American Made (Against the Tides #2) (23 page)

“Tell me why I had to grab shit and bring it to you when your truck is
right
there,” Rush yells when he jumps out of his truck. It’s good to know that even when everything is falling apart around me, I don’t have to worry about the friendship I have with him falling with it. A few pissed off words said in haste won’t wreck the bond we have.

I grab the bag from him, pulling everything out to make sure it’s all there. “Where’s the sandwich, man? Come on, I’m fuckin’ starvin’!”

He chuckles, tossing me the bag of food before dropping down on the stairs next to me. I tear into it, scarfing down the only foot long anything I will ever put in my mouth.

“We good, Gentry?” Rush asks after the silence starts to get to him.

I nod slowly. “Yeah. We’re fine. None of the shit that happened was your fault. Although, seein’ your bare ass didn’t help the situation any.”

“Well,” he says, handing me a tube of silicone. “At least one of you doesn’t blame me.”

I stop what I’m doing and look up at him. “What do you mean?”

“Reid called me as I was pullin’ up to find out why Emerson wanted to know how much of an issue it would be to switch teams. He gave her some bullshit excuse and told her she couldn’t when I told him what happened. Said she’s down there now so I’ll go talk to her in a bit because this shit shouldn’t mess with her position.”

“Shouldn’t mess with your friendship either,” I mumble, pissed off that she’s going to let this bullshit affect everything she worked so hard for.

As I fit the pane into the door frame, Rush twirls the spare piece of glass I had him get between his fingers. “So is there a reason you had me get two of these if she only broke one?”

I chuckle. “If I know Emerson as well as I think I do I’ll be replacin’ this again before the end of the night.”

“Sounds about right,” he agrees. “Who’s that?” he asks, pulling my attention from what I’m doing with a tip of his head. When I look up, Wyatt’s climbing out of a cab and walking up the driveway. He notices that Emerson’s truck is gone and hesitates for a second before deciding to come up to the house anyway. After telling Rush to hold the glass in place for me, I hop off the porch and meet him in the middle of the walkway.

“I know she’s not here but I figured I should talk to you for a minute anyway,” Wyatt says without even saying hello.

I remind myself that he’s going through a lot right now even though I still want to hurt him for touching Emerson and trying to kiss her. In an effort to keep my hands to myself I force myself to cross my arms over my chest nod for him to continue. I see no reason to drag out a conversation with someone I don’t know for longer than needed.

Wyatt shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I’ve known Emerson for years. I’ve sat beside her for more hours than I could ever remember and we’ve saved each other’s asses more times than either one of us would ever want to think about. You learn a lot about someone when go through what we went through together.”

“I know you love her,” I interrupt. “I could see it last night.”

“Yeah, I do, but that’s not what I’m getting at. Just listen.” I bite my tongue because the fact that he made no effort to tell me I was wrong about how he feels irritates the hell out of me. “What I’m saying is that I learned a lot about her but I never saw her the way she was last night. She’s always been funny and would give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. She proved that again last night when she took me to the VA and then sat in the waiting room while they evaluated me. Most people would’ve dropped my ass at the door and peaced the fuck out. But not Emerson. And even though we’ve been through all that, I’ve never seen her cry. Wasn’t even sure she knew how. And I sure as fuck never saw her falling in love with anyone.”

I close my eyes and try to push the fact that I listened to her fall apart this morning from my mind. I know behind me Rush is listening and for some reason that bugs me. He doesn’t need to know that Emerson has been crying unless
she
wants to tell him.

“That woman’s been through hell and back and came out holding the devil’s head in her hands. She deserves the fucking world on a platter and I’d give it to her if she wanted it from me, but she doesn’t. She wants it from you. The fact that she cried last night when she told me what you did proved it. So if you somehow manage to fix what you fucked up, make sure you don’t mess it up again. Because if she doesn’t kill you, I will.”

“I wouldn’t be sittin’ on her porch beggin’ her to talk to me every time she gets near me if I planned on fuckin’ it up again.”

“Good,” he says, nodding as he starts backing away from me. “Give her
everything
she deserves, not just what you think she wants.”

I can’t move as I watch him climb back into the cab he got out of and take off. As much as I hate him for wanting Emerson, I respect him more than anything now. It takes a lot to realize you love someone. When you know that you’d do anything for someone, including walking away from that person just to make sure they’re happy, that deserves my respect. He was right about everything he said, though; she deserves to have more than she thinks she deserves.

“What was that all about?” Rush asks, stepping up beside me.

I shrug, not really willing to go into detail about what we talked about. There’s no reason to tell Rush why he was here last night or anything he just told me. Some things are better left between the two people that said them.

“Just one more thing proving that Emerson is worth more than she thinks she is.”

“You decent?” Rush yells through the locker room door. I drop my head back down against the bench I’m lying down on and sigh. I should have known someone would tell him I was down here. Before I have a chance to decide if I’m going to say anything, he pushes the door open and yells my name as he kicks the trash can in front of the door to keep it open.

“Does it matter?” I holler back. “I’ve seen yours.”

“But yours aren’t mine to see,” he chuckles. Stepping around the wall of lockers, I try my hardest but can’t help but laugh when I look up and he has his eyes covered with his hand.

“I’m dressed, you idiot.” I kick my leg out, hitting him in the thigh. “But I can show mine to anyone I want.”

He mumbles something I can’t understand as he straddles the bench by my feet and grabs my arm to pull me up. When I’m finally sitting up where he wants me I expect him to say something, but he does nothing but stare. It’s intense and irritating as hell. I’d much rather have him try to talk to me. At least that I can deflect with sarcasm until he gives up and leaves. Being stared at does nothing but make me stabby.

I stare at my hands for as long as I can before I snap.

“What do you want?” I bite out.

Rush shrugs. “Was gonna ask you the same thing.”

My eyes snap to his and find him already waiting for me to lash back at him. Where I expect to find the smug attitude that Rush normally has hiding in his eyes, I find concern. I came here to get away from that look. Every time I turned around Gentry was there waiting for me to fall apart again. My original plan was to come here and work the stress out of my body but no matter where I turn there’s someone watching me. They’re all waiting. This is why I keep things to myself. I knew as soon as people found my weak spot they’d be watching to see me break.

“Came to work out,” I lie. I came to get away from my house. All I needed was a few hours to myself where I could figure out what I was going to do but I didn’t get them. As soon as I tried to push Gentry from my mind every memory I had of us together flooded my brain.

“This a new workout you’re doin’? Is this what planking really is?”

I know he’s only joking to try and lighten up the situation, but I don’t want it to be a joke. I don’t want there to be a situation at all but I don’t have a choice in the matter now.

“What. Do. You. Want?”

I can tell he has another joke on the tip of his tongue but thankfully when he hears my tone he decides against using it. His face grows serious and it makes me nervous. I’ve never see him look like this unless we’re out on a call.

“I wanna know why you asked to switch teams,” he finally says.

I should have known that it wouldn’t take long for anything to get back to him even though I specifically asked Reid to keep it between us. This is why I don’t get attached to people. Stupid shit that would normally not bother me is now spiraling out of control and I can see the results being catastrophic.

“I saw your ass, Rush.”

“That’s it? That’s the only reason you wanna mess with the group?”

I take a deep breath. Why can’t these guys take an answer and leave it alone? I don’t want to have to explain every single thing I do or how my mind works. Mainly because I don’t know why I’m freaking out so much and I know that if I sat and thought about it I’d probably see that everyone is right when they tell me I’m overreacting.
I’m a girl. Don’t I have some God-given right to overreact? Can I claim PMS on this bullshit and get away with it?

“I saw your ass and more of Envy than I
ever
wanted to.”

“Try again,” he pushes, cocking his eyebrow at me. I take a deep breath because I’m beginning to realize that Rush is just as stubborn as Gentry and he isn’t giving up until I give him an answer that he is satisfied with.

“Rush, I appreciate everything you did to get me in here, and all the help gettin’ me back into shape, but every time I look at you I’m gonna think about what Gentry did to me.”

His brow furrows as he thinks about what I said before shaking his head. “What exactly did he do other than fight for you and try to help you through whatever bullshit you were goin’ through?”

“You and Envy,” I remind him.

Rush grabs my chin when I try to turn away from him and makes me look at him, forcing me to face my problems when all I want to do is hide them away inside of me like all the other ones.

“Emerson, what happened with Gentry and us has nothing to do with you. The last time anything happened with Gentry was last year. Months before you guys ever got together.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that he still lied to me about it.”

It takes everything I have in me to hold myself together when I notice that he looks like he’s feeling sorry for me. This is not the person I strived to be growing up. I never wanted to be the girl that cried over the guy because he hurt her. I worked hard to be heartless. I want to be that person again but I know that thanks to Gentry I’ll never be her again.

“He genuinely thought you knew and didn’t have a problem with it. He thought Envy would’ve told you about it during some late-night pillow talk or some shit.”

“That’s ridiculous! There’s no fuckin’ way that he seriously thinks that if I had known I wouldn’t have had an issue with him goin’.”

“Emerson,” he barks. “You’re not a normal chick. You don’t think like a normal chick. You don’t act like a normal chick. He thought you knew and when he found out you didn’t it was the day after everything happened with the kid. He had planned on tellin’ you but he wanted to give you a chance to get over that shitstorm first.”

“I can’t handle the way he makes me feel, Rush,” I whisper and as soon as he sees the tears in my eyes, he grabs me and pulls me against his chest. It’s awkward and I don’t quite fit right. In the back of my mind I know the arms around me are not the ones that need to be holding me.
Fucking emotions.
“I guess all of that makes sense,” I finally admit after thinking about it. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t handle how much he’s changed me or how he makes me feel.”

For a few minutes Rush is silent, giving me nothing to think about other than the massive onslaught of things I should have done differently with Gentry. Now that I’ve realized how deep my feelings are for him, I don’t know how to go back. I know I need to, but I’m not sure I can go back to the heartless version of myself now that I know what it feels like to be loved. I hate the way my broken heart crumbled because of Gentry, but I can’t help wondering if he can fix it and if it’s worth it.

“What about Gentry?” Rush finally asks, breaking the silence. “What about how you make him feel or how much you changed him?”

Sitting back, I pull my feet up onto the bench and lean against my thighs. The comfort that Rush was trying to give me was nice but I know it isn’t who I need it from. Even if I hate to admit to myself. I don’t know what to tell him because there’s no easy way to answer those questions. I don’t know what to do and that isn’t something I’m used to.

When I’m about to open my mouth to tell Rush that I don’t have an answer for that, someone knocks against the door. Rush leans back to see who it is and narrows his eyes but waves him in. Miles steps around the lockers and any hope I had to turn my day around disappears.

Miles tips his chin at me in greeting. It’s the first thing he’s done to greet me that doesn’t include some form of insult along with it. For the first time in as long as I can remember his eyes meet mine and it isn’t because I’m in his face yelling.