Bachelor Father (6 page)

Katherine’s hands stilled as she finally understood. He wasn’t rejecting Amanda because he cared too little. He was rejecting her because he cared too much. He considered himself such an unfit father that Amanda was better off with nobody than taking a chance with him. The realization made her ache with regret for him and for Amanda. With this sort of beginning they’d probably never find each other.

Zeke turned the heater fan on low and tested the flow of air with his hand. “That’s better. Are you about finished?”

“Yes.” She quickly finished tucking the baby into her dry sleeper and snapped it up. “Can you take her—”

“Yeah, just a minute. Let me dry off as best I can first.”

She waited while he rolled back his sleeves and took a clean bandanna from his hip pocket to wipe his damp hands and arms. Such big hands, such muscled arms. She remembered that the decision to make love had come before they’d entered the tent together, so that when he’d crawled in through the flap, he’d already stripped down to nothing. His massive body and bronzed skin had fascinated her, and she’d spent a long time just kissing him...all over.

“Okay, I can hold her now.”

Katherine gave Zeke the baby without making eye contact with him. Then she turned around in the seat. The nubby upholstery was soggy from her rain-drenched clothes. “I’m getting your seat all wet,” she said.

“It’ll dry.”

Amanda continued with her little experimental noises, crowing and gurgling in Zeke’s arms, while Katherine positioned the straps on the carrier. Then Katherine heard a deep, male sound that sounded a little like “boo.” Amanda gurgled some more, and Katherine heard a soft chuckle followed by another “boo.” She was afraid to move. Zeke was playing with Amanda.

“She has a little dimple in her chin,” Zeke said.

“Yes.” Katherine cleared the huskiness from her throat. “Yes, she does. I’m not sure where she got it. Nobody in my family—”

“My mother had one.”

She glanced over at him, but he was engrossed in Amanda and didn’t notice her gaze. Her heart squeezed as she thought of what it must have been like for him—a small boy abandoned by his parents. She’d like him to tell her about it, but coaxing him to talk about that part of his life would take more time and trust than he was willing to give her.

“I’ll take her now,” she said.

He handed her the baby with great care, but she could tell he was already feeling more comfortable holding that tiny body. Katherine settled Amanda in the carrier and strapped her in tight. “Hang on, Mandy,” she said. “We have a bumpy ride ahead.”

“She’ll probably just go to sleep,” Zeke said.

“Probably.” Katherine noticed the casual way he said it, as if he were already becoming somewhat of an expert on Amanda’s habits. As she buckled her seat belt she wondered if he was aware that he was beginning, just a little, to behave like a parent.

“Ready?” He glanced over at her, his expression carefully neutral. But with a sharp intake of breath, his expression changed. He stared at her breasts and swore softly.

She looked down to discover that the rain had made the material of her blouse nearly transparent, and the cold had tightened her nipples under the lacy nursing bra. With the seat belt secured between her breasts, she was on display. She quickly crossed her arms over her chest. “Sorry.”

Zeke swallowed and turned his attention to backing the truck around, but between his heavy breathing and hers, the windows were fogging up. Silently he switched on the defroster.

CHAPTER SIX

T
HE
TRUCK
HANDLED
LIKE
the tank Zeke had driven in the Persian Gulf War. That seemed appropriate, although he’d been in physical danger then, and he was in emotional danger now. Of the two, he’d been better prepared to deal with the war than this situation with Katherine. It was a damned good thing he’d decided to drive her back to civilization instead of waiting for the phone to be reconnected. Much more contact and he could predict what would happen.

Muscling the lame truck along the muddy road took all his concentration. He tried not to think about what he was doing to it in the process. Katherine sat silently beside him as they jolted along. He worked to make the ride as smooth as possible for Amanda’s sake, but the baby didn’t let out a peep, so she must have dropped right off to sleep.

The skies were producing a world-class rain, but it was a quiet storm with no thunder and lightning. He was grateful for that. Lightning was a ranger’s nightmare, even in a wet forest.

This particular forest was mighty wet. The wipers cleared a fan of windshield glass only to have the rain obscure it again. Zeke leaned forward, watching for the first sight of the creek and the bridge. Once they made it over the bridge, he’d breathe a lot easier. If they made it past the creek, he could guarantee that he’d be free of her, and then he could start reconstructing his world.

Except it looked as if he wouldn’t get over the bridge. Zeke stepped on the brake and leaned heavily against the steering wheel.

“Oh, no.” Katherine put her hand over her mouth.

Quietly he surveyed the swollen creek. The bridge had been ripped in half.

Katherine turned to him, her eyes wide.

He deliberately masked his despair, afraid she might misunderstand and think he was worried about their survival. He wasn’t. The cabin would shelter them for as long as necessary. But the cabin wouldn’t protect them from each other. “Guess we turn around,” he said.

“And wait for the phone to be fixed?”

“Well, the phone is only part of our answer now. Even a tow truck couldn’t get across that creek the way it is. The only way anybody could get in here today would be with a helicopter.”

“So we have to wait for the creek to go down?”

“Yep. At least enough that a four-wheel drive can get through.” He put the truck in reverse and searched for the best place to back it around, but the shoulders of the road looked very unstable.

“How long could that take?”

“Hard to say. Depends on how much more rain we get.” He eased the truck back slowly, cranking the wheel as far as he could. The flat tire didn’t help.

“Well.” Katherine took a deep breath. “I was prepared for a few hours away from the lodge with Amanda, not a couple of days.”

He figured Amanda would be the least of their problems. Her food supply was always available, and she didn’t do anything but eat and sleep. Oh, God. Maybe she had some condition that required medicine every so often. He’d never even thought to ask. “What are you missing?”

“If we end up being here overnight, Amanda’s going to run out of disposable diapers.”

Maybe it was only his relief that the baby wasn’t sick, but that struck Zeke as funny. He started to laugh.

Katherine got a haughty look on her face. “I’m glad you’re amused. As a man who’s never changed a baby’s diaper, you can’t be expected to understand the problem, I suppose.”

“Disposable diapers,” he said, still chuckling. “If that’s the biggest problem we have in the next couple of days, we’ll be doing great.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve never—”

“I’ll make you a promise. If Amanda runs out of disposable diapers, I’ll figure out a solution. Now, look over on your side of the truck and tell me what’s happening with the right rear wheel. I’d like to back the truck up another foot or so if the area looks solid enough.”

She turned in her seat. “I can’t see real well, but I think it’s okay. Start going slowly, and I’ll tell you if it looks like it’s starting to sink.”

“Okay.” He took his foot off the brake and gently pressed down on the gas. “How’s—”

Her sharp cry of alarm made him jump. In his agitation he hit the gas instead of the brake, and the whine of a spinning tire told him they’d just slid hub-deep into the mud. He slumped back against the seat. Terrific.

“Zeke.”

At the controlled terror in her voice he turned in surprise. This was inconvenient, but not the end of the world. Then he saw the bear peering in the window. “Sit still,” he said.

Her face was chalky as she stared straight ahead, not looking at him or the bear. “I want to get Amanda up here with us.”

“Don’t. Chances are she’ll go away if we don’t do anything to interest her.”

“H-how do you know it’s a girl f-from just her face?”

“Because I know that face. Sadie has a den around here someplace, although I haven’t found it yet. But I’ve seen her with her cubs.”

“So she’s the one who’s...been on your porch?”

“Yep.”

“Does Sadie look hungry to you?”

“Just curious. Take it easy, Katherine. I won’t let anything happen to Amanda.”

“I’ve heard that bears can rip open cars as if they were tin cans.”

“They have to be motivated. We don’t have anything in here she wants.”

“Except a baby!”

“She’d rather have candy. If you had a handful of chocolate, I might be worried. Now, turn your head slowly and look at me.”

When she did, he gave her a reassuring smile. “You’re safe, Katherine. So’s Amanda. I promise.” He didn’t tell her why he could be so sure. If they had a real problem with Sadie, which he doubted, then he’d offer himself as a distraction while Katherine took Amanda to safety. It was a drastic solution and he didn’t expect to have to use it, but it was a guarantee that mother and baby would survive.

He eased his hand across the space between the seats and took hold of hers. Her fingers were icy. He held her hand, moving his thumb up and down her cold fingers. “Trust me,” he said. “This is my territory, and I don’t allow my guests to be eaten by the bears.”

“But we’re sitting ducks, stuck in the mud like this, and even if we weren’t, we couldn’t outrun her with this flat tire.”

“She’ll go away eventually, and when she does, I’ll dig us out of the muck.”

She clutched his hand. “I don’t want you to go out there, even if she leaves. She could come back.”

“We can’t sit in this truck forever.” He liked having her hold tightly to his hand. He liked it so much he almost hated to tell her that Sadie was lumbering off into the mist and he had to go dig them out as promised. “Sadie’s gone,” he said. “And I’m going to see about the back tire.”

She clutched his hand tighter. “Wait.” After she turned slowly to look out the window, she sank back against the seat with a huge sigh, but she didn’t let go of his hand. “I love the wilderness, but I have to admit I’m petrified of bears. When I was a little kid, a man in our neighborhood took a trip out West. He was killed by a bear. I overheard the grown-ups talking about it, and the details were seared into my seven-year-old brain.”

He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. He remembered how much he’d loved the texture of her skin and how much fun he’d had exploring every inch of it. “So why did you decide to hike through Yellowstone last summer? You must have known there would be bears in the park.”

“That was part of it, testing my courage. Then when no bears showed up the first day, I relaxed and decided there weren’t any around the area where I was. Of course I was wrong. And when that bear arrived, I was just as scared as I had been at seven. I hadn’t conquered anything.”

“That wasn’t a fair test. When a wild creature shows up all of a sudden, most people are startled, if not downright frightened. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

She turned her head to gaze at him. “It’s just that I needed to succeed right then. I needed a chance to feel worthy. Instead I fell into the river and caused...all sorts of problems.”

Indeed she had. But for a few wonderful hours, she’d found that sense of worthiness in his arms. He was sure of that much, just as he was sure the feeling hadn’t been enough to keep her there. And now she would go on seeking fulfillment in other parts of her life, with her child and her promotion at work. And he would try to forget her.

It wouldn’t be easy. Right now her eyes looked the way they had when he’d decided to make love to her—the look that reminded him of a mountain streambed. He could sit here and stare into her eyes for hours.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she murmured.

“I know.” He squeezed her hand and released it. “I’m going to dig us out of here.” Opening his door, he checked the footing before he climbed down.

“I’ll help.”

He looked around and she already had her door open. Considering how frightened she’d been a moment ago, he was stunned by her courage. But he didn’t want her out there in case Sadie did come back. He couldn’t predict exactly how the bear would react, no matter how matter-of-fact he’d been with Katherine. “Uh, actually I need you to sit in the driver’s seat ready to gun the motor when I get us freed up.”

“But—”

“There’s only one shovel.” He patted the wet seat where he’d just been. “Come on over here and get set. When I tell you, step down hard on the gas and keep the front wheels turned to the left. It won’t be easy.”

“I can do it.” She closed the passenger door, startling Amanda awake. The baby began to whimper. Turning around toward the back seat, she started to comfort the baby with some soothing words and gentle pats.

“On second thought, never mind about driving us out,” Zeke said. “You have your hands full. I’ll—”

“Go dig,” she said. “I’ll handle things in here. If necessary, Amanda can cry for a little while. It won’t kill her.”

“You’d let her cry?”

“If I know nothing is majorly wrong with her, sure. Now, go dig. We’re wasting time.”

Spoken like a New York businesswoman, Zeke thought. He started to ask her if she had an appointment to get to. Instead he closed the door and slopped through the mud to the back end of the truck where he kept some tools in a metal box. Sure, they had to get back to the cabin eventually, but if it took them all afternoon, it didn’t matter anymore. They might as well resign themselves to being marooned. But then, he was used to dealing with nature’s whims and she wasn’t. She was probably chafing under the restraint and thinking ahead to the problems this situation might cause at her office if it lasted through Monday.

The tire had sunk deep and the digging was hard work, but Zeke welcomed the labor. Big-muscle movement calmed him as it had always done. Once he’d hollowed out a trench in front of the tire, he collected rocks to line it. Finally he decided the job was about as good as he could manage. Walking behind the truck to get another vantage point, he called out to Katherine, figuring it would take her a while to stop fussing with the baby and get organized to drive the truck out.

The engine roared immediately, and before Zeke could jump out of the way, a geyser of mud coated him from head to toe. He swiped a hand over his face and spit the dirt from his mouth. That would teach him to underestimate her efficiency. At least the tire was free.

He replaced the tools in the back of the truck and used his bandanna to clean off some of the grime as he returned to the driver’s side of the cab.

She was still in the driver’s seat, and when she caught sight of him she jumped and her mouth formed a round O of surprise. She quickly rolled down the window. “What happened?”

“Well, I didn’t get out of the way fast enough.” He noticed Amanda wasn’t crying anymore. Katherine was a whiz of a mother, all right.

“Oh, my.” Her eyes began to twinkle and she pressed her lips together. “You look like you belong in a minstrel show.”

“I’ll bet I do. Care to scoot over now so I can drive us out of here and back to the cabin?”

“I’m here now. Why don’t I just drive?”

“It’s hard to handle with that flat.”

“I can do it.”

He recognized her need to be in control of something, even if it was only his balky old truck. No creature liked the feeling of being trapped, with no power. He shrugged. “Okay.” He walked around and got into the passenger seat. “Go for it.”

“I may not have a car in New York, but I know how to drive.”

“I believe you.” He gestured down the road.

With one last glance at him, she pressed her foot slowly on the gas. The truck moved forward, back on to the road, but the steering wheel jerked out of her grip. She grabbed it again, her jaw set. “I’ve got it.”

“I see that you do.” He made himself relax against the seat and gaze out the passenger window, although he flinched every time the truck lurched, knowing the strength it took to hold it steady on the road. Once he glanced over and saw a trickle of sweat roll down her temple, but he knew she wouldn’t ask him to take over.

As she fought the truck and guided them down the road toward the cabin, he wondered what the labor room scene had been like. He’d heard that first babies could be the hardest to deliver. The idea of her delicate body wrenched with the pain of childbirth made him woozy, but he was sure she’d handled it like a trouper.

“Did you have any drugs?” He hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud.

“Excuse me?” She gave him a quick, worried look.

“When you had Amanda. Did you take anything for the pain?”

“No. It’s better for the baby if you don’t, and I still think it was for the best, but partway into it I was ready for them to give me something. Turns out it was too late.” The steering wheel jerked in her hands and she tightened her hold. “There’s a window of opportunity when you can give the mother a painkiller, but I’d passed that window and had to tough it out. I’m glad now that I did, but at the time it was a little rough.”

He hated thinking of her going through that. “Was anyone with you? Besides the hospital staff, I mean.”

“Naomi.”

“You should have called me, Katherine.”

“I—” She fought the wheel as the truck forged over another rut in the world. “The truth is, I didn’t know you well enough.”