Begin Again (10 page)

Shame was coursing through his veins as he stood up abruptly
. “Why don’t you take Joey and go join the others. I need a minute, okay?”

He kept his back to her. He didn’t want her seeing the pain on his face.
He started when he felt her small, soft hand on her arm. “Dylan, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, sweetheart
, you didn’t. I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.”

He heard her retreating footsteps.
Once he couldn’t hear them anymore he let out the breath he’d been holding. The need to punch something was overwhelming him so much he felt like he was choking. He grabbed a rock from the ground and threw it as hard as he could, but it didn’t help. He looked over at his truck. It was used, but decent. Right now it was what he needed. He walked over to it and without even thinking, kicked it has hard as he could. Over and over he kicked it as his shame and anger washed over him.

He stared at the dent that started forming, but he didn’t stop.
It wasn’t long before he heard his dad’s voice behind him. “Son, you need to stop. You’re scaring your momma.”

“They were there
, Dad.” He hung his head in humiliation.

“What do you mean they were there?
Son, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dylan took a shuddering breath and turned to his dad.
He should’ve known that Luke and Dustin would be there too, standing with his dad.

“The night Violet was born
, after y’all went to see her, I took a detour and went by the nursery. I looked at a little boy in there and on the bassinet it said, “baby boy Cummings.” It was him. It was my fucking son. My Journey gave birth to our boy without me because I’m a piece of shit and lied to her.” He raked his hands through his hair. “If I would’ve known I would’ve been there for her, for him. Why is she even giving me a chance with my son? I don’t deserve it.”

“Dylan
, that’s not true.”

He looked up as Journey
approached them. “Please, talk to me.” She didn’t even hesitate and walked right up to him, grabbing his hand. She turned to his dad. “We’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Take your time
, darlin’.”

***

Journey’s heart ached watching Dylan with his dad. When they’d been sitting out front she knew something happened. His face had paled and he looked like he was going to be sick. When she went around back, she went right over to his dad and told him that he may want to check on Dylan. The first loud banging noise had Dylan’s dad, brother, and brother-in-law all hustling out to the front yard. She couldn’t stand it, so she followed more slowly behind them after Nan took Joey from her.

She watched as he poured his heart out to his
dad. Sure, she had been mad at him about lying, but she was getting past it. She could move past it because he wanted a relationship with Joey and he seemed wonderful with him. What he wanted from her she wasn’t sure, but she promised to give them a chance. That’s why she had to go to him.

They walked down his driveway in silence
. She kept her hand clasped in his as they turned onto the street. The houses were all about the same size and the space in between them was pretty wide. She waited until they were a little ways down before she stopped and turned to him. He was still one of the most beautiful men she’d ever seen. He was what she described as a rough-pretty boy. His features were perfect: straight nose, with the tiniest scar across the bridge, sharp cheek bones, lips that even as full as they were looked masculine, the little dip in his chin and his eyes. Hers were more of a bluish-grey, where his were a bright blue, like the sky on a cloudless day, but he had an edge to him that made him look rougher than his brother.

The two weeks they had spent together
, she would sometimes lay there and watch him sleep. She always felt like a creepy stalker when she did it, but while he slept he always lost that hard edge that seemed to permeate from his pores.

“Please don’t beat yourself up about this, Dylan.
That’s in the past. You’re here now. That’s what’s important. Joey loves you already.” She never stopped loving him, but he would never know that since she was never going to tell him. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“But you had to do it all alone.
I should been there for you.”

Her hands trembled as sh
e lifted them to Dylan’s face. Once she cupped his cheeks, she pulled him down towards her. She met him halfway by pushing up onto her tiptoes. Her lips brushed his softly at first, but it didn’t take long for him to take control of the kiss. He grabbed hold of her hair, tugging it enough to sting. Whimpering against his mouth, she leaned further into him. She lost herself in his kiss.

A throat clearing behind her broke the spell. She quickly realized that they were on the sidewalk in his parents’ neighborhood having a full-blown make out session.
Turning around, she saw that it was Dylan’s brother Dustin standing there with a smirk on his face. She looked down and hightailed it to the back deck and her kids. When she climbed the stairs, Stacy and Bellamy both looked at her. A secretive smile on both of their faces had her feeling self-conscience.

Abby was sitting in the grass looking at picture books with Carrington.
She didn’t see Joey anywhere. “Um, where’s Joey?”

“My mom took him inside while she finishes putting stuff together.
Are you feeling okay? You look a little flushed,” Bellamy teased. It was weird to have someone her own age teasing her. Nan was really the only person she hung out with, and up until this week, Zach had hung out with her, too. That still caused a slight ache in her chest. He was her friend first and foremost and it already felt like that friendship was done.

“I’m fine, thanks.”
She opened the back door and went inside.

Journey
stepped into the hall leading to the kitchen. She heard Joey’s giggling and smiled. That sound was music to her ears. She heard Nan’s voice as she got closer.

“She’s so wonderful with those babies.
I worried about her a lot at first. She was young, pregnant, and then the parent of a little girl she didn’t even know until she got the call about her brother.” It made her smile to hear Nan compliment her parenting.

“Well
, she seems like a wonderful girl, so beautiful, too,” Dylan’s mom said. “I want to smack my son, yet sometimes I want to hold him because I know he’s got to be hurting because of what’s transpired. I hope they can work things out for Joey.”

She walked in there before they could talk anymore. Ruth rushed over to her
. “How’s Dylan?” Journey felt her cheeks heat up, thinking about the kiss they shared. She knew that wasn’t what his mom was talking about.

“He seemed okay…
better. I thought about asking Dylan to spend the evening with us. I thought he could spend some more time with Joey before we attempt our first sleepover at his place.” She realized what she said and how it sounded. “I mean when Joey stays at his place. Not me.” Oh god, she was embarrassing herself.

Ruth and Nan both chuckled and looked at each other.
Journey didn’t know what that was about.

“Honey
, why doesn’t Abby stay with me tonight? I’ll bring her home in the morning before school,” Nan said.

“That’s really sweet
, Nan, but I don’t want Abby to feel left out.”

“I know you don’t
, but let Joey have some time with his daddy, let them have a chance to get to know each other better.”

Before she could think about it anymore
, Dylan came walking into the house followed by his dad. He went to his mom, kissing her cheek before turning to Joey and kissing his forehead. She felt like she was on display. By the time he kissed Joey, everyone else was in the house and watching them with unhidden interest. Dylan didn’t seem to notice or perhaps it was just that he didn’t care. He walked right up to her and dropped a kiss on her lips. Leaning away from her, he threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.

They got a lot smiles and
snickers from the others. Luckily it was time to get everything ready, since Dylan’s dad went to throw the meat on the grill. The men took the kids outside while the women all got the food together.

An hour later Journey was stuffed.
Joey was sporting a ketchup beard and Abby was sharing her fruit with Carrington. The conversations going on around the two tables were hard to keep up with. Nan was in a conversation with Ruth and Charlie; Dylan, Dustin, and Luke were all talking, and Bellamy and Stacy were talking to each other and the kids.

It was times like these that Journey felt awkward.
She didn’t really know what the other two girls were talking about, but they were trying to include her. She excused herself to start picking up the trash. Arms loaded up with paper plates and napkins, she went to throw them away. She went inside and started cleaning up in the kitchen. When she was nervous she had to keep her hands busy. She’d just started loading the dishwasher when Ruth walked in.

“Honey, you don’t need to do that.”

“Oh, I don’t mind, I just like being busy. Thank you for a wonderful meal. The kids are having a great time.”

“Well
, they’re absolutely precious. I can’t wait to spend more time with both of them.” Ruth came to stand right in front of her. She stood frozen at first when Ruth wrapped her arms around her. “Thank you for letting us get to know him.” Journey wrapped her arms around Ruth and the two women hugged.

“You’re welcome. I don’t have
any family for Joey except Nan, so it’ll be nice to have y’all.”

They broke apart when Dylan walked in with Abby over his shoulder.
He looked between them both. “Everything okay in here?”

“Yeah
, everything’s fine. I just wanted to help clean up. Did you know you have a five year old girl attached to you?” She smiled when she heard Abby giggle.

Dylan looked around
, swinging Abby every which way. “I do? Where? I don’t see or feel anything.”

“Dylan, I’m right hereeee
,” Abby squealed.

They played that game for a while until Dylan s
et her down so she could go to the bathroom. Ruth excused herself and left them alone. Taking a deep breath, Journey turned to Dylan.

“I-I was wondering if you’d like to come over tonight and spend some time with Joey?”

“Really?” She nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great. Do you want me just to follow you back to your place?”

“That’s fine.
Abby’s going to spend the night at Nan’s, so it’ll just be the three of us.”

“Abby’s not going to Nan’s because of me
, is she? I’d like to spend time with her, too.” God, he was so sweet.

“No, it’s
okay. Nan does this sometimes. You know, take one of them so the other and I can have some quality alone time. When she has Joey, Abby and I go get manis and pedis and then go out to dinner. Joey and I go to McDonald’s and the park or zoo.” It had been Nan’s idea when Journey had voiced how hard it was to find something both Abby and Joey could do.

After all of the goodbyes were said
, Journey and Nan loaded the kids up into the car. Abby was singing along to the radio and Joey was fast asleep. Nan turned in her seat.

“I really like his family.
His mom is wonderful. Even if nothing happens with you and Dylan, they seem to be the type of people who will stick by you and the kids. That makes me so glad that you two have reconnected.”

When they got home
, Abby went to her room to pack a bag for Nan’s and Journey laid Joey down on her bed for a nap. Once Abby’s bag was packed, she hugged her goodbye. She walked them to the door and hugged Nan good-bye.

“Thanks for doing this, even though you didn’t need to.”

“Sure I did. You two need to get to know each other again, too. Not just for Joey, either. That boy watched you the whole time we were at his parents’. I don’t know how I feel about his temper. I saw what he did to his truck, but I can understand the pain he was feeling. It’s not every day that our past mistakes bite us in the ass.”

Journey followed Nan out to her front steps, taking what she said to heart.
She was glad that Dylan was going to come over so they could spend time together with their son. Kissing Abby one more time, she reminded her to be a good girl and that she loved her. She went back into the house and went to check on Joey. He was snuggled up in the middle of her bed and was out like a light.

She crawled into bed with him
, wrapping her arm around his body and hugging him close.

***

Dylan pulled into Journey’s driveway, admiring the little condo she lived in. He noticed that it was a nice neighborhood, too. At least he knew they were someplace nice and not one that he’d have to worry about their safety.

After Journey, Nan
, and the kids left, his family all sang their praises, which made him happy. His mom was already planning a lunch date with Nan. Stacy and Bellamy were already planning play-dates with all of the kids.