Bachelor Father (8 page)

“As opposed to the fact that I’m antisocial?”

“I didn’t say you were antisocial.”

“You came damn close.” He noticed Amanda watching him carefully. “Can she pick up swearwords, do you think?”

“You mean store them up for when she can talk?” Katherine smiled. “I don’t know.”

“I think I’ll clean up my language, just in case. Okay, what’s next?”

“Keep your right hand on her at all times. She can’t roll yet, but I still like to make sure there’s no way she can fall. Then just unsnap the legs of her sleeper.”

“Right.” His fingers seemed too big for the tiny snaps and he fumbled with the task. “Damn, these are tricky,” he muttered, then remembered his new resolution. “I mean,
doggone,
these are tricky.” He glanced at Amanda, who was staring at him as if he’d landed from another planet. “She’s probably wondering if this is going to take all day.”

“Actually, I’ll bet she’s fascinated by seeing a new face during this procedure. She’s probably sick of looking at the same lady all the time.”

He doubted it, but he appreciated Katherine’s attempt to be encouraging. Finally he had Amanda’s chubby little legs free. Next came the really dicey part. “Now what?”

“The diaper’s held on her with those adhesive tabs. Pull them free and it will come off.”

He followed her instructions, while Amanda gurgled at him. At least the baby wasn’t screaming in agony, so he must not be doing so bad. Katherine stood very close to him, her shoulder touching his. When she moved he caught a whiff of her perfume. And he still wanted her as much as ever.

“Fold up the wet diaper and give it to me,” Katherine said. “I’ll throw it away while you start cleaning her up.” She started to move away from the table.

“Hold it! I’m not doing this part without supervision.”

“Just take the towelette from the container and wipe carefully in all the folds.” She walked over to his trash container.

“There’s a hell of a lot of folds here. I mean, a
heck
of a lot of folds. What if I’m too rough? What if she decides now’s a good time to go again?”

“That’s why you have a pad there.” She returned to his side, a smile on her face. “At least she can’t squirt you in the eye like a little boy might.”

“They do that?” In spite of himself, he was fascinated by the habits of these uncivilized little creatures. In some ways they were like the wild animals he related to so well.

“Boys react just like a miniature fire hose, lots of times as soon as you take the diaper off. You have to be on alert the whole time.”

“How do you know about this?”

“
Cachet
is very supportive of employees with children. They bring their babies to work, so I’ve been present at a couple of staff meetings where babies had to be changed before we could go on with the meeting.”

“Oh.” Although he was happy about the magazine’s policy for Amanda’s sake, he didn’t enjoy being reminded about Katherine’s perfect job.

“So, are you going to continue?” She gestured toward Amanda, who was kicking her legs and blowing bubbles.

“Right.” He remembered that Katherine had really yanked to get one of the moist towelettes out of the container, so he took an end and pulled hard. About ten came out, all linked together. He had enough length to make a scarf. “Sh—sugar!”

When Katherine started to laugh, he glared at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, sobering immediately. “I guess you don’t know your own strength.”

“Can you stuff them back in?”

“It’s not worth the effort. Just tear off one and throw the rest away.”

“Okay. Whoops. We’ve got leakage.”

“Well, now you have a purpose for those extra towelettes.”

Once he had the puddle cleaned up, he started cleaning Amanda. He was sure he was doing it all wrong and she’d start crying any minute, but she didn’t. In fact, the more he worked on her, the better he felt about doing it.

Katherine cleared her throat. “That’s probably good enough.” She gave him a clean diaper. “I only have four of these left.”

“Then what?”

“Good question. Do you have safety pins around?”

“I don’t know.” He’d decided he should be able to put the diaper on without asking Katherine how it went, so he studied it for a minute, then studied Amanda.

“Maybe we can use dish towels.”

“Maybe.” He thought he had it figured out, so he lifted up one of Amanda’s legs and shoved the diaper underneath that side. Then he lifted her other leg and pulled it into place. Except now the adhesive tabs wouldn’t work unless he put her facedown. So he had the damn thing backward.

Lifting her legs one at a time again, he pulled the diaper out and turned it around. There. In no time he had her taped together and the snaps done up. He turned to Katherine. “How was that?”

Her eyes were warm and sparkly. “That was great. Thank you.”

“And she didn’t even cry.”

“Why should she?”

“Well, because I’m big, and my voice is deeper and I figured I’d scare her.”

“But you’re gentle and slow with her. She senses you mean well.”

“Yeah.” He slid one hand under her head and the other one under her bottom as he lifted her off the table. “Animals are like that, too. Even wild ones can sense if you’re trying to help them.” He settled Amanda into the crook of his arm. He must have smiled at her, because suddenly she grinned back at him and waved her fists in the air.

“Hey, Mandy,” he said softly.

She gurgled and waved her fists some more.

His heart swelled as he gazed down at her. She was beautiful. Whether he and Katherine had been wise or foolish when they’d made love didn’t matter anymore. They’d produced Amanda, and that was reason enough to bless that night they’d spent together.

He glanced up at Katherine and caught her watching him with a tenderness that took his breath away.

“I knew you’d fall in love with her if you gave yourself a chance,” she murmured.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Z
EKE
WAS
AFRAID
K
ATHERINE
was right, and he was falling in love with Amanda. Not a wise move. She wasn’t his to keep. But then neither were the wild baby animals he cared for and released when they were old enough to be on their own. He survived losing them, so he ought to be able to survive this.

“I should probably feed her,” Katherine said, holding out her arms.

Zeke glanced at her bandaged wrist. “Let me rig up a sling for you first.” He settled Amanda in her bassinet and she immediately began to cry.

“I’ll feed her first,” Katherine said.

Zeke hated hearing Amanda cry, but he put a restraining hand on Katherine’s shoulder. “You need that sling. I’ll fix it in no time.”

She stilled under his hand.

He could feel the current running between them and took his hand away before his touch became a caress. “This won’t take long.” He took a pillowcase from the dresser and used his pocketknife to rip the sides open.

Katherine gasped. “You’re ruining your pillowcase!”

“Doesn’t matter.” He walked over to her. “Bend your arm at the elbow.”

She did as he asked. “I still don’t think you should have cut open that perfectly good pillowcase.”

“You need a sling for your arm more than I need that pillowcase, and with Amanda needing to be fed, we don’t have time to come up with an alternative.” Concentrating on keeping the process impersonal, he slid the material under her arm and stepped behind her so he could tie the ends around her neck. But he kept getting her hair caught in the knot. “Could you lift up your hair?”

“Sure.” She slid her left hand behind her neck and lifted the hair off her nape.

He hadn’t expected the gesture to affect him like a fist to the gut. Yet here he was, struggling to breathe as he gazed at that exposed, tender spot at her nape.

“Zeke?” She half turned toward him. “Is anything wrong?” Then she looked into his eyes. “Oh.” Her eyes grew smoky with desire, and her lips parted.

“Turn around,” Zeke said roughly. “Let me tie this. Amanda needs you.”

Quietly she turned her back on him.

He fastened the tie with shaking fingers and hoped he had the tension right on her arm. His throat was tight with longing. “Go sit in the rocker,” he said. “I’ll bring her to you.”

Her whisper of agreement sent chills of need up his spine.

Resolutely he walked to the bassinet and picked up the crying baby. A few hours ago her crying would have made him anxious, but he was beginning to understand it was her method of communicating. He didn’t have to worry that something was terribly wrong every time she fussed a little.

He jiggled her and made faces, which sort of worked. Her crying was reduced to stray croaks of protest. But when he glanced over to see if Katherine was ready for the baby, all his cajoling stopped. Mesmerized, he stared at Katherine, her head bowed, the blond sheen of her hair catching the light from the lantern as she concentrated on the now-difficult job of unbuttoning her shirt. The process was slow, making it all the more erotic. Zeke’s body throbbed in response as he watched her finish the task.

She looked up and started to speak. The words seemed to lodge in her throat as she gazed at him. Finally she spoke, her voice strained. “I can’t figure out how to manage. Maybe I should take off the sling.”

“We’ll prop her on a pillow.” He had no idea how he knew what to do, but somehow he did. Holding Amanda in the crook of one arm, he took a pillow from the bed and brought it over to her. “Hold your arm away from your body a minute.” He knelt beside the rocker and tucked the pillow on her lap, providing a nest for Amanda. Gently he laid her on the pillow, and Amanda immediately starting nuzzling at the flannel material still draped modestly over Katherine’s breast.

Katherine steadied her with her left hand, but she obviously had no way to move the flannel aside.

So Zeke did it for her. “Let me,” he murmured. He trembled as he cradled the weight of her milk-filled breast. Then he carefully brought it toward Amanda’s seeking mouth. When the baby took the nipple greedily, he kept his hand there as long as he dared, absorbing Katherine’s warmth and the rapid beat of her heart. Amanda sucked steadily, and Zeke thought it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

He glanced up at Katherine, but her lashes were lowered, as if she couldn’t allow him to see the emotions swirling there. He understood. When his own needs became too great, he gently slipped his hand from under her breast, stood and went over to the door.

He had to remain there a minute until his breathing was under control and he could speak. “Call if you need me,” he said finally. Then he went outside.

* * *

I
NEED
YOU
.
Katherine ached so much she wasn’t sure if she could bear it. If Amanda hadn’t been in her arms, she would have dragged Zeke over to the bed and demanded that he make love to her with all the vigor she knew he was capable of.

Yet making love to Zeke would be a huge mistake, putting her future in jeopardy. She could feel the danger, even without Naomi there to remind her. Naomi had sent her here to tidy up loose ends, not become more entangled.

The job Naomi expected from her required absolute focus. The two of them had made allowances for Amanda—her early childhood care could be handled right at the magazine. By the time she was in school, Katherine would have adjusted to her new duties and would feel free to take part in whatever girlhood activities presented themselves with Amanda. Naomi had even hinted that she might be willing to take over as room mother or Brownie leader if the need arose. Naomi had everything mapped out, taking the demands of motherhood fully into account.

But she had not taken a love affair into consideration. For the first time Katherine wondered if Naomi had lovers. She’d divorced her husband years ago, and she was an extremely attractive woman. Now that Katherine gave herself time to think about it, she suspected Naomi did have love affairs, but obviously she chose appropriate men who would never interfere with her work.

Zeke was highly inappropriate. The passion would be too great, the distance too far, the needs too compelling. Loving Zeke could easily destroy her career. She might even be able to live with that, but she couldn’t live with the prospect of sacrificing Naomi’s hopes and dreams.

Still, she wanted Zeke to connect with Amanda, and that’s exactly what he was doing. Unfortunately, with each step closer to Amanda, he came a step closer to stealing Katherine’s heart. She desperately wanted Zeke to keep in touch with their daughter as she was growing up. But that would require her own participation. Somehow she’d have to make that participation friendly yet businesslike. Yeah, right. The task already seemed impossible. If she made love to him again, she might as well not even try.

When the time came to switch Amanda to her other breast, she gritted her teeth and managed by herself. Her wrist hurt whenever she used it, but she couldn’t handle a two-month-old baby without using both hands. Naomi wasn’t going to be happy about this sprained wrist, either. It would make her less effective at work.

Well, she couldn’t do anything about her bum wrist now. What was done was done. But she could do something about Zeke.

He came back into the cabin just as she finished feeding Amanda. He brought in an armload of wood and the cool scent of wet pines. “The rain’s stopped,” he announced.

Katherine had been so absorbed in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed. “Do you think it’s over?”

“Hard to say.” He deposited the wood on the hearth and crouched with his back to her as he built a fire. “But even if it is, it’ll take a day or so before that creek goes down enough to get a vehicle through.”

She couldn’t help admiring the flex of those strong shoulders as he worked. “But if the phone line is repaired, we might be able to have someone come out by tomorrow night?”

“It’s possible.” He stood. “Guess I’ll go shower off some of this dirt and then we can think about what to have for supper.”

“Okay.” One night, Katherine thought to herself as Zeke walked into the bathroom. Surely she could make it through one night without giving in to temptation.

* * *

A
FTER
REMOVING
K
ATHERINE
’
S
underwear from the circular shower rod, Zeke stayed under the cold spray longer than he probably needed to rinse the mud off his body and out of his hair. He swore softly the whole time, using words he hadn’t dredged up in years. He cursed unpredictable birth-control pills, the weather, his worthless bridge, flat tires and the fickle finger of fate.

But he couldn’t bring himself to curse Katherine. She was as much a victim of this as he was. And she was still eager to escape. No matter that she caught fire instantly the minute he touched her—she longed to be far away from the fire itself. He sighed, knowing he wasn’t the kind of guy to take advantage of a woman’s weakness.

Turning off the shower, he stepped from the big tub and dried off briskly. He didn’t realize until he was finished that he hadn’t brought any clean clothes into the bathroom with him. Unfortunately for both of them, he’d have to go back into the main room of the cabin wearing only a towel.

He opened the door and glanced out.

Amanda dozed in Katherine’s arms as she rocked back and forth, eyes closed. Maybe he could make it to the dresser and back to the bathroom without her being aware of him. But the continued rain had made the drawers stick. By the time he jerked and fought them open and tucked his pile of clothes under one arm, he glanced over his shoulder and found her watching him.

She cleared her throat. “Under the circumstances, it might be better if you didn’t parade around here in a towel.”

The unfairness of her implication that he was doing this on purpose irked him. “I live alone. I don’t automatically think of protecting my privacy.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d start thinking about it.”

“Would you?” He advanced on her. “Katherine, this is my house, and we’re in the middle of the woods. Normally I don’t even bother with the towel. So you see, I am making concessions.”

Her cheeks grew pink.

He gestured toward the bathroom. “And maybe you’d better start thinking about the wisdom of flaunting your underwear in my face.”

Her cheeks flamed, but her chin jutted defiantly. “You’re the one who suggested I shouldn’t sit around in wet clothes. What else was I supposed to do with them?”

He had to admit she had a point. He sighed. “Look, this is a small place. We can’t get away from each other unless I pitch my tent out in the yard.”

“There’s a thought.” A flash of humor softened her belligerent expression. “I don’t mean that. And you’re right, this is your house. It’s just that...” Her gaze traveled over his bare chest, and when she looked back into his eyes, the hunger had returned to hers. Her voice was husky. “Please go put on your clothes.”

He clamped down on his desire, turned and walked into the bathroom.

* * *

K
ATHERINE
HADN
’
T
MEANT
to fight with Zeke, but no sooner had she vowed she could make it through one night than he’d appeared in front of her practically naked. She didn’t think he’d done it on purpose, but that didn’t change the surge of desire she’d had to fend off, was still fending off.

After Zeke returned, fully dressed, he moved around the cabin, taking care of the tasks that needed to be done. He made no conversation, but he made a lot of racket. It sounded like impatient noise to Katherine, and she didn’t blame him.

As the watery light of afternoon faded, he lit two kerosene lanterns. Then he stoked up the fire and put on some bigger logs before getting a cast-iron kettle out of the cupboard, which Katherine assumed they’d use to heat dinner over the fire. He seemed pretty well equipped for the loss of electricity, she thought. It must happen often out here.

As she sat and rocked Amanda, lulling her to sleep, she thought of how different her life was from Zeke’s. Electricity was essential in her world. It operated the elevators in her twenty-story apartment house, her answering machine, her personal computer, her microwave. Without those conveniences she wouldn’t be able to exist comfortably. Without electricity, she wouldn’t have any way to heat bathwater for her or Amanda.

And the forest was such a quiet place, at least when Zeke wasn’t banging something or other, which he seemed to be doing pretty constantly this evening. Still, even his noise wasn’t the same as the noise in her tenth-floor apartment, where traffic on the street below sent up a constant hum that she blocked out, just as she’d learned to block out the sound of doors closing and telephones ringing in other apartments. She lived in a beehive of people, while Zeke lived in almost total isolation.

She’d been so wrong to expect him to respond like a jaded urban guy when she’d shown up with Amanda. To think that he’d sit and drink coffee while they talked over their options was insane, she now realized. In her world that might have happened. Many men she knew hid their primitive urges under a veneer of civilized behavior. Zeke wasn’t quite civilized.

And that was why making love to him had been such a transforming experience. But it would be selfish of her to do that again. Still, she had a hard time resisting Zeke’s wildness. When they’d made love last summer, she’d fantasized they were creatures of the forest themselves.

“Is stew okay?” Zeke asked, turning from the cupboard to glance over at her.

“Fine. I like stew.” She would have eaten anything he gave her, considering how rotten she felt about putting him in this untenable position.

Yet she had to remember that despite the pain she and Zeke had caused each other, the end result had been Amanda. She gazed down at her child, never tiring of watching her. Despite the clatter Zeke was making in the kitchen, Amanda lay quietly, eyes closed as she sucked gently on her fist. Gradually her body relaxed into sleep and her hand fell away from her rosebud mouth.