Bad For Me (12 page)

Chapter 22

The good news was we knew Billy was still in the area. The bad news was we knew he was drinking. We'd already visited all of the shelters, and had left a photo of Billy and our contact details at each of them. The only thing left for us to do was search the streets.  I’m not sure I could have faced it without JJ. I'd had no idea that some of those places we visited even existed. They were home to an underclass that the rest of society either couldn’t or wouldn’t see.  We'd drawn up a list of the main ‘hot-spots’, and marked them on a map. The plan was to work our way through them in the evenings and at the weekend—whenever we had time. It would take us weeks, and even then there was no guarantee of success.

“I think we should call it a day,” JJ said. We had been pounding the streets for almost two hours, and it was starting to go dark. “I’m starving, let’s get fish and chips.”

“Shouldn’t you be eating caviar now you’re a millionaire?”

“I’d take fish and chips over caviar any day.”

“And there I was thinking that I would be living the jet set life.”

“These are delicious,” I said. We were on our way back to the car—eating fish and chips out of paper trays.

“Megan—what happened to your dad?”

The question came out of nowhere, and blindsided me for a few moments.

“Where did that come from? What made you think about my dad?”

“All I know about you is what Julie has told me. I want to know everything.”

“You really don’t.”

“I do. Julie said your dad walked out. Is that why you don’t trust men?”

“Jeez, JJ. I thought we were having a fish and chip supper. I didn’t expect a therapy session. “

I'd never talked to anyone about my life—not in any detail. But then, there hadn’t been anyone to tell—only Julie. I’d only told her bits and bobs.

“Dad left when I was twelve. I didn’t even know he'd gone for good. I thought he was working away. It was only when I asked Mum where he was that she told me he'd run off with another woman.”

“Way to break it gently. Is that really what she said?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know what she meant. I soon found out when the kids at school started to tease me. Some of them were supposedly my friends.”

“Kids can be cruel.”

“Tell me about it. I'd just about come to terms with Dad leaving when Mum started to drink.”

“Why did she start?”

“I think it was all connected to Dad's leaving—that and money problems.”

“Money?”

“We were broke. She bought booze, so she could get drunk and forget we had no money. Solid plan! We often didn’t have enough for food.”

“Why didn’t the authorities step in?”

“They probably would have if I hadn’t covered things up.” I shrugged.

“You were only a kid yourself.”

“What else could I do? Mum was pissed all of the time, and Billy was useless. I was scared of being taken into care, so I took over the running of the house.”

“What about money?”

“I had to make sure I got to the benefit payment before Mum pissed it away.”

“After all that shit, I’m surprised you even cared when your Mum was taken into hospital.”

“She was still my mum.”

“She didn’t deserve you.”

“I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if Dad hadn’t left. Would Mum still have become an alcoholic?”

“And you’ve never heard from your Dad?”

“Not a word. He could be dead for all I know. I hope he is.”

“They were delicious.” I'd eaten every last chip.

“Told you. Can’t beat fish and chips in a tray. Come on; let’s get back to the car. I’ll run you home.”

“No.”

“We can’t do any more tonight. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to go back to the flat. I want to come home with you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

“You aren’t. It’s what I want.”

I was nervous, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted JJ to be my first. I trusted him. I wanted him. I felt an ache I'd never known before. He pulled me into his arms; my body was pressed hard against his. The ache intensified.

As we made our way through the streets, JJ held my hand. I'd dreamed of tonight a million times, but in those dreams I'd never been able to see the face of the man by my side. Now, the dream was a reality.

“There are so many of them.” JJ pointed to a man slumped in the doorway of a pharmacist. The homeless were invisible to most passersby, but we saw every one of them. The figure had a coat pulled up to his chin. Next to him was a tin—empty.

JJ dipped into his pocket, and brought out a handful of change which he dropped into the tin,

“Thanks.” The man's voice was slurred, but I recognised it immediately.

“Billy?”

********************

“Billy. It’s me—Megan.”

“Megggaan,” he slurred.

“Billy, look at me.”

He struggled to keep his eyes open long enough to focus.

“Billy!”

“Meggaan?”

Billy and I had never been close, but it broke my heart to see him in that state. He had an unkempt beard, was dirty and he smelled—mainly of drink.

“We have to get him back.” I turned to JJ who seemed transfixed. “JJ!”

“Sorry. What?”

“We have to get him back.”

“I’ll go for the car. We can lift him between us.”

While JJ went to fetch the BMW, I tried talking to Billy. It was a waste of time. He managed the odd word. Even the odd sentence, but none of it made much sense until...

“Megan. Mum’s dead.”

“I know Billy.”

“She’s dead Megan.” He was crying now. Crying and rocking back and forth. I sat beside him—my arm around his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Billy. You’re okay now.”

It was a struggle, but between the two of us we managed to lift Billy into the back seat of the BMW. I dreaded to think what the hire company would say when JJ handed back the car. It would reek of alcohol.

“I’m not sure what Julie is going to say when we take him to the flat,” I said.

“We can’t take him back to your place. It wouldn’t be fair on Julie.”

“Where then?”

“To my place.”

“Are you sure?”

JJ nodded.

“We’ll have to take him in the back way.” JJ parked in the basement car park.

It was the first time I'd visited JJ’s apartment. The front reception was manned by a concierge. There was no way we could have taken Billy in that way.

“What if someone sees us?” I asked.

“They won’t. Come on—let’s get him into the lift.”

As we waited for the lift to arrive, I said a silent prayer that it would be empty. For once my prayer was answered.

“Second floor.” JJ said. I was nearest to the controls.

As I watched the numbers on the panel light up, I hoped the lift wouldn’t stop en-route. It didn’t. The doors opened on the second floor; the corridor was empty.

“Second on the left,” JJ said.

“Where shall we put him?”

“Straight into the bath. The bathroom is over there.”

It took both of us to get Billy undressed. His clothes were disgusting, and without them he smelled even worse. We didn’t dare leave Billy alone in the bath because he was drifting in and out of consciousness.

“Are you all right with him for a minute?” JJ asked.

“Yeah.” I was holding Billy’s head so he didn’t flop face first into the water.

JJ returned two minutes later with two champagne glasses and a bottle.

“I don’t drink.”

“It’s okay,” JJ said. “It’s alcohol-free. It was meant to celebrate our first night together.”

“How did you know I would suggest we come back here?”

“I didn’t, but I lived in hope.” He poured two glasses and passed one to me.

“To us.”

This isn't how I'd pictured tonight playing out.

I bathed Billy, and then we dressed him in t-shirt and shorts. By the time we'd tucked him into the bed in the spare room, both JJ and I were exhausted.

“A night to remember,” JJ said.

“For all the wrong reasons. I’m sorry you had to do this.”

“It isn’t a problem.”

“It’s kind of spoiled the atmosphere. I don’t think I can... ”

“Don’t worry. We'll have plenty of nights together.”

“Promise?”

JJ took my hand. “I promise. I’d better run you back home.”

“What about Billy?”

“He'll be okay.”

“What if he takes off again?”

“He won’t. I’m going to get him some help.”

“What kind of help?”

“There’s a clinic.”

“A private clinic?”

“Yes. It’s about thirty miles away.”

“There’s no money for a private clinic.”

“You’re forgetting something. I’m a millionaire now.”

“I can’t take your money.”

“I’m not giving you my money. I’m paying the fees for a friend.”

“You barely know Billy.”

“Megan. Let me do this—please.”

JJ dropped me at the flat. He didn’t come up because he didn’t want to leave Billy alone for any longer than necessary. When I walked in, Julie was in the living room, sharing my chocolate digestives with her sister.

“Megs? I didn’t expect you back yet.”

“So I see. Hi, Janet.”

“Megan.” Janet nodded, but didn’t smile. She was the oldest of the three siblings—a recently qualified solicitor, she was as different from Julie as it was possible to be.