Beautifully Broken (20 page)

My throat tensed as I
thought about Raylon. I knew it was inevitable, me telling him about Raylon and
our relationship, but I couldn’t bring myself to crush him so soon. I swallowed
past the tightness in my throat before telling Gray about my life.

“Not a whole lot. You know,
school, work, friends.” I smiled wanting to avoid talking about myself, but
Gray wouldn’t let that happen.

“Bennett, it’s been almost
four years. I’m sure more has happened than that.” I want to know about
all
of
it,
everything
I missed.”

His smile was infectious. I
took in a deep breath and started at the beginning.  I told him how I
ended up needing to stay in the hospital for a few days after Hannah had called
the ambulance. I even found myself admitting to him, how I prayed for him to
show up at the hospital. He flinched at knowing he
should
have
been there. I skipped over the part about Raylon showing up in his place. I
wasn’t ready to go there quite yet. I went into detail about how hard it was
for me, to come to the decision to sell my childhood home because of the
proximity to him and his mother.

His eyes glanced over my
features, waiting for some sort of reaction but I gave nothing away. I vaguely
brushed over my bout with depression, not wanting his pity or apologies. I lead
into school and eventually into work. I told him all about Johnny and my fellow
co-workers. I told him how much I absolutely loved my job and how I felt at
home when I was there. His expression grew lighter and I heard him exhale, what
I could only assume was a sigh of relief.

He asked if I had made any
friends at school and I simply nodded while sipping my wine. We ordered our
meals and then he continued with the barrage of questions.

“So, have you dated anyone?”
His eyes stayed focused on the napkin in his lap.

My breath caught in my
throat as I prepared my answer. “I did for a little bit, yes.” I inwardly
cringed at the thought of having to tell him it was Raylon.

“Do you not want to tell
me?” Disappointment flashed across his softened features.

“Not really,” I admitted.
“But, I will if you really want to know.”

His hand gripped the tall
water glass in front of him. I knew he didn’t really want to hear that I had
been with anyone else, but he
needed
to know.

“I do.”

“Well, I actually ran into
him when Hannah and I went on vacation. We went to Italy for a month and Greece
for a week the summer after...well, you know.” He nodded.

“So, you finally went on
your dream vacation, huh?” I could hear the jealousy dripping from his words.
His oppressed look broke my heart. He was wishing he had been with me and not
Hannah.

“Yeah, I did. Needless to
say, we had a good time. Greece was a last minute decision towards the end and
we only stayed for a week. Our last night there, Hannah ran into Theo. He was
actually the paramedic that found me that day.” I glanced up at him, making
sure he was okay with me continuing. I could see the pained expression on his
face but I pushed through. “Raylon was with him.” I paused as I saw his jaw
tightened at the mention of Raylon’s name. “We all flew back together the
following day, and then we all started hanging out. We started dating shortly
after.” My face fell along with my heart.

“That’s it?” His voice was
deep and gruff in my ear. “Are you two still together?” I could hear the anger
in his tone.

I tucked my hair behind my
ear, trying to avoid the question. Honestly, I didn’t know where Raylon and I
stood. I hadn’t seen him in weeks and could only assume that we were done.

“Bennett, answer me,” he
growled.

“No Gray! Raylon and I are
not together anymore.” I tried to hide my irritation but it wasn’t that easy.
Our food showed up a minute later. I unrolled my silverware and placed the
maroon cloth napkin on my lap. “Can we not talk about it anymore, please?” I
was praying he would just let it go, before the conversation took a turn for
the worse.

“I guess so.” He mumbled
into his forkful of food.

“How’s your mom doing?” I
needed to change the subject fast. I pushed my spaghetti aimlessly around my
plate waiting for his answer.

“She’s doing good. She moved
shortly after you did. She said she wasn’t strong enough to stay next to
strangers in a house that was too familiar to her.” He let out a sigh. “We don’t
talk much.” I could feel the tension rising from the table as he spoke about
his mother.

“Bennett, I know about you
and Raylon!”

My jaw went slack and I
choked on a noodle. My fork clattered on the plate and I reached for my glass
to clear my throat. His hand caught mine just before I pulled the glass to my
lips. His eyes caught mine and pulled them up to his face.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
said it like that. Were you going to tell me?” There was no trace of pity or
disgust in his look, only pain.

“No,” I stated
matter-of-factly. It’s nothing to concern yourself with.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me
something like that?” I could hear the hurt laced around his words.

“It’s none of your concern,
Gray.”

“I think it is Bennett. I
deserve to know the truth.” His hand instinctively reached for mine but I
pulled mine back quickly, bringing it to my lap. “Is this how things are going
to be between us?” Sorrow wrapped around me. How had he found out? “I didn’t
know you had sold your house until I came home from the academy. My mom never
called and told me. I’m thankful for it now, but I was livid when I found out.
My mom and I stopped talking shortly after. The reasons aren’t important. She
moved to New York to be closer to my aunt and we haven’t seen each other in
about two years. After we sold the house, I took the job in Boston. I couldn’t
let things go between us. I made sure to keep an eye on you.”

I forced myself to eat my
dinner as I listened to Gray prattle on about meaningless actions that he
thought were protecting me. Little did he know, that if he
had
been
keeping a close eye, things wouldn’t have gotten as bad as they had.

“I couldn’t find much on you
the first year I was gone. You laid low and nothing strange popped up. I
reached a point where I was borderline obsessing over every little thing I
would hear about you. I had to stop myself and try to move on. I’m sorry I ever
tried. I found out about the first incident with Raylon shortly after I
transferred back here a year ago.” He paused and I looked up at him.

He ran a finger across my
full bottom lip, sending every nerve pulsing. I
needed
him more than
anything in that moment. He knew my darkest secret and wasn’t judging. He
didn’t care what both of us had gone through to get to this point and neither
did I. All that mattered was that we found our way to each other again.

Wait! Did he just say he
moved back a year ago?

“I thought you said you just
got back a month ago? I’m confused.”

The look on his face held
more meaning than I could have known. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, but I
also didn’t want you thinking I was some creepy stalker. Although, now that I
think about it, that’s exactly what this looks like.” He loud laugh rumbled
through his chest.

I left dinner feeling
lighter. I told Gray about all, okay most of the physical abuse I had endured.
At first he blamed himself, but I quickly squashed that. There was no reason that
both of us should blame ourselves. I never went too deep into details, knowing
that he already knew. There were certain things Gray never brought up and I
wondered if it was because he didn’t know. Raylon’s abuse went far beyond just
slapping me around, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Gray. He would never
want me again knowing the things Raylon had done to me. I would keep those tiny
fragments of information to myself. I knew that they weren’t public record, but
Gray wasn’t just part of the general public.

The snow had begun to fall
as we walked out to the car. Gray was helping me down the sidewalk to the
passenger door when I stopped mid stride. I stood staring blankly into the dark
overgrown trees across the street. He stood there, just staring at me, arms
flexed with his hands in his front pockets. Gray caught me just as I was about
to slip.

“Hey, you okay?” He slipped
his sturdy arm around my waist, pulling me into him. I dropped my gaze to the
street and back up. He was gone. “Bennett? Is everything okay?”

I swallowed past the fear
that was inching its way up my throat. “Yeah, I’m fine just lost my footing.
Let’s go, I’m freezing.” I slid into the car holding my breath. I watched Gray
round the front of the car and I sank deeper into my seat with regret. I knew
what I was going to have to do.

Minutes later, we were
headed back to the house. I held Gray’s hand in my lap the whole way back, not
wanting to let go of him. When we pulled into my driveway I feigned being sick.
I promised Gray I would call him in the morning. I thanked him for one of the
most amazing nights of my life and pulled myself to the front door. I turned
with a slight wave and pushed open the thick piece of oak. I quietly shut the
door behind me, pressing my body against the solid comfort.

My eyes fluttered open just
as Hannah was passing through the kitchen. “Hey, how did it go? You’re home
early, so I’m going to assume, bad?” Her questioning gaze made the dam break.
Big fat tears rolled endlessly down my cheeks. Hannah ran to my side and led me
over to the couch. All I could do was shake my head back and forth. No words
left my mouth and Hannah never pushed for any.

Theo came into the living
room awhile later, Hannah just waved him off and we were once again alone. “Do
you want to talk about it?”

“He knows about Raylon.” My
tears had since dried and I was in full on preservation mode.

“Everything?” she whispered.

I shook my head, “just the
hitting.” I swallowed hard.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t want to, but being
without him has been excruciating. What am I supposed to do Hannah? He’ll never
look at me the same.” Tears began pooling in my eyes again.

“Oh Hon, you know Gray would
never do that. It’s not in his character to judge you. After all this time and
everything you two have been through, I think he deserves
all
of
the truth.” Her arm that was draped around my shoulders pulled me in close to
her side. “He will love you, regardless.”

“How can you love someone
knowing they stayed with someone who repeatedly raped and abused them?” I
whispered.

I heard the gasp before I
lifted my face to see him standing in the doorway. I was thrown into a fit of
hysterics as he ran to my side. I buried my face into the crook of his neck as
I felt Hannah’s weight lift from the couch. He never asked any questions. He
just sat holding me as tight as humanly possible. I let the tears pour out of
my face, as he rubbed small comforting circles across my back.

I didn’t know what time it
was when he carried me into my room, and I didn’t care. He laid me on the bed
and tried to back away, but my grip was unrelenting. “Please don’t leave me.” I
silently begged.

“Oh Bennett, I will never
leave you. I promise.”

“You say that now, but you
don’t know what he is capable of.”

“I
know
what
I
am capable of, that’s all that matters. I’m never
going to let him hurt you again,” he whispered into my hair before planting a
chaste kiss against my forehead.

“You don’t understand Gray,
there have been times when even Theo couldn’t stop him. He will stop at nothing
to keep you away from me.” I pulled him into me on the bed, “I saw him
tonight.”