American Made (Against the Tides #2) (25 page)

Pushing open the front door to Emerson’s house, I call out her name and get nothing but silence in return. Her truck is outside so I know that she is home unless someone picked her up. Making my way through the house I continue to seek her out, but it isn’t until I get to the back of the house that I hear her. I follow her voice to the back door, sneaking through it quietly when I see her on the swing with the Maverick kid from the video. I didn’t think I’d ever see her willingly sit with him after what happened. When she finally notices me, a slow smile spreads across her face, easing some of the anxiety inside of me.

“Let me know when you guys are done talkin’,” I yell. I figure she’s probably talking about what happened at the aquarium and as hard as it was for her to finally tell me the little bit that she did last night, she probably won’t want me listening in.

Emerson shakes her head, holding her hand out for me. I hop off the porch and grab her hand when I reach her. When she looks up at me her eyes show how scared she is and her forced smile doesn’t fool me.

“No more secrets, right?”

I nod and she introduces me to Maverick as I sit down. I situate myself in the corner of the swing and try to give them room to talk without feeling like I’m pushing my way in. Emerson shocks me when she scoots back against me and grabs my arm so she can wrap it around her. She tilts her head into my arm and kisses my bicep before going back to talking with the kid. For the most part it’s nothing that she didn’t end up telling me last night.

“Sam was great,” Emerson says. I can hear the smile in her voice and I’m glad to know that at least some memories of Sam are good for her. “He always managed to make everything better for me.”

Maverick fumbles with the hem of his shirt before asking his next question. “Why’d he kill himself?”

I expect her to freak out or completely shut down, but she shocks me. Her fingers tighten against my arm, telling me how she feels about answering him, but she continues to talk to him about it.

“Because people can be mean sometimes.” She shrugs. “He let the opinions of a few people that didn’t matter at all outweigh the tons that did. A little while before it happened, he said something about how nobody would care if he was gone but he was wrong. Everyone cared.”

Maverick nods, his eyes dropping to his phone when the screen lights up. “That’s my mom wondering where I am,” he mutters. “She’s done that a lot lately.”

“With good reason,” Emerson responds as he stands up to leave.

“Thanks, Emerson.” Maverick reaches out to shake her hand and steps away. Stopping a few feet away, he turns back toward us. “Hey, Emerson?”

“Yeah, Mav?”

“You said something that day about how it doesn’t get better, but easier to deal with, is that true?”

Emerson is quiet for a minute, thinking over what she wants to say, and nods. “Yeah, that’s about right. Some days are better than others. There are some days that I feel like the world’s strongest person and can take on anything. Then there’s days that I feel like a stack of Jenga blocks and one wrong move could bring me crashin’ down. You gotta remember that just because you don’t see a bright spot anywhere in your life doesn’t mean you won’t, but if you aren’t around anymore you’ll never get a chance to see it at all.”

Maverick chews on his lip as he mulls over what she said and nods. We watch in silence as he walks around the side of the house and we hear the gate click shut. Emerson drops her feet to the ground and stands up. Spinning around, she straddles my lap, running her fingers across the back of my neck. My hands settle on her hips and for a while neither one of us says anything, we merely rock back and forth as it grows dark around us.

Sighing contently, I decide to open my mouth and break the silence without thinking about what I’m saying. “I used to think you were like the moon.” I pause when she snorts but we both know that I have to finish the thought now that I started it. “It’s true because regardless of how long I watched you, there was always a part of you that you kept hidden. But now I know it’s because despite your flaws, you still manage to shine through the darkness that threatens to keep you hidden.”

“Wow that was corny,” she whispers softly. I give her props, at least she is trying to hide the fact that she’s laughing by burying her face in my neck.

“Yeah, it was,” I agree, sliding my fingers across the exposed skin between the bottom of her shirt and her jeans. “But I meant every corny word.”

“Love your corniness,” she mumbles against my skin.

My lips tip up when the word rolls off her tongue. She presses her lips against my shoulder before whispering it again with something else she loves. After she stops talking for a minute, I check my watch. I don’t want to leave this spot but we told Knox and Rush that we’d stop by the bar tonight. There’s still a few people that Emerson hasn’t talked to and even though no one is upset with her, we all know that she needs to see that for herself before she will believe it.

“We should probably get goin’ soon.”

Sitting back, Emerson grabs my wrist and puts my hand back where it was, not bothering to see how late it’s getting. “We’ve got some time,” she whispers.

Grabbing the hem of her shirt, Emerson slowly pulls it over her head. Her hair falls across her skin as it comes loose from the shirt and she drops it on the swing next to us. I run my fingers over her skin knowing that I’ll never get enough of her. Pushing off me, she stands and reaches for the button on her jeans but I stop her and slide to the edge of the seat. 

I drag the tips of my fingers across her hips and down her legs as I push her jeans down and she steps out of them. My eyes roam across her body. Every inch of soft skin, every ridge of her muscles that are highlighted by the moon, every scar—it’s all a package. She thinks that she’s nothing
but
the pretty package but I know better. All those things are just what contains what I really love about her. I plan on spending every day for the rest of my life drilling that into her head.

Pushing me back, Emerson watches as I discard my shirt and slide my jeans out of our way. Grabbing my hands, I steady her as she slides back into my lap. Her lips meet mine and when I expect her to be rushed and rough, she surprises me by taking her time and shows me more of what she’s been hiding.

My body shakes and I wish I could say it was because I was cold. As I slowly sink down onto Gentry’s cock I know this time it’s something more than it ever has been before. My skin is on fire and it only gets worse when he moves his hands to touch every inch of me. I’m shaking because I’m scared. Not of what we’re doing, but of what it means. A few minutes ago I used the word love and meant it. I didn’t come out and tell him I loved
him
, but chose things
about
him and focused on those. I’m not sure it will matter if I use my words right now. Nothing is going to let him know more than what we’re doing.

It’s not just sex anymore and that scares the hell out of me.

Gentry pulls me against his chest as I rock my hips. His fingers run gently along the length of my spine and even though it’s killing me to have him looking me in the eye right now, I can’t pull away. He leans forward for a second, pressing his lips against the scar on my chest and it causes my breath to catch. What I see as flaws, Gentry sees as beautiful, and that is going to be hard to get used to. 

Tonight it isn’t about a clashing of bodies to see who can drive who crazier. It’s soft touches, lingering kisses, and penetrating looks. It’s new, it’s different, and it’s terrifying.

This is when everything changes and there is no more fighting it. I have to learn that I have more than myself that I can rely on. That Gentry will be there to catch me if I decide I need to fall. It’s a terrifying thought after going so long without that in my life.

With my face buried in Gentry’s neck, I breathe in the scent of him as I try to pull myself back together. His fingers lace with mine and he waits for me to catch my breath. Pressing his face into my hair, he tells me he loves me and for the first time it doesn’t make me want to run and hide. It makes me want to stay where I am forever but I know that we’re running late already.

After we pull ourselves out of our own little world and get dressed, Gentry drags me out to his truck and makes me slide in from the driver’s side. I don’t even bother trying to slide into the far seat. Not because I know he doesn’t want me to, but because I want his arm around me while he’s driving tonight. Gentry doesn’t say anything, but I see the smile he’s trying to hide and I know it’s because I shocked him when I pulled his arm around me. I know because I shocked myself.

It doesn’t take long to get to the bar and if I had a choice we’d keep driving so we didn’t have to move at all. Part of me is still nervous about how everyone will react to seeing me after the things I said. Gentry says that everyone is fine, but I have to see it for myself.

Gentry finds a spot to park and grabs my hand as soon as my feet hit the sidewalk. I look down at our hands before smiling nervously at him. I try not to let myself get in my head but it’s hard. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long before we’re stepping through the door and the familiar setting calms me a bit. 

Envy sees me the second we’re through the door and surprises me when she beams at me. As soon as she’s done with the drink she was mixing, she runs around the bar and tackles me. The same thing happens with Ari and I’m not sure how to react. I’m not sure what I expected, but this wasn’t it. I start to apologize to them but they both cut me off, telling me that everything is forgotten. Whatever Knox said to smooth things over between Ari and himself because of what I let slip must have been good because for the first time since Brett died, she’s smiling and it doesn’t look forced.

“It’s about fuckin’ time!” Knox bellows from our usual table.

“Are we OK?” I ask as quietly as I can with the music blaring. Knox tips his chin at Gentry when he slides up behind me and wraps me up in his arms.

“You two good?”

“Yeah.” I smile, holding Gentry’s arms where they are. “We’re good.”

“Then we’re fine, Em. No worries.”

Knox smiles when he talks but I don’t believe him. He might think he’s sly when he’s lying but he forgets that I know his tell. His eyes cut to Ari as she climbs onto the stool next to him but he catches himself before he stares too long. He steers his focus to Gentry and strikes up a conversation about something going on at work so I don’t call him out on it. The only other person at the table is Rush and he doesn’t even seem to notice that we showed up yet. He mutters something angrily under his breath without taking his eyes off something on the other side of the bar. I follow his gaze and at the other end of it I see Envy leaning over the bar to kiss some guys cheek.

Is he…

“Are you jealous?” I laugh, turning my attention back to Rush. He snaps out of his haze and glares at me. He doesn’t have to say anything because that proved that I already know. “You can’t be jealous.”

“I can be fuckin’ jealous if I wanna be,” he growls which only makes me laugh harder.

I shake my head, looking around to make sure his attention is the only one on me. “No you can’t. You don’t get to flirt with everything that walks in front of you and then get mad when she’s tryin’ to do her job.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway.” He shrugs, letting his eyes drift back to Envy.

Now that I think about it, I’ve seen him look at her like that before but never really thought anything about it. It was never a jealous look before, though, it was just one that proved that he wanted her. How the hell did I not see it before?

“How long?” I ask. When he doesn’t answer me, I reach out and grab his arm. “How long have you guys been doin’ that birthday week bullshit?”

“Four or five years,” he answers without thinking. When he realizes what I just asked he narrows his eyes and tries to figure out where I’m going with this line of questioning. “Why?”

As much as I don’t want to, I slide out of Gentry’s arms and into the chair next to Rush. Turning toward him, I try my hardest not to smile when Gentry wraps his arm around the back of my chair so he can continue to touch me.

“Four or five years of no strings shit one week a year and now you’re jealous over a kiss on the cheek. She’s flirtin’ for a bigger tip.”

Tipping his beer back, Rush chugs the almost full bottle before taking a deep breath and giving in to me. “Fuck, Emerson, I get fuckin’ jealous of the damn sun because it gets to touch her every day and I don’t.”

“So why don’t you do something about it?” I ask, shaking my head in confusion. “Obviously she doesn’t find you completely repulsive if she agreed to one week a year.”

“Ever heard the song ‘Boy Like Me’ by New Medicine?” He asks, shaking his head like he can’t believe he’s even entertaining my line of questioning. When I tell him no he quickly looks at me, shocking me with how sad he looks. “Listen to it.”

Rush cuts our conversation off by turning away and talking to Knox. As much as I want to know more, I know how much I hate it when people try to analyze me so I drop the matter. Gentry leans into me, resting his lips against my ear. His breath glides over my skin, making me shiver and hope for him to touch me more, but he doesn’t.

“I was just a buffer,” he whispers. He obviously overheard my conversation with Rush but he doesn’t offer up any more details. I smile when Envy joins the group for a moment. Rush forces himself to act normal, which for Rush, is over-the-top. Gentry chuckles in my ear as Rush climbs onto his stool, trying to get the rest of the bar to join him in song. “Let me know when you wanna get out of here.”

“I’m good for right now,” I tell him honestly as I look around our table. We’re misfits that fit perfectly together. Six people that have no clue what they’re doing but know that as long as we do it together we’ll be fine. Leaning back into his embrace, I tilt my head back and kiss him. “We’re right where we need to be.”