Beg Me (13 page)

Drake looked away. “Hell if I know. I sure
as hell wasn’t going to watch. I deleted everything I could find,
cleared out the recycle bin—then…ah, well, I crashed her computer.
She’ll have to reformat it just to get it up and going. But the CDs
and DVDs that were in there, I took them. I don’t know what’s on
them, though.”

She clenched her jaw. “I want to look.”

As she stood, he shot up off the bed and
blocked her. “No.”

“
Why not? I think I have handle seeing
myself have sex with you or my husband.” She glared at
him.

He stared at her, swallowing. “No,
Tawny.”

“
Why the hell not? If Kent can jack
off to it, I sure as hell…oh.” She went white and stumbled, falling
onto the bed. She bent over, her arms wrapped around her middle.
“Is…is it on there?”

He went to wrap her in his arms and she
shrank away.

“
Is it, damn it?”

Backing away, he nodded. “Yeah. I think so.
Everything’s labeled, by month or date. There’s just one for that
January—only that date.”

She lifted her hands to her head and
screamed.

“
That bastard,” she sobbed out. “That
son of a
bitch
. And her…” She
swore, snarling. She shook from head to toe. “Damn them,” she
muttered. “Damn them to hell.”

Staring at her, Drake wondered once more if
he’d done the right thing…or if he’d totally broken her.

T
ania stared
into the glass.

It was whiskey. Straight whiskey. No ice, no
water, no Coke. Just whiskey.

She’d indulged in the tears, and now she was
indulging in alcohol while Drake burned those damn pictures. She
wasn’t quite drunk. She wished she was, but she couldn’t seem to
get there. It was like the anger and misery was burning through the
alcohol too fast. All she could manage was a faint buzz.

It wasn’t enough.

She wasn’t sure drunk would help all that
much anyway. Drake had helped, his strength, the way he’d held her
as she cried. That had helped. And knowing what he was doing now.
Burning those damn pictures. Standing in the kitchen, if she turned
her head just a little, she could see the flames from the fire pit
in his backyard. But she didn’t want to see them burning. Not
really.

She just wanted the whiskey. Lifting it, she
took a sip, hissed as the warmth ran down her throat, spread
through her belly.

Kent had been stalking her. Recording her.
Taking photographs.

And his mother had known. She took another
drink, deeper. She wasn’t over the shock, but she’d pushed it aside
for now. Now it was easier to focus on the anger.

Hearing Drake’s footsteps behind her, she
turned her head and watched as he slid into the room. His shoulders
were slumped, his eyes grim.

“
Did you burn them?” she
asked.

“
Yeah. Nothing but ashes left of the
pictures,” he said, his voice hoarse. He glanced at her face, then
away. “I’ve locked away the CDs and DVDs for now—I’ll get a safe
deposit box on Monday, take care of them in case something ever
happens.”

“
I want to see—”

“
Don’t.” Drake crossed the room to
stand in front of her, cupping her face in his hands. “Damn it,
this is killing you, and don’t act like it’s not. I’m sorry, baby,
but I’m
not
going to let you
see something that’s going to give you more nightmares. The other
shit, if you have to see it, fine—but I’m checking it first to…
Shit, I have to make sure he’s not on there. Make sure nothing was
mislabeled.”

She took another drink, staring at
him. Her gut clenched as she thought about even the chance of
seeing
that
night. Maybe he
was right… “Okay.”

As the whiskey hit her belly, reckless
anger and something else began to whirl through her. Anger. And a
need to strike out…to control
something
…

Drake stood there, staring at her, hands
jammed in his pockets, legs spread. Black hair tumbled into his
face, and his mouth, that beautiful mouth was a tight, harsh line.
He was her rock—the one stable presence in her life, the one safe
presence. Damn it, she needed him, in so many ways. And one way
that right now was a driving, screaming demon inside her head.

Slowly, she took another drink. “What did
you think when you first saw those pictures?” she asked, her voice
shaking, her hand trembling.

He closed his eyes and looked away. “Shit,
Tawny.”

“
Tell me.”

“
I’m the man who’s loved you and
wanted you for years—my first reaction was to get a fucking
hard-on. Then about thirty seconds later, my brain and my dick
caught up with each other and I figured just how Kent must have
gotten those pictures, and I felt sick.” Rage flashed on his face,
in his eyes. “He had no right, taking that from you two—no right. I
wanted to kill him.”

Big hands curled into fists and he
snarled, “I
still
want to
kill him, the useless, perverted fuck, but he’s already
dead.”

Tania tossed the rest of the whiskey
back. She’d need it, because she knew what she going to do, how she
was going to deal with that driving, screaming demon, how she was
going to fight the answer inside. She was taking everything back,
everything Kent had stolen from her. Taking back what she
needed
.

“
Drake…” She moved to him, reached out
and laid her hands on his chest. “I think it’s time we go all out
on things.” Sliding her hands lower, she curled them into the
waistband of his jeans.

He caught her hands and lifted them, pressed
a kiss to each of her wrists. “Tawny, you’re drunk. I just watched
you toss back straight whiskey…and you’ve had a bad night. This
isn’t…”

She closed her hands around his neck
and tugged his mouth down to hers, kissing him rough and hard,
biting his lower lip. “I’m not drunk, damn it. This is what
I
want
, damn it,” she
snarled. “What I need. I want you to chase me down, hold me down
and force me.”

“
No.” He caught her face in his hands,
rubbed his mouth against hers, gentle and soft.

But she didn’t want gentle, didn’t
want soft. She wanted,
needed
something she could control. Him—damn it, she could control
him, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. Knew he’d stop if he scared
her. She was sick and damn tired of letting her memories and her
fear dominate her and she was
done
.

“
Damn it, you don’t need this
tonight,” he said harshly.

“
I
get to say
what I need, damn it.” She backed away from him, staring at him
challengingly as she reached for the buttons on her shirt. She
undid them one at a time. “And I want my damn fantasies back. I
want you to bend me over, hold me down, however you want it—I
don’t
care
, but I want my
fantasies back. Make me take you. Make me beg. Give me control over
my fantasies back, Drake.”

She opened her blouse and then reached for
the zipper of her jeans, undoing it but not lowering it.

Drake stared at her. Reaching up, he rubbed
the back of his hand over his mouth and muttered, “Fuck.”

Moving up to him, she stroked him through
his jeans, watching him through her lashes. “We can even pretend a
little, if you want. You just took me out, I played cocktease all
night…and now you want to make me pay…”

“
No.” But he slid his hands down her
back, then up, curving one over the back of her neck. He kissed
her, but it was a gentle, soft kiss.

A make-it-all-better kiss. Damn it,
that wasn’t what she needed. He couldn’t kiss this all better. She
bit his tongue and when he jerked back, panting, she reached for
the button of his jeans. “You want to help me. This is what I need,
damn it. I
need
something
that’s under
my
control.” She
opened his jeans, reached inside, closed her hand around
him.

He groaned and arched into her hand.
As she stroked him with quick, demanding motions, she leaned in,
pressed her mouth to his chest. “I need to control something…and I
want it to be you. It
has
to
be you. Give me what I need, Drake.”

“
Damn it, Tawny.” He closed his hand
around hers, stopped her. Then he fisted his other hand in her
hair, kissed her deep and hard. When he lifted his head, he
demanded, “You sure? All out? Where do I stop?”

“
You don’t. I want
everything
—no holding back, push me as hard as
you can, whatever you want.”

“
And what about holding you down?
Restraining you?”

She blinked. Then, feigning a casualness she
couldn’t quite feel, she shrugged. “Just don’t cover my mouth.
Don’t do that, and I won’t care.”

He set his jaw. Closed his eyes.

“
And I’m going to fight you. Hard. I’m
going to fight, I’m going to run, I’m going to do my damnedest—and
I don’t want you to stop,” she warned him. “I’m going to try to
hurt you.”

He nodded slowly, lifting his lashes to
stare at her. “Take off your shirt first. I want your bra off.”

She lifted a brow and then did it.
“Why?”

“
So I can see your nipples through
your shirt. You want to play at being a cocktease, do it right.” He
tried to smile, but it fell flat. His eyes were grim as he stripped
the shirt off, then her bra.

Goose bumps broke out over her flesh as he
slid her back into her shirt and buttoned the bottom few buttons,
leaving the rest undone. “Bend over and suck me off,” he
muttered.

She pressed her breasts against his chest,
stroked his face. “I told you I was going to fight you. You sure
you feel safe doing that?”

“
You won’t bite me there.” He cupped
her rump, squeezed. “Besides, we’re still getting into the swing of
things. We’re still outside and you’re teasing me. You’re going to
suck on me until I almost come, then you’ll stop.”

She shuddered and started to go to her
knees, but he stopped her. “I said
bend
over.”

Heat jolted through her and she backed away,
awkwardly bent. He held his cock in one hand, fisted the other in
her hair, holding it out of the way. “Yeah, that’s good…” He
rocked, pushing his cock deeper than he normally did, harder,
forcing her to take it to the back of her throat repeatedly.

She groaned, swallowed.

“
Can you deep-throat me?” he
growled.

Slowly, hesitantly, she took him deep, as
deep as she could, and then she swallowed.

She went to pull back, but he forced her to
hold it a few more seconds before he let her pull back.

“
Again,” he ordered.

She gasped for air around him.

“
Again
.” This
time, he spanked her out-thrust ass. She gasped and he took
advantage of it to push deep.

She groaned and let him do it.

He rocked and thrust, alternating between
deep thrusts that all but stole her breath and shallow ones,
spanking her when she didn’t take him deep enough, and praising
her. “Hot little bitch…that’s a good girl…”

She felt his balls drawing tight, knew he
was close.

Stiffening, she pulled away.

Giving him a prissy smile, she said, “I
think we should stop now.”

Drake stared at her. There was heat in his
eyes, but caution. His hands caught her face, his thumb stroking
over her swollen mouth. “Tawny, baby…just turn around. I’ll fuck
you good and hard, and you’ll…”

“
No
.”

She jerked away. “I’m going inside now.
You’ll just have to go home and take a cold shower.”

With her eyes, she begged him…
I need this…

Drake closed his eyes, swallowed.

Then, he took a steadying breath, held it
for a moment before he looked at her. “You can’t fucking tease a
guy like that, baby,” he said, his voice low and menacing. “Get me
that hard and then stop.”

“
You’ve got a hand.” She turned away
and started down the hall.

“
And you’ve got a hot little pussy,”
he growled.

She started to run.

He came after her, although he didn’t catch
her until she was in his bedroom.

His arms came around her, his breathing
ragged. “Tania, please…”

“
Damn it, Drake. Just
stop.
I
need
this. I’m taking my fantasies back, damn
it. All of them.” She shoved against him, breaking free and
spinning around to glare at him. “I want to take
everything
back…starting
now.”

“
Baby…”

“
Stop it.” She shook her head. “You
want to help me? Then do what I asked. Take that image—take away
what I learned tonight and give me something else.”

“
Rough sex doesn’t take away the
memory of a rape, doesn’t undo the fact that somebody was stalking
you, spying on you,” he said hoarsely.

“
No—but being in control takes
away
his
control. It takes
away
her
control. It helps me
take back something he
took
from me. Don’t you
get
it? I need that, and you’re the only one I can trust…” Her
voice broke. She shoved him again. “I
need
it. I want you to fuck me while I’m
fighting you. And
I
need to
win this time—I get what
I
want, and that’s to be in control.
I
need to be in control. Don’t you get
it?”