Begin Again (5 page)

It killed him to see the look of disgust on his mom, sister
, and sister-in-law’s faces. He knew this part was going to be worse.

“I tried to find her, but never knew her last name.
Eventually I gave up, but she showed up with Zach at the reception last night. I wasn’t very nice to her, but then she dropped a bombshell on me. She said she’d been trying to find me and knew I lived in the area, so she moved here. She wanted me to know that we have a son. I have a boy as old as Violet.”

His heart was pounding in his chest
. It wasn’t easy admitting that you had fucked up royally. Everyone was silent. Dylan wiped his hands on his thighs.

“Are you sure she’s telling the truth,
son?” His dad’s look was hard as he asked.

He pulled his wallet out and pulled out the little boy’s picture
. “See for yourself.” Handing the picture to his dad, he waited for him to look at it. When what felt like a few minutes had passed, his dad handed the picture to his mom, who put a hand over her mouth.

“Oh my gosh! He looks just
like you. My god, she’s been around here and we didn’t know it?”

“Mom, I know.
She left her number on the picture. I’m going to call her, okay? You’ll get to meet him, but I need to meet him first. He doesn’t know me. I promise you I’m going to fix this.”

The evening ended promptly after his announcement. His mom was unusually quiet, so Bellamy and Stacy were sticking close to her.
He helped his dad, Luke, and Dustin load up the back of Dustin and Stacy’s Jeep with all of their wedding gifts. Their silence was unnerving. Did they all think he was an asshole now? Hell, he was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure how to make it right.

When they finished
, his dad slapped him on the back. “Make it right with this girl. You don’t want to miss out on any more of that boy’s life. Your momma is going to be chomping at the bit to meet him.”

“I’ll do my best
, old man.” His dad walked ahead of him to catch up with Dustin

“You want to talk about it?” Luke hung back.
They’d been best friends since they were in diapers. When Dylan had learned about Luke and Bellamy three years ago, he handled it badly. He couldn’t even be mad at him when he found out what happened over eight years ago. His baby sister had gotten pregnant and hid it from them all. She ended up losing their daughter at 32 weeks. Luke understandably had been upset and felt betrayed by her, but they worked it out and were an amazing couple.

“I’m freaking out a little bit.
You didn’t see it; I was such a dick to her. I’m nervous about meeting him. What if he doesn’t like me? I’m a stranger to him.” This whole situation was messed up.

“I’m not surprised, man.
This is a lot to take. I know it’s not the same, but look at your sister and I. There was just never a baby for me to meet.” Dylan could hear Luke’s throat clear and knew it still caused an ache in his heart that he should be the father of two happy, healthy little girls. Instead he was the father to one happy, healthy little girl and one who was memorialized in pictures.

“I’m sorry, bro.
I didn’t even think. Sorry if this is bringing up bad shit.”

“No
, man, it’s okay. You’ll be fine. I hear boys are easier than girls. Lucky bastard.” He slapped Dylan on the back and went back into the house.

Chapter Five

Journey packed up the papers she needed to grade later. It was only Wednesday, but it already felt like the longest week. After Saturday night things just seemed to get shittier and shittier.

After dinner and a movie with Zach
, she dropped him off at his car and then went home to her quiet, empty house. It took her all of five minutes before she went across the street to Nan’s. Both of the kids were asleep, so they sat out on the porch and she proceeded to get drunk as she told Nan everything that had happened.

Drunk crying was
n’t pretty but that’s what she did while Nan hugged her close. She ended up falling asleep in Nan’s bed with her. The hangover Sunday morning had been a bitch, and both kids were cranky. Joey was more clingy than usual and Abby gave her attitude all day. Sunday night, Zach wanted to come over, but it hadn’t been a good night.

By Monday night, Journey couldn’t help the sadness that flowed through
. She hadn’t heard from Dylan, but after the way he acted, she wasn’t surprised. It hurt knowing that at some point Joey was going to want to know about his dad and she was going to come up with some sort of story, painting his dad as a hero instead of the cold hard truth that he just didn’t care. She couldn’t hurt her precious boy like that.

Tuesday was much the same, except both kids were in better moods, but Journey was exhausted.
Insomnia had been her best friend the last couple of nights. When she’d try and close her eyes, she would see Dylan and the way he acted at the wedding or she’d see him chasing her towards the ocean.

Journey set her towel and bag down in the sand. The sun was shining bright and hot overhead. It was a perfect day to spend at the beach. Dylan had told her to meet him there at 11 and she still had a few more minutes before he arrived. She slipped her cover up off, tossing it on top of her bag. She was grateful that she’d bought a new bikini. It was royal blue and skimpier than anything she’d ever owned. The top thrust her boobs up and out, making them look bigger than they were. The bottoms barely covered her nether bits.

Her body was decent. She did gymnastics most of her life and was a cheerleader through her sophomore year of college
, so she was muscular, but in a feminine way. Her curves were a little softer now than they used to be.

She grabbed her sunscreen out of her bag and started rubbing it into her skin.
A giant figure blocked the sun. She looked up and gave Dylan a smile. She wasn’t sure how she got so lucky when she met him a week ago. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. His hair was so dark, it was almost black, and it was short and messy looking. His blue eyes were enhanced by thick dark lashes that most women would kill for. He towered over her, even when she wore heels, and his body was nothing but lean-roped muscle.

“What are you wearing?” His eyes were covered by sunglasses
, but she could feel his eyes devouring her.

Journey put her hands on her hips
. “Um, a bikini,” she retorted. She turned her back to him to drop her sunscreen back in her bag. She could feel the heat of Dylan’s body against her back before he ever touched her. She felt his lips tickle her ear and couldn’t contain the shiver that wracked her body. Her nipples hardened and she felt herself get wet for him.

“Smart-ass
. I should spank your bottom right here and now. What do you think, baby?” His grip was firm on her hips. How that could turn her on she’d never know, but it wasn’t going to happen here. She broke away from him.

“You’ll have to catch me
first!” Looking over her shoulder as she took off in a run, she saw that he was now chasing her. Her heart beat a rapid staccato in her chest. She made it to the water’s edge when he scooped her up into his arms and ran into the water. Their laughter mingled as they went deeper and deeper into the water.

Journey shook her head and was back in the present. She finished packing up her bag and walked out into the hall. Her phone started ringing as she exited the school. She pulled it out of her purse. Not recognizing the number, she was going to let it go to voicemail, but something told her to answer it.

“Hello.”

The voice that came through the phone halted her steps.

“Hey
, Journey, it’s Dylan.”

Her heart started pounding, she was rendered speechless.

“Journey, are you there?”

“Um
, yeah, I’m here. What do you need?” She tried to keep her voice even. She didn’t want to give him any indication that him calling meant anything to her.

“Well, I-I’d like to me
et Joey, if that’s okay? You name the time and place and I’ll be there.” She could hear his heavy sigh. “Listen, Journey, I’m really—”

She interrupted him before he could say anything. “Dylan
, if you want to meet Joey, that’s great, but there’s nothing else we need to talk about. Why don’t you meet us tonight at six?”

“Yeah, sure. Where at?”

They were definitely going to have to meet on neutral ground the first time. Since Joey was about six months old, Journey had been showing him a picture that she had printed off of her phone of Dylan and her together in Florida. She would tell him every morning and every night that he was his daddy. Now it looked like it was finally going to pay off.

“How about the park off of Main Street?”

“Yeah, okay, sounds good. I’ll see you guys later. Bye.”

“Bye.”
She hung up and put her phone back in her purse. Shaking it off, she walked out and got into her car, knowing that this evening was going to be hard for her and Joey.

“Abby, I’m going to go clean up Joey.
Will you put your plate in the sink when you’re done? I have to take Joey somewhere and Nana’s going to come over and sit with you until I get home.”

She called Nan as soon as she got home.
Nan wanted to go to the park to give Dylan a piece of her mind, but Journey had told her no. They needed to do this alone, and she needed Nan to watch Abby since there was no reason he needed to meet her.

She picked up Joey out of his high chair. “Momma
, up up!”

“Come on
, my sweet boy, let’s get you cleaned up. Then we’re going to the park!” He knew that word and immediately started clapping his chubby little hands. She took him into the bathroom and stripped off his dirty shirt and shorts. She wiped him off with a washcloth while he struggled to get away from her. He hated when she wiped him off like she was.

“Come on
, baby, hold still for Mommy.”

“No, no, no.” Great, he was doing the “no” thing again.

“Yes, yes, yes. We’re going to go see your daddy.” She picked him up and carried him into his room. Grabbing the picture of Dylan off of Joey’s dresser, she showed it to Joey. “Do you see your daddy?” She sat him down on the floor.

“Dadadada.”
He chortled on while he played with his truck. She picked out a pair of jean shorts and a little red t-shirt that said “Chick Magnet.” Nan had bought it for him a couple of weeks ago. She put them on and grabbed his black and white plaid Sperry Top-Sliders. He looked so cute, and she decided to top it off with his black pageboy hat. She grabbed his hand and walked him out into the living room.

Journey was putting together a little snack for him and filled his sippy cup with some juice. She was just putting it in his diaper bag when Nan came in.

“Hey, guys!” she said. “Well, don’t you look handsome.” Nan scooped Joey up and kissed his cheek.

“Thanks for staying with Abby.”

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to thank me. Are you nervous?”

Of course she was nervous.
What if Joey didn’t like him? What if Dylan wanted to see him just this one time? The fear of rejection engulfed her. Not his rejection of her, but him rejecting Joey.

“Of course I’m nervous. I’ve imagined this moment forever, but after the last time I saw him
, I’m scared that he’s going to act like a you-know-what. Anyway, I just want it to go well for Joey.”

“Well, I think that it’s going to go great.
Who wouldn’t fall in love with this face?” She punctuated it with a big ol’ smooch on his cheek. “If he’s an ass to you, you just leave. I’ll be there at any other visits, so you don’t have to see him.”

“See
, that’s why I love you, Nan. You know just what to say.” She picked up Joey’s bag and her purse and followed Nan outside. Abby trailed behind them. Tossing the bags in the passenger seat she heard Joey babbling as Nan buckled him in.

Journey got down in front of Abby.
“Give me a hug, big girl. Be a good girl for Nana and read your stories to her, okay?”

“I’ll be good
, Aunt JoJo. I love you.” She squeezed Abby tight.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”
Journey stood up and hugged Nan. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Good luck, honey.”

Minutes later they were heading to the park. Her palms were sweaty and her stomach was turning. She took some cleansing breaths and listened to Joey’s happy chatter in the backseat until she felt herself settle.

When they pulled up to the park
, Journey still couldn’t believe how pretty it was. There were flowering trees everywhere to provide a certain amount of shade. The picnic tables were sturdy and comfortable. The playground equipment was newish. Joey loved to swing. Journey could push him for hours and he’d be laughing and squealing the whole time. She set the diaper bag on a bench and grabbed the bag of grapes out of it. She gave one to Joey, laughing when he gobbled it up in two seconds flat.

The moment Dylan arrived she
felt it in her body. Her pulse picked up as he came around to stand in front of her.

“Hey
, Journey.” His nervousness was showing. He wouldn’t look her in the eye and kept rubbing his hand through his hair.

“Hi
, Dylan.” She applauded her ability to sound indifferent to him. Standing up, she scooped Joey up into her arms. “This cutie pie is Joey, our son. Joey, this is your daddy.”

Joey leaned against her shoulder like he always did when he was playing the shy boy.
Dylan stared at him with what she could only assume was wonder. Journey kissed Joey’s forehead, taking in his scent that was a mixture of the body wash she used on him and the detergent she washed his clothes in. “Joey, can you say hi?”

“Hi!” he nearly shouted in his little toddler voice.

She looked at Dylan
, who was watching her closely. It unnerved her, but damn if it didn’t make her body come to life. Her nipples hardened and her skin felt itchy. Before Dylan, Journey had only had three lovers, none as experienced as him. In their short time together he could make her body react so quickly and when she would come she’d come so hard that she always felt drunk afterwards.

She cleared her head of those thoughts.
This visit had nothing to do with her and everything to do with her precious boy.

“When he learns new words he likes to scream them for a while.” She stood Joey up on the ground next to her, and grabbed hold of his hand.
Dylan took a step toward them. She watched him get down on his knees in front of Joey.

“Hi
, Joey, I’m your daddy.” Joey stared at him and didn’t move. Dylan was being so patient; he just sat there until Joey accepted him.

She watched as Joey looked up at her and then back at Dylan.
Finally Joey smiled at Dylan and walked right up to him. Dylan wrapped his arms around their son and stood up with Joey in a tight hold. It brought tears to her eyes: father and son together at last. Joey babbled a whole lot of nonsense, but Dylan just kept smiling and talking to him softly. She swore his eyes looked brighter than they did before.

Not taking his eyes off of Joey
, he whispered, “He’s so beautiful.” He finally turned to look at her. “Thank you for this.”

She cleared her throat
. “Uh, yeah, sure. No problem. Why don’t you take him to play for a bit, and we can talk about visitation after.”

Dylan nodded and then walked over to the swings with Joey in his arms.

Journey sat down on the bench and watched Dylan
place Joey and begin to push him in the swing. She could hear his little squeals as Dylan pushed him higher and higher. She watched as he pulled out his phone. It was obvious he was taking pictures and she couldn’t help but smile. She could see and hear Joey continue laughing and clapping from his seat. Grabbing some of the papers she needed to grade out of her bag, she settled onto the bench. It would keep her busy so she wouldn’t be tempted to barge in on their time together. She had to remember that she’s had a lot longer with Joey and needed to share him with his dad.

“Mama! Mama!”
She lifted her head, smiling as Joey came running to her a while later.