Beauty in Disguise (21 page)

“Lord Dalton asked your permission to marry me?”

Her father lay back, his breathing more labored now. She would have to get that answer at a later time. Right now she prayed for the time to make peace with her father. “I love you with all my heart, Kathryn, and there is nothing to forgive. I have lived so many years in fear for you.” It seemed he knew he would not be able to talk much longer. He was making every word count. So she began to tell him about her life at Dinsmore Manor so he would lie back and relax. She told him of Lacey and Jacob, and he smiled at her often.

“Now tell me how you are, Father, and always the truth. We are starting over.” She tried to put every ounce of love into her smile.

“I will tell you, then, that I might not have been here today if not for Lord Dalton. Did he tell you about our visit? It was touch and go for me only last week. I feared I had few days left. But we spoke of you for hours. What a special, God-fearing man he is, Kathryn. I wish that for you.”

She did not want to disappoint him on their first day together, so she led him away from that subject. “Father, I must go back to resign my position, but may I return? Will you let me care for you?” She did not tell him it would be in her disguise when necessary. She would no more sully his good name than she would...anyone’s.

“My darling, this is your home. Our home. You belong here for a time, and I will never turn you away.” He coughed, but it was not in distress; it was to clear his throat. “Kathryn, before we let go of the past, I need to know that you have come out of your...experiences all right. I did not know anything, though I searched and searched for you.” He held her hand up to his cheek. “I do not know if Lord Dalton told me everything. I am sure he spared me details he thought might overpower me. But you need to give me your word that you have survived all that has happened to you.” His voice broke. “I have worried for so long, and it seems I was right to.”

“Father, the past is the past. We are starting over, remember?”

“I hope someday you will share that time of your life with me, but I will not press you today.”

“The most important thing for you to know is that when there was no one else, Miss Matty was always there.”

“I am forever in her debt. Do you think she will come here and allow me to thank her in person?”

“Father, that would be my greatest wish. I was hoping you might do something of a monetary nature for her. No amount could ever repay her for what she did for me, but I would like her to know she will never be in need of anything for the rest of her life. She will have her cottage and a nest egg, so she need not work any longer, and she would be available to visit us any time. Is that something you would do for her?”

“My girl, of course, of course. But more importantly, it is what you can do for her. You seem to have forgotten that you are wealthy in your own right. How I wished for some sign of you so I could get you back, never again to worry whether you had enough to eat.”

“If that is still the case, then that is the first thing I will do. And Father, I wish to have Lacey and Jacob visit us when you are better. Would that be acceptable to you? I cannot lose them now.”

“My darling, it is your home. You may do as you wish. It would be wonderful to have little ones around to keep me young. I wait longingly for the day you have your own.”

She would not cry now! Knowing her future did not hold that blessing was so very hard, but she had her father back, and she would be able to watch Jacob and Lacey grow until they became tired of visiting her.

“I will let you rest, but I would know how your doctors are treating this. I know you will think me an interfering daughter, but I wish to nurse you when your doctors are not here.”

“Did Dalton not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Ah, the man is humble, as well. I should have expected that.”

“I do not understand.”

“Your Lord Dalton found me very near death. He promised he would bring you, but I honestly did not know if I would be here or not.”

“Father...”

“I had to face the truth. I see Dalton shielded you from the worst.”

“It seems he did. But I would guess, since he did not yet know the true state of things, he did not want me to think the worst.” She loved him for that. “So what has wrought this improvement? Or do you shield me from it, as well?”

“No, my dear, no more. I knew I was dying. There did not seem to be anything to do but wait. Dalton had other ideas.” He chuckled at the remembrance. “He cleaned house, to be sure!”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“He had Hendrick and Donaldson hopping! Asked them how I was supposed to breathe clean air when all of the windows were closed tight. He even complained about the curtains being closed. He wanted to know how my pallor would improve with no sunlight. They were shocked indeed, but by Jove, they did his bidding.”

He turned a little more serious. “The next day, a gentleman arrived with a note from Lord Dalton. He asked permission for Dr. Walker, that was the gentleman, to house himself here and handle the overseeing of my treatment. He didn’t believe the quacks handling my case were as informed about pneumonia as his man was.” He lay back against the pillows again, and Kathryn could see the tiredness in his face.

“I have not felt this good in a long while, my child. It has only been a short time, but Dr. Walker tells me I can try getting up little by little over the next few weeks to see how I do. He thinks the more I do, the sooner I will get better.”

“Father, I am so glad. But even I can see you are worn out. I have tired you. Now lie back and try to get some sleep.”

“Will you leave now?”

“I must go back to Trotton to tell Lady Dinsmore in person that I will be leaving her employ. I must go to them as they know me, so I will not bring notoriety to them in any way. And I must say goodbye to the children. But I will be home within a few days.” She choked back tears. “I have only just found you. I will not lose you again.”

“Please tell Lord Dalton thank you, if I am not to see him again today. He brought me back to life, and he brought you back to me. I am indebted to him.”

“I will tell him. Now sleep.”

Kathryn left the room slowly, almost afraid to stop looking at him. He would not die, because Lord Dalton had taken the time to care. When she opened the door to leave, his valet was there, ready to attend him.

“God bless you, Hendrick, for your loyalty and care of my father. It can never be repaid.”

“It was Lord Dalton’s doing, miss. Without Dr. Walker, I don’t know where we’d be now.”

“But you have been with him always. I cannot thank you enough. Do you think we can set up a meeting with Dr. Walker so I may introduce myself and find out how I can best help him?”

“Yes, my lady, whenever you say.”

“Thank you, Hendrick. Thank all the staff for me, please. I can never repay you all for your loyalty to us these many years. Even when I was a little girl, I knew which of you might sneak me a treat or let me stay up later. I will never forget, I promise.” Her heart was full. “I have learned something of a servant’s lot over the past few years. You will never be servants again. You will always be part of the family.”

“We have always felt part of the family, miss. Between your mother, father and you, we knew we were blessed to be here.”

Kathryn hugged his neck. “I will return in a few days to take up residence again. Keep your watchful eye on him.”

“Your return will be a joyous occasion, miss. For all of us.”

“Hendrick, can I ask one more question before I leave you to my father? Do you know where I might find Lord Dalton?”

“He is in the green room, I believe.”

How could she ever repay Lord Dalton for reuniting her with her father? Even more, how could she thank him for saving his life?

Chapter Fifteen

K
athryn’s tears began to flow as she walked down the stairs to the green drawing room and she saw him standing by the fireplace looking into the flames. When he heard her he turned, and she walked straight into his arms, throwing her own around his neck. She knew he was surprised, but it did not stop him from wrapping his arms around her and holding her like he would never let go. She whispered in his ear, “Thank you, my lord. Thank you so much for everything. I am sorry I was so blue-deviled before. I have been so unhappy for so long.”

He did not say anything. He just held her. She knew she had overstepped her bounds, but words were not enough.

She slowly pulled away from him, blushing as she straightened her gown, sure she had embarrassed him beyond measure.

“Let me fetch my cloak, and I will be ready to go when the carriage is brought around. I fear I have stayed too long. It will get us back much later than I had intended.”

A little while later, he handed her into the coach after her tearful goodbyes to the servants. She leaned back against the squabs, closing her eyes for a few moments. She was emotionally spent, but happy.

He had not spoken since she had unabashedly thrown herself at him. They rode along in silence for quite some time. But there was something now that she must know. She opened her eyes, and he sat staring at her intensely with a furrowed brow. He had every right to be displeased, but she supposed it would not matter when she broached this subject.

“My lord?”

“Yes, Kathryn.”

“You needed to ask me about Salford on our way here—you needed to hear the truth from me.” She rushed on before he could say anything. “May I now ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why did you not tell me you had asked my father’s permission to marry me in London?”

He let out an audible sigh, but she could not read his expression to know what it meant. He was silent for a few moments.

“Because I did not know how.” He now put up his hand to ward off
her
comments. “When I left Trotton after discovering it was you, all I thought about was my feelings. I was selfish and I was mean because I still harbored such bitterness. It was easier for me to believe I was the only one that suffered.” He shook his head and muttered, “What a fool.”

The carriage was in and out of the shadows now as late afternoon settled upon it. “When I walked away in anger, that was the only emotion I could latch onto. And while I was gone, I let that anger grow out of control until I wanted to hurt you as I had been hurt. That is when I made my decision to return to Dinsmore Manor. I cannot think about it without wondering at myself. I claim to be a godly man—even if I discovered you had hurt me on purpose, I should have been the one to turn the other cheek.”

“My lord, we have been over this. It is in the past. You have apologized, and I have accepted that apology.”

“Have you forgiven me, Kathryn? Or have you merely decided to accept the hands of fate and move on?”

“I do not know how to answer that. I fear my understanding of forgiveness has become somewhat cloudy over the past nine years. But that is beside the point. I do not blame you for your actions, so there is really nothing to forgive.”

“I see.” He ran his fingers through his hair in what she now recognized as a habit indicating frustration. She hated to see it.

“My lord, it is over and done with. Please forget I asked about it at all.”

“I cannot. Since the night I tried to embarrass you at dinner, in front of the Dinsmores, I have been reminded—convicted by my own part in what happened to you. I have been trying to find the right time...the right words...to confess that action to you.

“But when you told me about Salford, when you told me how he convinced you I did not care for you, I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive myself.”

He sat up straighter, and he spoke more forcefully. “When I talked to your father, I knew he must be concerned about how young you were. I thought to convince him of the sincerity of my feelings for you by moving slowly, giving you time to enjoy yourself and giving you time to get to know me. I hoped that by the end of the Season, you would choose me over anyone else you met.”

This time she closed her eyes at the misunderstandings and cross-purposes that had played a part in that Season.

“If I had told you that I had talked to your father, that good-for-nothing Salford would never have been able to convince you I did not care.” He barely stopped for breath. “Do you still think it was
you
who made the mistake? I came back to Trotton with vengeance in my heart, and I have learned that I played the major part in allowing the cur to do nothing short of abducting you.”

“Lord Dalton—”

“No. I am glad your father told you. But I will never know if I would have been man enough to confess it on my own.”

“Lord Dalton, I forgive you.”

He wanted to believe her. By her own admission, her understanding of full forgiveness had been lost to her somewhere along the way. She felt that she did not deserve it because of what she had done. Then, accepting the fact that none would give it to
her,
she gave it freely to him.

He did believe her.

* * *

Later that night, Dalton sat in the library again at Dinsmore Manor, a half-filled glass of port sitting on the Queen Anne table next to him. He had not seen Kathryn after they returned home, and dinner had seemed interminable. He feigned fatigue when the tea table arrived in the drawing room, and he had waited, quietly reading his Bible until the house was silent before coming down to the library for a drink.

He was tired. This day had taken him through a gamut of emotions he hadn’t even realized he was feeling.

They had not spoken again in the carriage. She had offered him forgiveness without a qualm. It touched him so much, he could not speak. He had made her suffer almost a fortnight before realizing he was no longer angry. And she gave forgiveness without question.

She made him drop her off at the lane where he had picked her up. He was tired of pretending. She had made up with her father. She was Lady Kathryn. But she would not listen. She did not wish to leave the Dinsmore family as anything other than Kate Montgomery. She had left her disguise in the gatehouse, and it seemed she donned it and went straight to her room upon their return. She did not even appear at dinner. Apparently, it was still her day off.