Back To Me (2 page)

3

Heather

              The lights flashing on my alarm clock told me it was just after four in the afternoon. I sighed with dread, rubbing my eyes and stretching my tired body. I had to get up and get ready for work, no matter how badly I wanted to pull the covers up over my head and never leave the safety of my bedroom ever again.

              I shuffled my feet across the worn wooden floor, making my way into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, turning away quickly and sighing in disgust. My hair was wild and knotted, my mascara was smeared across my face, and the bags under my eyes aged me at least ten years. It what happens when you live the life I live.

              I turned the water in the shower as hot as it would go, letting it scald the previous night’s filth from my body. I hated the sweaty men that pawed at my flesh. It was degrading, but it paid the bills. I did what all girls in my position do in order to survive. For some of us there is no other choice.

              I’m a waitress at Tommy’s bar and strip club. It’s in a seedy part of town, the outfits and clientele even seedier, but the tips are big and it pays the bills. Plus, it’s all I know how to do. It’s all I’m worth anymore.

              After scrubbing my skin until it was a healthy shade of pink, I towel dried my body, briskly ran my fingers through my hair and squeezed out the excess water. I brushed my teeth and applied my heavy makeup, carefully and methodically. Spritzing perfume on my neck and giving myself a once over in the mirror, I nodded in satisfaction at my overdone look. Playing the part was key.

              I riffled through my closet, digging out my shortest denim mini-skirt and my ‘
Tommy’s Girl
’ tank top. I hated this stupid outfit and everything it represents. It made my skin crawl, knowing it gives the men more to ogle and they undoubtedly take it as an invitation, though it most certainly is not. It was a requirement.              

              Tommy thinks having his name displayed across our chests’ means we’re
his
property and that we’re untouchable, but it does nothing to deter the nasty hands that grab and paw at us as we move between the overcrowded tables. For the most part the men keep within reasonable limits, especially when Big Johnny is working behind the bar. However, every now and then some jerk thinks it’s okay to cop a feel. Those are the ones you have to be careful of; the ones who don’t like the word
no
.

              I slid my foot into my black stilettos, buckling the spiked strap around my ankles before going back to the mirror to check my makeup one last time. My red lipstick stood out in alarming contrast against my pale complexion, my naturally dark hair and my deep set eyes. I needed to spend some more time in the sun, but that would mean being outside, being visible to others and I didn’t want that.

              I clonked my way to my beat up car, praying it would start easily just this once. Tommy had already docked my pay twice for being late and I couldn’t afford for him to do it again. The mortgage payment was due last week, and I had just gotten a notice from the electric company yesterday. I needed all the hours and tips I could get.

              It took several tries, but the engine finally turned over. I sputtered my way down the road and pressed the pedal to the floor once I hit the interstate. Only half an hour until clock-in and hopefully the rush hour traffic would be cleared out. Luck was on my side as I breezed right through, quickly exiting twenty minutes later. I pulled into the lot of the run down hell-hole and parked, slamming my door and running inside. The parking lot was dark and it always made me uneasy to be out here by myself.

              “Hey sweet cakes!” Johnny yelled from behind the bar.

              “Hi, Johnny. How’s it going?”

              “Gonna be busy tonight,” he replied, wiping the shot glasses with a towel. “Tommy wants to see you in the back.” He motioned his head and offered me a slight smile.

              Great. Just what I needed. Tommy is more disgusting than this joint, and his roaming eyes undressed me every time. However, he was my boss.
What could I do
? I sighed in frustration.

              “Thanks,” I muttered to Johnny as I locked my purse up behind the bar. I reluctantly walked down the hall towards Tommy’s office. It was quiet, which inadvertently sent up red flags. People were
always
milling around back there, waiting in line to use the bathroom, or to make a call on the ancient payphone.

              The lights flickered overhead, emitting an extremely annoying buzzing sound. The paint was peeling off the stucco walls and the smell of pee and other body fluids I didn’t even want to think about were invading my nose. This whole place made my skin crawl, but nothing more so than being in a room alone with Tommy.

              He’s scrawny and tall, with dark hair and tattoos that cover his entire body. His eyes are just as dark, malice hidden not so deep within them. I normally like the bad boy look, but not this guy. He’s nothing short of underhanded and I knew not trust him, not under
any
circumstances. I took a deep breath before knocking on his door. “Come in,” he called from the other side.

              I opened the door carefully, taking a look behind me to see if anyone was watching. It never hurt to have a witness.
Bingo
. Johnny was still at the bar, his eyes glued to me as he nodded his head in recognition. He held up both hands, signaling I had ten minutes. If I wasn’t out in ten minutes, he’d be kicking down the door.

              “Well, don’t just stand there,” Tommy ordered, pulling me from my thoughts. “Get your pretty little ass in here.” He was talking with another gentleman, one I had seen here several times, but I didn’t know his name. He was beautiful to look at with his dark, flawless skin, but just like Tommy, his demeanor screamed to be cautious.

              They were talking quietly, all the while keeping their eyes trained in my direction. I knew I was the object of their conversation and it made me extremely uneasy. If they were up to something, something that involved
me
, I was headed for trouble, of that I was sure. I shrunk back and averted my eyes to the floor while I wrapped my arms around my body. When I noticed the other man lick his lips as he eyed my breasts, I turned away completely and occupied myself with staring at the wall. I just wanted him to leave. No,
I
wanted to leave.

              The men shook hands and said their goodbyes. When the unknown man passed by me, his hand grazed my backside as he whispered in my ear. “Soon,
senorita
. Soon enough you’ll belong to me.” His voice was low and sinister, making my skin crawl. I had no idea what he meant by
belonging to him
and I sure as hell didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out. I shivered and looked away. His stare was so intense that I feared I would burst into flames on the spot. Even his handsome face, however, couldn’t detract from the danger that was written all over him. Once I heard the office door close, Tommy gestured for me to come further into the room.

              I walked slowly towards the vinyl covered chair, reluctant to sit in my short skirt. Who knew who or
what
had been there before me?

              “Tommy, I’m on time tonight so I’m not sure what…” My hands fidgeted nervously in my lap as my eyes once again met the worn carpet.

              He smiled and held his hand up for me to stop. “Heather, that’s not why I asked to see you. How long have you been working for me? Three, four years now?” He lit the end of his fat cigar and leaned back in his ratty chair. His boots made a loud
thud
as he propped them up on his desk and smiled coyly at me. “I think it’s time you get on that stage.”

              It was no secret that Tommy wanted and expected me to strip. He’d mentioned it
no less
than a thousand times, but I had to draw the line somewhere. However, tonight was different. By the way he talked and the gleam in his beady little eyes, I had a feeling it was no longer up to me. I knew this must be what he and the other man had been discussing.

              “Tommy, I don’t think so. I mean, I appreciate you considering me for the job, but…” I was trying to be polite, but my nerves were shot. I didn’t sound half as convincing as I needed to.

              “But nothing,” he spat, sitting up quickly. “You work
for me
! You will do
what
I say,
when
I say, and with
who
I say. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.” He pointed his slender finger towards the closed exit that now seemed a thousand miles away.

              I stared at the floor, trying to think of a way around this while still keeping my job intact. True, it wasn’t much of a job worth fighting for, but it’s all I had at the moment and I learned a long time ago I couldn’t be picky. Most respectable places frowned on a college dropout, no matter the circumstances.

              “Not tonight, Tommy,” I begged. “Just let me think about it, okay?”

              “Tell you what,” he said, stumping out his cigar in the overrun ashtray. “Hang with some of the girls tonight. Learn the ropes and let them show you how it’s done. Tomorrow night you go on.” It was an order, not a request and I knew there was no changing his mind. I nodded my head and quickly stood, anxious to get away from him. My legs were shaky, but I forced my feet to move anyways. When I got to the door he cleared his throat, commanding my attention.

              “I’ll be
very
anxious to see how you do.” He sneered at me and winked, and I swallowed down the vomit in my mouth.

              “Yes, sir.” I closed the door behind me and sagged against the wall, taking several deep breaths to calm myself. Not only did Tommy
expect
me to take my clothes off, but taking the time to follow the tarts around tonight would interfere with the tips I so desperately needed to get by.

              At that moment I knew I wouldn’t return for my shift tomorrow, but there was nothing I could do about it tonight. Tonight was my last chance to make money so I pulled myself together, swiping my fingers underneath my lashes to fix my makeup. It was show time and I had a character to portray.

              “Everything okay?” Johnny asked when I returned to the bar.

              “Fine,” I snapped. I grabbed a tray, my order pad and headed towards a table of eager college students. They didn’t tip well, but they were cute and a little flirtation never hurt anybody. If I was going to be treated like a whore, there was no sense in trying to convince anyone otherwise.

4

Billy

              I found my old standby and best friend these days. Vodka. I didn’t even bother with washing a glass. Instead I took the bottle to my recliner and sat, my weary body sagging with worry.

              I came up with a million and one reasons why I should leave Heather alone; why I should leave her to clean up her own damn mess. She should’ve known that being in a place like Tommy’s would lead to something like this, and it’s her own damn fault for getting caught up in that kind of life.
Screw her.

              I leaned back, stewing about what to do. My eyes were blood shot and sweat was pouring from my brow as I mulled over different scenarios of what could happen to her. It wasn’t long before I came up with a million and one
more
reasons why I needed to go to her. Why I
had
to.

              Heather was in danger, yes, but that wasn’t the end of it. She was in danger because of
me
. I had let my job touch her and I swore that would never happen. It was one of the many reasons I left the agency and I couldn’t leave her to fight this battle.
My battle
. If Raul wanted me, and I knew he did, then dammit it was me he was gonna have.

              I got to my feet and threw the empty bottle, watching as it shattered against the wall into hundreds of tiny, glistening shards. I ranted and raved, I cussed and I cried. How in the hell had my life turned out like this?
Why?
I had done a lot wrong in my short thirty-two years, but I had also done a lot of good. Didn’t that count for something? Years ago I helped save Lauren. She wouldn’t even
be here
if it weren’t for me. Didn’t that deserve some kind of reward? Some merit of grace? Apparently not. My whole life was shit, and this situation with Heather was just the icing on the cake.

              I rammed my already busted up hand through the drywall. Why the hell not, right? It was fitting that this house: this empty, rotten, shell of a house mirror me. I toppled the furniture, throwing old magazines and books haphazardly in the air. I ran my arm across the mantle, knocking the pictures from their prominent place of display and sending them crashing to the floor. It felt good to let some of the crazy out; to let all this pent up anger and heartache go.

              In the midst of my temper tantrum, I felt someone wrap their arms around me from behind, preventing any further damage.

              “Calm the hell down!” he shouted.

              I would know that voice anywhere and my head hung in shame that he had seen me like this. One of the people I had tried so damn hard to hide all of my ugly from had just seen me at my worst, and I was so ashamed.

              “What the hell do you want, Luke? You shouldn’t be here. You should just go.”

              “No. Don’t think I can. What the hell is going on here, Billy?” He finally let me go as we were both struggling for breath, trying to reign in our temper. He stood with his hands braced on his hips, waiting for my answer. Well hell, I was tired of hiding so he was gonna get it this time. I was so damn tired of keeping it all bottled up and going through all of this alone.

              “My life is shit, that’s what’s going on. Not all of us have the
perfect little life
you do. Why don’t you just run on back to Lauren and pretend that the whole world is rainbows and sunshine? It’s what you’re good at, right? Burying you head in the sand? You think just because everything is over with Mark, because he’s dead and your precious Lauren is safe, that the rest of us still don’t deal with real shit every damn day?” I spat. I unleashed on Luke and even though he didn’t deserve it, he was the one who opened the door. Can’t say it didn’t feel good.

              “First of all, yeah I do have a pretty great life,” he retorted, “But no, it isn’t rainbows and sunshine all the damn time. If you ever came around anymore you’d know that. Second of all, it’s kinda hard to help your
friend
out of whatever the hell they’re going through if they spend all that time trying to
avoid
you. Do you know how many damn times I’ve called? You couldn’t even pick up the phone and say you’re alright?” Luke was pacing, obviously pissed and rightfully so. I had no retort because he was right. He
had
tried to be there for me. Luke, Randy, Lauren; all of them had reached out to me, and I had refused.

              “I can’t let it go because my wife thinks you walk on damn water,” he continued with his back turned to me. “I’ve got a little girl at home who cries because she misses her Uncle Billy, and I constantly have to make up excuses about why you don’t give her the time of day anymore. Now you want to continue to act like an
asshole
, that’s your business, but don’t you dare act like you’re the only one with problems. I’ve got my own damn share and so does everyone else! If you’d pull your head outta your ass long enough you’d see that!”

              “You. Don’t. Know. Anything!” I gritted between my teeth. “You can’t possibly
ever
understand the man that I really am. The man that has beaten and robbed people, lied and cheated, all for a damn job that took
everything
from me!” I shouted.

              “Then I come home to this empty house and the walls close in. I can’t breathe!” It was then that I fell to my knees and sobbed. Oh, I sobbed like a little girl. Very uncharacteristic of a big fella like me, but I just couldn’t take anymore.

              I heard Luke sigh before kneeling down next to me. “C’mon, old man,” he chuckled. “You smell like a damn brewery. I could smell you from outside.”

              He struggled to pull me to my feet, but finally managed. “I remember sometime, long ago, when you took care of my drunk ass. Guess it’s time I paid you back.”

              I knew what he meant and I knew where we were headed. Luke pulled my limp body behind him as we walked down the hall and to the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on, knowing the jackass had probably set it all the way to cold. Shoving me in, I screamed in shock when the water hit my skin. It certainly did the trick, startling me to attention long enough to realize what was happening. Luke climbed in beside me, supporting me with his weight as he shoved a washcloth and the soap in my direction.

              “Wash yourself. This ain’t a sponge bath, princess!” I chuckled at the sentiment, suddenly missing the comradery we had always shared. I might have been tipsy, but even I remembered saying the exact same thing to him when he was drunk off his ass, crying over Lauren.

              When I was through and Luke’s clothes were completely soaked, he helped me step out and then threw a towel at me. “Cover that shit up, man. Not interested in what you have to offer,” he joked. I smiled and turned, giving him a shot of my rather fine ass.

              “Okay boys, enough!” I heard Lauren chuckle.
How the hell did she get here?
I froze, unsure of what to do. To say the situation was awkward was an understatement. Here I stood, in all my glory, and the two of them carried on like nothing was amiss.

              “Hey, baby,” she greeted Luke, planting a kiss on his cheek.

              “Hey, pretty girl.”

              Lauren looked at me, first with pity and then with what I’m fairly certain was anger. She stalked towards me, where I stood naked as a jaybird. I’d never had a woman be so completely unaffected by my body, but let me tell you, Lauren didn’t even try to sneak a peek. I’m man enough to admit that it stung a little.

              “You asshole!” she said in a low voice. “How dare you! How dare you make us all worry about you?”

              I could see tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke, but that was all interrupted when Luke stopped her. “Pretty girl, let the man get dressed before you start the lecture, okay?”

              She turned her attention back to me and poked me in the chest with her finger. “Two minutes, Willis. You’ve got two minutes!” It was never a good sign when Lauren used my last name. She pivoted on one foot and stalked out of the bathroom, stomping loudly down the hall.

              “C’mon, princess. Let’s get you decent.” Luke pushed me towards my bedroom and laid some clothes on the bed. “Think you can manage?” he asked.

              “Yeah, I’m sober as a choir boy after that. How did she get here anyway?”

              “She rode with me, dumbass. She’s been waiting in the truck.” Luke chuckled once again and left the room.

             
Shit!
Shit! Shit!
Luke was one thing, but I’d seen Lauren mad and she was downright scary as hell. I dressed in record time and reluctantly opened the bedroom door, stepping lightly into the hallway. I prepared myself for an ambush, or possibly things flying through the air, aiming for my head, but there was complete silence.             

              When I rounded the corner, Luke was up-righting the furniture I had toppled, and Lauren was humming to herself while cleaning up the broken glass from the Vodka bottle. I stared in disbelief as they busied themselves, seemingly neither of them having a care in the world; as if this was a normal occurrence. I had done nothing except turn my back on them, treated them like the plague, and yet here they were, helping me. I shook my head, feeling like a complete asshole and chastising myself for expecting anything less out of these two.

              I cleared my throat, signaling my approach and they both turned towards me.

              “Feeling better, cupcake?” Lauren grinned, but I had a feeling her good mood was about to be short-lived.

              “Yeah,” I replied, rubbing my temples. I needed some aspirin, STAT!

              “Good,” she pointed to the chair. “Sit down.” I grinned at her bossiness, both surprised and impressed. Lauren had come a long way from the young woman I had met just a few years ago. Back then she was shy and timid; scared to death of her abusive husband. There was a huge difference between that girl and the woman standing in front of me now. Although I dreaded the interrogation that was sure to follow, part of me was so proud that I couldn’t help but smile.

              I did as she ordered and padded towards the recliner. I sat with my head hung and waited for the brunt of her wrath. When it never came, I looked up to see what was taking her so long. Luke was sitting on the couch, leaned back with his arms folded across his chest and a smile on his smug face.

              “Do I have your attention now?” Lauren asked.

              I chuckled at the sight of her. She had on yellow rubber cleaning gloves, her ponytail was ratty with half of her hair hanging in her face, and her clothes were all twisted around and wet from the sudsy water she’d been using to clean with. She couldn’t have looked less intimidating if she’d tried.

              “Yes, ma’am,” I answered with a salute. Probably not the smartest thing to have done, considering she swung her tiny hand and hit me upside the head. I swear I wasn’t trying to be a smart ass, but in hindsight I could see how she took it that way.

              “Ouch!”

              “Serves you right, you….you….” Her hands balled into fists at her side as she leaned forward and tried to think of an adjective strong enough to fit me.  There were plenty that came to my mind, but none I’d have said in front of her.

              “I know. I’m an idiot, and a ……”

              Lauren cut me off. “Yes. You are
all
of those things. But you’re also Luke’s best friend and like a brother to me. Now you listen to what I have to say because I’m only gonna say it once.”

              I looked at Lauren again, this time giving her one hundred percent of my attention.

              “I love you.
You hear me
? I. Love. You. Doesn’t matter about the past or all you think you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you drink yourself into oblivion or wallow in self-pity. You’re
still
gonna be a part of our family. You can continue to try and push us away, but I won’t let you. Understand? If we have to come over here every single day and drag your butt outta bed, that’s what we’ll do. If we have to babysit you, fine. I can line you out just like I do Sam. But don’t you dare, and I mean
don’t you ever
ignore me again. Got it?”

              By the time Lauren was done with her spiel, I was smiling and Luke stared at her in awe. They were so in-love it was nauseating.

              “Lauren,” I replied, hastily, “you don’t know what you’re asking. I’m not the same man I was before. I have seen and done things…things I’m not proud of. Things that you wouldn’t be very proud of either and…”

              “Doesn’t matter. It was all for the job, right?” Luke asked. He stood and walked towards us.

              “Yeah,” I sighed.

              “And in the end, did it benefit others? Did you do what you
had
to do in order to help someone else?”

              “Yeah,” I sighed again. “But it doesn’t excuse…”

              “It excuses everything,” Lauren interjected. She came to where I was sitting and knelt down. Taking my hand in hers she said, “You helped me, Billy. What you did for me, what you did for Luke; a bad man wouldn’t have done those things. I
know
who you are,
and it isn’t the man you think. What did you once tell me?
Don’t let your past define you.
”