Becoming Forever (Waking Forever Series) (34 page)

Collapsing back into Coleen’s arms, Emma continued to hold Mary. She buried her face in the side of the girl’s still warm neck
, trying to commit her scent to memory. She felt bruised through to her center. The sobs had stopped, and she could only manage a faint whimper. The blood lust from only moments ago had been replaced with an unimaginable grief. A grief rooted in loss and self-loathing.

She had robbed Mary of a life of unlimited possibility. She would never fall in love nor have children of her own. The wonders of life that Emma had wanted for her sister had be
en taken, just like the girl herself.

“Lewis is downstairs, and we have to go before your stepmother comes. Do you want to repeat this with her?” Coleen pulled at Emma’s shoulders.

“Kill me!” Emma released Mary’s frail body back onto the bed, and grabbed Coleen by the collar. “I don’t want to live with this.” Her voice cracked as she pleaded with the woman.

“Not here.” Coleen pulled Emma to her feet, and took her by the throat. “You will pull yourself together, and you will do as I say or I assure you whatever death you think you deserve, I will oblige you tenfold.” Grabbing a stunned Emma by the hair of the head, Coleen drug her out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

Lewis stood at the door to the master bedroom. His hand firm on the door latch. “The woman is awake, and trying to open the door.” He looked at Emma, who stood limply at Coleen’s side, his eyes filling with blood. “I - I’m so sorry.”

Coleen shook her head. “For G
od’s sakes, not you too.” Coleen picked Emma up, and flung her over her shoulder. “I’ll meet you near the fork of the river. About ten miles upstream.” Without waiting for the man’s response, Coleen flung the wooden front door open, broke into a run, and disappeared toward the western horizon.

Emma
couldn’t be bothered to hold on to Coleen. It was the dark haired woman’s tremendous strength that kept Emma close as they moved through the forests of West Virginia. She had asked Coleen to kill her, though now, in retrospect, killing seemed too simple, too mild. A slow torturous death would still fall short of the fate she deserved.

Chapter 16

“Do you still believe that?” Ash
wiped tears from her face as she looked closely at Emma. “Do you still believe you deserve a slow torturous death?”

Emma managed a faint smile, and took Ash’s hand. “I did. For a long time.” She released Ash’s hand and stood with her back to the woman. “For nearly
a decade I refused to feed. Lewis and Coleen are the only reason I survived.” She turned to face Ash, her eyes pooling with blood. “They force fed me animal blood for years, restraining me to ensure I didn’t escape and do myself harm.” Emma shook her head. “I don’t know what would have happened if Lewis hadn’t gone back and found Coleen.”

“That’s why you’re so loyal to her?” Ash was trying to process the enormity of information she had been given.

“Yes.” Emma knelt in front of Ash, and took her hands in hers. “She helped me find that useful sadness we talked about.” She brought the palm of Ash’s hand to her lips, kissing it gently. “After what happened, I have never taken human blood, and I never will.”

“What happened to your family?” Ash had more questions than she could find the words for, and then part of her just wanted to hold Emma.

Sitting next to Ash on the bed, Emma took a deep breath. “I never went back. Coleen made inquiries and I was told my father died only a few days later. Ada and Martha were both so stricken by their respective losses, they left Grafton.” She looked down and picked at a loose thread on Ash’s quilt. “I don’t know where they went.”

“It’s not your fault. You have to know that.” Ash squeezed Emma’s hand.

Emma shrugged. “It is. My actions clearly caused the brutal death of two people. One I thought of as a daughter.” She looked at Ash, her eyes wandering along the dark haired woman’s forehead, down her cheek, and stopping at her lips. “Over the years though, that hardly seemed the point. The regret became almost as appalling as the acts themselves. Empty, without purpose or form.” Emma put her hand on Ash’s knee. “I had to stop indulging in it as some type of penance.”

“Where’s Lewis?” Ash had thought the man seemed very kind as Emma recounted her story, and it didn’t surprise her the vampire who made Emma was not altogether different from her in his compassion and concern.

“Coleen left for Europe shortly after the turn of the twentieth century. Lewis had no interest in joining her, and they parted amicably. I stayed with him for another twenty years, and then our interests diverged, and we parted ways.” Emma smiled. “It’s not that different from a human existence really. People come and go.”

“But it is different.” Ash was sorting through her feelings, and questions were pushing in and out of her mind. “You
live forever; so there isn’t the same urgency or necessity to get it right.”

“That’s true.” Emma considered Ash’s point as her hand slowly rubbed her knee.

“How old is Coleen?” Ash’s concentration was slipping under Emma’s touch.

“Let’s just say she’s old enough to witness to the fact Jesus Christ did
not
get up and take an afternoon stroll after three days.” Emma watched Ash closely to gauge her reaction.

Ash cringed. “Is there a
God at all, then?”

Emma laughed. “I wouldn’t know, but I can tell you that with the
specter of death removed, I haven’t found a need for one.”

Ash was amazed at the revelation. “Do you ever miss being human?”

“I haven’t been human for a long time. The change and time fades our memories significantly. But what I do remember is being afraid.” Emma looked away from Ash. “There was this constant threat of illness or death, and whether there would be enough food to make it through the winter.”

Ash took Emma’s cool hand. “People still worry, just about different things.”

Emma looked at their two hands, and smiled at the contrast between her pale skin and Ash’s olive tones. “Humans are amazing to me now. You’re the only species on the planet that - for almost your entire lives - know you’re going to die, and yet you move forward.”

Emma leaned toward Ash, and put her hand over hers. “You forge bonds, love, hate, family - all of it knowing the end creeps closer with each passing day.”

Ash shifted forward on the bed so her and Emma’s knees were now touching. “I think we’re wired not to think of it like that. What would be the point anyway? Worrying about dying doesn’t stop it from happening.”

Ash smiled. “I read a commencement speech once that Kurt Vonnegut gave where he said som
ething like ‘Try not to worry, but if you do, know that worrying is like chewing bubble gum to solve an algebra equation’.”

Emma smirked. “The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.”

Ash laughed. “Of course you know that speech.”

Emma’s brow furrowed as she looked at Ash.  “I may be trouble that blindsides you on a Tuesday afternoon.”

Ash wanted to hold Emma and reassure her. She decided to shift down off the bed so she was kneeling in front of her instead. “You’re not trouble. Besides, the hard part is over.”

Emma turned her head to the side and looked closely at Ash. “How do you mean?”

Ash started to reach for Emma’s cheek, wanting desperately to touch her. At the last second she let her hand drop to Emma’s knee instead. “We’re already good friends.”

Emma looked incredulous. “Oh, that’s the hard part?”

Ash nodded and sat back down next to Emma. “In my experience, yes.”

Emma leaned over and pressed her lips to Ash’s forehead. “You’re wonderful.”

Ash smiled at the woman’s touch. “So, Harry said you don’t sleep.” Ash didn’t want to turn the conversation into an interrogation, but she had more questions. “I mean, he mentioned-”

Emma took Ash’s hand in hers. “Harry told you a lot
, it seems.” She smiled reassuringly.

“My curiosity got the better of me, and he was gracious.” Ash looked toward the door. “How long has he been doing this?”

Emma continued to look intently at Ash. “He’s been helping with the unexpected in San Antonio for nearly a decade. Before that, I honestly don’t know.”

“Does this happen often enough to warrant a full time person?” Ash was horrified to think this was going on in mass under her nose.

Emma shook her head. “No, no. That would be terrible. Harry owns his own company and does private biohazard removal most of the time. Suicides, unattended deaths. That sort of thing.”

“And the sleeping?” Ash was fascinated by the idea of someone who never slept. She couldn’t imagine how drastically different the world would be if people never had to sleep. It would add decades to their lives.

“Vampires don’t sleep. We don’t get tired, or sore, or sick.” Emma paused, anticipating Ash’s next question. “We can eat human food, but short of taste, it does nothing for us nutritionally. We are strongest when consuming human blood, but for a lot of us, animal blood has become a more moral and ethical choice. Not to mention it draws less suspicion, since over the years - as technologies have improved - hiding a body or masking the cause of death has become increasingly difficult.”

“How often do you have to - eat?” Ash wasn’t sure about the vernacular.

“I schedule once a week. Coleen, who’s older, can go up to three weeks between feedings.” Emma put her hand back on Ash’s knee. “Now, I have a question.” Emma looked carefully at the woman. “Did you mean what you said earlier - about not being able to stop the attraction?”

Ash’s breath caught
at the question. Emma was a foot from her, and she was already having difficulty focusing with the lavender scent the vampire emitted permeating her senses. Speaking directly to her attraction for Emma wasn’t going to help. It seemed the more she struggled against her feelings for Emma, the more they surged like a riptide, pulling Ash further and further out. “Yes.” Her voice sounded small.

“How long have you felt this way?” Emma reached up and cupped Ash’s cheek with her cool hand.

A soft sigh escaped Ash’s slightly parted lips. “A while.”

Emma’s brow lifted. “Really? A while?”

Ash blushed as she turned her lips to Emma’s palm. “Yes.”

“How long i
s a while?” Emma leaned forward. Her lips inches from Ash’s.

“Longer than a week.” Ash
grinned, the touch of Emma’s hand on her face causing her heart to race.

“Me too.”
Their voices were low, and whispered.

Emma’s eye contact was unrelenting,
the blue intensifying, and causing Ash to feel light headed. Having hardly acknowledged her feelings for Emma to herself, talking about it with her felt strange and a little forbidden. “For how long?” Ash was prepared for Emma to tease her and say longer than a week.

“Since you and I talked about your mother.” Emma admitted without a hint of anxiety or awkwardness.

Ash’s first reaction was to accuse the beautiful blonde of exaggerating to make a point, but when she saw the earnestness in Emma’s eyes, Ash felt a lump form in her throat. “You - you’ve had feelings for me for three years?”

Emma nodded. “I had seen you around the medical examiner’s building, and at a few of the cross-functional events. I was immediately attracted to you.
Look at you.” Emma ran her eyes up and down the length of Ash’s body. “But when we actually met, and you were so heart sick over Elizabeth’s death, I knew I wanted to know you better.”

“But you never asked me out.” Ash was confused.

“I had considered it, but then heard you were dating Amanda Weis.” Emma shrugged. “Our timing has been off, and then there is the whole vampire/human conundrum.”

A loud knock rattled the bedroom door. “Ladies. I’m finishing up out here.” Harry’s gravelly voice caused Emma and Ash to move apart.

Emma let out an exasperated sigh. “Be right out.” She leaned in and kissed Ash full on the lips. Her hand resting on Ash’s shoulder. “Our timing isn’t great.”

Ash wasn’t expecting the last minute kiss, and her breath caught at the touch of Emma’s lips. The memory of their night together
came flooding back. She grabbed Emma’s forearm as she went to get up. Not caring what was next, Ash pulled Emma to her. Their lips met. Ash ran her tongue along Emma’s lower lip, and the blonde moaned quietly.

Emma pulled back, her eyes an iridescent blue. “No fair.”

Ash stared in wonder at how beautiful she looked. “Your eyes are incredible.”

Emma grinned. “You should have seen them last night.” She winked and got up, walking toward the door.

“You mean?” Ash stood and walked after her.

“Didn’t you notice my eyes were closed the entire time?” Emma put her hand on the door knob.

“Well yeah, but some people just do that.” Ash shook her head.

“Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not looking at you when you climaxed.” Emma opened the do
or, and exited the room. Behind her, Ash’s blood was boiling and her hands were clenched, trembling to touch.

***

Ash walked up to Cris and Diane’s house. She had been up most of the night with the fiasco at her apartment, but couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t see Diane before the funeral. There were several cars in front of the house, none of which Ash recognized.

She took a deep breath, stead
ying herself before she knocked. Ash wasn’t sure what she was going to say. She knew from losing her mother that you never completely get over the loss. Even suggesting that to someone seemed cruel. The only comfort she could imagine in the loss of a partner is knowing you never get over it, you just try to get past it.

“Ash.” Diane opened the door, and immediat
ely wrapped her arms around Ash, tears immediately coming to both women’s eyes.

“Diane I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.” Ash clung to the woman, wishing she had something more to offer.

Diane leaned back, her hands on Ash’s upper arms. “Cris always said you were his favorite partner.”

Ash took the tissue she had the foresight to put in her pocket before leaving her apartment, and wiped at her nose. “I use
d to tell him he was my favorite too, but then he would point out he had been my only partner.”

Diane chuckled
, tears forming in her eyes. “Always with the snark.” She stepped back, and took Ash’s hand. “Come inside. Some of our friends and family are here before the service.”

Ash nodded, and followed Diane into the house. She ha
d been to Cris’ house a handful of times, and always liked the casual, unassuming layout and décor. Cris and Diane didn’t put on any airs and wanted everyone to feel welcome in their home. Ash followed Diane back through the house, and out onto the patio.

“Ash, this is Cris’ brother Javier
, and his wife Audra.” Diane put her hand on the shoulder of a man who looked like Cris, except his hair was a much lighter brown and his eyes hazel. “This is Cris’ partner, Ash.”

Ash smiled and extended her hand to the couple. “It’s nice to meet you. Cris mentioned y’all often.”

Javier’s smile didn’t reach his eyes as he took Ash’s hand. “I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”

“Ash, do you want to ride with us to the service?” Diane asked as she sat down on a wood folding chair.

Ash shook her head. “No. I’m going with one of the medical examiners.”

Diane nodded. “We’re having a gathering at Paesano’s restaurant after. The one near the Quarry Market. I hope you can make it.”

Ash nodded. “Of course.” She watched as several other people made their way to the patio. Diane introduced her to each of them. They were cousins, uncles, and friends. All of them looked numb with shock and sadness.

Ash
wanted to comfort Diane, but instead she felt tense and silent. She could only stand and watch, feeling like Cris was falling further away from her. His killer was dead, as was Paul Garrett’s, but there was no hope of Diane knowing the truth about what killed her husband. The act of lying by omission, the texture and feel of the deception, made Ash’s skin crawl.

For close to a half hour, different
family members approached Ash. Each one wanted to know where the investigation was at, and if the police were any closer to knowing who committed the horrible crimes. The news had been reporting the story as if several assailants had ambushed the officers, and taken them apart with knives and machetes. The Mexican Mafia had been mentioned more than once. None of it had been corroborated by the forensic evidence, but people were more comfortable with lies they could understand, than truths that made no sense.

“Who’s the
M.E. you’re going with?” Diane’s voice broke into Ash’s musing.

“What?” Ash shi
fted in her seat. “Oh, ah, Dr. Atman. Emma Atman.”

Diane smiled. “The
stick-up-her-ass.”

Ash frowned. “Sorry?”

“Cris said you can forgive her the stick up her ass because she’s so attractive.” Diane smirked.

Laughing, Ash leaned back in the wood chair and crossed her legs. “Right. He always had a way with words.”

The use of past tense caused a catch in Ash’s throat, and seeing the distressed look on Diane’s face, she knew she wasn’t the only one struggling with the vernacular. “Diane, I -”

Tears pooled in the woman’s eyes as she reached for Ash’s hand. “He did have a
way with words.” Wiping at her eyes, Diane excused herself and went back into the house.

Ash got up, and headed for the front door as her phone began to vibrate. She glanced at the caller ID and pressed the accept icon on the touch screen. “Hi, Al.”

“I’m checking in with you so I don’t lose you down any proverbial rabbit holes, Haines.” In spite of the humor, Ash could hear the concern in her friend’s voice.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected.” She opened the front door and made her way toward her Jeep parked on the street.

“I’ll see you outside the funeral home at fifteen till?” Alan had texted her earlier that morning and insisted he was coming with her.

“Got it. Emma will be joining us too.” Ash started the Jeep, and leaned back in the seat, already tired.

“Check. You know you still owe me the details on that one.” Alan reminded her.

“
I haven’t forgotten. You’ve reminded me every time we’ve talked.” Ash rolled her eyes. Her phone beeped, and she saw Emma was calling through. “Al, I have to go. See you in a bit.” They said their goodbyes and Ash swapped the calls.

“Hi. Checking to see if you’re on schedule to pick me up.” Emma’s voice filled the cabin of the Jeep, and in spite of exhaustion and depression weighing her down, Ash couldn’t stop her smile.

“I’m leaving now, and should be there in about twenty minutes.” The normalcy of the exchange, given the events and revelations of the past seventy-two hours, was disconcerting for Ash.

“Are y
ou okay?” Emma’s sounded concerned.

“
Maybe. Probably. Eventually.” Ash put the Jeep in drive.

***

There were low hanging gray clouds in the South Texas sky as mourners gathered for the graveside portion of Cris’ funeral. Ash, Emma and Alan stood shoulder to shoulder near the back of the group of over a hundred people. The crowd consisted of fellow police officers, family and friends.

The presiding officer had just presented
Diane with the folded United States flag when Emma reached down to take Ash’s hand in hers. Moments later, the first volley of A-15 shots rang out, then a second, and finally the third. Ash had managed not to cry throughout the service, but as Taps began playing after the final volley, the tears flowed unchecked.

Emma handed her a tissue, and Alan reached around her to reassuringly rub Ash’s back. Leaning into Emma, Ash lowered her head, the oppressive weight of grief pushing her down.
She remembered her mother’s funeral, and how the residue of it lingered for months after. The finality brought little comfort.

“Ash, are you ready?” Alan’s voice was unusually quiet as he stood in front of her. Looking up
, Ash realized people had begun to disperse while she was reminiscing.

“Yea
h, just let me go say goodbye to Diane.” Ash looked at Emma, who smiled as she squeezed Ash’s hand reassuringly.

Winding her way through the thinning crowd, Ash spotted Diane standing with Robert Edwards. She hesitated, recalling
her conversation with the lieutenant at the motel, and her insistence the massacre, her break-in, and the Garrett case were all connected. She couldn’t share any of the recent revelations with the lieutenant, but she knew the man well enough to know he wouldn’t let her assertions go unchallenged or forgotten.