Begin Again (9 page)

“Yeah, pretty much. We love her, though, don’t we, Abby?” Without Nan, Journey never would’ve made it those first months after having Joey if she hadn’t helped.

“Yep!” Abby shouted. “Can I watch a movie?”

“Sure, sweetheart, go ahead.”

Later, t
hey all sat together at the dining room eating dinner, and it didn’t escape her how nice it felt. The conversation flowed between them. Dylan told her all about his time in the Marine Corp. He left out the more violent details, of course, because of the little ears. He talked about working alongside his brother and their best friend.

It must be nice to have such a large support system.
She’d pretty much been alone since she was 20 until she met Nan.

After dinner, Dylan gave Joey his bath.
She could hear the laughter coming from the bathroom as she sat in Abby’s room braiding her hair. She knew how Joey could be in the tub: More water ended up on the floor then in the tub. When she finished Abby’s hair, she grabbed one of the books she read to her and settled into bed next to her. It never took long for Abby to fall asleep once Journey started reading. When she knew Abby was out, she slid out of Abby’s bed, kissing her on the forehead and shut the light off as she left the room.

In the hallway she was met with silence.
She made her way to Joey’s room and froze. Dylan’s large frame was wedged in the glider that she had set up in there. Joey was asleep in his lap and he held the only picture she had of the two of them. The one that she showed Joey all of the time, he absently stroked Joey’s hair as he stared at the picture. She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut, the pain evident on his face. On silent feet, she walked into the room. Dylan opened his eyes and looked up at her.

“Here
, let me take him.”

She lifted Joey into her arms and then laid him down in his crib. He was getting too big for it
, but he wasn’t ready for a toddler bed yet. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. When she stood up she felt Dylan come up next to her. His large hand, gently stroked Joey’s cheek and he leaned down to kiss him, too.

“I’m so sorry.
I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I shouldn’t have left you. I should’ve stayed and told you I was scared. I should’ve told you my real fucking name. I’ve missed so much and you’ve been without my help for so long.” He turned to her, grabbing her face in his hands. “I promise you. I’m gonna make this right. I never stopped thinking about you. Even when I knew I shouldn’t, I would think about you. I saw the video you made with my phone. It killed me when you said you were falling in love with me, Dylan Carter, but I watched it over and over. It was my punishment, to see your beautiful face and know that I had lost it.”

Her heart was pounding in her chest.
She remembered making that video. He’d been in the shower and she had still been in her bikini. She did it so when he got home he’d realize that he wanted to be with her and come back to Florida.

“Dylan
, it’s okay. Listen to me: we can’t change what’s happened, but we can move forward okay?” Her hands had come up to hold onto his wrists. Without thinking she pushed up onto her tiptoes and touched her lips to his. She’d never been one to be so bold, but she wanted to wipe his sadness away. He didn’t move at first, but then, before she knew it, they were out in the hall and her back was against the wall. His tongue licked at the seam of her lips until she opened to him and his tongue entered her mouth.

All of the old memories she tried to forget came rushing back.
He always controlled everything in the bedroom. It had been a little scary at first, but she quickly learned that she liked it. She moaned into his mouth when she felt his hand slide up into her hair, yanking the strands enough to make her gasp. She could feel how wet she was already, but then that’s always how she reacted to him.

Just as she pulled him closer
, he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. Their panting breaths mingled, but neither said a word. Her eyes were downcast and she didn’t miss the very large erection he was sporting. So why did he pull away?

“I’m going to go.
Not because I want to, but you asked to take this slow.” She wanted to change her mind, and he saw it, so he covered her lips with his fingers. “I think it’s a good idea. Let’s get to know each other, sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He kissed her sweetly and softly and left.
Journey locked up, crawled in bed and used her vibrator until she couldn’t see straight.

Now she stood at her closet and finally decided on some khaki shorts, a white cami and a thin, red cardigan.
She slipped on a pair of ballet flats and looked herself over in the mirror. Her wheat-colored locks hung in waves around her shoulders. Her makeup was light and gave her that sun kissed glow she loved.

“You look great, sweetheart,” Nan said when Journey walked into the living room.

“Th
anks, but I’m freaking out!” She was so nervous. She needed to stop worrying about they were going to think of her. She’d never have to see them again if they didn’t.

“
Journey, would you stop? I’ll be there, and if any of them try to give you grief, then they’ll deal with me. Now let’s load these monsters up and go meet Dylan’s family.”

Journey grabbed Joey’s diaper bag and her purse and with Nan and the kids in tow they headed out.

Chapter Eight

Dylan sat on the front steps at his parents’ house waiting for Journey to get there.
The night before it had taken all of his will power to walk away from Journey; his cock had been aching to get inside of her. He was going to stick with the plan and take it slow. He had been sad when he had found the picture of him and Journey on Joey’s dresser. He felt an ache in his chest when Joey had snuggled into him while they rocked together in the glider. It was thanks to Journey that he wasn’t a complete stranger to his son.

He missed so much with him.
He missed Journey’s belly getting bigger as he grew inside of her. He didn’t get to watch him being born or holding his little body in his hands. He missed a lot of his firsts, but not anymore. Dylan was going to make up for lost time with Journey and Joey.

Smiling now, he could still see Joey escaping during a diaper change and flashing his way through the house.
Dylan had chased his squealing little boy through the house. He hated having to drop him back off at Journey’s. It was nice to meet Nan, who was there when he brought Joey home. It was clear she cared about Journey and the kids. He couldn’t place her, but he knew her from somewhere and he’d been wracking his brain trying to remember.

He heard the screen door open and then footsteps on the porch.
His mom sat down next to him. He threw his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to his side. His mom wasn’t his biggest fan right now, not that he could blame her. He knew meeting Joey today was something she’d been anxiously waiting for since Dylan had called her to tell her they were coming. She went all out with the food, wanting to make a good impression on Journey.

“They should be here soon
,” he said, looking down at his watch.

“Do you think she’ll like us?” He didn’t like his mom sounding insecure.
That was not her. That was another check in the bad son column for him.

“Mom, she’s going to love you, so is Joey.
Please don’t worry.”

“I know
, I just want them to feel welcome here. You said she’s got no family, right?”

“No
, just Nan, who has been in their lives since they moved here. I’ve met her and she seems to love them very much. She has a brother, but he’s an addict. She’s raising her niece, who’s five, because he lost custody of her.” He’d wanted to track her junkie brother down when she told him about Cash and his woman leaving Abby home alone.

“Wow, that’s a lot of responsibility for someone so young.” Before they could continue their conversation
he saw Journey’s car pull into the driveway. His mom was vibrating with excitement as the car rolled to a stop.

Grabbing his mom’s hand
, he led her down the steps to the driveway. The first thing he noticed was that Journey’s brow was furrowed. She wouldn’t quite meet their gazes over the roof of the car. Before he could go to her Nan got out of the car with Abby in tow.

“Hi
, Dylan,” Abby chirped as she ran up to him.

Nan came up and smiled at Dylan’s mom
. “Hi, I’m Nan Jensen.”

Dylan’s mom smiled
. “Hi, I’m Ruth Carmichael, and who are you, pretty girl?” She got down in front of the little girl. Abby grabbed Nan’s hand and smiled at his mom.

“I’m Abby
.”

“Well
, it’s nice to meet you Abby; I’m Ruth, Dylan’s momma.” He looked up and saw Journey walking around the back of her car. Joey’s chubby little hand was tucked into hers as they walked towards them. She looked unbelievably beautiful. She was dressed in casual shorts and cardigan and he felt his groin tighten as he watched her smile light up her whole face when she glanced down at their boy.

He turned to his mom to watch her expression. She stood up
, and when she got a good look at Joey, she grabbed Dylan’s arm in a tight grip. The tears in her eyes started falling.

“
He’s so beautiful,” she whispered hoarsely. “Dylan, he looks just like you did at that age.”

“Mom, this is Journey and Joey.
Journey, this is my mom, Ruth Carmichael.”

“It’s nice to meet you
, Mrs. Carmichael.”

His mom came forward and wrapped her arms around
them both. He could hear his mom speak to Journey. “It’s so nice to meet you, honey. He’s beautiful.”

“Joey, this is your grandma.
Can you tell her hi?”

Joey buried his head in Journey’s neck with a bashful smile on his face.
Journey coaxed him until he finally waved at her. She reached her arms out to him. He looked at his mom and then at Dylan’s. He couldn’t help but hold his breath waiting to see what Joey would do.

His mom talked to him in a soft voice until finally his little chubby arms reached out to her.
She held him close to her body, kissing his forehead.

“Come on
, y’all, let’s go inside,” his mom said as she reached her hand out to Abby, who hesitantly took it. “Carrington is excited to see you, Abby. She brought special treats just for the two of you.”

Abby bounced up and down, excitedly.
Nan followed closely behind them. Journey went to follow, but he halted her with a hand on her arm.

“Thank you for this.
My mom has been excited to meet you guys since I told her about you and Joey.”

“
She seems very sweet. I have to be honest, I was really nervous about today. I hate to say it, but I was worried about what they would think of us.” She reached into the diaper bag that was slung over her shoulder, pulling out a photo album. “Here, I forgot to give this to you on Friday. There are pictures from the moment he was born up until now.”

“I appreciate this. Thank you.”
He wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her close. It was a quick kiss and his body screamed for more, but he knew that someone would come looking for them if they didn’t go inside soon. He grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together, and led her into the house.

***

The rest of the introductions went well. He still wanted to laugh when he had been holding Joey and Dustin had come up to meet him. He looked at Dustin and then back to Dylan with a confused look on his face. Dylan knew in time he would know who was who. It had everyone cracking up.

He would
've liked to have said that Joey and Violet hit it off because they were the same age, but at first Joey was getting the attention and the princess would come over and try to push him out of the way. Violet was a total tomboy and she showed it several times. Carrington and Abby were blowing bubbles in the yard while the adults talked for a bit before dinner.

Journey seemed to be relaxing quite a bit.
She was hitting it off with Stacy and he knew Bellamy liked her. The only one he had been worried about was his dad, but he was taken with her immediately. When he brought Journey a drink, she and his dad were talking college football. He learned that Journey had gone to The University of Alabama, which was his dad’s favorite team. She had been a cheerleader up until she quit school. Dylan sat down next to her and listened as she animatedly told his dad how she was one of the girls that did the tricks.

Joey toddled over right to Journey
. “Mama, up.” She lifted him onto her lap and absently kissed his head. He noticed his dad watching them with a soft expression on his face.

“So
, darlin’, how did Abby end up living with you? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re awfully young.” He gave his dad a “don’t go there” look, but he ignored him.

“No, that’s okay.
I am young—well, I don’t feel young most days anymore. My babies wear me out,” she laughed softly. “Abby is my older brother’s little girl. He’s had some problems and wasn’t a very good parent. He and Abby’s mom left her home alone one night while they went out and did who knows what and she must’ve gotten up and saw that they weren’t there. She wandered outside and a neighbor saw her, so they called the police.” Her chest rose and fell as she took a deep breath. “DCS contacted me, so I drove all night to meet a niece I didn’t even know I had. We had a bit of a rough start, but I love her like she was my own child.”

“Where’s your brother now, sweetheart?”
his dad asked.

“Honestly
, I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him since he and Abby’s mom signed over custody to me.”

The rest of his family had gathered around as Journey told her story, but she didn’t realize it until afterwards. Her cheeks turned pink and she put all
of her attention on Joey. He didn’t know why she would be nervous or embarrassed. It wasn’t her fault her brother was a piece of shit loser.

“Hey, why don’t we take Joey for a little walk before dinner?”
Dylan stood, pulling her to her feet. “Mom, we’ll be back in a few, okay?”

“Al
l right, y’all have a fun. Your daddy is throwing the meat on the grill in about ten minutes, so we still have at least a half hour until it’s time to eat.” He kissed her cheek and then led Journey down the stairs to the yard.

Dylan scooped up Joey in one arm and grabbed Journey’s hand with his free
one. She still stiffened at first when he touched her, but he’d get her used to his touch again. Her usual floral scent surrounded him as they walked around the house to the front. He’d grown up in that house. It was his dad’s first remodel job. They’d bought it when his mom was expecting Bellamy and it had been in sad shape, but between his dad and Luke’s, Patrick, they turned it into the place that was home to all of them.

“Are you having a good time?” She’d been so nervous when she got there he was afraid that it would keep her from having a good time.

“Your
family’s great, Dylan. To be honest I wanted to meet them to make sure they were good people since Joey will be spending more time with them. Your mom is beautiful. She doesn’t look like she should have three grown children.” She turned towards them, leaning forward and kissing Joey’s cheek.

He wanted to see what she’d do so he tapped his lips
. “Where’s mine?”

She gazed up at him from beneath her eyelashes. Her cheeks were covered in the lightest shade of pink.
Was she going to do it? She grabbed onto his arm and he watched as she pushed herself onto her tiptoes. He knew he was holding his breath, but he couldn’t wait to feel her lips against his. When he finally felt hers against his, he wrapped their joined hands around her waist. She used to love when he’d hold her immobile. Now seemed to be no different because a moan ripped from her lips, and just as he was about to thrust his tongue into her mouth, Joey decided he was tired of being ignored and started slapping their cheeks.

When he pulled back
, they were both breathing hard and he had to think of every gross thing imaginable to keep from getting hard. Journey turned to scold Joey for slapping them. He must not have liked his momma getting mad at him, because he started to cry, reaching for her. He rubbed his hand over his boy’s head as she grabbed him out of Dylan’s arms.

He led them to the front steps to sit down.
He knew what he was going to ask, but a part of him almost didn’t want to know. What if it had been a bad experience for her? There was only one way to find out.

“Will you tell me about his birth?”

Her eyes held curiosity as she looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

“Sure, it was actually pretty uneventful.
The night before he was born I’d been having irregular contractions, but because of his size, I’d been having them for about a month prior. Anyway, Abby had gotten into bed with me, so I could read her a story. She’d just fallen asleep when I felt something trickle out of me. Not to be gross, but I reached down because I was afraid it might be blood. It wasn’t and I realized it must be my water breaking. I called Nan at the hospital where she worked; they knew the situation, so they let her leave. One of her friends had agreed to take Abby, but since she was asleep, her friend came to the house. It took us about an hour before we were ready to head to the hospital.”

She continued telling him about being hooked up to the monitors
, starting her IV and then dealing with the pains of contractions. “I wanted an epidural, but I progressed really fast and in no time I was pushing. This little man started crying before he was completely out of me. I remember when they laid him on my chest that first time; I cried and cried. He was perfect. He just stared at me and I was in love with him even more. He was a little jaundiced; you know, when their eyes get a little yellow, so we stayed an extra day so he could be in the nursery under the special lights.”

A pain started in Dylan’s chest as a memory came to him.
It was the day Violet was born. He’d gone by the nursery before he went home and saw a little boy in there. The tag on the bassinet had said, “baby boy Cummings.” He could remember staring at the little boy and thinking how cute he was and how big. The more he thought about the night Violet was born, he remembered the woman that was standing at the window: it was Nan. They had spoken to each other briefly, but he couldn’t remember about what. He knew she looked familiar when they met yesterday, but couldn’t place her. A wave of nausea passed through him. His son was there when his niece was born and he didn’t even know it because he was an asshole.