Beg Me (15 page)

After he’d seated his length inside her, he
started to pump, moving inside with deep, strong surges. His gaze
caught hers. She reached up with her free hand, cupped his cheek,
staring into his eyes.

“
Don’t make me do that you again,” he
muttered. “Not like that.”

“
No. Not like that,” she whispered.
That ghost was exorcised.

His body shuddered, head bowed. When he
looked back at her, his eyes gleamed, overbright. He bent low over
her, shafting her harder, deeper.

“
I love you, damn it. It’s killing
me…” His mouth savaged hers, the kiss drugging her. She gasped for
breath when he lifted his head.

Curling a hand around his neck, she clutched
him close. “I know you love me…and I think it’s saving me. Please
don’t stop.”

“
I can’t. Not if I tried.” He twisted
his hips and she cried out, scraped her nails over her swollen
clit. “Mine,” he muttered. “No matter what happens, you’re mine for
now…”

She wanted to tell him she was his for
always…but the climax swept up, swept her under.

Breathless, she clung to him, the muscles in
her anal sheath gripping him. He growled against her neck, rode her
harder, faster. She felt his cock jerk, felt him throb, then the
hot, vicious spurts as he came. Holding him close, she rode it out.
There was time to tell him, after all.

Later.

Once she could breathe.

D
rained,
empty, Drake rolled out of bed when Tania stood and tugged on his
hand.

She had a smile on her face—that surprised
him.

After what he’d told her not long ago, he
hadn’t expected to see a smile.

If only it would last, but…

She led him to the shower, turning the spray
up hotter than he liked, but he didn’t care. As she soaped her
hands up and ran them over his body, then hers, he didn’t care
about anything.

Except her. Only her.

Fuck. Earlier, she’d cried. For more than an
hour, she’d cried, like she’d been reliving that hell all over
again.

Her hands slicked shampoo through his hair
and he swore, nudged out of his daze. “I’ve got it,” he
muttered.

“
I want to do it.” She nudged him back
against the wall and finished the job before washing her own hair.
He stared at her, his mouth dry, heart pounding.

They needed to talk. He needed to figure out
what to do, because he knew he couldn’t handle this roller-coaster
ride, it was killing him. He—

Soap-slick hands closed around his cock.

“
Thank you,” Tania whispered just
before she pressed her mouth to his.

He opened his eyes, stared at her as she
kissed him and started to jack him off.

“
Wuh…what?”

“
You heard me.” She smiled and moved
back. “I know you didn’t want to do it that way.”

Guilt ate a ragged hole in his gut. “If I
didn’t want to fuck you that way, I wouldn’t have been able to get
it up.”

As she neared the head of his shaft,
she twisted her wrist and swiped her thumb over the head. “You can
have an unwilling mind and a perfectly willing body,” she said.
“And that hurt you. I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry, but I’m
not. I know that maybe doesn’t make sense. But I needed it—needed
something that was under
my
control, for once. So thank you.”

Closing his eyes, he stood there as she used
her hands to stroke him to completion. Just before he came, she
went to her knees and closed her mouth over him, sucking him
deep.

“
Shit, Tawny…” he groaned, reaching
down and tangling his hands in her hair, rocking
forward.

He should have been drained, empty…but she
pulled another climax from him, and after she finished him, she
stood and slid her arms around him waist, resting her head against
his chest.

“
Thank you,” she said
again.

Trying to put it behind him, he forced
himself to smile. “I guess after that, I should be thanking
you.”

In his gut, though, he knew he wouldn’t be
able to put this behind him. It was a monstrous thing inside him
already, tearing at him with ugly, jagged claws, and it was
threatening to tear him apart.

H
e woke to
the scents of coffee and bacon. On any other morning, it might have
made him smile. But not that day.

He spent much of the night sleepless and
he’d come to a harsh, ugly fact.

He loved Tania Sinclair so much he was
stupid with it, and last night, he’d done something he hated
himself for.

It didn’t matter so much to him that
she’d needed it, because
he
hadn’t wanted it—not then. He felt too raw after going
through those pictures, after what he’d found in Kent’s little
perverted hideaway. Too battered, after he’d realized the brutal,
ugly knowledge—if only Gail had said something to him, just once,
he could have saved Tania from that. If only…

He wasn’t so certain he could do this.

Hell, if she needed him to play her fuck-toy
teddy bear, he’d do that, but trying to build some sort of
relationship, hoping she’d fall in love with him? He didn’t know if
he could set himself up for any more heartache.

Sighing, he stood. He dressed in silence,
his heart heavy with what he was going to do.

He needed space, though—needed to come to
grips with what he’d done, needed space to decide what he was going
to do. He’d give it a few days before he told her, yeah. She was
fragile still, and he needed to accept that, help her through
it…

He heard a car. Looking out his window, he
glimpsed a gray Volvo.

Snarling, he tore down the steps.

T
ania heard
his feet beating a rhythm on the stairs from the kitchen. Frowning,
she glanced up from the bacon and flipped it, then turned the heat
down a little before slipping out of the kitchen. She heard the
front door open, then close.

Passing by the window, she glimpsed the
driveway and saw Gail’s car.

Narrowing her eyes, she stormed to the front
of the house. But just before she would have jerked the door open,
she paused. Instead, she opened it carefully, slowly, listening
through the narrow slit.

“—
you’re here. Just leave,” Drake
demanded.

“
I only need a minute,” Gail said, her
voice flat and cool. “I just wanted to tell you, I’m leaving. As
in, leaving town.”

“
Should I cheer?” he drawled
sardonically.

She shot him a sidelong look. “Be
quiet, Drake, and let me finish. This isn’t easy. I
don’t
believe my son ever wanted to
hurt her. I won’t believe it. But…I realize perhaps there was
something unhealthy there. If I’d said something…”

“
Perhaps?
”
Drake mocked, his voice thick with disbelief. “Hell, lady. What
more did you need? A sign saying,
Mom, I
need help
. But because nobody saw it, Tania was all
but broken.”

“
She’s not broken,” Gail said quietly.
“She’s too strong for that.”

Drake was quiet. Then he nodded. “You’re
right. She is. But she was hurt—too badly hurt, and I won’t, can’t
forgive you.”

“
Of course not. You love her. As I
love my son.” Gail went to turn away.

Tania opened the door and slid outside.

Gail turned her head. When she looked at
Tania, she swallowed, jerking her gaze away.

“
You loved your son. Maybe you should
have gotten him help,” Tania said levelly.

“
Yes. And I’ll live with that the rest
of my life. That’s the
only
reason I’m willing to let this go, and I hope you understand
that. If…” She swallowed and looked away. “Drake, you said
something about how if I’d mentioned this, he might be alive. And
you’re right. It’s an ugly little truth I have to live with, one
I’ve known for a long, long time—I
don’t
believe Kent wanted to hurt Tania, but I
do think things got out of hand and maybe if I had something
sooner…” She stopped, shook her head. “I just don’t
know.”

Drake growled, “You don’t
know
—”

“
Drake.” Tania reached out, laid a
hand on his arm. “Enough.”

“
It’s
not
enough,” he snapped, his head whipping
around, his blue eyes hot and bright as he stared at
her.

“
It is, because it has to be.” Tania
shook her head. “I’m not going to let this haunt me all my life and
part of moving on involves letting go of it—and
her
.” She shot Gail a look. “She won’t ever
accept the truth anyway.”

Gail stared at her. In the depths of the
older woman’s eyes, Tania saw something—knowledge. Gail knew the
truth. She just wouldn’t acknowledge that.

Gail blinked and looked away. “I won’t ask
your forgiveness, because I honestly can’t say I’d react any
differently. But you won’t see me again, won’t hear from me again.
Maybe that will help you move on.”

Tania slid her hand into Drake’s. “I was
doing just fine with that already. But I’m glad I won’t be getting
any more early-morning phone calls in January.”

Gail nodded. “You won’t.”

As she turned and walked away, Tania blew
out a breath. “Well. That was pleasant.”

She licked her lips and then glanced up at
Drake. “I’ve got breakfast going—it’s going to burn if we stay out
here.”

He followed her silently into the kitchen,
his blue eyes unreadable, his face a closed mask. She winced when
she got a good look at his mouth. His lower lip was a little
swollen. She’d done that, she realized. She’d slammed her head back
against his. She hadn’t just hurt his heart, she’d left physical
marks on him.

“
I busted your mouth open,” she said.
“I’m sorry.”

Drake shrugged. “No big deal. It isn’t
bothering me.” His voice was…off. It sounded too normal. Too
polite. The way it sounded when he talked with a total stranger—not
at all the way it sounded when he talked to her.

“
You’re angry with me,” she said
quietly as she turned the bacon.

“
No.” He poured himself a cup of
coffee.

“
You’re angry about
something.”

“
I’m just having a hard time dealing
with the shit from yesterday,” he said. “And that—shit, how can you
call it
enough
?”

“
Because no matter what we do, it
won’t change anything. And you and me both saw her—she knows what
really happened. She just can’t let herself admit it.” She looked
back at him.

Drake snorted. “Doesn’t matter
if
changes
anything or not.
Just letting it go that easily, after what she did?”

“
What she did, what he did—nothing I
do or say will undo the past. I just need to focus on my future. I
feel like I can do that now.”
Because of
you
… She wanted to tell him that, wanted to tell him
that she wanted to try to have that future with him. But he was so
distant.

Oh, he looked the same. But there was a
distance in his voice, on his face. Even in his eyes. Like he was
trying to pull back.

“
So you’re just off about all this
shit. Not angry, just off. Then I push you to do something you
weren’t up to doing,” she said, her voice neutral.

“
We already talked this through. You
needed it. I gave it to you. End of.”

Tania smiled, shaking her head. She flipped
the bacon out of the pan and reached for the eggs. A nice,
cholesterol-heavy, fattening breakfast. “Yes. I did need it—I need
to control something, something that you didn’t necessarily even
want—and maybe I even needed it that way. I know that wasn’t fair.
But I did need it. Maybe it will help if I tell you that it did
help.”

Behind her, he was quiet. He wouldn’t ask,
she suspected. So she continued. “It helped me. I woke up this
morning feeling like I’d broken through some last link of chain or
something. I’m sorry it took hurting you, though.”

“
You didn’t—”

“
Stop it.” She cracked the eggs into
the skillet, watched as they sizzled. “Don’t tell me it didn’t hurt
you, that you’re not angry. I know you, Drake, I know how much you
keep trapped inside. And I
am
sorry I hurt you.”

More silence.

She finished the eggs, slid them onto a
plate for each of them, added the bacon.

Then she turned to him. He sat there, still
wearing that unreadable expression, his blue eyes blank. So much
distance between them, so much. She forced a smile. “And you want
me to believe you’re not angry,” she murmured, setting the plates
down and settling onto a stool.

Drake closed his eyes. His hand came down,
covered hers. “I’m not. Tawny, I’m not angry. I just…”

Something about his expression warned
her. Even before he said it. Even before he
didn’t
say it. Because he didn’t say what she
knew he wanted to—he didn’t say the words she could see all but
trapped inside him. He gave her a tight, tired smile. “I’m not
angry,” he said again. “I’m always here for when you need me.
For…hell. Whatever you need. I’ll give it to you.”

Then he pushed back and stood up.

Tears burned her throat. She listened to his
quiet footfalls. She should just let him go, she thought—she’d
taken too much, she realized. She needed to let him go, maybe do
what Gail had done and just leave. Move on. Let him do the
same.