Bad For Me (11 page)

“Goodnight, JJ.”

“Megan. What about my cup of tea?”

“The kettle is in the kitchen. Good night, JJ.”

I’m not sure how I found the resolve to walk away. It would've been so easy to stay with him. So very easy.

********************

“Did you really say you were his girlfriend?” Julie said. We were both in her bed.

“Only so they wouldn't turn me away.”

“What's going on between you two?”

“Nothing.”

“JJ doesn't seem to think it's nothing. I don't want you to hurt him.”

“Me hurt JJ?” I sat up in bed. “Are you serious? According to you, he's the one who has a different girl every month.”

“He's changed. I don't know what happened over the last year, but he seems different.”

“How?”

“I can't put my finger on it. He seems more serious... ”

“Serious? JJ? Are you kidding? He's always fooling around—teasing me.”

“If you'd known him back then, you would've known what I mean. Like the other night at Dandy's when he came the big brother act. He would never have done that. He used to play the field—I mean really play the field. He was always with a different girl. I don't understand how he could have changed so much.”

“He's older. Maybe he's just grown up.”

“I guess so. I never thought he would. What about you? How do you really feel about him?”

“Honestly—I don't know. He drives me crazy, but when I heard about the car crash, and I thought he might be... Look—I don't know.”

You need to make your mind up. I've never seen JJ as obsessed with anyone as he is with you. If you're really not interested, you've got to let him know.”

“I've tried telling him.”

“No, you haven't. Even I can tell that your mouth is saying one thing, but your eyes are saying something totally different.

I didn't know what to say. Was she right? Was I really giving out mixed messages? What did I want? What did JJ want? One minute he was flirting with me—the next, he gave me the cold shoulder. Why did life have to be so complicated?

Neither of us spoke again. Ten minutes later, Julie began to snore. It took me ages to get to sleep. I could pretend it was because I was sleeping in an unfamiliar bed or blame Julie's snoring. The truth was I was thinking about JJ, who was lying in a bed no more than a few feet away.

When I woke the next morning, it took me a few seconds to get my bearings. Julie had already got up. It was nine o' clock! I was just about to panic when I realised it was Saturday. I somehow summoned enough energy to fall out of bed, and crawl into the living room.

“How’s JJ?” I asked.

“He’s gone.” Julie was watching a kids' programme on TV while eating Shredded Wheat.

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

I heard him moving around at about six. I tried to get him to stay, but he wasn’t having any of it. He said he had an important meeting. He called a taxi. “

“Did he seem okay?”

“Yeah—good as new.” She flicked through the TV channels, and settled on one that sold jewellery. “I was surprised you were still in my bed when I woke up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you might have sneaked in with JJ during the night.”

I scowled at her as I switched on the kettle.

“Do you want another cup of tea?”

“Yes please. Megan?”

“Yeah?”

Julie hesitated.

“About what I said last night.”

“I haven't had chance to think about it... ”

“I shouldn't have said anything. It wasn't fair to put you on the spot like that.”

“It's okay. You were right. I need to sort things out.”

We didn't hear from JJ for the rest of the day, so the next morning, Julie phoned him to check how he was. She said he sounded fine, but they didn’t talk for long because he had to leave for another meeting.

Chapter 21

By Monday morning, I'd made a decision. I was keen to talk to JJ before I started work, so I took an earlier bus. A black BMW was in his parking space—presumably he had it on hire while his car was being repaired. If I had allowed myself time to think, I might have lost my nerve, so I went straight to his office. In my head, I ran through all of the things I planned to say. I took a deep breath, and knocked on his door.

“Come in.”

“Hi.”

“Megan? What are you doing here at this hour? Couldn't you sleep?”

“I caught an earlier bus. How’s your head?”

“It’s fine.”

“Can we talk?”

“That sounds ominous. Am I going to like this?”

I shrugged.

“Sit down.” JJ looked nervous.

“Julie had a go at me on Friday night.” I began.

“You shouldn't take any notice of Julie.”

“Let me finish. This is hard for me.”

“Sorry. Carry on.”

“She said I was sending you mixed messages. She said I should let you know, once and for all, where you stood.”

“It's fine,” JJ said. “You don't need to... ”

“I want to. I can't carry on like this.”

“Megan, you don't have to say... ”

“I have feelings for you.” Somehow, I'd got the words out.

“What?” He looked confused—surprised even. “You do?” He was smiling now. “Wow! I thought you were going to say... Never mind. You know how I feel about you.”

“Not really.”

“You must do.”

“I’m never sure if you’re being serious or just fooling around.”

“Megan. Look at me. I’m being deadly serious. I've never felt this way about anyone. I love you.”

“How can you?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t even know it was possible. I just know that it’s true.”

“It’s difficult for me to trust… ”

“You can trust me. I promise I'll never let you down.”

“I want to believe you,” I said.

“Then do it. Trust me. What do you have to lose?”

“Everything.”

He reached across the desk, and put his hand on mine.

“Can I kiss you?”

I nodded.

As he walked around the desk, I could hardly breathe. When his lips touched mine, I thought my whole body would explode. I'd never felt so happy or so scared in all of my life.

“We have to take this slowly,” I said—still trembling inside. “I know I can come over as a confident, mouthy bitch, but that’s not the real me. This is all new to me. I'm not experienced like you. Julie told me you’ve had lots of girlfriends.”

“Thanks, Julie.”

“I’ve never had a
real
relationship before.”

“Never?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t even admitted that to Julie.

“Slow is fine by me.” He kissed me again. A gentle kiss on the lips, which I wished would last forever. “What about Julie?”

I didn’t know what he meant.

“Do we tell her?” he said.

“She’ll know—trust me.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

********************

“Megan? Are you okay?” Caroline asked.

“Yeah—fine. Why?”

“I’ve never seen anyone so happy at their work.”

“Sorry. I was miles away.” I hadn’t realised I was smiling.

“Did you read the memo?”

“Which memo?”

“The one that’s been on your desk for the last hour.”

“Whoops. Sorry.”

The memo from JJ was addressed to all members of staff. It was brief and rather vague, but essentially requested everyone attend a meeting in the large conference room at four pm.

“What’s the meeting about?” I asked.

“I thought you might have known,” Caroline said.

“I’ve no idea.”

“It must be about the sale. That’s what everyone seems to think. This doesn’t look good.”

“JJ wouldn’t do anything to hurt the staff.”

“If someone is waving millions of pounds in front of his nose, who knows what he'll do. If someone offered me a million, I’d take it in a heartbeat. I couldn’t blame him if he did the same.”

JJ hadn’t said a thing to me about selling the company. The only time I’d mentioned the subject, he'd laughed it off. I couldn’t believe that he would dump all over the people who had helped him build up the business.

“Is everyone here?”

We were all in the main conference room. JJ was standing at the front of the room next to the whiteboard.

“Okay. I’m going to keep this brief. There’s been a lot of speculation that the company might be sold. I haven’t spoken to you before because there was nothing concrete to announce. Now there is.”

A mutter went around the room.

“An offer has been made for the company. A very generous offer, and one which I can't turn down.”

More muttering.

“There are a number of points I want to make. I’d be grateful if you would allow me to go through each of these, and then I’ll answer any questions you may have. Firstly, and most importantly—all of your jobs are safe. As part of the negotiations, I have an agreement written into the contract that anyone currently on the payroll cannot be made redundant for three years. If they are—they will receive the remainder of their three years' worth of salary in a lump sum. Secondly, the company is to retain its own identity—it will continue to trade as DraxSoft although it will become a division of the holding company. Finally, although I will no longer be involved with the day-to-day running of the business, I will be retained as a consultant for a period of three years.”

“What happens after three years?” Someone called from the back of the room.

“I don’t know. The company may continue as it is beyond three years, but that was the longest period that I could get written into the contract. And, let’s be realistic, there are very few jobs which offer job security indefinitely. Any other questions?”

After the last of the questions, I walked back to the office with Caroline.

“What do you think?” I said.

“I’d have preferred the company hadn’t been sold, but I think JJ did the best for us he could.”

That seemed to be the consensus from the room as far as I could make out.

“It’s going to make JJ a very wealthy man,” Caroline said, as she fed coins into the vending machine. “I hope it doesn’t change him.”

I hadn’t given a thought to the money. No figures had been discussed, but from what I’d heard in and around the office before today, the speculation was the company would sell for several million. I wondered why JJ hadn’t mentioned this when I'd been in his office that morning.

********************

JJ insisted on giving me a lift back to the flat after work.

“How did they take the news in the office?” he asked.

“Okay, I think. I didn’t hear any negative comments.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t mention it to you this morning.”

“That’s okay. It’s business—I understand. I’m glad you didn’t tell me. I would've felt awful if I’d have known about it before the others. I’m a bit worried about what kind of reaction I'll get when people know that we're an item.”

“Say that again.” JJ smiled.

“What?”

“Say '
we are an item
'. I like the sound of it.” He put his hand on my knee.

“Caroline said you’re going to be rich.”

“Is that why you agreed to go out with me?”

“No! I didn’t even know... ”

“I’m joking.”

“I knew that.”

“I’ll come in with you.” JJ took my hand.

I tried to remember the last time I'd walked hand-in-hand with someone. It must have been with my mum or maybe my dad—when I was a little kid. It felt strange; it felt awkward. It felt good.

“Megan, did you remember the milk?” Julie shouted from the kitchen.

“Shit! Sorry, I forgot all...”

“Whoa!” Julie appeared—her jaw dropped as she saw us hand-in-hand. “About bloody time too. You two have been driving me crazy. Come here.”

Julie hugged and kissed first me, and then JJ.

“You better look after her or I’ll chop your balls off and feed them to you.”

“When did you get such a potty mouth, sis?”

“I mean it.”

“I know, and I will.” JJ kissed me.

“Gross!” Julie said. “I’m thrilled for you both, but you’ve got to keep this away from me. It creeps me out watching my big brother and my best friend sucking each other’s lips off.”

She pretended to shudder.

“Anyway, big bro. I hear you’re rich now, so how about you buy me a sports car?”

“Where did you hear about the sale?”

“I have my sources.  So, when are you two going out on your first official date?”

“Tonight,” I said.

“Anywhere nice?”

“Along the embankment. We’re looking for Billy,” JJ said.

“You really know how to spoil a girl,” Julie laughed.