Amphibian (20 page)

Then I started thinking again about how the advice of ignoring a bully doesn't work. Why do they tell us that anyway? I really should have kicked him in the head. I watch Dr. Phil with my mother sometimes and once he talked about how people do the things they're rewarded for. I think if you ignore a bully like Lyle and then he ends up beating you up and getting something he wants, then he's being rewarded for it. I should have kicked him in the head.

As I was thinking about how this day sucked, I saw a shadow in front of me. I looked up and saw the fifth-grade kid who was on the next swing when Lyle attacked me. He was standing in front of me. He was quite a big kid – not big fat, but big tall and big muscular. He had a tattoo of a dragon on his arm. I knew it was likely just a cereal-box tattoo, but it still made him look tough.

‘I saw what happened back there, kid,' said the big fifth-grader. ‘If you pay me five dollars, I'll beat that kid up for you.'

I looked up. I blinked because the sun was in my eyes. The kid was looking at me, waiting for an answer.

‘I don't have any money with me,' I said.

‘That's okay,' said the big kid. ‘I can do it for you tomorrow after lunch. I'll meet you by the swings. Bring the money.'

‘But what would you do to him?' I asked.

‘Well, for five dollars, I can hit him or kick him five times,' said the big kid. ‘Then I could tell him to leave you alone or next time it will be ten.'

‘Oh,' I said, because I didn't know what else to say.

The big kid said bye and walked back over to the swings. So now I need five dollars for five bucks.

That night at supper my mother asked me about my day. I didn't tell her about Lyle pushing me off the swing. What's the point? It doesn't help. This is what happens:

1. She gets mad.

2. She goes to the school to talk to Mrs. Wardman and Principal Legacie.

3. They say things to make her feel better.

4. She comes home and tells me things are under control but to stay away from that kid.

5. Things are better for about three days because the teachers are keeping an eye on Lyle.

6. On day four everyone's guard is down and Lyle strikes again.

After supper I went to my swimming lesson at the Y. My swimming instructor's name is Leah, and the lesson that evening was about what to do if you see a person unconscious in or near the water. There are things you have to look for before you go to help. They are: gas, glass, fire, wire, people, pets and poison. All of those things can be dangerous, and you need to rule them out before helping. It seemed strange to some of the other kids that pets was on the list, but not to me. I know that companion animals – especially dogs – protect their humans. It would be easy for a dog to think you were harming his human if he saw you pushing on his chest.

After everybody could name off the things to look out for, we practiced the back float. I'm actually getting good at swimming, and that makes me happy because many of the species I want to save live in the ocean. There are also species in the ocean that I want to figure out a way to talk to.

One of those animals is the dolphin. The dolphin is extremely intelligent. The dolphin is also very social like humans are. I would like to know what the dolphin is thinking about what is happening to the earth. Maybe dolphins have some ideas about what we can do about it.

That's why a headline in the newspaper yesterday caught my attention. It said: ‘Bottlenose Dolphin Attacks Swimmer.' It was about how a dolphin in the waters around England butted a swimmer with his nose and wouldn't let him get out of the water. The biologist said that there have been other attacks on humans by bottlenose dolphins too. He said that scientists are trying to figure out if they got it wrong when they said dolphins are gentle.
I have a different idea: I don't think it's that scientists haven't figured out what dolphins are really like – I think it's that dolphins have figured out what humans are really like. That reminded me of the chimps in a zoo in Sweden who stockpiled rocks and poop and threw them at visitors. They fought back, just like those dolphins.

As I was doing the back float, something green out the window where my mother was sitting caught my attention. I stopped floating backwards and started treading water to get a better look. Sure enough, there was something green standing beside her. I couldn't make out what it was so I did the back float to the edge of the pool to get closer. When I got there, I treaded water again and could clearly see something I'd rather have not seen.

I closed my eyes hard and hoped what I saw would disappear. But when I opened them again, it was still there, green as ever. What's with all the green, anyway? Doesn't he have shirts in any other colour? And didn't my mother say he was away in Europe or Asia or someplace? What was that man doing back in Canada? And at the Y? With
my
mother?

I tried to catch my mother's eye. But she wasn't even paying attention to me. Aren't mothers supposed to watch their kids – especially when they're in a big, possibly dangerous body of water when they can hardly even swim? What if the lifeguard suddenly sneezed and it was at that exact moment that I got a cramp in my leg and sank to the bottom of the pool?

Brent was laughing so hard he looked like a bobblehead doll. I once saw a Jesus bobblehead doll and a Jesus action-figure doll in a store. The Jesus action figure had arms that could move up and down and was on wheels so that you could roll him around. The package said he was the coolest action figure since G.I. Joe. My mother thought it was a little disrespectful. I thought G.I. Joe would be way cooler.

Leah blew the whistle for us to get out of the pool. We all got out as quickly as we could because there are only four showers and ten of us in the swimming lesson. Luckily, I was near the ladder
and got out second. I showered and dressed as fast as I could because I couldn't stand the thought of Brent talking to my mother for too long.

When I got out to where my mother was, Brent was still there. He and my mother turned to smile at me. Brent said, ‘Hey, Phin, how are you doing?' Then, without even waiting for me to answer, he said, ‘You're a good swimmer, Phin, are you going to try to earn badges right up to the lifeguard level?'

I just shrugged.

Then my mother nudged me and said, ‘What do you think, Phin?'

I just shrugged and then bent down to tie my shoes.

Then my mother changed the subject. She said, ‘Brent, you must be feeling pretty good right about now. The critics loved your book – and I'd have to agree with them, by the way.'

‘Ah, Liza, you're too kind.'

‘She may look nice, but she's not,' I said as I stood back up.

My mother and Brent laughed, which wasn't exactly the reaction I expected. Then my mother said, ‘Well, we'll let you get back to your treadmill, Brent. It was nice talking with you.'

‘You too, Liza,' said Brent. ‘I'll give you a call soon. Maybe see you next week, Phin.'

I just shrugged. My mother poked me in the side but that didn't make me say anything.

When we got into the car, I knew I was in for it, and I was right.

‘Phineas William Walsh,' said my mother, ‘that was incredibly rude. When someone asks you a question, answer it. When someone is trying to be nice, and you don't have any good reason for not being nice back, then be nice back. How would you feel if someone ignored you like you just ignored Brent?'

‘Depends who it is,' I said even though I knew that was the wrong answer. ‘And who says I didn't have a good reason?'

‘Phineas!' snapped my mother. ‘I don't want to see behaviour like that out of you again. Do you understand?'

I didn't say anything.

Then my mother said, ‘If you are rude like that again, you'll lose a privilege.'

That's when I got mad and my mad was madder than hers. I said, ‘What are you going to take away? You already took away the Green Channel, and that's about the only thing I want to watch on
TV.
What are you going to take away next? I know – how about half of my brain? Then I'd be happy talking to that man!'

My mother said in a quiet voice, ‘Phin, just consider yourself warned. I mean it – being polite to my friends is not an option; it's a requirement.'

I didn't say anything, and we drove the rest of the way listening to the radio. The song ‘Are You Happy Now?' was playing, which I guess is a good example of irony.

At home I went right to my bedroom. I found my wallet and counted out five dollars.

I woke up this morning with a bad feeling in my stomach. Part of it was because I didn't sleep very well. I didn't go to my mother's room because I was still mad at her for the whole Brent thing. I stayed in my room, but I couldn't sleep. The last time I looked at the clock, it was 2:13. When I woke up, it was 6:11, which is an hour before I have to get up for school.

I think the biggest reason for the bad feeling in my stomach, though, was that I was worried about paying that big kid to beat up Lyle. So while my mother was still sleeping, I checked the internet to see if there are areas of the body that the big kid shouldn't hit. I didn't want this to turn into a case of kidslaughter.

One page I found on Yahoo! Answers said there are many major points on the human body that can cause pain, damage, unconsciousness and even death. Most of the death and unconsciousness spots were on the head. I made a note to tell the big kid not to hit or kick Lyle in the head. There were also some other danger spots listed on the site. I wrote down the ones that looked the most dangerous:

1. the windpipe or throat at the centre portion of the neck – a strong hit can sometimes kill a person.

2. the jugular vein and carotid artery, which supply blood to the heart and brain.

3. the heart – a strong blow could cause it to skip beats and in some cases can kill a person.

4. the kidneys – damage can cause internal bleeding and death.

5. the floating ribs since these ribs are not connected to the sternum and can break and pierce the liver or spleen resulting in rapid bleeding causing death.

After learning about all of this, I wanted to make sure I knew exactly where the heart, liver and floating ribs are so I could tell the big kid to avoid them. I typed ‘where is the heart' into Yahoo! Answers. All it came up with was:
Looking for where is the heart? Find it on
www.eBay.com
.

So then I did a search for it in Google, which led me to Wikipedia. That's where I found that one third of the heart is to the right of the middle of the chest and two thirds is to the left. (I also found out that a person can have heart cancer, although it's very rare, and that people get ‘holiday heart syndrome' from drinking too much. The thing in Wikipedia that surprised me the most was that humans can have heartworm, although that's usually found in dogs. In humans, though, the worm usually dies quickly.)

Next I found out that the liver is the largest organ of the body (it weighs three to four pounds) and is beneath the rib cage and on the right side. Then I learned that the floating ribs are the last two ribs (the eleventh and twelfth) on both the front and back of the rib cage. They are attached to vertebrae but not to the sternum, which is a long flat bone in the middle of the chest.

All of this seemed a little confusing written down, so I decided to draw a picture of Lyle and label all the parts that the big kid shouldn't hit or kick. I made Lyle's face mean and angry so it wouldn't seem hard to hate him and hit him in the other parts.

At school, I found it really hard to concentrate because I knew what was going to happen at noon hour. Bird was still sick, and I really wished he were there so at least we could be worried together. I kept sneaking peeks at Lyle to see if he had any idea about what was up. But he seemed exactly the same – mean. He got in trouble twice before recess. Once for peeing all over the floor in the bathroom. Mrs. Wardman knew it was him because he was the kid who went to the bathroom just before Justin, who came back and said there was pee all over the floor. Mrs. Wardman told Lyle that was unacceptable, and if it happened again, he wouldn't be able to pee at school – he'd have to wait until he got home. That's when Lyle got in trouble the second time. He said, ‘That's impossible! I can't hold my piss that long!' Mrs. Wardman wrote him up a misbehaviour for saying
piss
. This surprised me because he's said it before without getting in trouble.

At lunchtime I could eat only a bite of my cheese sandwich. I ate only a nibble of my dill pickle and a half a nibble of my apple. If my grandmother had been there, she would have said I was eating like a bird. Bird, on the other hand, eats like a horse.

Finally, it was time to go outside. I patted my pants pocket to make sure I still had the five dollars and my drawing of where not to hit Lyle. Then I went out to the cubbies to put on my outdoor clothes. It felt like I was putting on my shoes and jacket really slowly.

At the cubbies, Lyle was being Lyle and pulling Justin's hat off. Justin likely really regretted letting Mrs. Wardman know that Lyle had peed all over the floor. He was jumping around trying to get his hat back and Lyle was laughing – until Mrs. Wardman saw and told him to cut it out, that he was already in more than enough trouble. Lyle gave Justin back his hat but also gave him an evil grin. I knew that Justin was in for it on the playground, and a part of me felt a little better about what was about to happen. If the big kid beat up Lyle for beating up me when Lyle was thinking of beating up Justin, maybe that would protect Justin and me both. It was like killing two Lyles with one stone. But the killing part was what had me worried.

Out on the playground, Justin headed for the monkey bars, and Lyle headed for Justin. I was right behind them. I kept looking, but I didn't see the big kid anywhere. Justin climbed up the monkey bars, and Lyle stood underneath. I stood back and kicked some gravel while I looked around for the big kid. I could see Lyle's mouth moving, but I couldn't tell what he was saying to Justin, who was up at the top of the bars with his feet dangling down. If he wanted to, he could hang down further and kick Lyle in the head, but now that I know about the effects of that, I wouldn't recommend it.