Beautifully Broken (17 page)

“You really shouldn’t Miss.
We need to make sure there is no permanent damage.” His tone was pleading but I
didn’t want to go through the embarrassing trip to the hospital.

“Look, I can move my hands.”
I wiggled my fingers to demonstrate. “I can feel my legs, so there is no spine
damage. My head barely hurts, I’m fine.” The last part was a lie. My head felt
like someone took a baseball bat to it, repeatedly.

His hands moved from the
side of my face to my shoulders. He put his weight behind his biceps, helping
me into a sitting position. My spine felt stiff but I suffered through it.
“Thank you.”

His hands slid under my
armpits to help me stand when I heard Theo interject, “I’ll take it from here.”
I was relieved to not have to keep up the charade; Theo knew I wasn’t going to
go to the hospital.

The police questioned me for
a few minutes, asking if I wanted to press charges against Raylon. I refused to
do it, knowing that it would be much worse after a night in jail. One squad car
escorted us home, while the other took Raylon to his buddy’s house in the next
town over. Hannah never left my side. She wrapped her arm so tightly around my
waist that I was finding hard to breathe. I let her walk me into my bathroom
and then put my hand up to tell her to let me be. She protested a bit but
retreated back into my room to let me shower by myself.

I let the scalding hot water
run over my rigid body. The burning sensation helped numb every facet of me.
Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was a disappointed Gray. I knew
exactly what he would think of me, if he could see what I was putting up with.
Regardless of how Gray and I ended up, knowing how disappointed he would be
shook me to my core.

I must have stayed in the
shower ten minutes too long because Hannah was rapping at the door minutes
later. “Han, chill out. I will be done in five minutes.” I huffed as I turned
off the faucet and wrapped my towel around my body.

I glanced up in mirror and
instantly regretted it. My lip and jaw were covered in black and purple. My
right eye had a decent sized gash, running the length of my eyebrow. I skimmed
my finger across my cheekbone, where a new bruise was now starting to form. Why
couldn’t he stay away from my damn face? At least people wouldn’t look at me
with their judgmental stares, when it was on my body. I dropped my hands onto
the cool porcelain and gripped the sides as hard as I could.

I was done! There was
nothing left for him to break down. He had demolished any semblance of what
should be my soul. I wanted
me
back. When I cracked open the door, I spotted Hannah
sitting on the edge of my bed. Her face was shattered. She looked dismal and I
knew this was my entire fault. I was praying that she would forgive me, for
putting her and Theo in this position. I tucked the towel under my arm and
limped my way over to where she sat. I scooted next to her without saying a
word. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. I didn’t want her to hate me, though
she couldn’t possibly hate me more than I already hated myself.

I lightly pressed a comforting
hand to her back, “Hannah?”

“Yeah?” I caught her swiping
the back of her hand across her face, catching a free falling tear. My heart
was breaking.

“Hannah, I am
so
sorry
for what happened. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. I completely understand
if you don’t want to talk to me. I-” She cut me off before I could finish my
apology.

“Bennett, are you stupid?
This wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for
any
of this. If that
asshole Raylon would have just stayed away, everything would have been fine.”
She was now pacing back and forth in front of me. It was her way of dealing
with stress. “I can’t believe you would think that I hated
you.
I’m warning you though Bennett, I swear to God, if I
ever
see
him again, I
will
kill him.”

I didn’t doubt anything,
Hannah was saying. “I know Han, I believe you.” I reached for her hand to pull
her into me. “How could I have fucked up my whole life, with one hasty
decision?” I whispered into her shoulder.

We sat there holding each
other for quite a while. Theo eventually came in to see if we were doing okay.
He took in our embrace and left closing the door behind him. Hannah helped me
stand up and get dressed. I was in far more pain than I lead on but Hannah
wasn’t stupid, she knew me better than that. She brought me some Ibuprofen and
tucked me into bed. Her lips brushed against my forehead and I thanked my lucky
stars that I had someone like her. I met her gaze with a shaky smile as she
turned out the light and closed my door. All I wanted to do was sleep,
forever.

I sauntered into the coffee
shop down the street with a renewed sense of self worth. The bruises on my face
hadn’t completely vanished yet, but they were easily covered with makeup,
making them almost unnoticeable. It had been five weeks since I had seen Raylon
that night. He never came back to the house and no contact was made. Though he
had physically vanished, I could still feel his presence in everything that I
did. I knew what he was capable of, and I couldn’t let my guard down, not for a
second.

I ordered my usual and
headed out to the metal tables outside. The weather was colder now that we were
halfway into November but it was still warm enough to be outside, well on most
days. I sipped my latte and smiled. Hannah and I were hanging out almost
everyday and Theo and I were getting closer every day. He had turned into my
safety blanket in a sense over the last month. I started having nightmares
after Raylon’s altercation, and mine but they were slowly subsiding.

I pushed my sunglasses up
the bridge of my nose, when I caught sight of an all too familiar face walking
in my direction. My breath hitched in my throat and I was finding it difficult
to breathe. My heart was beating out of my chest. I nervously ran my fingers
through my dark auburn tendrils. My palms started to sweat as he creped closer.
I took another sip from my cup trying not to let him notice me, noticing him.

“Bennett?” God his voice was
as smooth as butter. I could have died happy the moment my name rolled off of
his tongue.

I turned and caught the sun
gleaming off of his perfectly straight white smile. “Gray?” What the Hell was
he doing here? The sun danced across his copper hair that was now cut extremely
short on the sides but still longer on top. He looked
so
different.
He looked older, more refined. Damn, he was still just as gorgeous if not more
so now. His voice broke through my revelry not a minute too soon.

“I honestly didn’t think I
would find you.” He was shielding his eyes from the sun and they captured me
immediately. They were like a tractor beam pulling me in.

I cleared my throat. “Were
you looking for me?” I knew it was a stupid question the minute I asked. Why
would he
ever
be looking for me? My eyes raked down his taught
muscular frame. He had definitely gotten bigger and filled out nicely with more
muscle tone. My eyes stopped on his chest, I noticed he was wearing my favorite
shirt. It was a dark gray, long sleeved, cotton tee that read ‘awesome’ across
the chest. My heart melted into my insides.

He sat himself down in the
metal chair across from me. “I was, actually. You look, well, you look amazing,
Bennett.” His smile broadened and I couldn’t help but smile in return.

I glanced down at my navy
cowl neck sweater and dark wash skinny jeans. I was suddenly thankful that I
had actually put myself together today. “Thanks Gray. I don’t mean to be rude
but why are you here?” I regretted it the minute the words came out of my
mouth. “I’m sorry. That was rude.” I blushed and reached for my drink, trying
to distract myself.

His hand touched mine and
the electricity surged between us. I pulled back; shocked at the way my body
still reacted to him.

“It’s okay Bennett. I get
it. I’ve wanted to come see you for a while now. It was actually Hannah, who
convinced me to finally follow through with it. I got into town about a month
ago but I-”

I looked up at him under the
blanket of lashes. Why did he have to stop talking? I didn’t know what to say
and my mouth was frozen in place. It had been years since seeing Gray and I was
feeling so many emotions, all at once. Anger was standing out amongst the rest
of them at the moment, so I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I would
regret later.

“I couldn’t bring myself to
see you. I know how that must sound to you but … I don’t know. I’m sorry I
shouldn’t have come.” He stood up to leave. It took everything inside of me not
to lunge for him; I needed to hear him talk.

My hand instinctively reached
for his and I gave it a little tug, “Please stay and talk to me.” I pulled my
hand back as I saw his eyes land on it. I didn’t know if I had offended him but
he sat back down in the chair. He seemed to visibly relax a bit before I opened
my mouth asking, what I knew would send him running for the hills. “Gray, can
you ever forgive me?” I closed my eyes tight, praying he would still be sitting
there when I opened them.

I felt his hand brush across
my cheek, “I already have.”

My eyes fluttered, trying to
comprehend what I had just heard. The words came out of his mouth, hitting me
full force. If I had standing, the overwhelming emotions floating through me
would have knocked me over. My enthusiasm wavered when I saw the forlorn look
on his face. So much for a happy moment. Was I really expecting him to swoop me
up into his arms, promising we could live happily ever after? I was suddenly
dying inside, again. This feeling of being inadequate was all too familiar. I
needed
to
walk away while my dignity was still in tact. I shook my head silently,
acknowledging his forgiveness. I pressed my palms onto the metal table pushing
myself up.

“I hope you know how sorry I
am Gray. There was no malicious intent when I did what I did. I was devastated,
knowing that I had pushed away the only man to ever accept me for me. Now that
you have forgiven me, maybe I can start to forgive myself.” I gathered my
belongings, pushing my purse strap onto my shoulder. I took one last look at
his radiant face, committing it to memory. “It was good to see you Gray.” I
turned on my heel to walk away, but his hand caught a hold of my arm. I
flinched at the tenderness I was still experiencing but pushed through it.

“Wait, maybe I’m a little
dense but why are you walking away from
me
?” He gently tugged at my forearm turning me towards
him. “I have to say this is not what I expected.” He dropped his grip on me and
pushed his hand back through his hair.

“What exactly were
you
expecting
Gray?” I couldn’t help the annoyance laced around my words.

“Damn it Bennett, I don’t
know, but not his. I guess I figured you would actually,
want
to
see me. Fuck! I mean it’s been almost four fucking years since we have even
seen each other. Do you really have nothing at all to say to me?”

“I-” Words were failing me.
I couldn’t think a single coherent thought. I wanted him to run to me, hold me,
tell me how much he loved and missed me. God, I wanted anything he was willing
to give me. I pushed my sunglasses up onto my head, wanting him to
see
the
longing in my eyes. I was grasping for something tangible, as he still had the
ability to send my world, crumbling around me. Our eyes met with burning
passion.

“I’m sorry Bennett. I mean
truly sorry, for everything. I did so many things wrong. I should have been
there for you. I should have bulldozed my way back into your life, long before
now. I can’t breathe without you. You were my
whole
life for so long.
I know I was wrong but fuck; you all but ripped my heart out. I just wanted to
be a factor in your decision. I wanted the chance to
have
a
choice.” His eyes were locked on mine, barely blinking.

“I’m sorry Gray. I should
have given you the option to say yes or no. I know what I took from you and I
will never forgive myself for that. You can’t make me feel any worse, than I
already do.” The wind had since picked up and I was hugging my arms to chest,
trying to stay warm. “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Gray. I
honestly hope that you are. I have to go.” I turned and darted off in the
direction of the house. I couldn’t bring myself to expel any more tears, for
Gray Weston. I was all cried out.