Amelia's Story (Box Set the Complete Series Books 1 & 2) (28 page)

My soldier

On my return from Prague, I registered with a temping agency in the hope of getting a new job as soon as possible. As luck would have it I got the first job that I applied for. This was another accounts position with a great salary, private health care, a yearly profit-share and a great company pension. Up to this point I had chosen to take a couple of months off work. I spent some money on my house, on myself and of course on the holidays. I had a few thousand pounds left in the bank and a new job to start the following week. I had been very fortunate where jobs were concerned. I had never had trouble getting a job, and I had always got the job I applied for, well almost always. I was nervous about this new job, though. Would I fit in? The company was ten times bigger than any I had ever worked for. I would be responsible for bringing in millions of pounds into the company every three months. The expectations were high, and it was a fast-paced environment. The mornings were early mornings and involved a long commute to the city. This I hated, as it would add two hours each day on to my working day. I would leave the house at 7 am and not arrive home until almost 7 pm, basically during the week it was all work and sleep.

However, it was a good position, and I needed the job. The money in my account would not last forever. I called my last manager with whom I was still in touch and went power walking with at weekends a
nd I told her about my new job. We met for lunch and celebrated. She asked me if I fancied a weekend away to Dublin in Ireland. I jumped at the chance and left her to deal with the arrangements.

The following Monday I started my new job. I was very nervous as I approached the vast building in the city. It was huge. There were hundreds of office workers all sitting at their desks, tapping away on their keyboards. The one thing I noticed about my new open plan office was how quiet it was. So many people and yet so quiet. I hated my first day, I felt uncomfortable. I did not like the open plan environment at all. There was no privacy whatsoever. But over time I got used to it. I made lots of friends and I was fortunate once again to have a great manager, one that was fair, and looked after her staff.

I longed for the weekends just so I could write in my journal and pen a few words of my novel, which kept getting neglected, as life kept getting in the way. One Saturday on my way back from the hairdressers I bumped into Joshua. He was only 19-years-old, and had grown into a handsome young man and exceptionally tall. I had known him since he was 14-years-old, when he used to play football outside the back of my house with his friends. He had always had a soft spot for me, and often deliberately kicked his football onto the low roof of my house, which would then serve as an excuse to knock my door and strike up a conversation. I thought he was so sweet. I had not noticed how much he had grown over the last five years. There he was stood, all grown up and handsome. That day he asked if he could come in to my house just to talk and I said yes. We talked for hours about everything. He told me he had joined the army, and that he was in training. He told me of his love for skiing, and how that he had always fancied me since the first day I moved into the house. I was a woman in my thirties and advised him I was far too old for him. He told me that I was being silly, and that he wanted to see me when he got back from training in a few months. I told him there was no way I could get romantically involved with him. Maybe if he had been older things could have been different.

Another year passed by, one weekend whilst out running, Joshua appeared running along side of me!

“Hey gorgeous long time no see, do you mind if I join you?”

“Of course not. It’s great to see you. How are you?”

“I am great, all the better for running into you,” he laughed.

That day Joshua came back to my house. I surprised myself and did the unexpected. Joshua and I bathed together and made love for the first time. It was truly amazing. He was so incredibly attentive and strong. He would pick me up and hold me against the wall, then throw me on to the bed it was the most amazing day I had shared with a man for a long time.

I knew I could fall for him easily, but I held myself back. He was barely 20-years-old. Although he looked older and acted older he was still very young. I was so much older than him. Joshua was leaving for a few months with his regiment. He took my mobile number and asked if he could call. I agreed and kissed him goodbye. I felt so sad at his departure. I wanted to tell him how much I liked him too, how much I would miss him, and how I could not wait to see him again. But I didn’t. I had to be strong and hold myself back. The age gap was too big for it to be able to work successfully, I believed. I thought I was doing the right thing by both of us. Even though I did have strong feelings for him too.

I stayed in touch with Joshua over the months. He sent me the loveliest messages, telling me how much he missed me and how he could not wait to see me. I reminded him that he had a girlfriend and that he was being unfair to her. He joked with me, saying I was just playing hard to get. Then he would get all serious and ask me if I was seeing anyone yet. I told him I had not met anyone, but I was ready to now. I wanted to settle down.

During the next few months I had become really close friends with a man at work, one of the client accountants. He was very popular and single; he was very good looking and was living the single life. We hit it off straight away and started spending all of our time together. We became like the best of friends almost, advising each other on our love lives, going out partying and sharing our lunch breaks together at work. I had been on one or two dates that were not too great, and I had no interest in seeing them again. Nice guys, just not my type. I was beginning to wonder if there was a perfect partner out there for me. I told Lucas all about my young soldier and about our amazing day together all those months before. Lucas, being Lucas, just said, “What difference do a few years make if you like each other? You are both consenting adults.” But the age gap bothered me. Not to mention the fact he had a girlfriend of two years.

The next time Joshua came home I saw him again. We
made love together, and it was even better than the first time. God he was beautiful! I could so easily have fallen in love with him. That day he told me he loved me. It really threw me; I was not expecting it at all. After he left, he sent me text messages asking me when he could see me again. I was fighting my feelings here, because my heart wanted him so badly, but my head was saying otherwise. I was in my thirties and he was barely 20-years-old. I was being sensible and boring. I wanted him, but I would not allow myself to have him, and it hurt really badly. I knew after a while he would look for someone his own age, once the novelty had worn off. I could not risk being hurt too. So within a couple of weeks I told him I could no longer see him. He was devastated. He had genuinely fallen in love with me. I was close to falling for him too. I had to use all the will power I could muster to stop seeing him. Why couldn’t he have been a decade older? He was perfect; he made me feel beautiful and sexy, and he made me laugh in the loveliest way. He looked at me in a way all women should be looked at. He was just a beautiful person.

My husband

Over the next few months I had agreed to go on holiday with Lucas and several other work friends. We were to go the following May, about seven months away. We were all great friends and
both inside and outside work. We would have a great holiday. We had booked to go to Zante in Greece. During the run-up to that holiday, Lucas and I became more than just friends; we became an item. We kept it very quiet because we were not sure how the company would take to our new found relationship, as relationships between co-workers were not generally encouraged. So we had a secret relationship to which only a few selected friends were privy.

Lucas was the ultimate romantic; he treated me like a lady; he understood me; and by this time he knew everything about me from the minute I was born until the present day. None of my story fazed him at all. He was saddened that I
had been through so much, but also very proud at what I had achieved for myself. He said he would never have guessed if I had not told him that I had lived the life I had led. He said most people here assumed you were posh and from a good upbringing.

When Lucas told me that, I knew I had been successful. I had achieved my main goal in life. I had not become a statistic, and I had turned myself into a successful woman. I felt really proud of myself.

Our love for each other grew and grew. Lucas was now staying at my house at least three times a week and we would drive to work together. It was lovely. It was perfect. For the first time in my life I felt totally comfortable with myself. I rarely suffered visits from my nemesis anymore and I had stopped taking Prozac. I did not feel that they were working for me anymore. I had discovered a side affect I did not like. They had the ability to prevent you from truly feeling anything, your reactions to things became a little slower and they in themselves had a certain amount of control over your mind. I did not want to spend my life on Prozac, nor did I want to give in to my occasional visit from my nemesis. I was where I wanted to be: no drugs, happy, fit and healthy. In complete control of my life in every way.

By the time we were holidaying in Zante, we were inseparable. On the second night of our holiday Lucas had a surprise for me. I had no idea what it was until we all went to a quaint restaurant in Zante. It was empty but for us. We all sat around a long table and then Lucas got
down on his knees and proposed to me right there, right then. All our friends knew about it, and were almost in tears. I said yes immediately and he slipped the beautiful diamond engagement ring on my finger. I was so happy; it really was a complete surprise. It was the most magical night of our holiday. The rest of the holiday was perfect; we took a boat trip out to visit the famous Turtle Island, and the Blue Caves. I had never seen anything so beautiful. It really had to be seen to be believed.

On return from Zante, we announced our engagement and planned a huge party in the Pitcher and Piano wine bar just around the corner from work in
Brindley Place. Everyone attended and it was a great success. There had been a collection for us from the office which was presented to us the same day as the party. We had planned to get married the following year, around nine months later. Finally, everything had fallen into place. I was ready to start my own family, but was unable to conceive naturally. Lucas also wanted a baby, so about six months before the wedding we went to see my doctor, who suggested we try IVF treatment. After many discussions over a very long weekend, we decided to go for it. It would be a long and painful process which in the end, might not work. Over the next few months we went through the process backwards and forwards to hospital, taking daily hormone drugs and a hormone injection into my leg daily for a few weeks. The hormone drugs were awful and very mood altering, but it was a small price to pay for my dream of becoming a mother.

The process was long and arduous. But every time we visited the hospital we received good news, the egg extraction went well, and my eggs received a perfect score. During the IVF treatment we were also planning our wedding and discussing the possibility of moving from
Cosley to the other side of Birmingham, to a bigger house, more suitable for a family. Lucas had a house that he rented out; it was this house we were considering moving into. However, nothing was set as yet. So much was happening so fast: an upcoming wedding, IVF treatment, a house move, there was no time to think about anything!

I sent a message to my mum telling her I was getting married and could she please tell Jake. I was met with the most awful message: that she did not believe I was getting married, that no one would ever want to marry me, and if they did, it would not last. The abuse went on and on, I stopped reading the message halfway through.

We had planned a small wedding, in the Malvern’s. We were to stay at the beautiful Abbey Hotel and then take a honeymoon to Lake Garda in Italy. I could not wait to get married. My dress was beautiful. It was classy and elegant with a fitted bodice; then it fell straight to the floor. It was also in rose red. It really was a beautiful dress. We had just 14 guests, Lucas’ family and my best friend. I had still not found my family. That was one of the main reasons I did not choose a big wedding. Lucas’ side of the church would have been full, and mine would have been empty! I had lost touch with Jake over the years. He had left mother’s house a year or so after me. He had since been married and had two children; however, when I contacted mother she refused to give me Jake’s address always. She said she would pass him my details, but clearly never did. I would have loved my brother at my wedding. I had no idea where he was living, in which city; I had no idea if he was in Shropshire or whether, like me, he had decided to leave the dreary place.

A couple of weeks before I was due to marry Lucas, I received a call from Joshua. He wanted to see me. He was only home for a few more days and then he was shipping out to
Afghanistan. I told him I could not see him that I had met someone now and I was getting married in just a few weeks. He pleaded with me to see him.

“What if I never come back, you will regret it then” he joked.

“Joshua, look it would be a betrayal to Lucas if I see you. I can’t.”

“Look, I just want to talk, catch up with you. That’s all. We can share a bottle of wine. I just want to see you one last time before I go.”

I never did see him before he went. A part of me really wanted too. I wanted to wish him good luck out there, as so many young soldiers were coming back in boxes. I wanted to send him away with a tight hug. But I couldn’t. I would have felt as if I was betraying Lucas. Not to mention Joshua’s girlfriend. I received a few text messages running up to the wedding, telling me how much he loved me. That I was his first love. I cried when I read them, wanting to say goodbye to him, but I didn’t. Would seeing him before he was shipped out just to say goodbye of been such a bad thing? A question I have often asked myself. Just to say goodbye would not have been a betrayal, surely.

A few weeks later I was married. The wedding was perfect, with the Malvern’s as the backdrop. The ceremony was followed by a three-course dinner, and
the cutting of the cake. It really was a perfect wedding. We were happy and ready to spend the rest of our lives together. We stayed at the romantic hotel for a few days then returned home, as we had a hospital appointment to determine whether or not the IVF treatment had worked.