Azaria (42 page)

"It's beautiful, Dogahn. Thank you!" she exclaimed, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek.

Dtioniyah saw the gift and joined in. "That's lovely, Dogahn! But you didn't bring me one?"

"Oh... I... uhh... no. But I have more... I can-"

She slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Dogahn, I'm just teasing. I don't need one. I have plenty, of course."

"No, I have more. I'll bring you one on my next visit," he said, recovering enough to form a full sentence. He wished he'd brought a fur for her too. Especially since they appeared so appreciative over the simple skin.

"Well, I'm happy to hear you'll be visiting again, but you don't need to bring anything. As I said, you're always welcome here," Dtioniyah assured him.

"So which one is it?" Daneel asked.

"Huh?" Dogahn uttered, bewildered again.

"You can only be here for one of two things," she stated flatly. "Yumineh or Azaria?" Dtioniyah laughed at her daughter's blunt manner. It was almost exactly how she would’ve posed the question. She sat down beside him and handed him an empty wooden cup with a pinch of dried mint leaves nestled at the bottom.

"Oh..." Dogahn mumbled, a nervous smile settling on his face. He had the peculiar feeling Daneel and her mother somehow knew he was coming over, had been preparing for the visit all morning. He wondered if they didn't have some sort of Ta'araki magic. "So you two are pretty good..."

They laughed together, delighting in the compliment. "We are good," Dtioniyah agreed. "So which is it?"

"Azaria," he admitted.

"Ooohhh," Dtioniyah murmured, as she directed hot water into his fist. "So what happened?"

Dogahn wasn't sure now how much he wanted to admit, but knew he was outmanned and outclassed. In the end, he decided to blurt it all out - exactly as his father had ironically warned against - sure they would either get it out of him before long or figure it out themselves. "We ran into each other a couple of suns ago. We started talking and then I kissed her. She kissed me back and I was so happy. It's all I've wanted... to get Azaria back. I thought she hated me. I couldn't believe it. I thought everything would go back to how it was. But then..."

"You said something stupid and Azaria got angry," Dtioniyah finished his story for him. "Is that about right?"

"Yeah..." Dogahn hung his head before picking it up again. "But how did you know? Has Azaria been here too?"

Daneel laughed, "No, Dogahn. She hasn't."

Dtioniyah put her arm around his shoulders. "There's something you need to know, before we help you, Dogahn - and I mean this in the nicest possible way. All of you men are incredibly dumb, and nauseatingly predictable."

"Really?" he asked, sincerely surprised she thought so. He’d always thought it was the women who were dumb. But then again, he figured Dtioniyah must be right. It was him coming to them for advice after all.

"Yes, but don't worry," she said. "We adore you men nonetheless and always will, despite your flaws."

"So where did you run into her?" Daneel asked. She wondered if there was some social setting she’d missed out on - or if Azaria's health was improving enough for her to leave her cave. If her cough was receding, she might be able to visit.

"She was coming down the path and I was going up. She was sitting in the snow crying, actually."

"Oh? Why she was crying?" Daneel’s heart fell for her friend. She was still angry with her for kissing Luzon, but intent on getting past it. Azaria should have known better, but then again, everyone made mistakes. She'd fretted over it for a long while and concluded her best friend wouldn't make the same one twice.

"I don't know. I didn't ask. She just said she felt horrible."

"That poor girl," Dtioniyah said, casting her daughter a glance. "She's been dealing with more than anyone should have to, especially a confused young woman. She doesn't deserve any of it."

Daneel looked down, ashamed with herself, knowing her mother was partly referring to her.

"I know. I wish I was there for her. But she told me to stay away," Dogahn said in defense, blind to Dtioniyah's hidden message.

"But what about Yumineh?" Daneel asked.

He hung his head again. "I know. What about Yumineh? I don't know what to do."

"Do you love her?" Daneel asked.

Dogahn hesitated, sensing this one of those occasions where he should heed his father's advice. Daneel was close to Yumineh and he didn't want to offend her. "Not like I love Azaria," he answered cautiously.

"Then you need to be with Azaria, Dogahn," Daneel's mother gently advised.

"I know," he answered. "Believe me that's what I want. But I feel like I have a responsibility to Yumineh."

"Why is that?" Dtioniyah asked.

"Well... I took her... We uhh..."

"You mated with her," Dtioniyah said.

"Yeah..."

She cast a quick glance to her daughter. They had of course already known as much, but she feigned ignorance. "That's difficult, Dogahn. Under normal circumstances, I would say your responsibility is to tie with her and forget about Azaria." she said.

"I know..." Dogahn answered. He knew she was right. His desire for Azaria was only a dream now. But then he realized there was more to her statement. Didn't she say..? "What do you mean '
under normal circumstances
'?" he asked, with a trace of hope.

Dtioniyah stayed silent, glaring at her daughter.

Finally, Daneel closed her eyes and sighed. She knew she was going to betray Yumineh, and took solace in the fact she was helping Azaria. "Dogahn, I guess I should tell you. But you can't tell her I told you. Do you promise?"

"Who? What? Tell who?"

Daneel shook her head. How could these boys be so dense? "It doesn't matter. You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. You have to promise or I'm not going to say anything."

"Yeah, of course. I promise!" he quickly agreed.

"Good. When you and Yumineh got together, it was an accident, right? I mean, you didn't plan it. It just kind of happened, right?"

Dogahn thought back to the training grounds, of how he'd fought with Tsikasi and of the reason why. He wondered how much Daneel and her mother knew. Probably everything. Then his mind turned to what had occurred afterward. "No, I didn't plan it, it just happened. Like you said."

"Right," Daneel replied. "Except that's wrong. It wasn't just an accident. Yumineh had a huge crush on you, ever since she met you at one of the Summer Gatherings. You probably don't even realize it, but you were one of the only kids that didn't treat her with revulsion, as an outcast. You were nice to her and she fell in love with you. Later she came to hate Azaria because she was so close to you. She wanted you so much, she was willing to do anything to steal you from Azaria. So when she saw her opportunity, she took it. It might have
just happened
for you. But for her, it was all part of a plan. Maybe she didn't know exactly how it would come about, or when, but eventually she was going to get her way. I think she would even have set the Scorpion's Curse on you if she needed to."

Dogahn was completely engrossed. Could it be true? Was Yumineh really that cunning? That back-stabbing? She always said how much she liked Azaria. The more he thought about it though, the more it made sense. He remembered occasions when she was astonishingly rude to Azaria. And he had to admit he suspected her crush on him. No, he knew it for a fact. He remembered when they'd danced together at the Matrimonial Festival, when he was upset Azaria was dancing with Jochan for so long. His member had been full. She had to have felt it. And she’d rubbed up against it over and over. But still, did any of it matter? He’d taken her innocence. "Even if you're right, Daneel, I still have a responsibility to her. I took her. I ruined her for everyone else," he said, secretly hoping Daneel would disagree.

"Oh, you stupid, stupid boy," Dtioniyah answered. "Does it look like anyone is going to mind if Yumineh's already given herself to someone else? I think she'll be just fine, albeit somewhat irate for a while."

"She'll be more than that," Daneel advised. "You'll have to be careful if you break with her, Dogahn. She can get obsessive, even irrational. I'd wait for the right opportunity."

"So you think I should break with her? Are you sure that's the right path?"

"I'm not giving you permission, Dogahn. It's your decision, but let me tell you one other thing about her," Daneel answered. "Do you remember when you broke with Azaria?"

"Yeah..." Dogahn said, realization dawning on him. It had happened at the training grounds also. He remembered how Yumineh had been overcome with emotion and confronted him right in front of Azaria, all but telling her that they had mated.

"Well, that was no accident either."

16

Azerban stared down at his sleeping daughter. She spent almost all of each sun in her furs now, with Grayfoot often beside her. But she wasn't always sleeping. He knew she was often awake, feigning slumber. He could detect the difference in her breathing patterns. She wheezed less when conscious, her breathing deeper when she slept. It was part of his Ta'araki training to notice such things.

Right now he was sure she was asleep. Dogahn had come over earlier, but he’d turned him away again. He didn't want anyone near her. She needed her rest and he didn't want anyone unnecessarily exposed to the forces that had seized her. If the spirits were to spread to someone else, Takur would act.

As he’d done much lately, Azerban searched for the correct path. His daughter's health was not improving, despite the treatments he and Takur were applying. He pleaded to the Mother for an end to the cold season and wondered how he’d get Azaria to Boar Camp if she didn’t recover by then. Deep down, he was emotionally preparing himself for the decision he'd have to make. If she didn’t recover, he was sure Takur would force him to make it. Either bring her to the Great Temple and offer her to the Watchers or stay and struggle to survive until Azaria either recovered or died. He'd already decided he would ask Tobit and Shaledar to adopt Quzo into their hearth, at least temporarily. It was not an ideal situation, but hopefully the Ta'ar would decide Azaria's fate quickly and he could return to the boy, with or without his daughter. He only hoped Takur would allow them to stay in these caves. He might object on the grounds he didn't want evil spirits lingering around all summer, infecting the cave system. In that case he’d have to find another cave. But finding an unoccupied one could be difficult, almost impossible with the snow cover and a sick daughter.

Azaria's eyes opened slightly and caught sight of her father staring down at her, a grim expression poorly masked by a manufactured smile. "Hello, father," she said, her voice raspy.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired... and thirsty."

"That’s to be expected," he said, handing her a cup of warmed, fresh water infused with medicinal components. "Dogahn came by..."

"Really?" she asked, perking up a little. "Where is he? What did he say?"

"I sent him away. I'm sorry, but you were asleep. He didn't say much, but asked to see you."

"Oh..." she replied, simultaneously annoyed and overjoyed. It was difficult straightening out her feelings. She was still irate with him, still devastated over his admission that he
chose
to mate with Yumineh. She knew now she'd been naive, convincing herself that it was some kind of simple mistake that he'd never make again. But she also couldn't deny she was desperate without him. Lately she'd done nothing but lay in her furs, dreaming about him during the wakeful moments and often in the unconscious ones too. She laid her head back down, wishing he would come back.

---

Dogahn had tried to visit Azaria several times, but had been rebuffed each one. He was more than a little frustrated, but also didn't know what to think. Ta'araki was always stern in turning him away, but there was something else there also. He seemed sympathetic, as if he didn't want to deny him. This made him certain Azaria was still angry, that she didn't want to see him, that she was asking her father to turn him away. It was vexing. He wasn't asking her to take him back. He just wanted a chance to explain himself. To tell her again how sorry he was.

It wasn't his only problem. There was also the matter of ending it with Yumineh. He knew it would be much easier for Azaria to believe him if he wasn't with her anymore. As set as he was on going through with it though, he'd found it wasn't as easy as he'd envisioned.

Daneel’s
perfect opportunity
hadn't presented itself and he was growing impatient. He woke every morning intent on breaking with her before the sun fell, but always ended up backing off at the last moment, afraid of her reaction and of dealing with the aftermath.

This sun however would be different. This sun, Dogahn swore he wouldn't let another fall without acting. He’d break with her and then go to Azaria. Yumineh would react badly of course. But she didn't deserve to be strung along. She deserved the chance to move on. Or so he told himself. Despite his determination, he lingered, finding reasons not to visit Malena and Azul's cave, where Yumineh was wintering.

When he finally did show up there, it was well after midsun. His head was already filling with new reasons to put the break off until the next sun.
The morning would be better,
he told himself.
It's freezing outside. If she were to run off, she might catch cold. I should wait until the morning. Maybe it will be warmer tomorrow.

As Dogahn entered Azul and Malena’s small cave, Yumineh greeted him angrily. "Where’ve you been, Dogahn?" she asked. "You were supposed to be here already!"

He flinched at her caustic tone, realizing he shouldn't have waited so long to come. As he proceeded inside - the cave's low entry ceiling forcing him to crouch - he looked around the hearth and noticed Aisika and Ilaya staring at him, as well as Azul and Malena. Both twins wore sympathetic expressions. Malena wore one as well. Azul was avoiding his eye.

"Hey, Azul..." Dogahn said.

"Dogahn, come and sit," Azul answered, looking over to him now with an unreadable smile.

"Hi, Dogahn," the girls greeted him, nearly in sync.

"So where were you?" Yumineh demanded.

Dogahn inwardly revolted. Why was she interrogating him? He didn’t do anything wrong. And in front of their friends? He chafed against her nagging and, sensing an opening, let the wound fester. He stared back at her cruelly, letting his jaw slowly fall. Intuitively, he knew this wasn't the moment he'd been waiting for. To make a scene in front of everyone wasn't his usual style. But Yumineh would never let that stop her, if roles were reversed. He'd waited long enough. There may never be a
perfect opportunity
. As he reached the main chamber, Yumineh stood belligerently in front of him, her hands on her hips, demanding an explanation. A sense of joy grew deep in his heart, even as he summoned every last bit of wrath.

"What’s wrong with you, Yumineh?" he began, his voice just above a whisper. It rose in amplitude as he went on. "You don't even want to hear what I have to say before you start yelling at me?"

"What?" Yumineh said, surprised at the unusual hostility. The outburst wasn't like him. "Fine then! What was so important that you had to keep all your friends waiting?"

"I... uh... I..." Dogahn stuttered. He didn't anticipate she’d call him on it. Lacking a good reason, he searched wildly for a reasonable excuse and grew desperate when he couldn't find one. Finally, he decided to shift strategy. "You know what?" he raised his voice further. "It doesn't matter. I'm done. I'm done with you."

Audible gasps filled the cave.

"What!?" Yumineh exclaimed. How could he say that? She regretted greeting him so angrily now. She knew she shouldn't have done it in front of everyone, knew how much he hated a scene. She just wanted to teach him a lesson. It was rude to make people wait so long. She was angry, but she didn't want to break. "Wait, Dogahn. What do you mean?"

He detected the softening in her tone. He smelled blood, now sure his earlier doubts were unfounded. He realized he wasn't even embarrassed. It was more empowering than anything. In fact it was perfect. He could make it her fault and escape the blame for hurting her. He wouldn't even have to feel guilty. "I'm tired of you treating me like this. I don't want to be with you anymore."

But Yumineh knew Dogahn, or at least knew him well enough to detect his anger wasn't sincere, that it was all for show. He was trying to make this her fault. Her harsh greeting was only an excuse. And in front of all her friends. It made her angry. Fiercely angry. It wasn't fake anger, like his. It was real and she let it pool in her chest before responding. "Fine!" she roared. "There are plenty of men I could choose from. I don't need you! You were lucky to have me!" As she said it, she realized it was true. He
was
lucky to have her. There were plenty of men who would have her.
Beg
for her even. Much better men. Much, much better.

"Fine!" Dogahn shouted back, not believing how well it was going. He turned and stalked out, without a word to anyone else, amazed it’d been so easy. Before he left, he stole a quick glance at his friends gathered around the hearth. All of them were staring back at him with gaping jaws and wide eyes.

---

Daneel met Azerban just outside his cave, on his way out. Since the Solstice she’d wanted to reconcile with Azaria, but had been too scared of her illness to go anywhere near her. In no way had she overcome that fear, but now there was a new factor.

She had gossip. Daneel loved being the first one to tell a friend – or anyone else – something juicy and new. And this tale would be honey to Azaria’s ears. She knew Azaria hadn’t heard it yet. Who else would tell her? No one else wanted to go anywhere near her either. There was her father of course, but she doubted he even paid attention to such matters.

Azerban was as surprised to see her as he'd been when Dogahn had first shown up. Although he tried to stay out of his daughter's personal affairs, he knew something of the problems she'd been going through. As upsetting as it was to learn of Dogahn's cheating and the ensuing break, it was even worse to hear of the spat between his daughter and her closest girlfriend. The flings between young men and women were often fleeting. He thought at first the childhood friendship between Azaria and Dogahn might lead to a strong mating, but it was not surprising to hear of the break. That was just how things often happened. It was disappointing. He liked the boy, once he learned to accept the relationship. But he could get over it. There were plenty of good men who'd be more than willing to pair with his daughter.

The break between Azaria and Daneel was much harder to swallow however. He knew young women often had trouble staying close, often took incomprehensible actions against what was supposed to be their closest of friends. It was disturbing how they sometimes terrorized each other. But he’d never thought his daughter would have those sorts of problems. She'd always been surprisingly mature and picked her friends well. He hadn't thought she'd ever do anything to threaten her friendship with Asek's daughter. But again, sometimes that was how things went. Now he was happy to see Daneel come by. It was unfortunate he couldn’t allow her in.

"Daneel! How wonderful to see you! How lovely you look!" he greeted her. He felt guilty knowing he'd have to turn her away, and attempted to make up for it by indulging her well-known vanity. It was fascinating how like her mother she was.

Daneel blushed deeply and sprouted a brilliant smile that would melt any man's heart. "Ta'araki! You're as charming as ever. Only you can make me redden so quickly!" She knew something about the art of flirtation too. Azaria's father had always been one of her favorite targets. He'd been a safe stone in which to sculpt her skills, without the fear he might take it too far, or read unintended meaning from her playfulness, as many lesser men did. She'd forgotten how much she loved him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him lift her off the ground, squealing in delight as she had as a little girl when he'd swing her around.

"Are you here to see Azaria?" he asked.

"Yes, her too," she said with a wink. "How is she doing?"

"Actually, she's sleeping," he answered. "I'm sorry, Daneel. I can't allow you in. She really needs her rest."

"Oh... I understand," Daneel said, looking glum.

Azerban could see the disappointment on her face and wished he could do more. "Is there something you want me to tell her?"

"Oh, no. I... Actually I came to make up with her," Daneel finally admitted. "I don't know how much you know, Ta'araki. But Azaria and I had a little spat. I was being silly and let it go too far. I just wanted to apologize. But please don't tell her that. I want it to come from me, if you don't mind."

"No, of course, Daneel. I understand completely. It’s better that way, I agree."

"Thank you, Ta'araki. I'll come by later then," Daneel said.

Azerban watched her walk away, his heart breaking. He knew how much it would mean to his daughter, how much she’d enjoy Daneel's visit. Then it occurred to him.
This could be just the thing that helps her fight off the evil spirits. No wonder she's struggling so much, when she's been so depressed.
"Daneel!" he called out.

Daneel turned. "What is it, Ta'araki?"

"On second thought, I'm sure a little visit won't harm. I'll be out for a little while, but go ahead and wake her. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

"Really?" Daneel asked, her face brightening. "Okay, I won't stay too long. Thank you!"

"Take care not to. And maybe you shouldn't get too close either. I don't want her... uhh... getting too invigorated."

Daneel hugged him again. Quietly, she lifted the entrance flaps aside and made her way in. She spotted Azaria lying on her side underneath a massive pile of furs, but completely awake, staring into the hearth fire.

"Daneel! What are you doing here?" Azaria asked. She sat up and then stood and approached, holding her arms slightly forward, not sure if Daneel would accept her.