hadn’t realized that the loss of a loved one was one of them. In her case, Mike was never coming home. She wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him with someone, or imagining him in someone else’s arms. Not that she would have worried about that with Mike anyway. Their relationship wasn’t like most military relationships, but Nic’s pain would hurt in a different way. She would have to think about her ex in ways Claire never would. She had to live with the fact that someone she cared about had chosen a “normal” life rather than stick with her. That kind of hurt was almost worse than what she was going through.